Friend's Evil Girlfriend - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

crow_daw · 01-04-2006, 02:35 PM

Allright, first off, I'm not entirely sure that this is the correct place to post this because, while it does concern a relationship, it's not my own, it's my friend/cousin/roommate's. So mods, feel free.

That being said, this is something that has been driving me and my other roommates crazy for quite sometime. My friend (heretofore Cuz) hooked up with this chick almost immediately after we moved into our apartment. She seemed allright at first, and in fact we were all for it, because Cuz had never really had a serious girlfriend, although he had had sex.

Then we realized that she was a soul-destroying succubus. I know what you're thinking: You guys are just jealous because this new girl has taken one of your best friends from you. A valid point, I know, and I'm sure it isn't helping anything, but trust me, this chick is BAD for Cuz.

I could seriously go on for hours on this chick's transgressions, so I'll try to be brief while still getting my point across.

1) She has cheated on him. He trapped her in a lie, and she admitted to it finally. Now personally that's my golden rule. Any infidelity and you're out of here, but I know some people are different.

2) She continuously lies to him. There have been countless times where she has told him that she was going to bed, and then the next day he finds out that she was at the club, getting trashed off beers bought for her by horny dudes.

3) She tries to control his life. She commands him to come over, or do this, or do that, or whatever, without ever asking if he has plans, or if he's busy. And naturally, he does whatever she says.

Now she's also a bitch quite often, and she doesn't like his friends (understandably I admit, we hate her.), but those things are common and don't spell the end of a relationship, but I think the above numbered offenses are pretty grave, folks. And the thing is, he's tried to end it before, and when he does, he sees her for what she is at first, but then he lets his grieving and sadness get in the way and he takes her back, every single time.

BUT WAIT......DERE'S SCHMORE!!! Not only does he take her back over and over, but before she will accept him back, she turns it around on him. You believe that shit? He now blames himself for everything she's done to him.

Guys, I'm seriously at my wit's end.

FngKestrel · 01-04-2006, 02:44 PM

Wow, that sounds like a horrible position. I can imagine you and your other friends having to hold an intervention for him. Well, okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but it sounds like he's blind to the facts. I don't know if you've been straight forward with him in saying that she's pushed all of you away and that the consensus is that she isn't good for him. Be honest with him, but be aware of the fact that he might resent you for it.

Willravel · 01-04-2006, 02:50 PM

This happened to my friends, and tus to me, all the time back in HS. I'd just simply introduce my friend to another woman who I'd think he would be compatable with (and who wasnt an emotional vampire). Once he sees that women are not all misery, he could just drop the 'succubus' and everything will be right with the world. Warning, do it casually, and never support him in cheating. This is about what's best for him.

Toaster126 · 01-04-2006, 03:04 PM

There isn't any magic way you can make someone see the light. All you can do is point out that it is there, and let them act as they may. Eventually your friend will realize what you are saying right now, but hammering it into him won't do anything except make him resent you.

Elphaba · 01-04-2006, 03:55 PM

Crow, I detect some elements of narcissism in the gf from the description you gave. We all have some degree of healthy narcissism, but some take those characteristics to an extreme called Narcissitic Personality Disorder. I have no idea whether she is or isn't, but she does seem to fit some of the criteria for NPD.

Quote:

Diagnostic Criteria

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brillance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I have no understanding of her motives in her relationship to Cuz, so please consider this as nothing more than a wild ass guess on my part.

Willravel · 01-04-2006, 04:04 PM

Well narcisistic personality disorder is like many other disorders in that it is improperly labeled quite often. Everyone has a small element of many disorders in them. I have small traces of everything from paranoid schitsophrenia to ocd to disassociative disorder. Of course, I am basically a normal person. Disorders usually are a more deeply rooted and serious problem that will probably require therepy and/or medicine to aid in curing. I suspect that while this girl clearly is narcisistic, she probably doesn't have a disorder. Some people are just jerks.

On the other hand, you could be right, though. As psychology continues to grow, we find that many people go untreated for disorders that could be helped by a professional. It's posible that this girl has developed ncd and could simply not know she has a problem.

maleficent · 01-04-2006, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toaster126

There isn't any magic way you can make someone see the light. All you can do is point out that it is there, and let them act as they may. Eventually your friend will realize what you are saying right now, but hammering it into him won't do anything except make him resent you.

