02-20-2006, 11:55 PM | #41 (permalink) |
Born-Again New Guy
Location: Unfound.
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In addition to any and all punishment he may receive, I'm pretty sure at least some time should be spent making him live under something this demanding and intolerable... at least for a while.
I am appalled at this, though not strictly shocked. People do crazy, often hurtful things to other people and I'd much rather focus on keeping my relationships unlike this as opposed to focusing on similar situations. |
02-21-2006, 03:47 AM | #43 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: northamptonshire
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What is really scary is that it has nothing to do withthe guy being insecure it is just a set of orders to be followed that seem whimiscal. A bit of Karma there he now follows other life style rules.
Child porn WTF. It sounds perfect,If I had a woman to do my will, mind you you would get bored, part of sexual excitement can be the randomness of it. I have to ask who if presented with that would not laugh and say F***k off.
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02-21-2006, 04:16 AM | #44 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
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But I also think that everyone has a breaking point... and eventually you say enough's enough... too bad this woman didn't do that before there were children involved..
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Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
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02-21-2006, 06:55 AM | #47 (permalink) | |
You had me at hello
Location: DC/Coastal VA
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Before knowing that, this sounded like every 5th case on Divorce Court. There are a lot of fucked up guys who have merged kinky behaviour with a strict, religious upbringing to come up with some seriously wack ideas on marriage. And there are some seriously fucked up women who are attracted to them.
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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet |
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02-21-2006, 07:07 AM | #48 (permalink) | |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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02-21-2006, 07:11 AM | #49 (permalink) | |
Adequate
Location: In my angry-dome.
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There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195 |
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02-21-2006, 08:00 AM | #50 (permalink) |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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There's nothing inherantly wrong with that contract--I know of couples that consensually enter into agreements like that with each other, and it's fulfilling and great for them both. It's a shame he couldn't have found a nice submissive girl to work his stuff out with. If only he had known himself well enough before he got married to have done that... Would have saved his poor wife a lot of suffering.
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02-21-2006, 08:18 AM | #51 (permalink) | |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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02-21-2006, 08:45 AM | #53 (permalink) | |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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02-21-2006, 09:15 AM | #54 (permalink) |
peekaboo
Location: on the back, bitch
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Shave every third day? Gawd, I can't go two days without
I have to agree that it's not the silly contract when taken alone, it's the convoluted mindset of the idiot as a whole that makes this story what it is. So, Shani, who is gonna wear the garters?
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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em. |
02-21-2006, 09:21 AM | #55 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
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Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
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02-21-2006, 09:39 AM | #56 (permalink) | |
You had me at hello
Location: DC/Coastal VA
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Let's go back to the fact that he kidnapped her, restrained her and raped her repeatedly, and beat her. Then a while after that, he was caught downloading pictures of children engaged in porn. How does this represent a relationship and mindset that could in any way be healthy?
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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet |
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02-21-2006, 10:09 AM | #57 (permalink) | ||
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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I don't know about those GBDs. Maybe he put those there in an attempt to make the agreement pallatable to her? Quote:
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02-21-2006, 10:47 AM | #58 (permalink) | |
You had me at hello
Location: DC/Coastal VA
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As for the rest, I respectfully disagree. I don't think the way to appease a tyrant is to submit to him until he gets it out of his system. I know next to nothing about the whole dominate/submissive arrangement, but I've always heard there were supposed to be control words to make sure it doesn't go to far. This guy obviously didn't have those, or didn't care. I think two people could easily arrange this relationship and have it be happy one. This one appears to have been arranged by him, unsigned by her, enforced by him. I think he could have had all the subservient women in the world, and he still would have hunted for one who defied him. And given his recent arrest, it might have been a girl.
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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet |
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02-21-2006, 11:08 AM | #59 (permalink) | |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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02-21-2006, 11:14 AM | #60 (permalink) | |
Insane
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02-21-2006, 11:33 AM | #61 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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nope. i only edited to add a link. That's it Ustwo And i know you well enough now to know how you react, i was only providing a rebuttal... no worries sweetpea
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02-21-2006, 11:34 AM | #62 (permalink) | |
You had me at hello
Location: DC/Coastal VA
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Quote:
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet |
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02-21-2006, 12:32 PM | #63 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: In the middle of the desert.
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One wonders if he was always like this, in which case she's been victimized for 9 years, or did something happen that sent this nutjob off the deep end.
This is why we have things like the National Domestic Violence hotline. You can't get away from these sickos without help. She's lucky to be alive.
