Prince

Am I the only guy here who hides his porn from his wife?

I've never asked her if she's okay with my small porn collection. I keep it hidden anyways... I recently bought a dvd or two from eBay, because I'm tired of the same ol' material I have... But now I find myself dreading that the wife will pick up the mail and find it.

I'm not really even sure why. I guess because it's hard to explain to a woman why I enjoy staring at other naked women too.

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Who is John Galt?

Aurakles

...it's called trust and communication, and I know it sounds cliche and trite, but try it; it might just work.

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Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.

Ustwo

I let my wife pick out our porn, much more fun that way.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

la petite moi

You never know- she may be hiding some porn from you! Why not let her in on your little secret next time you're making whoopy?

Brilliant Idiot

I think one of the main problems is that this will trip you up with becoming fully intimate with your wife. When you keep secrets at this level, it's hard to feel as close as possible. One downside of that is that it will affect your sex life. The more open and vulnerable you can be with each other, the more intense your sex life can be.

If you want to start opening up that door, have you tried feeling her out on the quesiton in general. Like start a theoretical discussion? Like asking her, what does she think of married guys who indulge in porn? Or ask her if she ever enjoys looking at other men's bodies? It's a place to start.

Willravel

I threw all of mine out. So did she. My wife can do things that would make Jenna Jameson blush, and I can hold my own.

Toaster126

The interesting question is not why are you hiding porn from your wife. The interesting question is why the fuck are you paying for porn when you have an internet connection?

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Prince

Because I'm tired of downloading a clip that by the name of it sounds good, but then it's someone taking a huge shit, or some swedish ultrahairy guy fucking someone up the arse, none of which are of interest to me.

Also, because ISOs of porn DVDs are hard to find, and I prefer the couch to the computer chair.

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Who is John Galt?

rlynnm

I feel it's important that your wife at least know what you're up to during your downtime. It isn't fair that you're hiding this material from her since I would assume you wouldn't like it either if your wife spent time and money to stare at other men's dicks. At that, why the need to stare at other naked women (that you more than likely wouldn't/couldn't sleep with) when you've got ass 24/7 (I think one of the many many perks of committed relationships)? Do you think there's a bigger issue here?

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

emphant

These people are all giving you very politically correct answers, but they forget this. What if he brings it up and his wife says nope, fuck that, no more porn? Sometimes you just need a quick beat before you go out for the day, or on your lunch break. Your wife isn't there, so porn it is.

I won't lie, the videos are probably a bad idea but if you look at porn every now and then, it's okay, just don't get caught.

rlynnm

So you're saying how his wife might feel about this situation is entirely irrelevant? At that, in hiding the issue in the first place, wouldn't he already be condemning or assuming that his wife may not possibly enjoy it too?? She's already guilty before she even takes the stand.

If a woman decides not to tell her husband that she's going to a party because she assumes he'd say no, wouldn't you agree that would be just a little wee bit fucked up?

The issue here is not the actual porn --it is the dishonesty that is kept up just for this purpose.

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

Sage

rylnnm- are you in a committed long term relationship? Have you ever been?

I don't think that being married/committed means you can "get ass 24/7." Matter of fact, I think that with an attitude like that a man would probably *not* be having sex that often.

I say, bring up the hypothetical situation, test the waters with your wife, then decide what you want to do from there. How long have you two been married?

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ASU2003

I would defiantly want to have a pretty good estimate of how your wife would react before telling her everything. If she isn't approving, it might cause big problems. She might wonder what you are doing all the time, who you are thinking about when you are with her, why don't you like her more than watching 2D images on a screen... You are better off keeping the secret in that case.

Or, she might be accepting, and willing to watch it with you and recreate some scenes.

I would try buying a porn DVD for her, one that is very soft-core. I wonder if they make any movies that would be like Desperate Housewives or Nip/Tuck, with nudity and short sex scenes left in?

rlynnm

I actually have been in a very committed, long term relationship, and I did have sex quite a bit, probably more than I should have

Obviously the ass statement was an exaggeration in terms, the question being asserted was why the need for porn if you are able to satisfy your sexual appetite with your wife (the persom whom you should be sharing such anyway). The question was asked to investigate if there were other issues ensuing.

