maleficent

There's this book that got released this month, 50 boyfriends worse than yours, that to be honest, looks hysterical.. there's always humor in the truth, especially when it's someone else's pain... (yah yah, and i'm sure that most every guy out there is thinking she's a bitter shrew or just really ugly and couldn't keep a guy - let me just state for the record, while I could have written this book - I DIDN'T

Some fo the chapter titles for the author's former boyfriends are pretty amusing, you can only imagine what the guy was really like...

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to start dishing on your former really bad boyfriends - ya know those losers that broke your heart, or made you wonder what the hell you were thinking (after the fact of course).

Feel free to name as many as you want- have some fun... we won't think any less of you...

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maleficent

The Maleficent Hall of Shame

The Momma's Boy Nice Jewish boy... and i do mean boy... peter pan syndrome... I was 30, he was 28. He lived with his grandparents because he thought it was great that he had someone built in to do his laundry (his grandmother used to go into his room, pick up his dirty clothes off teh floor, wash them, iron everything - including skivvies- and put the back in his drawers. she also cooked for him every night that he wasn't with me. he never helped with household expenses and had a hard time holding a job. He got aggravated with me one night that he always paid for the movies when we went out - after all we had dinner at home (dumbass never grasped the concept that groceries cost money- until i sent him to the grocery store one night and he was appalled at the price of toilet paper.) Mr Mommas Boy was also Jewish, because his mother (a very controlling woman) told him to be, the last time he had been in a synagogue was for his bar mitzvah, and he claims the only reason why he had that was to get presents (he also says that the prayers he was supposed to recite at this event, he had phoenitically spelled out on index cards because he couldn't learn them. He met my parents when my folks took us to a football game and the out to dinner, and he whined the entire time about everything... I met his momma and grandparents on one fo the jewish holidays for dinner (now, I was raised pretty well, i'm polite and can handle myself around parents) his mother wouldn't be nice to me when she brought up the subject of my converting to Judiasm... I passed on that topic and tried to change the subject... later that evening... Mommas' boy said that he had planned on asking me to marry him contigent on my converting -but since I wouldn't - well - then he didn't see a future. OK _ buh bye... (lesson learned fro mthis guy - any guy is NOT better than no guy at all - and i realized the importance of a backbone in a male)

Mr Whiney... Mr whiney had problems asking for what he wanted... but thought he deserved... the final straw was one one i had pnemonia, and should have been in the hospital, but checked myself out and went home... He came over to 'take care of me'. His idea of taking care of me was spending the night on the phone with one of his sleezey buddies and him not understanding why i didn't want his buddy over at my place. At one point I'm coughing up a lung, and he and his buddy decided that the perfect cure for that would be for me to give him a blow job... Oh Joy Oh rapture that would be such fun for me... I can't breath ya dork.. and you want what... He hangs up with his friend - goes and opens a can of chicken soup (which i detest) and brings it to me -- he ate the soup and later that evening he asks again for a blowjob - only he called it a 'treat' in a very nasally whiney voice before he left for the evening... Buh bye...

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snowy

I wish I could look back on my exes with humor, but with one of them we stayed friends (he's a seriously cool dude) and the other scarred me so badly I'm still shaken up when I see him (and he just moved in down the street from me). I want to be able to laugh about the latter, but somehow I can't find emotional abuse, constant manipulation, poor treatment, and cheating funny.

Thank GOD my current guy is such a gem...he is a boyfriend to beat all boyfriends. I'm so lucky.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

ngdawg

I read this first thing this morning and started mentally going through the boyfriend list. I dated some jerks, but I'm not sure they would make any specific list.
My first boyfriend was the worst of the lot. He was twice my age, first off (I was 18). He failed to mention his marriage until my dad recognized his last name, did some checking at the store he worked at and found that the wife had filled out a sweepstakes form. (Yea that was a shining father/daughter moment right there. If you have a parent that works retail-be very careful who you date. They can run credit checks on the guy). The boyfriend was a stalker, as it turned out after we parted ways-this soon after he called to inform me *I* gave him some unwanted pets....Being 18/19 and on my own, living in an apartment with a friend with another friend across the hall, I was asked who were all the guys coming and going. When we moved to another town, he called out of the blue and said he was coming over-uh, new phone number, new address and he knew them both?? I don't remember how he finally went away, but 5 years later I ran into him-a good 50 miles from where I last saw him! He tried one more time to get in touch by calling my mother's house but by then I had just gotten married.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