Agreed... He's gotta figure it out for himself - and he will -- eventually...

Elphaba · 01-04-2006, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Some people are just jerks.

Ayup...Willravel speaks the truth

crow_daw · 01-04-2006, 05:04 PM

Thanks guys, for all of your advice thus far.

I know I probably should have said these things at first, but again, I didn't want it to run on forever.....

1) Yes, fngkestrel, I have been straight up with him, we all have. We've told him exactly how we feel about the whole situation, with virtually no effects.

2) willravel, believe me, we've thought of that. But here's the thing, we didn't even have to put the plan into motion, because it almost seemed as if God Himself agreed with us. Check this out. On one of the nights that they had broken up, this girl that Cuz used to mess around with (but whom he hadn't spoken to in over a year) just called him out of the blue and asked to hook up with him the next night. Keep in mind that this happened on the first night that he hadn't been with his girlfriend in no telling how long. Pretty wild coincidence. Well, the next day, he was back with the Succubus, and absolutely refused to even consider the other girl at all. His reason: "I want to be with a good girl." Needless to say, the Succubus is NOT that.

3) Elphaba - While I agree with willravel that we all have a little bit of disorder in us, it's strange you say that, because we have all entertained the notion that she honestly may not be all there. I don't know about NPD, but she definitely has exibited some strange behavior. Sometimes it honestly seems like she really and truly doesn't realize what she has done wrong. And she also seems to like.......I don't know.....revert back to childhood at times. Like she just makes REALLY childish remarks and jokes sometimes and then giggles. And I don't just mean immature, I'm talking like eight-year-old child. It's strange.

I just thought of something else as well. She had sex with Cuz within a week of meeting him, and she cheated on him (Yes, sexual intercourse, not oral or anything) within a couple of months. Yet she claims to have been a virgin before Cuz. Is anyone else's Bullshit-O-Meter going through the fucking roof at that?!? Needless to say, Cuz believes it completely. (FYI, she's not a bad looking girl, so it's definitely not that sex wasn't an option for her)

FngKestrel · 01-04-2006, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crow_daw

Thanks guys, for all of your advice thus far.

I know I probably should have said these things at first, but again, I didn't want it to run on forever.....

1) Yes, fngkestrel, I have been straight up with him, we all have. We've told him exactly how we feel about the whole situation, with virtually no effects.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. At least he knows where you guys stand on the situation.

aphex140 · 01-05-2006, 12:51 AM

Man a hard one

You feel for your friend and want to intervene for his mental health. Been there, tread carefully relationships can warp peoples vision of things you could all end up looking like bad guys while trying to do the right thing.
I know it is hard advice to say do nothing but be there for him when it finally dawns on him, but II would say let him know your thought but do not take any action.
The last thing you want to do is lose a friend over this, either through the 'why did you not tell me' or the i' it is all your fault we split'.
If he knows she has been playing away then advise him what you would do but be careful not to pressure him.

DonovanDuVal · 01-06-2006, 04:03 PM

You've said your piece so now there is very little that you can do. CUZ has to see the light for himself. Or at the very least he has to believe that he is the one in control.

Perhaps play it cool and always keep a smile ready rather than a disapproving head shake and eyes to the sky, whenever the shit hits the fan. When he feels the strain of what sounds like the relationship from hell, give him a knowing (not smug) smile, a nod of the head and a few choice words of reassurance.

When he's at her beck and call make sure that you and your friends are heading for a big night out on the town. Let him know what he is missing. Then for the next few days, or even weeks talk to him about what a great time you had and all the crazy shit that you got up to. Never make nasty or snide comments about his g/f if you have the opportunity, as that could just push him further towards her. But try to show him subtly that there is life after the Succubus.

Focus on the positives in your lifestyle rather than the negatives in his. If he talks about the Succubus don't get overly passionate about it. Just say 'well you know that I don't like her, but it's your life and your choice.'

Maybe even try and be supportive while actually planting seeds of doubt in his mind. 'Maybe you two will work things out, I mean just because she cheated on you doesn't mean that you aren't made for each other.' Be careful with things like that though, you have to be really sincere with what you are saying so as not to arouse suspicion.

