ajpresto

I'm a psychologist so I thought I'd stick my neck out and listen to people complain about their problems. Maybe like a Dr. Ruth type thing? Or Ann Landers I guess. Or something...

So, anybody wanna complain about something?

The Tilted Forum Project, does not in any way condone, nor accept as qualified , the recommendations posted in this thread, or any other. This thread is meant as entertainment only, and the owners of this site, as well as staff members , and readers understand the need for qualified and liscenced councel should such be required. This site accepts no responsibility for, Nor gives credence to, any results of following, or acting upon advice given by its membership.

EDIT: To add to the disclaimer - I don't take responsibilty for anything in here either. Just like Dr. Phil - if you go do something stupid because I said something, that's your deal, not mine. There is an implied understanding, which I am now making explicit, that this is for entertainment only.

Dr. Phil has a disclaimer that says that people with mental illness can't come to his show in the audience... I need to do a Google search and link to it and use it for myself. Basically it's all a big CYA.

Here it is: "Opinions expressed during the show are educational and informational in nature and are directed only at the individual show guests based on their specific and unique circumstances."

To modify it for our purposes: "Opinions expressed online are educational and informational in nature and are generalities expressed without regard to their specific and unique circumstances."

ajpresto

I'm at my other job now and I am listening to a conversation between a mother and daughter. It's a very interesting exchange.. For example,

"Your kids are so crazy with that stuff (being left alone)..."

"Well I wonder why... they grew up with you..."

Tells me that there are some unresolved issues there regarding the parenting responsibilities between the mother and the grandmother.

Sweetpea

well, how nice of you to offer ... i do have a question:

Why do family members have such anomosity and stress surrounding the holidays?
It seems holidays are pushbuttons for stress... why is that?

Sweetpea

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ajpresto

Holidays are stressful for a number of reasons. I'm sure that this is a very Google-able topic but I'll give you some thoughts before I provide links.

One reason that this is so stressful is that you are physically closer to people you typically don't hang around with (ie. parents, grandparents, extended family). As with all people, being in an enclosed environment for extended periods of time increases your likelihood of getting angry with the situation.

Another reason is that there is inherent stress in holidays. For Thanksgiving, the stress is on Mom (typically) to cook a perfect meal. Dad has to be sure to carve the turkey correctly. Grandma and Grandpa get stressed by having little kids around after their own little kids have grown. Other people have other stressors.

For Christmas and other gift giving holidays, there is stress in the idea that you *have* to buy something that somebody else will like. If you give them the wrong gift, then what? Are they mad at you? Are you mad at them? Why did you give them "the wrong gift?" Then there's the question of how do you respond to getting the wrong gift? Do you throw it away? Do you regift it? Ask for the receipt?

It's also colder outside, so it's not like you can go outside for extended periods of time to get some fresh air... Lots of issues revolve around the holdays.

Thanks for asking a good question. I once thought about putting up a blog to this effect but I know that I wouldn't have sufficient traffic. I'm glad I can do something worthwhile here.

FYI - here's a nice link to a mental health website's fact sheet on holiday stress: http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/103.cfm

Sweetpea

Thanks ajpresto for your insight

Sweetpea

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ajpresto

Well, that ended quickly. Who's next?

ryfo

I have been diagnosed with panic disorder and anxiety, but am quite comfortable around certain people and not others. Got a way for me to explain this to people without them check ing for the men in white coats?

Marvelous Marv

Well, since you asked ...

A person I (ahem) know very well has always been a little claustrophobic. Examples of situations that would make him very uncomfortable would be getting locked in a room, sitting in the back seat of a two-door car, and (god forbid) handcuffs. Although he has no other phobias (like heights, spiders, whatever), when the irrational feeling of fear arises, it requires a great deal of self-control to resist it.

The problem seems to be gradually worsening as the years go by. Thoughts? Remedies? Asylums?

Thanks.