raeanna74

Control Freak/SadistMy first boyfriend - I was 18, had never dated before, and it was my first week at college and first time away from home for more than a week of camp. My girlfriend who I'd known before and was going to the same college set me up with this guy. He was obsessed with the martial arts, D&D, heavy metal music and Satanism. He spent all his time doing or listening to those things. He was a control freak and extremely manipulative. I must say that at least I learned some martial arts from him and how to defend myself from jerks like that. Mom said I turned into a different person. My parents came at the end of the semester and packed up my stuff and made me come home. He kept calling me, telling me to run away, but refusing to help me at all. Belittling me and pestering me. Now I can't believe I took it back then. I eventually broke away from him and it felt oh so good. I burned all the stuff he'd given me. For the longest time afterwards I would have panic attacks if I heard certain heavy metal songs and a few other things that reminded me of him.
I have to blame my parents partly for the situation because Mom was a control freak and when I was left hanging alone at a college, cut off from that control, I automatically sought out someone else to control me. In a way I was primed to be his pawn.

The Drifter
Then I got engaged to a deaf/hard-of-hearing guy. I was 19 at that time and he was 29. He was very set in his ways, lazy, and greedy. His Dad was super rich but this guy had learned that because of his disability he could live off the government and never work. He'd get jobs but they'd last a month before he'd quit because it was just too stressful. His philosophy was, 'why buy anything if you can't have the best'. He said it often. He also had some quirks that I've found other deaf people have. Those I could live with. I couldn't live with his laziness, greed and how set in his ways he was. But that was partly because of his age and living single all that time. So finally he got this idea in his head that we should have some time apart, not speaking, not writing, no contact for about a week. Two weeks later there was still no contact. So I called him, got my ear chewed off for calling him before he was ready to talk, and hung up on. I called him back immediately after to tell him not to bother to call me again. Last I heard he'd bought property, started building a house, sold it half finished, went back to college for a year, then moved back home with his parents. Still drifting and lazy and SINGLE.

The Little Boy
Then - 3rd boyfriend - This fellow was 2 years younger than me. I was a Senior in college and he was cute and funny and goofy. We dated for one semester. Went home to our respective familes for Christmas and then came back for second semester. I called him and his roommates said he was out (even though I KNOW I heard his voice in the background). I waited till the next morning at breakfast, lunch, no sign of him yet. Found him at supper and went to talk to him. He acted like he didn't know me. He refused to talk to me. Finally I called him and he said "His parents didn't want him to date me." Could he have had the decency to at least tell me to my face? - No. For the next 2 weeks I messed with him. I'd be super friendly one day, the next day I'd walk into him in the hall by 'accident' and knock his books out of his hands and then glare at him. Finally he stopped me and asked me what my problem was - I TOLD him.

That was my entire dating experience. How fun. Now I'm with hubby and not about to change it.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Sage

The Immature Asshole

You guys probably all know this one- I was 18, just getting over my first college boyfriend, was good friends with Immature Asshole. Only at the time, since we were friends, he was all nice and sweet and OH, he's a musician! He must have such a beautiful soul! One night I was talking on AIM to an old fling of mine who was interested in getting back together, I mentioned it to Immature Asshole, he immediately went nutcase saying it was the worst day of his life, he was about to fail a class, this girl he really liked just told him there was no way she'd date him, and now I was about to get another man... and he liked me. I bought it. We moved in together a month later. I went through a whole year in a relationship that was just simply retarded in it's level of immaturity. I agree I was a part in that, but I mean... this guy had *everything* paid for by his Daddy. His car, his insurance, his cell phone, his credit card, and on top of that he got $500 a month for expenses. And he worked.

He was emotionally draining, a total asshole- hated everyone and everything and would get really mad if things didn't go perfectly his way. Yelled a lot, cried a lot, convinced me that all the problems in the relationship were my fault and that I was trying to "change" him on some fundamental level (when all I really wanted was for him to stop treating me like his maid). Looked at lots and lots of porn (only blowjob porn), never told me I was beautiful, turned me into a total psycho on some levels really.

It took me two years to get over all the emotional shit that was going on in that relationship. *shudder* ON the flipside, he's still living at home after graduating college and working at Best Buy, and hasn't gotten laid since we were dating.

He was the worst....

All the rest of them were pretty decent and fun. I was actually friends with one of them up until I realized how he was just using me for an ego boost because his wife was depressed.

Ask me about my girlfriends in ten years- I hope to have a lot better stories!

