Tex

So I've been talking to this girl who has developed a pretty big crush on me. I, however, don't have the same feelings for her that she has for me. She's cute and all, but I just can't help but seeing her as nothing more than a friend. We both kind of flirt with each other, and while talking on the phone the other night, the topic of oral sex came up. Basically, she's put the offer on the table and we've "tentatively" set it for tomorrow. I'm having alot of second thoughts about it though. I think one of my best qualities is the fact that I'm not one of the guys that will have sex with anyone or go out to parties looking for nothing except getting laid. I feel sex is best when you are in a relationship and the closeness of it actually has some meaning. So here I am, one day away from a situation where I could possibly be doing something that I have so vehemently opposed all my life. Casual sex. Mind you, it's not casual sex in it's purest form (because she is my friend and I've known her for a while) but it still feels like it. I would be doing it for the pleasure, and nothing else. There would be no relationship. No connection. Nothing. I would even go so far as to say my actions would be of a hypocritical nature. Yet, I'm having a hard time calling the whole thing off. The allure of getting oral from this girl is intense. Sometimes I think to myself that when I'm 50 I'll look back and wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I was 19 and past up that BJ to that cute girl. Shrug. I don't know what to do.

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"All I know is that I know nothing..."

skier

You have 3 options.
One, call it off and save yourself for a future girlfriend

Two, Enjoy the blowjob, but understand you're leading this girl on. You already said she had a huge crush on you. If you let things get sexual with her, she'll think she's got a chance with you.

Three, get in a relationship with the girl to give the sex "meaning"


My opinion on the whole thing is that sex isn't as special and meaningful as you think. You're degrading casual sex as an activity on the whole because it doesn't contain the closeness that it has when you are in a relationship. Well newsflash; the meaning and closeness you seek from relationship sex is already there before you get it on with your girl. The sex is just an activity that allows you to express that meaning and emotional closeness in a very tangible way.

Just because this girl isn't a long term significant other does not mean that the sex will be anything other than fantastic, nor will having casual sex corrupt this other form of sex you hold in high regard. It's just lacking in the emotional bond that you feel with a significant other (which is in place before you have sex).

Right now you seem to be weighing the pleasure you want to recieve with what you think are the questionable ethics of casual sex. That to me is not the hard issue here. All you have to do is make a decision on which you want to do. The thing i'm having a problem with is this bit:

She wants to further the relationship between you two. For me, her offer of a BJ means she wants to take your relationship to a sexual level- what she hopes will be an emotional level. There is no such thing as no strings attached. By accepting her offer, you'll be leading her on, manipulating her. It WILL get wierd, it WILL mean the friendship is over. She'll either become a fuck buddy, drift away after a few months, or be your girlfriend. But the whole mutual aquantainces thing will be over. I've been in this situation, and i've seen it before. My best buddy went through the same thing and tried to stay friends with the girl- i've never seen a more akward relationship in my life. I guess that's all i have to say.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

boredom

Go with door number 3 you might actually develop feelings for her. At the end you might end up with her as a FWB. If you are really adamant, just go with door number one, just beware of the evil issues hiding behind door number one!

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Cop: Uh, no sign of him, Chief.
Wiggum: Princess Opal?
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Burke and Major Dad.
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lunchbox

skier makes a lot of great points. My personal opinion however is a bit different from where he seems to be going. I think you have to try everything. I'm the similar to you in that I couldn't just go find some random girl and hook up. I'm also in the same age range as you, being 18. I think after looking back on, although short, my memorable life there are a lot of things I could have done that I regret not doing.

You don't know what casual sex is like until you've done it. You can't know what you're missing you can't know what's on the other side of this situation wtih this girl. If you go through life not wanting to hurt or be hurt you're going to end up much worse.

so in short i leave you with the famous words of Jonathan Larson (R.I.P.) "No day but today."

xpendable

was that pun intended ?

KirStang

Holy cow, i completely missed that...Funny

But, back on to the subject, i'd say to wait. Unless you think that you guys can actually become something serious, i'd say to not do this. What you are doing, in essence is leading her on even more. After this BJ, she'll just want more of you, or at least a little devotion from you.

If you're not interested in her at all, or hardly interested, i'd say to not get tangled in this web.

Frowning Budah

Better to kick yourself for passing it up than kick yourself for being an ass hole and taking advantage of a Friend.

MSD

Women can tell use they want to be "just friends," there's no reason that we can't throw it back at them every once in a while.

You don't really want to do this, but you're subconsciously giving in to a cultural sterotype that refusing sex makes you less masculine or a wuss. If it isn't right for you, don't do it. I'm all for free love andd sexual expression, but if you don't want to do it, don't let anyone else make you feel bad about it. You're sending her the wrong signal by accepting the offer, and it's a whole lot easier to undo not hvaing done it than it is to undo having done it. If you don't want to commit to "no" right now, tell her you though about it and you're not sure, maybe some other time.

f6twister

If you don't have the feelings now, you are better off not going through with the oral sex. Yeah, you will be missing out on something every guy wants, but if you get head, where will you be afterwards? Once she finds out that you don't want a relationship, do you think she will still want anything to do with you? If there is a chance that your feelings will change later, be her friend and only her friend for now and act on your feelings if and when they change. I'm usually not one to discourage oral sex but I wouldn't risk losing a good friend in exchange for a sex act.

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skier

i can't believe someone caught it. A gold star for you!

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

DelayedReaction

I wouldn't go through with it. I recently ended up in a similar situation (granted it was without the offer of oral sex), and you don't want things to get into a place where they shouldn't be. For you that means calling it off, being honest about what you feel (and DON'T feel), and letting her see how things are. If you're not attracted to her, you're not attracted to her.

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If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.