brusus

Well hi everyone,
this is like part two of my story which was beginning with the thread at http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=75269

It's now a little less than a week since she left. I think this was the most horrible week in my life. Allthough I have spent much time with friends and had some fun, everytime I get all alone I start to cry for her.
Almost all things I see and think are somewhat related to her. I still love her - perhaps even more then before. I am pretty sure that I need her back, allthough I know that this isn't the best thing to do

Actually I don't know how to get on without her. I have never realized how much I need her to get happy. In this week I have barely smiled or laughed (normally I do that all 5 minutes or so ...) and drank/smoked much too much in this time.

I had no contact for the last 6 days to her. Some days ago her mother called me and asked me how she felt because she couldn't reach her by phone ... damn she got nerves.
Today I wrote her a sms with a content like

She didn't answer till now. I guess her cellphone is switched off or battery is empty.

Out of a mood I took a long walk today and walked over at her flat and saw that her boyfriend was at home already (lives very close to her) but her room was dark. I get pretty mad when I imagine both of them together - and I hate myself for that. Damn I'm screwed

Well now here's my question: How can I win her heart back? Or somehow get along with my situation. Luckyly I have some friends to talk about this.
Some friend said that each breakup has a certain ammount of tears to cry for. It's the best to spend them as fast as you can to get over it.

My Head says 'let her go' but somewhat the heart can't tell this my heart

Any good advice for a broked hearted guy?

doncalypso

I dunno what to tell you, man.... From my personal experience I'd say that once a relationship is over it's pretty much over. If you guys get back together the odds are that the issue(s) that drove you apart will surface again and will ruin things for you.

In all honesty, I think you need more time to recover and move on. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with people who love you and care for you (i.e. your true friends and family) so they can support you during this time.

Also, take the opportunity to immerse yourself in new hobbies: learn to play the piano or the guitar; take horseback-riding lessons; teach yourself how to do web program in JavaScript and write web pages using HTML; take Kung-Fu, Karate, or Taekwondo lessons. Don't sit around and beat yourself over this relationship... get out there and do something.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

CityOfAngels

Ugh. I'd like to say, "Just forget about her, man," but then I'd be a big-time hypocrite. I'm in the same situation; where everyone tells you that the best thing to do is move on, while you just can't get it out of your head that you two were made for each other. I have two answers for you:
1) Forget about her. She's not right for you and you two broke up for a reason.
2) Never give up.
I know, each answer contradicts each other, but that's the thing: It all comes down to you, and what choice you decide on. No one can dictate who you give your love to except you, and maybe that's what you need to learn; you can't dictate who she gives her love to.

Bah. Confusion; sadness; loneliness...don't let it get to you. Do what you love to do. I love playing basketball, so that's what I do every chance I get.

__________________
The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

dksuddeth

why would you beat yourself up by walking over to her place? Granted, getting over it is not easy, but damn dude. If she's already seeing someone else then take the time you need to grieve, but start the road to getting on with YOUR life.

TM875

Yea, I'd love to tell you to just "forget about her", but I can't in good conscience do that. I broke up with a girl a while ago, have had several other realationships in that time, but I still really can't get over her. That's partly because of how coldly she treated me, partly because I found out that she had been lying to me. But that's another story.

Here's a few helpful ways to get over it faster:

1) Part of the hardship of a breakup is the feeling that no one loves you. So, first, get really really drunk. Whilst drunk, most inhibitions will disapper, and you're be more honest with yourself and everyone else. It'll give you the feeling that everyone loves you - it'll make you very warm and happy. Vodka is your friend.

2) Tell her how you feel. Make sure she knows why she's a bitch - especially if you know that it's not your fault.

3) Give up on this 'winning her heart back' stuff. She left you. That meas that, in some part of her mind, she was tired of you. It will only lead to more heartbreak for you in the future if you get her back.

In summary: Get really, really drunk...tell her to fuck off... leave her be.

__________________
"I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

Bill O'Rights

Listen to your head. Let her go. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, but trust me on this one...it will get better. What you're going through is normal, and we've all been there, at one time or another. The only thing that you can do is wait. Time is the only thing that can mend a broken heart.
Don't go to places that you used to go to with her...it just brings up memories. Memories are not your friend right now. Later maybe, but not now. Find new things to do. Maybe meet some new people. Anything that you can do to keep your mind off of it. After awhile, you'll find yourself in a position to say; "Hey! Screw her! I don't deserve to be treated like that." And...life moves on. Good luck.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

filtherton

Hey, don't get drunk. Problems go away forever when you deal with them. They only go away for a little while when you get drunk. When you sober up, you're back at square one probably with less money, possibly fewer friends and maybe an std .

First off, though it sucks, you need to visualize yourself without this person. Then you need to visualize yourself being happy without this person. It will be difficult or maybe impossible at first. Give it time. Take a break from romance. Sleep around, if you can do it responsibly. Remember that you survived x years without this person and that you can survive indefinitely without her. Figure out how you can be single and happy, because you will never be able to hold down your side of a healthy relationship if you aren't comfortable with the idea of being alone(ironic, huh?). It is less than ideal to put your capacity for happiness in the hands of another person. Love should be voluntary. Loving someone because you need the happiness that they provide is different than loving someone because they make you happy.

brusus

well actually to complete the story: were together now - again
i've visited her after a very hard week and she felt the same and told me that she was such an asshole. In the last days she had realized that she needs me that much. So she broke up that new relationship and we'll spend the next days at my flat. Thanks very much for the help you all provided. I think the writing over the relationship here helped me somehow to get some thoughts straight.