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shesus

While i have had some doozies...I'm only going to mention the top 2.

Cheapstake/Fightstarter

Yes, this guy had both of these awful traits. I thought he was great and cute. I was 17 and he had a 2 seater convertible (I was a sucker for cars). I invited him to come to my work's holiday party. We went to Wendy's to grab a bite before the party. He told me that he didn't have much money, so I just got a 99 cent jr. bacon cheeseburger and a water. He got a biggie value meal. When I said that I thought he said he didn't have much money, he replied, "Well, I just had enough for my meal and you don't really eat much." Then, he wouldn't even share his fries. By this point, I was a little irritated, but I got over it and we went to the party...
At the party, he tried to pick a fight with my co-workers because the guys were joking around with me. I told my co-workers to take him outside and have their way with him. NEXT...

The Better is the Worst

So, I'm 15 years old and am in 'love' with this guy. I had a crush on him for a couple years and he finally noticed I was alive and asked me out. He had a converitble too. Anyway, we dated for a month and then he just stopped calling and talking to me. I asked one of our mutual friends what was going on. He said, "Oh, he was just going out with you on a bet. We bet him that he couldn't get you in bed within the month." Well, luckily that asshole lost about $100.

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

noodle

Okay, so I only have one true ex and that one's too raw... but how about the ones who never made it to the full boyfriend status?

The Psychotic Hispanic.
First of all, there is a reason people go into the mental health field. Some want to help and some should be clients, not providers. I should have known. He was a coworker of a friend... Bad idea #1. He worked in a Baker Act facility... Bad idea #2. He met us for lunch, then insisted on dinner later that night. Hmmm... I offered to let my friend go crash at my apartment between lunch and dinner until I got off work, since she lived 30 miles away. He went too... Bad Idea #3. He waited until she went into the bathroom and went through my underwear drawer... she caught him smelling my (clean) underwear! Kissed the inside of my ear CANAL (eew!) at dinner. How he managed to suck all the air out of my eardrum, I'll never figure out. It actually popped! But, I digress... For some stupid reason, I met him for dinner another night... turns out he bummed Xanax off clients for his own use and for redistribution, molested my (married) friend on my balcony and ended up wanting to get allergy shots because I have a cat and he was allergic. 48 hours after we met. He then proceeded to stalk the heck out of me for months and verbally/physically abuse my friend at work because he was mad at me. Lesson Learned: Never, ever date a man who can actually sympathize with the psychotic, naked woman furiously masturbating on the floor of his office while screaming that the aliens are going to kill her because she's psychic.

The Italian.
Met him at a higer-class club. Wondered why he didn't stand up the whole time, but I was fascinated with his fresh-off-the boat Italian accent and shyness. I gave him my number after much drunken discussion. Agreed to meet him for dinner one night. Didn't realize until he got to the restaurant why he never stood up. He was 5'2". I'm 5'6" and I love my chunky heels. Over dinner I learned that not only was he short, but he had had an accident on an interstate at 90 mph and suffered brain damage and his legs won't ever grow due to problems with his hips. His personality was annoying as all heck, too. We went for wine (don't ask me why) and, though he had great taste in wine, he was so creepy when he tried to make out with me that I made up a friend crashing at my apartment because he kept trying to come upstairs. He spent the next few days calling incessantly because we apparently "formed a bond" and he couldn't understand why I wasn't "all over his sexy ass". Lesson Learnedl: The accent may be sexy as hell, but annoying, cocky, Italian midgets just don't do it for me.

/me shudders.

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Sage

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a hah ah ah ah a!

fredweena, your stories just cracked me the hell up

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noodle

/me bows.

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maleficent

for entertainment value I'd have a hard time topping the lovely fredweena... however... more from maleficent's hit parade...