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noahfor

I feel really bad all the time and I just wanted to see if anybody has any ideas of what I should do. I've been depressed for almost three years, and have been on celexa, prozac, and effexor all for at least six months each. None of those medications have seemed to do anything. Recently, my emotional state seems to be getting a lot worse. I wake up feeling terrible, an odd kind of bad feeling, like something you would feel in a dream. I feel like I am not in the same world that I have been living in. I feel like I'm part of some nightmare where everything just feels bad. I feel nothing for people I used to love. I will talk to these people and they will just give me all kinds of weird feelings that make them seem like strangers, and this just makes me feel worse. It hurts me just to talk to my mom or dad or girlfriend, so I don't. They will say things and immediately I will just hate them for it, or think they are stupid, but I don't want to be thinking these things. They just pop into my head. I just want to sleep all the time because I can feel good in my dreams. Have you ever been so scared of something real. For instance, you found out your dad has cancer, and the fear or some other bad feeling worse than fear, dread maybe, just takes over your life. Every moment of the day feels like that. Like dread is what is happening. That is how I feel but for no reason it seems, and these facts just make me feel worse, and then that results in other effects that make me feel even worse. My life has no plot except that it is bad. I hear people tell me they love me and it doesn't feel like anything to me. I can't feel anything good at all. I'm also in school, and I can't go to class because it makes me so nervous. I'm not worried people are thinking bad things about me or that I might say something stupid; I'm just worried. I just keep wishing I could go back in time. People take for granted that good things will make them feel good and bad things will make them feel bad, but I feel like nothing can make me feel good, and everything makes me feel bad, like my brain is just some program that produces bad feeling no matter what the input is. I know I need help, but I can't help but doubt that there is any help. I hear that antidepressants make you feel numb and I dont want that, even though I am numb right now. I can't help but think that the meds made me this way. Do you think I should go back on medication? I can't help but feel paranoid about it making me "numb". I mean I feel numb now, but I don't want to be satisfied being numb. Really, I just want to be able love the people that I love. How can something so special be lost so easily. It makes life seem like a joke. All I feel is negativity for the people I once loved and I can't help it. It seems like their importance just faded away like the funniness of a joke you hear more than once, and it shouldn't be that way. Things that are important shouldn't be like joke. I think maybe I just don't like my girlfriend, but then I think about the way I used to feel about her, and I need to get it back. I don't know how to like people. I just get used to them and wear them out, but I don't want to be that way. It seems like all I control is my body, and thoughts and feelings are just coming from nowhere.
Is it possible to change who you are. Everytime someone says something, some negative criticism just pops into my head. How do I stop valuing the things I value?

Thanks for reading.

Elphaba

Noah,

it is late, but your words have been read and understood. Rest well this evening, because you know that a large part of your burden has been shared. I believe you will awake in the morning with a little more hope for the future.

lurkette

Noahfor, it sounds like your issues are maybe more deep than can be properly addressed in a forum like this. Particularly considering that you're already trying medication, it might be best to speak to your doctor about this and get a recommendation for a good therapist who can help you delve into this and provide you more insight into what's going on.

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noahfor

Thanks Elphaba. I'm not looking for someone to solve my problems online. I just thought maybe the original poster could say something that would offer a little comfort, or a piece of advice or something. I don't know. I know I need to see a doctor.

Willravel

Might I floor this one?

Can you describe in greater detail the feelings you get when you are in a closed space? Are they aprehensive? Are they fight/flight? Do you have trouble breathing? Also, do you remember the very first time you felt this?

I also used to be claustrophobic. I had an irrational view of closed spaces from when I was young and trapped in something (still can't remember what). In order to overcome my problem, I allowed myself to be put in a situation where I was made to be EXTREMLY uncomfortable in an inclosed space. I first tried this by going into caves with a friend of mine who is experienced in cave walks and such. It didn't work. So my anual cardiologist check up came around and it was suggested that I get a CAT scan. I did. I got into a machine that requires perfect stillness for extended periods of time that is a very tight loction (I could barely move my arms if I wanted to). The person working the machine was either exhausted or new, because it took over 7 hours to finish. At first I was absolutely freaking out. I had to force myself to control my breathing. After my heart rate went down and my breathing became normal, I started to meditate (concentrated on a small red dot at the front of my mind and manipulated the dot very slowly). After about 20 minutes I was back to normal calm. Then I opened my eyes. After 20 minutes I was calm again. This went on for the first 2-3 hours. After a while, I realized that I was not trapped, and I was able to relax so much I almost fell asleep.

