K-Wise

I'm latino so I of course got taught my "yes sir" "yes ma'am" "please" "thank you" etc. etc. Manners are pretty big last I checked...It was all about politeness. I was taught to be a very polite gentleman...I hold open doors and such things. I could be a little more gentlemanly at times of course though haha.

The first time I was ever called "Sir" was by a girl I know in my 8th grade art class...she tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me sir..umm" and I was like "What? Did you just call me sir?(I laughed) It's Cris." These days the only people who call me "sir" are employees at resturants and stores. I walk into Buckle and it's "Can I help you sir?" "No thank you I'm just looking."

It doesn't bother me too much these days even though I'm only 20. I take it as "Hmm well at least they don't think I look like a kid!" See I don't look my age and get confused for a highschooler all the time it's kind of annoying. I also always get hit on by girls who are too young for me which is a shame haha. So I like the idea of being looked at as what I am. I am a man. Not a boy but a man. So I'm okay with Sir...now if it were people my age at a bar or club, or around campus calling me that I might find it a bit strange but not really haha.

Asta!!

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Elphaba

Said 8-year-old has the ability to pronounce "Maryellen" now? That is just sad.

I'm not keen about being called ma'am, but I realize that for everyone except my employees that it's not meant to be insulting. Around the office, I'm pretty sure it's a code name for "bitch."

cellophanedeity

When I was working in retail, I once called an eighty year old woman "miss" and she told me I had made her day and made her feel young.

Other than that, people I know are called by first names, unless introduced to them as "Mr" or "Mrs"

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Slavakion

I don't say it like "This way, miss". More like "Miss Jones" instead of "Missus Jones". Maybe I'm just lazy to drop a syllable.

Demeter

I love being called Ma'am. Or Miss. Theres worse I've been called.

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rat

ma'am - short for madame or mademoiselle. both french if my memory serves me correctly. just as in spanish with senora and senorita (too lazy to add the tildes), it's simply the difference in marital status that seperates them.

I answer ladies of all ages as ma'am at different times. just something i was raised to do. if i'm going to say ma'am to a 18 year old, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying it to a 29 year old (and the manners my father whipped into me prevent me from believing that any of you ladies are a day past 29 ). the problem is that people these days (especially outside the God-blessed South) think that ma'am should only be used in reference to an elderly lady. I see it and utilize it as a term of respect for ladies of all ages.

holding doors is something i do all the time, and thankfully, here at Texas A&M, there are quite literally thousands of people who do the same--moreso for ladies than for men, but most of us just hold the door period as a matter of courtesy.

personally, if i'm out at a restaurant on a date or in a group, I'll stand up as a lady leaves or returns to the table, but don't do it at a McDonald's or in the dining halls. more of a enviorenmentally-appropriate usage of that courtesy, and usually done when i'm sitting in a chair and not a booth simply because booths make many things impractical.

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amonkie

I have to admit, I use sir or ma'am when on the phone at work and dealing with a particular harried or frustrating client. It deescalates their frustration, and helps me get the call back on track. In every day conversation, I rarely use sir and ma'am, and if I do, it's in the form of affection.

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rat

wow. i'm honestly sorry that your environment is so devoid of simple courtesies like being called ma'am that you'd feel out of place in that situation...

That's kind of confusing. I use the term "miss" alot in public, especially in crowded areas around campus or at the bars, usually prefaced by the words "Excuse me" as I generally don't know the lady's name of whom I'm referring, and it's a good catchall rather than just saying "you" or "girl" or "move dammit."