The Jackass - -This was the guy who shattered my heart and didn't care... he was so totally all about him... I got talked into going to a party where he would be the only person that i knew. this was a party over a few days... that i had to do some serious travel toget to.. .ok fun... we arrive at the party - and i introduce myself to our housemates (8 of us were sharing a nice cabin) my lovely date no sooner drops his bags and he's out of the cabin- leaving me to get our contribution for the communal dinner ready (I was in the bathroom when he took off) he comes back 5 minutes before we leave for the dinner telling me about all the fun I missed (thanks asshole, i didnt know where you went) We go to dinner - and he takes off again - -I find him sitting in a dark corner of the porch chatting with another woman - ok - I'm not the jealous type - i went back inside... (Now, i am not a social person, I am very shy,a nd not very friendly - I don't know a soul here -and the cabin is 4 miles from where we were - -I'm trapped) He comes back to me - and says he'll drop me off at the cabin -and then he was going to drop his lady friend off at her cabin-- Ok... he shows up the next morning... says he got lost...
My cell phone has no service... The cabin has no phone in it... the other housemates have seeminly vanished.... so I'm still sort of trapped... I think i spent the rest of the weekend on the back porch, reading several books I had brought along... and asshole on the way back - wants to know why i didn't have a good time... I asked point blank why'd he ask me to come along when he clearly wanted to get with this other woman ... and he seemed to be successful - well - says he - he didn't realize he liked her - until after he invited me - and he'd been trying to start up a relationship with her (all the while having a relationship with me) and he just didn't know how to tell me that he was more interested in her than me (OK, so it would have saved me about 1000 dollars had you done this - instead I go to a fucking party i didn't want to go to- with people I didn't really like... to be completely humiliated..) Chicken shit asshole... (Oh and the kicker was - when i asked (and I suppose I deserved it) I had met her- she wasn't all that intelligent or had much of a personality) what it was about her that had his interest - Oh -- says he -- she's pretty... Oh... (and he looked like he got run over with a truck)

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little_tippler

this is great, it's fascinating to read these, it's almost educational. I'd post my worst but it's still fresh...

BTW, I haven't said anything but my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up a month or so ago...I don't know why I didn't say it before but I was embarrassed. Funny huh? I guess because I have spoken about him here on TFP and was pretty much gushing about him all the time...turns out he wasn't anything to gush about. Maybe when I've recovered from the whole experience I'll write him up here - he deserves it.

The good news is that I'm buying my own house soon and things are looking up, so no tears for me ladies! Phew, it feels good to say this.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

maleficent

you rock, LT!!! Good for you!

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ShaniFaye

I will tell about one really wierd guy I went out with a few years ago, right before I met Dave.


A friend of mine tells me he's got this buddy that has just been thru a divorce and has had cancer. He asks me if I'd go out with him, because Im such a funny perosn that he thinks I'll cheer the dude up. Me being the nice person I am, I agree and tell him to have the guy call me. We have a few phone conversations and that part goes pretty well so I agree, MUCH to my disdain, to go to this country dance club with him. Why would I agree to go somewhere that I know I wont really have a good time because I absolutely LOATHE country music? Because I really feel bad for this guy for all he's been thru, wife leaving him while he had cancer etc and I figure I could stomach it for a few hours if it cheered him up. Yay me right? I should have run for my life.

You know this is awful.... I cant even remember his name....but he shows up at my house to pick me up around 7ish on a friday nite....this club is about 25 miles away on the west side of Atlanta, a place called Cowboys if anyone is from around here and familiar with it (this was back before Wild Bills opened near my house and at the time was a REALLY high interest place for the country set). We pull out of my driveway and I ask him where we are going to dinner....Dinner? he asks, Im like um yes, you know food you eat around this time of nite? He then informs me that he hadnt planned on taking me to dinner and Im like...oh well THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT BEFORE YOU PICKED ME UP.

Its then that I learn what kind of cancer he had had. It was some kind of cancer of the mouth, again cant remember what it was called, but the radiation/chemo treatments had completely killed his saliva making abilities so he cant eat food. He lives on a liquid diet only (which must have included a lot of beer cause he had an nice belly going on). I informed him that I cant go to a club and drink on an empty stomach and he offers to take me to wendy's...ok, not my favorite place but I'll live. HE TAKES ME THRU THE DAMN DRIVE THRU and expects me to eat in the car on the way to Kennesaw.

At that point I really should have just claimed a migraine and gotten him to take me home, but I didnt want to jinx myself that way so I kept my mouth shut.

We get to the club and he sits me down at a table and disappears for about an hour, now please remember this is a LONG way from home, so there was no way I could leave, cab fare would have bankrupted me. Fortuantely I had my own money with me and I started a tab and had a few beers before he showed back up. Seems, according to him, the smell of my food had made him sick to his stomach (which Im not saying is a lie at all but he HAD been drinking and I could tell it) and he'd been in the bathroom all time. uh huh.....right.

He tries to make me go out and line dance, which ok...is fair, its a country club....I beg off claiming real inability at it and tell him to go right ahead and I'd watch. Wasnt real concerned, he really hadnt shown any interest in talking to me anyway.

5 hours later he tells me its time to go home, oh boy, thank god!!!