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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes. |
02-21-2006, 02:09 PM | #65 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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Thank you for pointing that out For anyone who would like to know more about the National D.V. hotline or anyone who might need to make that phone call themselves: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) http://www.ndvh.org/ "Break the Silence... Make the Call." Sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
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02-21-2006, 03:21 PM | #66 (permalink) |
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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Hmmm. I'd say that a good 75-80% of that "contract" describes the relationship Grace and I have. The difference, of course, being that for us, it's entirely consensual, and no contract of any kind is needed because I like our relationship to be this way. Heck, it was my idea in the first place and it took Grace awhile to warm up to it, though she does seem to enjoy it a lot more now that she's relaxed in the role of the dominant partner. It's also a more subtle thing; I treat Grace's suggestions as if they were orders, and she knows that that's how I'm going to interpret them, so there's actually no need to make any modifications for when we're around others. And my "reward days" tend to involve a good deal less freedom rather than more .
IMO, the problem here isn't with the contract or the terms therein, it's in the lack of consent. It's like sex or bondage. If it's consensual, with both parties going along fully from the outset, it's cool. If forced on the victim, as seems to be the case here, it is an extreme form of emotional abuse. Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
02-21-2006, 07:14 PM | #67 (permalink) |
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
Location: Upper Michigan
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He had no respect for his wife or his children to ask for or engage in the things he chose to. Respect was completely absent. Sad.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. |
02-21-2006, 09:21 PM | #68 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Sage's bed
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Does anyone have any actual evidence that they weren't in a consentual D/s relationship for years? Maybe she got tired of it and found it difficult to relate this to him and ended up just going to the police instead?
Before you all jump on me for not joining the chants of "oh, that poor woman", what would you be saying if the genders in this case were reversed? And no, I'm not saying there was nothing wrong with the guy, but I think a lot of you are assuming way too much.
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Anamnesis |
02-22-2006, 08:31 AM | #72 (permalink) |
©
Location: Colorado
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While the circumstances surrounding this aren't humorous, the contract itself, is. Under the right conditions, I think my wife would go along with 80-90% of this (while she can negotiate icy hills and stairs in ski boots, my wife has never managed to figure out heels).
If I whipped out a contract like this, it would be the last thing I'd be whipping out for some time. If she didn't die of laughing on her way out the door, I'd be having John Bobbitt nightmares for a month. |
02-22-2006, 02:24 PM | #73 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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he kidapped, raped and beat his wife following years of emotional abuse, he is in jail now. This 'contract' was posted as evidence in his trial. Still wondering what is wrong here? sweetpea
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02-22-2006, 02:25 PM | #74 (permalink) |
Fade out
Location: in love
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I would also like to note that this thread took some different turns that i did not expect and that i learned from.
sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
02-22-2006, 02:58 PM | #75 (permalink) |
Still fighting it.
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It's a tricky one to call. I mean, on what I see here, it looks like it might have started out as a fairly standard sub/dom interaction, which is hardly outlandish in these sexually enlightenificated days. I mean it's a fine line between being submissive and being abused, the main standard being 'consent'.
I notice there's not much noise coming from the wife's camp, which makes me wonder how much of this she was originally agreeable to. They were together nine years, you say? Still the whole contract deal makes him look like a pretty pathetic, whiny, needy dom. He ought to have tried a bit less hard. The key to domination is subtlety. |
02-23-2006, 08:00 AM | #76 (permalink) | |
Degenerate
Location: San Marvelous
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam. |
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02-23-2006, 11:18 AM | #77 (permalink) | |
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
Location: Upper Michigan
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Is this guy currently out on parole?? It would explain even more why she might not be vocal in order to avoid raising his ire and endangering herself.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. |
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02-23-2006, 11:38 AM | #78 (permalink) | |
Sky Piercer
Location: Ireland
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02-23-2006, 11:49 AM | #79 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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then put /sarcasm... otherwise i can't tell sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
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02-23-2006, 11:54 AM | #80 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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I was so busy taking the Domestic Violence perspective on this situation (well, i *do have a social work degree, so that is natural because of my training) That i failed to see how the contract part of this situation could easily be part of a happy and fulfilling relationship between a dom./sub. couple. It surprised me that i didn't at once see how this contract could be used for that purpose.. since i've always been personally interested in dom./sub. roleplay, but i've never been a part of a relationship like that, and do to my own experience limitations, i was blind to that perspective in this. i guess it pointed out to me, how personal perspective and personal experiences truly affect one's social 'filter' of perception. sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
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expectations, pact, repulsive, wifely |
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