Marvelous Marv

The best way "the person I know" can describe this is irrational panic. To the point that if locked in a small room (like a bathroom, or elevator--a large room wouldn't be a problem), and it wasn't necessary to conceal the situation from others, an attempt to bash through the door or wall would soon be underway. No breathing problem. The feeling has pretty much always been there.

Believe it or not, when I had a broken arm (from a poorly executed kick block in a martial arts class) I even got feeling of claustrophobia regarding the cast! Had to do strenuous exercise to make it go away. The orthopedist told me it wasn't uncommon.

I had kind of thought something like "familiarizaton" might help, but I assumed there were good and bad ways to do it. Would love to hear what the shrink thinks.

Congrats on overcoming it.

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Elphaba

If you are like me, you become tongue-tied in the presence of a doctor. Print out what you shared here for your doctor. It is often so much easier to share everything in an anonymous setting such as this one. It is not so easy to have all those thoughts pulled together for a doctor appointment. You are on the right track, noah, by returning to a doctor. I wish you better days now and in the future.

Sultana

This is great advice, I'm going to do this myself for all kinds of things.
Thanks!

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Impetuous1

Can a relationship between someone who is polyamorous by nature, but currently monogamous to please their mate, and someone who is monogamous by nature work or is the difference just too great? Especially when the monogamous person is now ready to settle down.

Slyboots

Are you also a trained sharp shooter like Dr ruth?

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xepherys

Marv-

That strikes a chord with me as well. Willravel, before you point out our other recent discussion, I'm here for advice, whether given by a trained psychologist, or someone else going through it. Knowledge is always good, even if we don't give 100% credit to the source all the time.

At any rate, I have a fairly extreme fear of heights, and also have claustrophobia pretty badly. I don't even generally like wearing a baseball cap because it limits my range of vision. Drives me nuts! Cars I can deal with, but the CAT scan thing... man, I'd be clawing at the walls after a few minutes. I'm pretty good at meditation and relaxation, but I don't know that I'd be able to control it under such a critical situation. Even thinking about it spikes my heartrate. Heights are the same way for me. I need some feeling of security. I can fly in an airplane and look down and think it's cool because I feel safe. However, being on a cliff (even back a ways) with a railing and a tether get me a bit upset. Needless to say, Basic Training had some difficult moments.

Willravel

Huh?
I can only imagine. It's ijnteresting that you feel safe in planes. I wonder if that has anything to do with your military training. Were you required to log long hours in planes or simulators? You don't have to answer, btw, I'm just curious.

I was slowly able to overcome my claustophobic tendencies by exposing myslef to enclosed situations, but the general psychological community frowns on that as cruel. I would never ask anyone to do that to themselves if they weren't ready. Just wanted to make that clear.

ajpresto

I'm sorry to tell you that I can't tell you anything in an open forum like this. I don't know you at all so I can't tell you anything. Like you said... you need to see a doctor.

This leads me to another point... I need to develop some ground rules. I'll get around to that soon.

xepherys

Just saying that I've already established that I'm not 100% confident in the field of psychology as a whole, but that doesn't distract from the fact that many people in that field are extremely bright and have wonderful information to offer.


No, I've always felt comfortable on planes. I also generally feel comfortable on roller coasters, at least enough to ride them and enjoy them. However, I tend to get a mile case of vertigo (or similar symptoms) even just being at the top of an escalator unless I'm looking exactly forward... looking up or back makes me feel very unhappy. Standing on top of hills and mountains give me a serious sense of unbalance, despite the fact that I actually have very good balance. I'm sure there are other examples... it's kind of an odd group of issues. And yeah, I almost went to Airborne school as an option to help me get over my fear. Never went, due to not getting authorization after Basic Training. *shrug* Would've been interesting, I'm sure.