Somehow he decided that home meant HIS home not mine and when I ask him what hes doing he tells me he didnt feel like driving me to my house (please bare in mind my house was on the way to his house) and that we can just hang out at his trailer for awhile.

Have any of you ever had a man that cant produce spit try to kiss you?

Im going to leave it at that, other than to say thanks to an emergancy call to the "Friend" that set us up, I managed to get a ride home and the spitless wonder was probably going to be peeing blood for a few days.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

noodle

You ladies are making me sooooo glad I never dated around. I knew there was a reason! Mal, what a great thread. I feel quite a bit better than last week.

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settie

Wow, these are some just jaw dropping stories ladies. Really, I though I had had some bad experiences, but...now, nothing I've been through compares. :P
This is a great thread for so many reasons, great post Mal

genuinegirly

I'm with Settie there. Some of these stories are hilarious - until you realize someone actually lived them! Italian midgets and psycopathic stalkers. Craziness!

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

maleficent

These trips down memory lane are such fun-- Why I feel the need to confess such stupidity is beyond me, but if it saves someone else from making the same mistakes - it's all good

Mr. I'm Not really Over my ex... Oooh he was fun... Nice guy for the most part, but completely and utterly lacking in backbone where women were concerned... if you wanted a good lap dog, he was the guy for the job... personally that bored me - but before i had the chance to kick him to the curb... I met him while out with some friends as he's nursing his broken heart - his girlfriend (who was also his 3rd cousin -- RED FLAG!!!) had just dumped him a few weeks before and he wasn't totally over it when he started seeing me (and I wasn't rebound woman either -he had dated a few women in between.) The reason why his cousin dumped him - -was because he wasn't dangerous enough - (he was gainfully employed, he lived on his own, owned a late model paid off car, credit, and could speak in complete sentences - but was a l ittle boring - and boring i guess was bad)

Anyhow - he was fun to be with and talked a lot and we got a long really well - he also told me he loved me on the second date (RED FLAG AGAIN) So -- love me dude was supposed to show up at my place at about 9ish one night as we were going out.... 9 came and went - 10 came and went-- 11 came and went - as did many many many phone calls to him... At midnight i finally left him one more message saying I was going out - if he wanted to see me - i'd be at XXXXX... I got home at 3 or 4ish.. no messages from him - i went to bed - and to be honest - was a little upset - and really thought perhaps he was dead in a car accident - it wasn't like him not to call.

The next night i get a phone call from him-- he's crying.... OK whatsamatta.... and what happened to you last night... (at this point I'm over being annoyed and am now concerned)... I'm sorry he says... the ex had called him and asked him to come over to talk-- talk turned into she wanted him back... and well - i was a really nice girl and he's sorry to do this to me (ya chicken shit bastard breaking up with me over the phone) but he was going back to her....

A few years later, I ran into someone who knew him.. and turns out - he married the girlfriend.. .she cheated on him no less than 5 times before she finally cleaned out his bank account - and ran off with one of this friends... Karma - she is a bitch...

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serlindsipity

Mal, thanks for starting this thread in hopes we can all get a laugh and a "ive been there..." (oh and your last story is great)

lets see...

<u> Mr. Out to destroy all females </u> - This guy had a really bad hobby of trying to see how far he can drive girls to self destruction. Now when he did this to me, i was young, and he did his damage. But damnit if i dont want to shake his hand, say thanks, and THEN punch him in the jaw. I mean, he is the basis for a lot of my good jokes these days and a lot of my friends responses of , "Glad you still arent like you were when you were with so&so."

But i guess the kicker is seeing his new gf's he's scrounged up.... (i know his aunt well)... and let me tell ya, scrounged up is an understatement. The last one saw someone wearing those contacts that make your eyes look like cat eyes and she thought they were real, and proceeded to argue with people that they were real!

Ill post more later!

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My third eye is my camera's lens.

TotalMILF

Oh man, I had a "Mr. Out to Destroy All Females," too. I was 15. That self destructive bastard drove me into a depression that took me years to get out of. He also took my virginity, and I mean TOOK. I sure as hell didn't give it to him. In a way, though, I'm also glad that I met him. That fuckstick let me know exactly what qualities I DIDN'T want in a s/o, and he made me a stronger woman.

