Scabs the Clown

I think that overall she has just lost something off her sex drive. Trying to talk to her about it hasn't gotten me too far because as I said in the other thread, she just gets defensive and talks about me "wanting it every night" and that she can't/won't do that. Of course that's not what I'm talking about. I don't know, maybe it's me. I've gained 20 pounds since we have been married (now 6'1", 203#) but I don't think I'm that repulsive yet.

tres

I can definetly relate to the "you want it ever night" argument/defense, maybe try eating properly and a little gym workout #1 for yourself #2 maybe show her you care.. I dunno.

How is she about HER body?

__________________
"Its better to be hated for who you are, then loved for what your not" --Van Zant

"Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."

danny_boy

Hey all,

Well,

problem 2 of mine is solved. She has started to initiate, and I at first questionned it, but its all good now. I know she loves sex like I do, but she was a virging when she met me, and very timid. She is still experimenting. I'd say I ate her out 60-70%of the time we fooled around. A few weeks ago, she shaved completely bald, and when I ate her she said she had entirely new sensations, and now she practically shoves the beautiful pink mummy daddy button in my face..love it!

I think our communication is amazing, and they key to any problem in a long term relationship. Things were always amazing with us, and now that our 2 issues are being successfully dealt with, it can only get better.

Scabs the Clown

Funny you should mention a little gym workout. I started doing some running last June and except for illness and injury I have kept it up and part of my motivation is to try to get in better shape for her. I also ride bicycle to work (a 20 mile round trip) 2-3 days a week when it isn't too cold (I live in Wisconsin). My goal for this year is to average at least 1 mi/day running (365 miles for the year) and to ride bicycle 1500-2000 miles so I'm trying. (Boy is that off on a tangent from the opening post.)

My wife has lost weight since we were married, even after having 2 kids. She's about 5'4" and 110# now and although I often tell her how great she looks (and she does) I think she has issues with how she perceives her stomach, which hasn't been the same after having the kids. It looks fine to me though. I don't really get the impression that her lack of interest in sex relates to her body image though.

Well, that's certainly more about me than anyone here wanted to know. We'll just have to work things out. There are guys out there worse off than me so I know it could be worse.

ibis

Woman show it in different ways.

I've found that when my ex would want to cuddle, she really wanted more.

My 2cents

Acetylene

Scabs, you might need to find out WHY she can't/won't have sex every day. Frankly, I'd be surprised if any man DIDN'T want it every day. I might not choose to give it on any given day, but I would never categorically refuse. It sounds like she either thinks it is somehow wrong to have this level of sex drive, or that it is unreasonable for you to be asking for it so often when you know she'll refuse. You want to make sure it's not the former, because that is important--she can't be thinking that a normal sex drive is "wrong", for both your sanity's sakes.

If she is just thinking you are uneasonable, find out why. Is she too busy/tired? Make her life easier! Pick up take-out (HEALTHY food) on the way home, find a babysitter, and promise to wash the dishes--then invite her to make love during her newfound free time. She will enjoy the break from the daily chores!

It's really good that you are staying in shape, and that will definately help. But keep in mind that her sex drive is not really all that dependent on your appearance--if she wants to make love to you, she will think you are hot stuff. If she doesn't, then she won't. With me, if I'm feeling normal, Kel looks smokin...if I'm horny, I can't even be in the same room with him if I need to do anything other than jump his bones. If I'm mad/tired/sick, well, I don't really care what he looks like, nothing's gonna turn me on. Just trying to make you feel better--it's not that she thinks you're ugly

__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.

Scabs the Clown

Thanks for the comments guys and gals. We talked about this a little this weekend and my wife admitted that she doesn't initiate sex much, but that was as much as she would say. She didn't get into the reasons for that. She did start some fun on Sunday night so maybe she will pay more attention to that in the future.

Ibis, you may have hit on something my wife does a lot. She doesn't give me any clues as to what she wants (or even that she wants it) and it is up to me to figure it out. Now sometimes I get it right and everything is fine but often I don't and that doesn't help her mood. I've told her there is nothing wrong with her letting me know what she wants and when she wants it but for whatever reason (embarrassment maybe) she never tells me.

Acetylene, I‘m not sure she thinks a normal sex drive is wrong (although that is possible), it's more that she doesn't seem interested in any thing unconventional regarding time, place and style. It's pretty much conventional sex, at night, in bed, before going to sleep for her. She is usually tired at night and in bed by 9:15 so that pretty much rules out sex during the week for us.

I help out a lot with meals, dishes, laundry and everything else already but even if I did more so she had more free time she wouldn't think about having sex then because sex is something you do in bed before going to sleep. Having two teenagers in the house, who would probably be aware of what we were doing, may be part of her reason for not wanting it earlier in the evening.

Sorry to hijack this thread whoever started it.