Just ideas you might like to try. It would work best if you and your roommates made these slight adjustments to your practises. Sounds like a nasty situation, good luck with it!

Willravel · 01-06-2006, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crow_daw

willravel, believe me, we've thought of that. But here's the thing, we didn't even have to put the plan into motion, because it almost seemed as if God Himself agreed with us. Check this out. On one of the nights that they had broken up, this girl that Cuz used to mess around with (but whom he hadn't spoken to in over a year) just called him out of the blue and asked to hook up with him the next night. Keep in mind that this happened on the first night that he hadn't been with his girlfriend in no telling how long. Pretty wild coincidence. Well, the next day, he was back with the Succubus, and absolutely refused to even consider the other girl at all. His reason: "I want to be with a good girl." Needless to say, the Succubus is NOT that.

I don't know if God was behind that one. The thing is, unless it is really effecting you directly, it's none of yor buisness. I know she's terrible to your friend, and you hate to see that happen, but you kinda have to. If you get to involved in trying to solve other peoples problems, then that in and of itself could become a problem for you. The best way to deal with this is to lead by example. Get a hot, wonderful, kind and faithful gf yourself. Go on a double date so he can contrast and compare. It should be obvious to him, despite the fact that he is clearly infatuated with this 'succubus'.

Zeraph · 01-06-2006, 06:18 PM

You must find the song she has enthralled him with and play it backwards to send her back to hell.

But ya short of being deceptive and manipulative to her to get them to break up, youre kinda stuck untill your friend figures it out himself.

crow_daw · 01-07-2006, 08:21 PM

Donovan, lots of good advice there. Some of it I've tried to put into action, but I mean you know, its hard sometimes to hide my anger towards her treatment of him, but I don't just outright badger him or anything, far from it. I try very hard to make sure that he knows that when I'm giving him advice I'm using only completely objective facts. Believe me, the last thing I want is to push him away.
Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

Get a hot, wonderful, kind and faithful gf yourself.

Check. I've been with my girlfriend for two years now, and we've never had any real problems. Not the perfect relationship, but what is? And we've went out with Cuz and the Succubus before, and Cuz knows that my girl doesn't put me through that shit. Whenever she gets brought up though, what he does is say that he keeps trying with this girl because he wants something like I got, as opposed to realizing that he needs to look elsewhere.

Once again everyone, thanks for all the advice and support.

crow_daw · 01-24-2006, 11:37 PM

Ok guys, I know that this thread seemed to have yielded all of the advice possible, and I appreciate it, but it's time for an update.

Ok guys, I know this sounds mean and all of that, but I'm being totally serious. We alluded to the possibility of this girl being mentally unstable during the course of this thread right? Well, I'm no psychologist (yet anyway, Psyche major though, but that is NOT a proclamation of expertise, not at ALL), but I am now pretty much thoroughly convinced of it. I'll elaborate........

He caught her cheating on him......again. And this time, true to his word, he dumped her. Well of course he's sad and shit, but he stays strong for once. Well, once she realizes that she can't just walk over him anymore, she just loses it man. Listen to what she did and tell me this isn't extremely fucked up: She sent him some text messages telling her that she had taken a lethal dose of medication and was dying (he didn't get the messages til three hours after they were sent). The next day she tells him that she was rushed to the hospital, where her stomach was pumped, saving her life. Well, he finds out from her best friend, in a rather clever manner, that NONE of that is true. NONE OF IT.

Is that not just so fucked up? To play with someone's emotions on that kind of level?

But I'm not done yet my friends. Oh no. She then proceeds to send him many, MANY text and voice messages, because he won't respond/answer. Well, that's not that weird in itself, but the thing is, one text/voicemail would be about how she was gonna fuck this other guy and there wasn't anything Cuz could do about it and how much she hated him, and the very NEXT message would be a proclamation of her undying love for Cuz, and how she can't live without him. What.......the...........fuck!?!?

She then shows up at our fucking house. Beating on the door, will NOT leave, until Cuz talks to her. Eventually he is forced to, and that was all it took. They're now back together. I swear guys, I just don't know. He openly admits that he thinks she's crazy, but yet............I mean, I just don't get it.