Elphaba

I experience the same fear of heights. If I am not directly looking at the "fall" I am ok, otherwise I'm falling to the ground and gripping dirt if need be. Many folks here have expressed a similar fear of heights which makes me wonder if this a brain stem response that is Darwinian in nature. The "don't fall off the cliff, dummy" advantage to procreation.

william

Okay Doc - I have one for you: I'm a regular joe, working the 9-5 (as much as retail can). I had a psych eval, and was told that I have an over-active imagination. I do my job and get along fine in all aspects of my life. When shown the Roschach (?) pictures, they asked what I saw, and I answered.
Growing up, it was a point to let your imagination go - has that ended? If I would have known, I would have given a bone-headed response.
Any ideas?

Elphaba

Ummm... I shouldn't be jumping in here ahead of ajpresto, but I think he would agree that a Rorschach evaluation is only as good as the interpreter. There are stimili in the blots in which it would easily be deemed "over active imagination," when, in truth, "creativity" might be the influencing factor.

William, the Rorschach has not achieved the same degree of validity as other psych tests, because of the high variance in test interpretation. Also, the Rorschach was developed during a time (Freudian Analysis), where individuality was not considered a positive value. It certainly is a poor tool in measuring creativity.

No, letting your imagination go has not ended. Someone has chosen an assessment tool that I would consider long past due for a toss into the trash bin. Just my 2 cents.

william

It's good to read that creativity and imagination should not be dead.

Marvelous Marv

Uhh, is the doctor on a two-week vacation?

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radioguy

perfect!!!! i wanted to ask ya'll something but didn't want to start another thread about girls....anyways, i met this chic from work for drinks at a bar. we sat there for 5 hours, never a silent moment, laughed, joked, just chatted. it was awesome....except she has a boyfriend. she asked him to go, but didn't want to go out. we are attracted to each other and we do have feelings for each other, but she has a boyfriend of 2 years. she did do some complaining about him that nights, he called a couple of times and wasn't happy about her being out. anyways, when the bar closed, we said our goodbyes and we kissed. i'm driving home that night and get a call from her asking where i was...i told her and she said she was following me. we get back to my place and chat some more and then start making out, that's all. my question is: why would a woman spend 7 hours with a guy, make out with him, if she has a boyfriend of two years????? am i a fling to get her out of a rut or does she want/desire more than what she has???? i'm just curious.....thanks DOC!

ajpresto

Sorry for the slow responses to this thread. Work has gotten crazy busy.

Panic Disorder and Anxiety Disorders are typically triggered by stressors such as certain people or situations. It's a type of fight or flight response that is out of control... humans have evolved to have an automatic response to dangerous situations... either run away or beat up whatever is coming after you. I think I heard that they have added the "hide" response, which is really like flight but limited to a degree.

So, anyway, you may be experiencing an inappropriate amount of fight or flight response to normal situations. But there are different situations that trigger this differently for different people. Most people would run away if they were walking in the woods and came across a bear. Some people would turn around and fight, especially if they are carrying a gun or some other circumstances exist. So, that's a normal response to a stressor.

If you have anxiety disorder (which I may be developing myself..) when you go to a normal situation, like to your office at work, you start having those anxiety reactions... your heart rate increases, your palms get sweaty, you feel a need to get out of there.... normal reactions to a true anxiety producing situation, in an inappropriate circumstance.

ajpresto

What? I think this would make anybody very anxious, or in your terms, uncomfortable. If you have self-control to resist the situation, then you're doing okay. If you can't resist it and end up snapping, then you have a problem and should see a professional.

ajpresto

This is actually a therapuetic technique... Forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation rapidly is called "flooding." This can be dangerous if not controlled carefully. Luckily, you were able to overcome your anxiety by meditation. Also, in the worst case scenario, you were always able to get out of the machine. If you totally freaked out, they would have pulled you out of the machine.

Another therapeutic technique is called "systematic desensitization." This is where you are gradually presented to more stressful situations in a controlled manner. For example, you might go to Wal-Mart and see that there's not much stress in such a large environment. Then maybe K-mart, which is a smaller store and again see not much stress. Then you would step your way down to, say, a closet. When you got to a situation that was very anxiety producing, you would practice with that situation a number of times until it became comfortable to you. Then you would move on to the next smaller space, etc, until you were able to function normally.

ajpresto

I kind of replied to this post in the post directly before this one... Systematic Desensitization and Flooding are some keywords you could search for... There are good and bad ways of doing it and the absolute safest way is to have the assistance of a trained professional. You can do some similar work if you have a friend you can trust to a) not laugh at you for having a problem and b) knowing that they really need to get you out of the situation if there is a problem.

