Dizzet

Okay here it goes... Just had to let this out and maybe get some comments on what to do...

Well i have this huge crush on a girl i know. Well I have known this girl all my life but we have never been freinds or anything we just knew each other... then a year ago she left denmark to work in france.

Then she came home to denmark to visit at X-mas and new year and we where at this party and we talked a lot and it where when I first started to have feelings for hear... Well some time goes a she writes to me from france and then we just began writing to each other...

Then she moved back to Denmark a couple of months ago and at a party. The partying was kind of wild and I where having a good time... Well the most of the night this girl slides her hand a cross me every time she walk by me sliding hear hand over my chest or lower back... Well i thought this was a good sign and I told her what I felt about hear.

Well I think it was because of the heavy drinking at the party she maybe thought this was a joke and she laughed and said that it was something she had to think about well maybe it wasent the best time I could have decided to ask but seriusly i couldent stand it anymore I had to know...

Well the next day I felt really dumb asking hear at the party so i wanted to show hear that I meant it... So I send hear roses with the note that i meant everything...

Then a couple of days later she called me and said we had to arrange a meet so we could talk...

Well I got to hear place same day after soccer practice... And we have this long talk where she tells me that she havent been thinking of me as in the way of hooking up with me and that she is so sorry because i did so much out of it and that she wants some time to think it over... Well i tell that i just took the chance so she shouldent be sorry and that im not trying to force her to do anything... well she tells me that she was flattered by the roses and we just have to see what happens...

Well a long time goes and we are still freinds and we where on holliday together this summer... But then this weekend i where to a graduation party and she was there to and it was great time and then at night i began dancing alot with another girl that i know... And then later at night one of my freinds says that the girl I have this crush on have been checking me out when i was out dancing...

Well now i dont know if I should ask hear for an update on hear fellings of me or if i still just should wait and see what happens... But i still have feelings for hear but if i only can be freinds with her then its the way it should be

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Glory's Sun

Just relax and let things unfold as they will. She already said she didn't think of you in the "hooking up" sense. If that changes you'll know.

Jinn

Women (girls in this case) are very complex beings. They can "not want to be with you" but still be jealous if they see you with another girl. Contrary to LOGICAL deduction, her being jealous does not equate with wanting to be with you. Her "not wanting to hook up with you" attitude still stands, no matter how much you wish her "checking you out" had changed it.

And although English is likely not your first language, it is "her", not "hear." Sorry, but it felt like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

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fhqwhgads

If there was a girl that you had feelings for, and she sent you roses with a note telling you that she felt the same way, you'd be all over it. I doubt the words "I need time to think about it" would ever come out of you mouth.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes people want to turn someone down, but not hurt their feelings, so they use softer language... they say "I'm just not ready", or "I like you, but..." or "Let me think about it." They aren't interested, but they don't want to be an asshole and say "I don't want to date you."

The problem is, when they aren't definitive, and they use the softer language, they kind of string you along. You end up thinking that there is still a chance, when there really isn't. Then you start looking for signs that she really *does* care, because you want to hold on to hope.

Move on, my friend. She's either turning you down and trying not to be cruel about it, or she's playing some kind of game with you that you don't want to be involved in.

Dizzet

Well no im not that good at english

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Dizzet

Thanks guys... it really helps letting it out here on TFP

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match000

Yeah. I don't think I was cruel when I told the girl that liked me straight up that she wasn't my type. She got the message, and I didn't "string her along" at all. Although she clung to hope still, and never did get over me... but that's something else altogether

healer

I've been in similar situations in the past and I've found that the best way to get the answer you want is to ask in a manner that doesn't give her any "wiggle-room". By that I mean that if the first answer you get is unsatisfactory, ask again until you get a yes or no. And if you get a maybe, assume it's a no and tell her to let you know if things change somewhere down the line. There's nothing worse than waiting.

Now for the ladies out there reading this, please take note. If you tell a guy maybe or you'll think about it, he's always going to think he has a shot. The best way to give him the message is to tell him straight in no uncertain terms. Don't be cruel or ugly about it, just be honest and firm.

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Heavy

I think you messed up in telling her in the first place. Nobody likes to be asked to commit without coming to that conclusion themselves.

I know you didn't ask her to commit...but you left her no choice other than to say she felt the same way or to try not to hurt your feelings.

Then you send roses, I'm sure she liked them but it also asks for something in return in this situation.

Advice?

Don't ever bring it up again. Act totally cool around her and just be friends. Make sure you see other women too as this will make her want to spend more time with you.

Start spending time with her regularly, with increasing frequency.

Ask her to hang with you, give her plenty of notice so she can't avoid it. Make sure you do something FUN, not romantic.

Wait around a month before doing anything else. Do this a couple of times. As time goes on you can see her more frequently.

Don't be too nice, she knows how you feel. You definitely don't want to get pegged as a "friend" or you can never recover.

Just make sure you are nice, cool and play it loose. Since you already know her I think this is your best chance.

If you were just meeting her you could be a little more direct.

Just be sure to evoke slight jealousy every now and then. Don't call her very often. If she calls you make sure not to answer every now and then so she has to leave a message.

You might eventually cause her to want to be with you.

woody18228

Heavy, very well put, I think that's a perfect idea.
Essentially, there's a reason some guys get more girls, they do things like what heavy suggested....spilling out your feelings is not always the best move.
It's not real easy to learn/understand it but people are more complex than turning on/off feelins.

Camstyn

Don't put yourself too deep into the "friend zone" because once you're in there is almost no chance of getting back out. If she will date someone else while you are there being her friend at the same time you've essentially blown it. Realize that it's never going to happen because you can't make someone love you. If you can get over your feelings for her and just be her friend then that's great but if you're going to be constantly wishing she'd get over her current boyfriend and realize why you're so much better for her, it's best to stay away because you're just going to be torturing yourself. Take it from me, it took me 5 years to figure that one out and I just nailed that coffin shut recently.

The.Lunatic

She's nuts go get another girl then when she can't have you she'll want you!

Then you can see her on the side.

Looking forward to the I can't decide which girl i want thread in 4-5 weeks

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World's King

Do you have a big dick?

If so.

Slap her with it in the forehead.

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Lasereth

Sounds like a shit sandwich to me. I ask my GF questions about females all the time. She says that if a girl ever says anything like "I need to think about it" or "I really like you but I don't want a boyfriend" then it's just another way of saying, "no thanks." I've had people around me date girls that said things like that. They even keep it up saying that "they really like the guy." Then after a few days it's basically game over, I hate you.

Of course, if the girl really was "checking you out" at the party then ya never know. I don't really know why I'm talking because girls are completely idiotic about dating most of the time. If a girl doesn't like a guy, she should say so IMMEDIATELY if he acts interested in dating. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING worse than being led on. The assholes get the girls and the nice guys finish last. That's the only advice I can give.

-Lasereth

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