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Noahfor, it sounds like your issues are maybe more deep than can be properly addressed in a forum like this. Particularly considering that you're already trying medication, it might be best to speak to your doctor about this and get a recommendation for a good therapist who can help you delve into this and provide you more insight into what's going on.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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