That sounds somewhat accurate... it makes sense, anyway.

Again, see the post on systematic desensitization and flooding.

ajpresto

That is definitely good advice... However, if you are not paralyzed by your fear, you should attempt to develop the skills to be a "good patient." An open discussion with a professional is better than giving them a letter. But this is clearly a first step.

I'll be waiting for the call that they're revoking my certificate.

ajpresto

There is a lot of information packed into this little question...

I think to a degree everybody is polyamorous. It seems to be evolutionarily based... In the bad ol' days, men would want to spread their seed as wide as possible to ensure that they would have lots of babies to keep the species going. Women, on the other hand, would want to have as many babies as possible since some of them probably wouldn't survive or probably would be killed early in their lives. So, the first assumption I'm working with is that most people are polyamorous.

However, I don't know exactly what that means in this context. And, most people have been socialized to accept a monogamous lifestyle, as this is typically most accepted in this culture. There are some pockets where polyamorous lifestyles are accepted, such as some variants of Mormonism, etc, but most cultures, even mainstream Mormonism, endorses monogamous situations.

So, I guess I need some clarification on what you mean by being polyamorous. Is this something you could "work through?" What does this polyamorism look like?

ajpresto

Nope. Not a trained killer. Sorry.

ajpresto

I think a good bit of these feelings are really normal and average. You should feel anxious if you're not certain that you're safe. In Basic, while you typically are safe, it is probably not apparent to you at the time. In a war, of course, you are not safe. You should be somewhat concerned about your safety. However, you should also be able to work your way through it with your training. Much of your training is probably a lot of shoot first, ask questions later, as if you don't you'd be dead.

The baseball cap thing.. okay.. that's a little different. But at least that's easy to deal with.. just don't wear them.

ajpresto

Exposure therapy is actually a positive therapeutic practice. It should be done with a trained practioner, but it actually is a method of developing appropriate responses to stressful situations.

I don't have a source (of course) but one of the anecdotes we were told in our class was that a therapist was working with a client who had to wash their hands like 50 or 60 times a day.. they were afraid of germs. So, the therapist started working with them slowly and gradually, making them touch, say, a dirty spoon from a meal they just ate. Then he wouldn't let them wash their hands for, say, a minute. Then he would increase that time until they were comfortable with it. Then he would go to dirtier situations and dirtier and dirtier... The anecdote ended with the client being able to pick up roadkill off the road and not washing their hands. Of course, this was way too far to push the client, but they were cured of their compulsive need to wash their hands.

ajpresto

What are your concerns regarding psychology? It's a fuzzy science, to be sure, but we do work with generalities and wide ranging issues in an attempt to boil down individual diversity into something we can do with lots of people to make it work. I'm interested in your concerns about psychology.

ajpresto

What was their recommendation for your over-active imagination? Were you told to tone it down?

As another post points out, the Rorschach sucks. The only thing it might possibly do is tell you if somebody is flat out nuts, psychotic, etc. If you see a dead person in every picture, then there's a problem with you. If you see sex in every picture, then there's a problem with you. If you see a variety of things in the pictures, then you are probably fine.

That is one of many "projective" techniques which are psychologists' attempts to get at some of the more basic areas of the brain. It's just a technique and a weak one at that, at getting at some of the more basic processes in the brain. There are others which are slightly better and more commonly used (the Rorschach is out of favor for the most part now) such as the Draw a Person task and the Kinetic Family Drawing task. Rather than looking at pictures, the client is asked to draw a picture. There are scales for interpreting what all of that means. I use those tasks for some of my clients and I have some concerns when I interpret them. Unless something comes out in multiple areas, I won't say anything about the supposed sexual aspects of this part of a drawing, etc.

ajpresto

I completely agree. Sorry for the short post, but... that's the exact point I was trying to make.