I also briefly dated a doctor right before I met my husband. We'll call him "Dr. No Personality." You could also call him "Dr. Horrible In The Sack," or "Dr. Tiny Cock." Now, you can have a smaller-than-average penis and still be dynamite in the sack, but NOT THIS GUY. You add the tiny pecker to his lack of skillz and, well, one amplifies the other to make for one HORRIBLE sexual experience. Plus the fact that I found cleaning my toilet more fun than spending time with him... Yeah, that "relationship" only lasted about 2 weeks.

My last ex is actually a pretty decent guy, and we still chat sometimes. No complaints about him--we just didn't get along. Too bad it took us four years to figure that out, haha.

It's nice to vent!

serlindsipity

Ahh MILF - its good to know im not alone. Time to add to my list.

<u> Mr. My life comes first</u> Now i respect this for the most part. he was damn ambitious and it was hot. He had the top grad school knocking on his door and i knew it was 3000 miles away so i thought lets have fun while we can. Well he ran out of time before he left. And oddly enough the day I planned to end it was the same day he did. What a relief it was not to have to start that convo so i ended up smiling and agreeing with him whole-heartedly. This pissed him off a bit oddly enough. He took it as i didnt care about us even tho i told him i was going to do it too. But still he was a bit of a snot and didnt want his ego hurt about it. I figured it was best that it ended then. And look who's still smiling =)

<u> Mr. Cant stay friends cuz we didnt work out</u> Now, things happen. Time to move on, whatever. I pride myself in staying friends with my ex's. However when we ended it on good terms (distance reasons etc) I thought we could be friends. I had some interest in a acquaitance of his and i dated others and it ended making him angry but he never explained it. The kicker? it wasn't becase he wasn't over me. He is married now to an amazing girl. I just don't get that one.

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My third eye is my camera's lens.

maleficent

I really do understand why people get married... because when you realize what's in the dating pool... it's just safer to go with that which sort of doesn't drive you crazy...

One more from the memory banks of me... (it's no wonder I've been in the massive dry spell I've been in - -clearly I'm cursed...

This was a one date wonder: This was a one date wonder... I was living in NYC at the time, I think he lived somewhere in NJ, and we decided to meet for drinks and dinner. He drove into the city. He parked his car on the street, and walked into the bar where I was waiting. (he never bothered to check the parking sign on the street) He circles the bar a few times, looking for a better offer I suppose... he sits down next to me and proceeds, in the course of an hour, down 6 jack and cokes... he stands up and tells me he's gonna go take a whiz (classy) and walks into a wall... backs up and trips over a guy who was standing near the wall and goes splat on the floor.

I do all I can to not laugh... and he goes to go potty...

He comes out and says we should leave... gets the check and tells me I owe him something like 25 dollars for the bill (he split it in half, I had one glass of wine, he had 6 drinks at that point - expensive glass of wine)ok - no dinner for mallie poo... OK I says.. I walk out with him, and ask him where he parked.. Now I'm a little concerned about him driving, because he's pretty tanked... and suggest that maybe we want to stop in the cafe across the street

No he says, he's going home, unless I wanted to take him home to my place... (Now, i'm actually considering this because he's in no condition to drive, and I'd feel really bad if he killed someone on the way home - hell he'd probably sue me)

I say, let's go for a walk and talk for a little bit... and pull his arm - he puts his arm around my waist, under my coat and proceeds to grope my butt... his hand starts to wander and tries to go under my skirt... Ummm Nope...

I ask him where he's parked - and we head in that direction... His car isn't there...I ask him -- are you sure you parked there.. yes, he said right under that sign. Ummm -t he one that says Tow Away Zone? he then starts cussing...

Now at this point I should just cut my losses and leave... but I was way too nice then... and got in a cab with him and head to to the tow yard... fighting him off in the cab the entire time...

We get to the tow yard... and he's charged something like 200 bucks to get his car out of storage... now meanwhile the tow guy is looking at him suspiciously, knowing full well that he's tanked.. this adventure hasn't sobered him up at all.. Mr Charm tells me that since it's my fault he got towed (my fault???) I should pay at least half... At this point, i would have had sex with him to end this date... I gave him 100 bucks... (whcih is a lot of money now, but back then.. it was a ton of money.. my spending money for the week) I had about 20 dollars left-- which I had earmarked for a cab fo rm e to go home..