I want to mind my own business, but I seriously am becoming worried about his well-being. This chick seems like stalker material, and after the behavior I've seen as of late, I wouldn't put anything past her.

NOW what do you guys think???

Nisses · 01-25-2006, 01:28 AM

I've seen a few similar cases so far,

one with a guy being the victim, one with a girl...

unfortunately, in the end, it's a case by case thing. The guy in the end got the message and dumped her once and for all (still refuses to even speak to her other than a "hello").
The girl is still with the prick.

For both, we did the same thing, help, listen, advise her (even to the point of literally saying dump em, for this reason, this reason, this reason, ...)

In the end, you'll have to make a decision if you're willing to put up with your friend over this shit, and stay his friend, or drop him. You can't change things for other people, only for yourself

edit: what you *could* have done when she was banging on the door, refusing to leave, was call the cops.
Hindsight 20/20 and all that

wisj2 · 01-25-2006, 01:48 AM

Been guilty of similar behaviour myself.

Toaster126 · 01-25-2006, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crow_daw

I want to mind my own business, but I seriously am becoming worried about his well-being. This chick seems like stalker material, and after the behavior I've seen as of late, I wouldn't put anything past her.

NOW what do you guys think???

SEEMS like stalker material?! The texting \ calling and going to the house IS stalker material.

What do I think now? You need to distance yourself from your friend in case stupid is contagious.

martinguerre · 01-25-2006, 11:01 AM

the only part of this situation you can control is how you relate to him.

i'd be at a point where i'd strongly consider reducing my ties with this guy pretty sharply for the duration of the time where he expects to do damn fool things like taking this woman back after such shit.

you can't make them break up. but you don't have to emotionally subsidize the relationship. hard as it might be...you may have to let him hit bottom on this one.

analog · 01-25-2006, 11:08 AM

SUCCUBUS!!

Seriously though, this is a tough place. It's hard, as the friend, to try and make any change here, especially if he really has feelings for her. Really all you can do is be there when he falls and help dust him off and pick himself back up again... EVERY time it happens.

crow_daw · 01-25-2006, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by analog

SUCCUBUS!!

Seriously though, this is a tough place. It's hard, as the friend, to try and make any change here, especially if he really has feelings for her. Really all you can do is be there when he falls and help dust him off and pick himself back up again... EVERY time it happens.

Yeah, man, we have been there for him, but it's just getting old you know. But I ain't about to abandon him or anything.

Once again, appreciate all of the comments. I know this is hard to really respond to, because the fact is, it is just a very difficult situation. But thank you guys.

In response to calling the cops when she was here. I would have, I wanted to badly, but the fact is that we have been in trouble so many times with our landlords, and I know that this is "what they all say", but it has very rarely actually been our fault. I know that our landlords are sick of excuses and frankly, I don't know how they would respond to cops being over here again, regardless of the reason. I really don't. So that's why I didn't call them. I didn't say that in my first post because of length.

NetFreak0485 · 01-27-2006, 08:23 AM

I personally went through the same sh*t..but I mentioned alot of the issue in a previous post I had. I will say this..your friend needs to just distance himself away from this chick. I did when this problem was going on with me & I found someone alot better. If I can do this, so can your friend. If she still pesters him, all he has to do is ignore her a**. Plain & Simple.

punx1325 · 01-27-2006, 01:24 PM

My roommate's gf is pretty bad too. She gives him a bedtime because she has work every morning. Or my favorite...my roommate is not allowed to go out and have fun unless his gf comes too. And if she doesn't want to come out then too bad no fun for my roommate that night. You need to take your roommate out and find him a better girl. She has control over him because he is weak and doesn't want to be alone. The best thing you can do is find him another girl...

Cynthetiq · 01-27-2006, 01:40 PM

Quote:

damn, that must be some good pussy.

that's my usual response to this type of behavior.

rlynnm · 01-27-2006, 02:29 PM

My best friend was in a similar predicament --not exact but somewhere near the same type of girl... I became his strength through the whole ordeal..and that's all you can do for your friend--make sure he knows the facts and everytime he gets weak, give him a good smack upside the head... No seriously, nothing you say will make him see things until he sees things for himself. This will take time, and a lot of patience on your part.

On a good note, my best friend eventually got over it, he's a lot stronger, a lot more aware and a LOT less stupid.....