Again, my issue here is that it is being hidden, which I might have not stated in the best of terms. Why condemn your wife's point of view before you even hear it?

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

Willravel

My wife and I have been together for about 3 years, and both of us get ass whenever we want. Two weeks ago, she called me at work. 15 minutes later we were at home. Not all relationships sizzle out.

Tachion

The other strategy is to collect all the porn you can in hopes of finding your wife in one of them.

Problem solved!

doncalypso

Hmm... Interesting.

I'm currently not married, but while my current girlfriend has seen some of my porn, she has no clue as to the true extent of the size of my porn stash (nor does she need to know).

Let's just say that I have so much video porn burned on CD that I gave boxes away to friends when graduating and I still have quite a few boxes left right now.


Heh heh heh.

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Hardknock

Well, you're just not looking in the right placees my friend!

What you need to do it get yourself a good bittorrent client, get an account on this quality site and download away!

rlynnm

*Whew* thank god I'm not abnormal....well unless you are too will.

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

asshopo

That or newsgroups.. yes, the dreaded newsgroups.. however there is EasyNews and some "erotic" newsgroups with ISOs.



As for pr0n, she doesn't care but I am curtious and don't really watch it when shes around, tho lately she is showing a bit of intrest...

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Patterns have a habit of repeating themselves.

Aladdin Sane

You are not the only one. The difference is that my wife knows about my, let us say, "hobby," she does not like it, but she tolerates it. I've attempted to get her to watch with me, but she won't, she says it's immoral, and that's that. Once I managed to get her to look at some lesbian porn on the computer. She was sitting in the chair and I was behind her with my hands between her legs. I don't think she ever came so quickly in all her life. It was the most erotic thing. Since that time she has never agreed to look at any with me. So I just try to make sure I don't have anything on the screen when she walks by, and she tolerates my fondness for it. It's a kind of truce I suppose.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

xxSquirtxx

Married three years. Young. No kids. Savor that.

Oh yeah....my husband emails me pics of my favorite porn. Anal.

ratbastid

Watching porn with my wife is very fun. Watching porn by myself is fun too. Less fun, but still fun.

I have some porn she hasn't seen. We haven't really discussed it. I imagine that she presumes the existence of porn she hasn't actually seen, but I know it's not a big deal for either of us.

I just got a job writing porn reviews for a new sex blog network that's starting up, so the volume of porn at my house is about to go up dramatically. She's excited about the gig, and also, I suspect, excited about the porn.

Willravel

Actually, I have a 2 year old daughter. She was a pre-preschool program set up for 'gifted' kids (kids who can talk at 2).

xxSquirtxx

Close enough.

I used to think I was busy when my kids were little. Ha! Ain't nothin' compared to when they're teenagers.

Val_1

I was married for a time. It wasn't a happy marriage, though I didn't know it at the time. I hid porn from her. Didn't feel I could tell her about it. After my marriage I had a gf that I actually connected with. She was well aware of my porn and was just fine with it. We would often watch it together. Yeah, that was a much better relationship than my marriage was.

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skier

Maybe you should try to introduce her to it again, aladdin sane. Sort of sounds to me that her actions are speaking differently than her words.

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crow_daw

I also share porn with my girlfriend (serious, long-term relationship), and we have a great time with it, but I realize fully that many people may hold very different feelings toward pornography, so your position isn't a simple one. I must say that I'm a little shocked that porn has remained secret well into marriage, my girlfriend and I broke that seal during the infancy of our relationship. But don't think that I'm passing judgment, I don't intend that in the least.

But it is definitely something that needs to be talked about, in one form or another, because it is my belief that nobody can hide anything forever, and it's always better to bring it up yourself than to be caught in the act. ALWAYS.

You're just gonna have to buckle down and bust it out, my friend.