Addition: At the bar I work at, I'm the doorman, checking IDs and putting bracelets or stamping people depending on their age. I had one particularly belligerent woman who came in relatively sober, and the owner let her go into the bar/club to find a friend that would pay her cover charge. 30 minutes and 4 drinks later, I found the owner, reported the woman had never come back and paid, and along with him, found the woman in question. He chastised her for lying to his doorstaff about her intentions and told her quite bluntly the consequences of ever doing that again--which then turned into a belligerently drunk lady stabbing me in the chest, bitching me out about how she "wasn't a fucking liar," combined with a refrain of "Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am"s from me for 10 minutes. Rather than losing my cool, I killed her with courtesy until she'd had her say--four repetitions of the same. The next night, she came up and apologized to me citing the fact that though she was extremely angry and wanted to hit me, the fact that I never let my poise crack and didn't get rude back to her prevented her assaulting me. I accepted her apology and told her I was glad that my politeness had kept her from landing herself in jail that night. She thought that over and apologized again.

Moral of story: Manners work. Especially if they're ingrained in a child young. Don't complain

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analog

I'm just thankful as hell that they're polite and respectful and have MANNERS as children.

Too many kids have no concept of respect or manners, and it's sick.

Squishor

Rat, you missed the part about the cowboy. That was the bit that'd make me feel like I stepped onto a movie set, not being called Ma'am, as unfamiliar as that is. We have a distinct shortage of cowboys around these parts. Now surfers, we have plenty of those. If a surfer suddenly appeared and called me Ma'am I wouldn't blink; I'd just think he thought I was old.

Although my environment is not at all devoid of common courtesies, we simply don't use call each other Ma'am that often, so it sounds out of place. And instead of calling me Miss, someone who needs to get by is more likely to simply say "excuse me." The courtesy is still there, it just sounds a little different.

jorgelito

I agree. And that's the DIRECT result of BAD parenting.

hunnychile

Good manners are good manners. Unless a younger perosn has been told to call the older person another name, such as their first name, I would always rather errer in the more old fashioned way and say, Miss, Ms. or sir. I always try to be formal becuase I deal with internationals every day of the week and they love to be addressed respectfully first. In the office, when I have to interact with older ladies and ask them to help(and I don't know them all that well...I'll say Miss Suzanne or Miss Terry.) They all know I lived and worked in Texas for over 20 years and always smile when I address them with respect. I'm not akid any more but respect is so lacking these days IMHO.

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hunnychile

Good manners are good manners. Unless a younger person has been "told to call" the older person another name, such as their first name, I would always rather err in the more old fashioned way and say, "Miss, Ms. or sir". I always try to be formal because I deal with Internationals every day of the week- esp. people from Asia...and they love to be addressed respectfully first. In the office, when I have to interact with older ladies & ask them to help or a question (& I don't know them all that well...I'll say Miss Suzanne or Miss Terry.) They all know I have lived and worked in Texas for over 20 years and always smile when I address them with respect. I'm not a kid any more, but respect is So lacking these days IMHO. And a smile with any title is a must. (we ALL smile in the same language) ....Even if they are being a pain in the butt! This works wonders. The Asian clients always wait for us to bow first and that's an important sign of honor as well. Better to be a bit more formal in business - to CYA !!

It's not rocket science, but it does make life better. Kindness is no big deal.

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raeanna74

I grew up being trained to refer to others with "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir". We were also required to follow any requests with "Please" and "Thankyou".

I have been as careful as I can with teaching my daughter to reply politely and to say "Please" or "Thankyou. I haven't been demanding of the "Yes Ma'am" type of phrase but I've tried to direct her away from "Yeah" to at least a "Yes".

I the store or out where a person who doesn't know me but wants to get my attention and says "Ma'am?" I do feel odd. Mostly cause up until fairly recently the call was made "Miss?" and now it's "Ma'am?" I just feel older. I still appreciate the courtesy.

As for using first names - I tend to use first names with neighbors and the like. When referring to other adults, people in authority, or especially people significantly older than me I tend to call them Mr or Mrs. My in-laws have encouraged me to use first names or whatever I like with them but I just can't call them by their first names. I feel uncomfortable unless I'm using Mom or Dad.