Just don't give up on him that's all...

crow_daw · 01-29-2006, 01:41 PM

Allright guys, how about this? I definitely have my apprehensions about it, but I mean maybe it could work....

My other roommate's mom seems to think that we should tell Cuz that we don't want her over here anymore, at all. The desired outcome of course, would be that if it's that much harder for them to see each other, then it will eventually dissolve what pathetic excuse for a relationship they have left.

Now I realize the potential for disaster that we have here. We obviously don't wanna like, piss him off and push him away, but I mean hell............desperate times call for desperate measures.

But also, we seriously do not want her around us anymore. It's not just her relationship with Cuz that we want to end. We're not comfortable with her being in our house, because she has been very vocal about her hatred for us, and after the things I've seen her do, I wouldn't put anything past her, and we just don't feel comfortable at all with her being around anymore.

Nisses · 01-29-2006, 01:45 PM

In my opinion, that could only feed a sort of feeling of "it's them against us" in your pal and the gf/super-pussy/stalkster, which might actually strengthen their "pathetic excuse for a relationship".

but that's just me.

Martian · 01-29-2006, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crow_daw

Allright guys, how about this? I definitely have my apprehensions about it, but I mean maybe it could work....

My other roommate's mom seems to think that we should tell Cuz that we don't want her over here anymore, at all. The desired outcome of course, would be that if it's that much harder for them to see each other, then it will eventually dissolve what pathetic excuse for a relationship they have left.

Now I realize the potential for disaster that we have here. We obviously don't wanna like, piss him off and push him away, but I mean hell............desperate times call for desperate measures.

But also, we seriously do not want her around us anymore. It's not just her relationship with Cuz that we want to end. We're not comfortable with her being in our house, because she has been very vocal about her hatred for us, and after the things I've seen her do, I wouldn't put anything past her, and we just don't feel comfortable at all with her being around anymore.

He's not going to take that well. You're giving him an ultimatum (us or her) and that's going to make him feel trapped, pressured and persecuted.

So, you have a choice to make. If you tell him that she's no longer welcome in your home, you need to make sure the reason you're doing it is for your own well-being. If he's continually bringing her around despite your misgivings, then you need to decide whether his welfare or your own is more important to you.

Me, I'd do it anyway. Explain to him that while he's free to date whomever he should like, you do not get along with this girl and that you're just not comfortable having her in your home. Try not to disparage her and try not to guilt him for wanting to be with her; he's made his choice, you're going to abide by it. However, there is a situation brought on by that which is unacceptable to you and it needs to change.

Whether or not that will cause him to ultimately break up with her isn't for me to say. It's really dependent on him.

rlynnm · 01-30-2006, 12:23 PM

Your solution may seem as if it'll break them apart, but it might do quite the opposite. They may feel a further need to defend their relationship and continue justifying it to others. Hence, exercise caution if this is what you are planning to do cause there's big potential for it to get worse.

01-04-2006, 02:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Friend's Evil Girlfriend Allright, first off, I'm not entirely sure that this is the correct place to post this because, while it does concern a relationship, it's not my own, it's my friend/cousin/roommate's. So mods, feel free. That being said, this is something that has been driving me and my other roommates crazy for quite sometime. My friend (heretofore Cuz) hooked up with this chick almost immediately after we moved into our apartment. She seemed allright at first, and in fact we were all for it, because Cuz had never really had a serious girlfriend, although he had had sex. Then we realized that she was a soul-destroying succubus. I know what you're thinking: You guys are just jealous because this new girl has taken one of your best friends from you. A valid point, I know, and I'm sure it isn't helping anything, but trust me, this chick is BAD for Cuz. I could seriously go on for hours on this chick's transgressions, so I'll try to be brief while still getting my point across. 1) She has cheated on him. He trapped her in a lie, and she admitted to it finally. Now personally that's my golden rule. Any infidelity and you're out of here, but I know some people are different. 2) She continuously lies to him. There have been countless times where she has told him that she was going to bed, and then the next day he finds out that she was at the club, getting trashed off beers bought for her by horny dudes. 3) She tries to control his life. She commands him to come over, or do this, or do that, or whatever, without ever asking if he has plans, or if he's busy. And naturally, he does whatever she says. Now she's also a bitch quite often, and she doesn't like his friends (understandably I admit, we hate her.), but those things are common and don't spell the end of a relationship, but I think the above numbered offenses are pretty grave, folks. And the thing is, he's tried to end it before, and when he does, he sees her for what she is at first, but then he lets his grieving and sadness get in the way and he takes her back, every single time. BUT WAIT......DERE'S SCHMORE!!! Not only does he take her back over and over, but before she will accept him back, she turns it around on him. You believe that shit? He now blames himself for everything she's done to him. Guys, I'm seriously at my wit's end. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