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"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

d*d

Oh wow thats a whole other thread of discussion right there, I will never stop wanting to look at the naked female form, I don't believe that you are not as close/intimate as you could be by not sharing porn with your wife. Every relationship is different and porn can be a huge issue or a non issue depending on the people in the relationship, only you can judge wether or not this should be something you want your wife to know about at this stage - canvass her opinions on porn first to see what she thinks about it.

AngelicVampire

Wait a gifted child is one who talks at age 2? Isn't that rather late?

On the main topic though, talking things over works well, secrets can often lead to distrust, which can lead to bad mojo (and other things like breakups...).

Sultana

I agree that humans, for some reason, continue to be humans even after getting married...
And if only single guys got porn the industry would take a major hit, LOL.

But I can see a little how rlynnm could question his motivations for *hiding* it. It's a reasonable thing to question, especially since the OP has been married for a while and is still hiding it.

Yes, I can see how this could be/become a problem if the OP is dedicated to having his porn, and the wife saying, "Oh no you don't!", but I guess you really gotta consider if you want to have a life long secret, nagging at the corner of your mind for years, or have the strength to say "Hey, this is want I want to do..." (again, depending on the OP's strength of feelings on the matter).

I do think it's uncool to pre-judge the wife too, you never know (and I have to say I have been guilty of this myself). She may not jump into it enthusiastically, but if you are gentle with her introduction to it (the topic *and* the subject matter), you just might open up avenues you didn't think possible.
And yes, you might get a resounding NO. You may be pressured to give up your collection. Are you willing to consider doing that?

At least she'll likely be relieved you aren't into scat or big hairy Swedes (I think that's what you said) doing whatever...

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At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

rlynnm

Glad you at least see the point I've been trying to make, even a little bit.

The most bothersome aspect of the matter alltogether is the secretiveness and imposed assumptions....

I've got nothing against porn per se, in fact, in times where I wasn't sexually/emotionally involved with someone it has helped..However, when I am in a relationship, I almost automatically direct all that sexual energy to my partner.. Perhaps I'm taking the issue to a personal perspective....

__________________
The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

JumpinJesus

I used to hide the porn because I was certain shesus would get jealous that I liked looking at other people having sex.

Then one day I came home and she asked if I ever looked at porn. I said, "yeah, sometimes." She told me that she found some porn on the computer. She then said, "At first I was mad. But then I got off."

Ever since then, we've looked for porn together. The openness about our sexuality has made our sex life incredible.

Not to one-up willravel or anything, but we've been together 7 years, married 5 and we still have lots of the sex. In fact, if we go more than 2 or 3 days, we get irritable. We've become a lot more experimental with our sex lives and have entertained ideas that we would never have even considered bringing up to each other 5 years ago.

Her finding the porn was the catalyst that brought more open communication to our marriage, making it even better than ever.

It might be worth the risk of letting her know you are a freakazoid.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

PayUp

My wife mails out the check for my playboy subscription.
We look at different stuff together, neither of us have given it any thought. We have even gone to those adult parties where you order some toys.

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Born to Lose.

KungFuGuy

porno is such a cool way to find new maneuvers to try! why hide it?

anyways, if she cares about you then i doubt she'll over-react and tell you to get rid of it. I get the feeling most women already suspect that their s.o.'s look at it. Initiating the conversation about it would be better than her stumbling across it in the mail.

wolf

So long as you're not looking at kids or anything, I doubt she'll really care. She might appreciate it if you shared the wealth.

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clavus

When we were first married, when bought me a subscription to Playboy. Now that we have this newfangled internet thing, I DL movies and we watch them together.

Looking at porn is OK. Getting off to porn all alone is OK. Having a secret life from your wife...not so good.

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snowy

Clavus pretty much summed it up right there.

Shoot, I have more porn that my boyfriend does.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

blade02

I dont know if porn is a secret worth counting as a secret. If someone spends tons of time watching it or lying about it if asked, then I see a dishonesty issue. But if its just occasional browsing I dont see the harm in not volunteering the info.

uptown

I actually prefer porn and self pleasure over partner sex for a ton of reasons and I'm a female. Your wife might not be as shocked as you're thinking she will be.