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krwlz

Im only 19, but I really don't mind the title sir... I work in retail (very very temporary, haha, only a part time job through school), and I get it fairly often. I had a gym teacher (who was later on my soccer coach) who would regularly call all of us "Mr. (last name)" right from kindergarten. As such, I've gotton used to the titles of respect. They don't bother me in the least.

la petite moi

I had an older man (noticeably older- he had little signs up all over his office that he is a grandpa) at the body shop I went to call me "ma'am." I didn't even notice it, except for afterwards when I thought to myself, "Hey, isn't that what they're all worked up about over at the TFP?" Heh.

Cimarron29414

Honestly, I don't do that all of the time. It really depends (and I recognize that it shouldn't): If we are grabbing a bite to eat at Taco Bell, probably not. However, if we are at a restaurant, I definitely will. I also like to open the car door rather than just press a button and go to my side. Primarily, I do this because of coats, skirts, dresses, etc. getting caught in the door when it's closed. If I am over there, then I can give a final check and make sure everything is tucked.

I also place my napkin on the back of my chair when leaving the table. I always excuse myself from the table. I ask what she is having in conversation prior to ordering and order for her. However, if there are extra questions (How would you like your steak cooked, what kind of salad dressing, etc.), then I absolutely let her answer those questions. Finally, if we are on a double date, I will call the other couple and assist the other woman in coordinating attire with my wife - so that they can dress at the same level (skirt, jeans, dress) and know what colors the other is wearing. My wife typically forgets about this part, which is why I remember so she won't be embarrassed.

My mom taught me these things. I love my mom!

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KinkyKiwi

lol i'm pretty young and when someone calls me ma'am i certainly dont take offense..its just a show of respect as far as i'm concerned sometimes i'll use mr. /ms. *whatever* and sometimes i'll use sir/ma'am..it just depends on the person

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Your mom is a woman of taste and class.

Whenever we go out on a double date or have one of my sister's boyfreind's over for dinner, we train him to do most of those things, and take positive glee out of torturing him if he doesn't do them properly. The napkin on the back of the chair is a new one; I'm going to have to add that to the repertoire.

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Cimarron29414

If you leave the table and intend to return, then you fold it and drape it over your chairback. If you have completed the meal and intend to leave, you fold it and place it where you found it, usually under the fork(s). Wadding it up and throwing it on your plate is something Mr. Britney Spears would do.

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JustJess

I don't get insulted by the ma'am-ing, but it does weird me out. But I specifically don't want to be called Mrs.-- because I work in the same hospital as my mother-in-law... that's just too much for me. I just let people know with a laugh. Miss is fine, I'm still pretty young - I just wish they'd figure out that I'm not in HS!!
Growing up, I just called people whatever they told me to, though I usually started with a Mr./Mrs..... I do think people need to chill. Although, in NYC, if someone's calling you 'lady', it's usually not nice, so that one, yeah, I'd be insulted.

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StephenSa

I was raised to say Sir and Ma'am. Being raised that way it always seemed polite and proper and when I hear children speaking to adults with the same familiarity they would have with their peers it frankly grates on my nerves. I have a stepdaughter that is more than a handful and often quite rude. I believe if she had been raised to use Sir and Ma'am and treat adults with deference then she might not have some of the behavioral problems she has today. I still use Sir and Ma'am to this day (I'm 37) and just think its more civil. People used to dress up to take an airplane trip or even go shopping. People at one time considered courtesy and respect to be important values and that exhibiting those values gave ones own life more worth. They were right. Today the guy next to me on the plane is likely to be wearing flip-flops and a stained sports jersey, get drunk and berate the flight attendants. In a restaurant many if not most of the guys heads will be adorned with backwards baseball caps and wearing shorts and speak rudely and crudely while others try to enjoy their meals. I don't know, I could just stand to hear a little more courtesy and simple polite respect from others these days. I always feel a little better when I do.

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Cimarron29414

I completely agree with your post, except for this part. I wear sweats and loafers on planes because I refuse to have any metal on my body. I slip my shoes off and fly through security. I used to dress up, like you say, but with today's security - I can't afford the body cavity searches.

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rat

well, this summer, i'll do my best to raise the level of common courtesy in dallas youu may bump into me in a bar or restaurant over the summer, as i'll be interning in the city

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