01-04-2006, 03:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	There isn't any magic way you can make someone see the light. All you can do is point out that it is there, and let them act as they may. Eventually your friend will realize what you are saying right now, but hammering it into him won't do anything except make him resent you. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

01-04-2006, 05:04 PM	#9 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Thanks guys, for all of your advice thus far. I know I probably should have said these things at first, but again, I didn't want it to run on forever..... 1) Yes, fngkestrel, I have been straight up with him, we all have. We've told him exactly how we feel about the whole situation, with virtually no effects. 2) willravel, believe me, we've thought of that. But here's the thing, we didn't even have to put the plan into motion, because it almost seemed as if God Himself agreed with us. Check this out. On one of the nights that they had broken up, this girl that Cuz used to mess around with (but whom he hadn't spoken to in over a year) just called him out of the blue and asked to hook up with him the next night. Keep in mind that this happened on the first night that he hadn't been with his girlfriend in no telling how long. Pretty wild coincidence. Well, the next day, he was back with the Succubus, and absolutely refused to even consider the other girl at all. His reason: "I want to be with a good girl." Needless to say, the Succubus is NOT that. 3) Elphaba - While I agree with willravel that we all have a little bit of disorder in us, it's strange you say that, because we have all entertained the notion that she honestly may not be all there. I don't know about NPD, but she definitely has exibited some strange behavior. Sometimes it honestly seems like she really and truly doesn't realize what she has done wrong. And she also seems to like.......I don't know.....revert back to childhood at times. Like she just makes REALLY childish remarks and jokes sometimes and then giggles. And I don't just mean immature, I'm talking like eight-year-old child. It's strange. I just thought of something else as well. She had sex with Cuz within a week of meeting him, and she cheated on him (Yes, sexual intercourse, not oral or anything) within a couple of months. Yet she claims to have been a virgin before Cuz. Is anyone else's Bullshit-O-Meter going through the fucking roof at that?!? Needless to say, Cuz believes it completely. (FYI, she's not a bad looking girl, so it's definitely not that sex wasn't an option for her) __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

01-05-2006, 12:51 AM	#11 (permalink)
aphex140 Psycho Location: northamptonshire	Man a hard one You feel for your friend and want to intervene for his mental health. Been there, tread carefully relationships can warp peoples vision of things you could all end up looking like bad guys while trying to do the right thing. I know it is hard advice to say do nothing but be there for him when it finally dawns on him, but II would say let him know your thought but do not take any action. The last thing you want to do is lose a friend over this, either through the 'why did you not tell me' or the i' it is all your fault we split'. If he knows she has been playing away then advise him what you would do but be careful not to pressure him. __________________ Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila. [/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]

01-06-2006, 04:03 PM	#12 (permalink)
DonovanDuVal Crazy Location: UK	You've said your piece so now there is very little that you can do. CUZ has to see the light for himself. Or at the very least he has to believe that he is the one in control. Perhaps play it cool and always keep a smile ready rather than a disapproving head shake and eyes to the sky, whenever the shit hits the fan. When he feels the strain of what sounds like the relationship from hell, give him a knowing (not smug) smile, a nod of the head and a few choice words of reassurance. When he's at her beck and call make sure that you and your friends are heading for a big night out on the town. Let him know what he is missing. Then for the next few days, or even weeks talk to him about what a great time you had and all the crazy shit that you got up to. Never make nasty or snide comments about his g/f if you have the opportunity, as that could just push him further towards her. But try to show him subtly that there is life after the Succubus. Focus on the positives in your lifestyle rather than the negatives in his. If he talks about the Succubus don't get overly passionate about it. Just say 'well you know that I don't like her, but it's your life and your choice.' Maybe even try and be supportive while actually planting seeds of doubt in his mind. 'Maybe you two will work things out, I mean just because she cheated on you doesn't mean that you aren't made for each other.' Be careful with things like that though, you have to be really sincere with what you are saying so as not to arouse suspicion. Just ideas you might like to try. It would work best if you and your roommates made these slight adjustments to your practises. Sounds like a nasty situation, good luck with it! __________________ "I've been Donovan DuVal. Take care of yourselves, and each other."