While we are waiting, he notices another couple waiting to get their car. A very well dressed black man and his blonde girlfriend... well - dude doesn't like this - and proceeds to tell the man what he thinks of him dating not his own kind... I was appalled... and I couldn't get him to shut up -- there is nothing worse than an obnoxious, loudmouthed, racist drunk... he was a cartoon character...

he gets his car out of storage.. and looks at me and tells me to get in - -I say, no that's ok, i'm tired and I'm going home... He then gets this evil look in his eye and says after all this bullshit tonite, i don't get any? I walk over -- kiss him on the forehead... and miracle of miracles - a cab pulls up and i jump in and head home..

the story ends - I find out by way of answering machine messages that I never returned... he pulls out of the tow yard... scratches the back of his car on a fence, almost hits another car, and he gets stopped by a black cop (only he had more choice words) and then proceeds to get arrested for drunk driving... Oooops...

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Hash_Browns

I am thankful for you guys sharing your stories! Lets me know that I did have it pretty easy, but you most def. have my sympathy for having to deal with soo much crap! But I'm glad you are all here to tell us about it.

My stories aren't as tramatic, but I'm definatly glad they are 'ex's'.

Mr. Tough Guy: This guy was gorgeous. Italian, lean, tall and had a great face. Only problem was it made him cocky and I guess he thought because he was built he could put a girl in her place. Well I was 15 or 16 and I was a brute. I had two younger brothers and we fought a lot growing up. I knew how to defend myself and I think that made him mad. So he'd keep trying to pin me down and I'd keep fighting out of it. Needless to say he took off one day back to his Mom's in Pontiac (where he tells me he's well known...can we say gangsta wanna be anyone?) Anyhow, he's dad lived near me and when I couldn't get ahold of him I ran into his Dad and I get to find out that his dumb as is in jail for getting drunk and shooting a horse. A HORSE! Yeah, what a thug, you shot a completely innocent animal. What I regret is that I really liked this guy, we had fun together but after this happened he showed back up thinking I didn't know anything and tried to get in my pants while my now hubby was two doors away at my mom's house, with my daughter because now I wasn't a virgin. What an ass.

Mr. Nice Guy: I still talk to this person, he really is a great guy. We were dating when I was about 17. Met him through a friend at school, he was a year ahead of me and unlike anyone I'd met before. He was nice, sweet and could talk for hours. I didn't think he was a virgin but just found out he was. Anyways, I didn't know at the time, but he was also dating another girl at school at the time. It was never said that wasn't allowed, but whatever. I wasn't sleeping with him so I didn't care. Well I went to a party, and the other girl was there. We spent an hour talking about dating the same guy and how much we care for him. I told her I haven't slept with him nor did I plan to. Well guess who took that and ran with it...not him but her. She slept with him the first chance she had after that. What pissed me off was that the guy comes to my b-day party and decided that was the time to tell me that we can't see each other anymore because the girl wants to be exclusive. What makes me mad about this is, he didn't actually want to break up with me, nor to be with her, but because he was mister nice guy he couldn't say no, because he didn't want to hurt HER feelings. Needless to say she tore him up and left him with huge problems. I just wished he would have grown a back bone. He's still stuck in a shit relationship and always has been as long as I've known him. I guess this isn't that bad, but it sucked at the time and I wished I'd have left it alone. I still harbor feelings for this guy and we talk on a regular basis.

Ok I'm done boring ya I hope to read some more stories about how you have survived the past men in your lives!

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Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!

Sage

Mr Blind Date
This was a guy I had found online in one of the local dating sites. I was young, it was spring, what else am I supplsed to do? So, we talk over IM for about a week, he's really nice, we groove well, agree on a lot of things. He's a bit older than me (about five years), has a good job, owns an Audi, has a house, etc etc. We finally agree for a date. So, I get all niced up, and head down to the resturant we agree to meet at. Now, keep in mind, I *have* seen a picture of this guy, but it mustive been from a few years ago, because THIS GUY IS HAIRY LIKE THE WOLFMAN. Not kidding, he had tufts of hair on every section of his fingers, even the one right next to his fingernail. On top of that, he was three inches shorter than me, on top of that, just downright not cute. We sat down and chatted for a while (both of us a little uncomfortable I think) and I excused myself to go wash my hands. While in the bathroom I called one of my friends whom was gonna be my "excuse" out of this date, decided not to do the "OMG my friend is in the hospital" phone call, and went back out to the table. The guy had the *nerve* to comment on how long it took me to "wash my hands." Hasn't he ever heard of *peeing*?

Needless to say, we decided to drop the subject of dating later on that night. At least he was a nice guy- not like your drunken groper Mal!