01-04-2006, 02:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
FngKestrel Junkie	Wow, that sounds like a horrible position. I can imagine you and your other friends having to hold an intervention for him. Well, okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but it sounds like he's blind to the facts. I don't know if you've been straight forward with him in saying that she's pushed all of you away and that the consensus is that she isn't good for him. Be honest with him, but be aware of the fact that he might resent you for it.

01-04-2006, 02:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	This happened to my friends, and tus to me, all the time back in HS. I'd just simply introduce my friend to another woman who I'd think he would be compatable with (and who wasnt an emotional vampire). Once he sees that women are not all misery, he could just drop the 'succubus' and everything will be right with the world. Warning, do it casually, and never support him in cheating. This is about what's best for him.

01-04-2006, 04:04 PM	#6 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Well narcisistic personality disorder is like many other disorders in that it is improperly labeled quite often. Everyone has a small element of many disorders in them. I have small traces of everything from paranoid schitsophrenia to ocd to disassociative disorder. Of course, I am basically a normal person. Disorders usually are a more deeply rooted and serious problem that will probably require therepy and/or medicine to aid in curing. I suspect that while this girl clearly is narcisistic, she probably doesn't have a disorder. Some people are just jerks. On the other hand, you could be right, though. As psychology continues to grow, we find that many people go untreated for disorders that could be helped by a professional. It's posible that this girl has developed ncd and could simply not know she has a problem.

01-06-2006, 06:18 PM	#14 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	You must find the song she has enthralled him with and play it backwards to send her back to hell. But ya short of being deceptive and manipulative to her to get them to break up, youre kinda stuck untill your friend figures it out himself.

01-24-2006, 11:37 PM	#16 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Ok guys, I know that this thread seemed to have yielded all of the advice possible, and I appreciate it, but it's time for an update. Ok guys, I know this sounds mean and all of that, but I'm being totally serious. We alluded to the possibility of this girl being mentally unstable during the course of this thread right? Well, I'm no psychologist (yet anyway, Psyche major though, but that is NOT a proclamation of expertise, not at ALL), but I am now pretty much thoroughly convinced of it. I'll elaborate........ He caught her cheating on him......again. And this time, true to his word, he dumped her. Well of course he's sad and shit, but he stays strong for once. Well, once she realizes that she can't just walk over him anymore, she just loses it man. Listen to what she did and tell me this isn't extremely fucked up: She sent him some text messages telling her that she had taken a lethal dose of medication and was dying (he didn't get the messages til three hours after they were sent). The next day she tells him that she was rushed to the hospital, where her stomach was pumped, saving her life. Well, he finds out from her best friend, in a rather clever manner, that NONE of that is true. NONE OF IT. Is that not just so fucked up? To play with someone's emotions on that kind of level? But I'm not done yet my friends. Oh no. She then proceeds to send him many, MANY text and voice messages, because he won't respond/answer. Well, that's not that weird in itself, but the thing is, one text/voicemail would be about how she was gonna fuck this other guy and there wasn't anything Cuz could do about it and how much she hated him, and the very NEXT message would be a proclamation of her undying love for Cuz, and how she can't live without him. What.......the...........fuck!?!? She then shows up at our fucking house. Beating on the door, will NOT leave, until Cuz talks to her. Eventually he is forced to, and that was all it took. They're now back together. I swear guys, I just don't know. He openly admits that he thinks she's crazy, but yet............I mean, I just don't get it. I want to mind my own business, but I seriously am becoming worried about his well-being. This chick seems like stalker material, and after the behavior I've seen as of late, I wouldn't put anything past her. NOW what do you guys think??? __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

01-25-2006, 01:28 AM	#17 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	I've seen a few similar cases so far, one with a guy being the victim, one with a girl... unfortunately, in the end, it's a case by case thing. The guy in the end got the message and dumped her once and for all (still refuses to even speak to her other than a "hello"). The girl is still with the prick. For both, we did the same thing, help, listen, advise her (even to the point of literally saying dump em, for this reason, this reason, this reason, ...) In the end, you'll have to make a decision if you're willing to put up with your friend over this shit, and stay his friend, or drop him. You can't change things for other people, only for yourself edit: what you could have done when she was banging on the door, refusing to leave, was call the cops. Hindsight 20/20 and all that __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

01-25-2006, 01:48 AM	#18 (permalink)
wisj2 Tilted Location: Oklahoma	It's an age old problem... Been guilty of similar behaviour myself.

01-25-2006, 11:01 AM	#20 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	the only part of this situation you can control is how you relate to him. i'd be at a point where i'd strongly consider reducing my ties with this guy pretty sharply for the duration of the time where he expects to do damn fool things like taking this woman back after such shit. you can't make them break up. but you don't have to emotionally subsidize the relationship. hard as it might be...you may have to let him hit bottom on this one. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

01-25-2006, 11:08 AM	#21 (permalink)
analog Banned	SUCCUBUS!! Seriously though, this is a tough place. It's hard, as the friend, to try and make any change here, especially if he really has feelings for her. Really all you can do is be there when he falls and help dust him off and pick himself back up again... EVERY time it happens.

01-27-2006, 08:23 AM	#23 (permalink)
NetFreak0485 Upright	I personally went through the same sht..but I mentioned alot of the issue in a previous post I had. I will say this..your friend needs to just distance himself away from this chick. I did when this problem was going on with me & I found someone alot better. If I can do this, so can your friend. If she still pesters him, all he has to do is ignore her a*. Plain & Simple.

01-27-2006, 01:24 PM	#24 (permalink)
punx1325 Junkie Location: San Diego	My roommate's gf is pretty bad too. She gives him a bedtime because she has work every morning. Or my favorite...my roommate is not allowed to go out and have fun unless his gf comes too. And if she doesn't want to come out then too bad no fun for my roommate that night. You need to take your roommate out and find him a better girl. She has control over him because he is weak and doesn't want to be alone. The best thing you can do is find him another girl... __________________ If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

01-27-2006, 02:29 PM	#26 (permalink)
rlynnm Psycho Location: so cal	My best friend was in a similar predicament --not exact but somewhere near the same type of girl... I became his strength through the whole ordeal..and that's all you can do for your friend--make sure he knows the facts and everytime he gets weak, give him a good smack upside the head... No seriously, nothing you say will make him see things until he sees things for himself. This will take time, and a lot of patience on your part. On a good note, my best friend eventually got over it, he's a lot stronger, a lot more aware and a LOT less stupid..... Just don't give up on him that's all... __________________ The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know. Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

01-29-2006, 01:41 PM	#27 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Allright guys, how about this? I definitely have my apprehensions about it, but I mean maybe it could work.... My other roommate's mom seems to think that we should tell Cuz that we don't want her over here anymore, at all. The desired outcome of course, would be that if it's that much harder for them to see each other, then it will eventually dissolve what pathetic excuse for a relationship they have left. Now I realize the potential for disaster that we have here. We obviously don't wanna like, piss him off and push him away, but I mean hell............desperate times call for desperate measures. But also, we seriously do not want her around us anymore. It's not just her relationship with Cuz that we want to end. We're not comfortable with her being in our house, because she has been very vocal about her hatred for us, and after the things I've seen her do, I wouldn't put anything past her, and we just don't feel comfortable at all with her being around anymore. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

01-29-2006, 01:45 PM	#28 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	In my opinion, that could only feed a sort of feeling of "it's them against us" in your pal and the gf/super-pussy/stalkster, which might actually strengthen their "pathetic excuse for a relationship". but that's just me. __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

01-30-2006, 12:23 PM	#30 (permalink)
rlynnm Psycho Location: so cal	Your solution may seem as if it'll break them apart, but it might do quite the opposite. They may feel a further need to defend their relationship and continue justifying it to others. Hence, exercise caution if this is what you are planning to do cause there's big potential for it to get worse. __________________ The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know. Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.