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percy

Geez, some of you have dated alot. Thanks for sharing your experiences. The only bad thing that happened to me was being left behind at a bush party. I was mad but then my boyfriend was drunk and forgot. Or maybe I forgot. Don't quite remember. I made it home though, finally.

serlindsipity

<u> Mr. Hookup from a MILF </u> - Ladies, read this and take notes of all the big red flags in here. Itll make it even funnier.

I met this guy when my hairdresser (my ex's aunt who was having an affair with guys my age. She's 20 years older) gave him my number. Nice guy i guess but what i found funny is he was so immature i somewhat felt like his mom. I drove us to eat, he didnt pay, and he worked at a cellphone store at 25... and he was going no where fast and he was okay with that.

i kept it to one date for my sanity. however the ensuing phone calls afterwards enticing me to stop by his house to stay an evening to do " this or that " (yes, exact words) where halarious and never returned.

Lesson learned? Dont get love advice from a older woman who's having an affair. She's probably wrong=)

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My third eye is my camera's lens.

maleficent

Dont Date Him

I came across this site from Find Law and after spending about 5 minutes on the site, i was incredibly amused at the things people complained about... Had to share it though... for amusement sake...

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TivaBella

I've got a Mr. Blind Date too:
My friend decided that this guy she knew was perfect for me. Apparently, the deciding factor was that we were both single. I don't think we actually had anything in common other than that.

She gives him my number and we chat on the phone a while before deciding to meet up for dinner the following night. I was living in the east end of Toronto at the time and he was from the west end, so he didn't know my area well. No problem - I gave him specific directions to the restaurant which included the fact that he was supposed to turn at the first lights after the highway.

The night we are supposed to meet he calls me to tell me he is going to be late because he has to go look at a car. "Oh, you are buying a new car?", I ask him? "Oh no, I'm not going to buy it. I just saw it was for sale and wanted to go see it" Strike 1.

So, I arrive at the restaurant at the agreed time and wait... and wait... and wait. Then it dawns on me - about 5 miles further down the road was another restaurant with the same name. Of course this is 5 miles past the lights where he was supposed to turn, but I figured, what the heck. I'll check it out and see if he is there. Sure enough, I walk in and there he is waiting at the bar. Dressed impressively in ripped jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. Strike 2

We have a chuckle over the mix-up (my chuckle is a bit strained at this point) and we go to our table. As we are arriving at the table he says to me, "You have to check out this great t-shirt I found". He takes off the flannel shirt and I see this t-shirt with a police badge on it. Below the badge are the words, "Canadian Beaver Police Please lie down and do what the nice officer tells you". Strike 3 - you are so out.

So, I sat down, ordered the most expensive item on the menu and just sat looking innocently clueless when the bill arrived so he ended up paying for everything.

The really sad thing about this story is that he is now happily married with 2 kids and I am still single.

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It's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.

Buffy - "Gingerbread"

Miss Ina

The Pathological Liar

In Grade 10 I met this guy who was really confident, very sure of himself, and was always lots of interesting stories. He was fun to be around, and -- miracle of miracles for my fifteen-year-old self who had zero self-esteem -- he was interested in me!

After a little while, though, I noticed his stories became less and less believable. On our first date he told me he had walked down part of the 401 (biiig Toronto highway, Americans) naked on a dare. He told me he drove sports cars and used the parking brake to stop and turn really fast like they did in the Fast & the Furious or something (the movie had inspired this image in his head, obviously). The best one was when he told me he was good friends with the members of Our Lady Peace, his favourite band. He would tell me about the emails he and the bassist would exchange, the parties he'd been to with Raine Maida ... Oh there were more, so many more, just unbelievable stories that he obviously expected me to believe.

He also passively pressured me into having sex with him by telling me all the stories of his wild sexual escapades in Toronto. Something tells me now that he was probably a virgin just like me.

Since I was fifteen, impressionable, and vulnerable, with no experience with boys, I just smiled and nodded and let him walk all over me. At the time I was pretty devastated when this guy blew me off. (He dumped me by putting us on a "break", moving to Newfoundland, and then breaking up with me over MSN. Yeah, I know.) But by now, this is just an amusing story about a boy who probably had as low self-esteem as I did, but with a larger imagination to make himself feel better.

I never heard from him again, good riddance. I'd hate to hear his stories about what he's been doing since then. Probably scuba diving with the queen.

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The word "time" split its husk; poured its riches over him; and from his lips fell like shells, like shavings from a plane, without his making them, hard, white, imperishable words, and flew to attach themselves to their places in an ode to Time; an immortal ode to Time.
—Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway