xjumper84

Here is the situation, there is a girl down the hall from me who has told me that she doesn't want to date me right now cause she wants to get to know me better, as we are good friends.

My neighbor who is kind of a 'friend' *who has been a major asshole to all of his friends during the past few weeks, and is burning bridges with all of those around him* is now trying to hook up with the girl from above.

What is your recommendation to tell him to bug the fuck off? Even though he claims he doesn't want to get with her, but yet at every chance he gets he sleeps in her bed?

KirStang

Don't give this guy any of your 'social benefits' (ie don't tell him about/invite him to party). And find another girl.

Church

I think you need to talk to the girl in question here. She doesn't seem to be turning him away, so I have a feeling its not entirely his fault. Just tell him how you feel about it.

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chickentribs

If she's not your girlfriend, what's happening with them isn't really your business. Sorry, but she knows how you feel about her, so it is up to her at this point. Depending how close you are to this guy, you could have a man-to-man and let him know you have feelings for her and ask him to step aside. But it doesn't sound like you would do that for him - so I doubt "asshole" would be interested in walking away from what is at least apparently a steady place to be at night for him?

Don't waste effort that could be used on a hundred other girls waiting for your sweet, sweet lovin'! Her loss.

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Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

curious george

What does this mean? He's shagging her?
So, you're cheesed that he's shagging your girl?
Find new girl, and what chickentribs said. meh.

xjumper84

what i find interesting is this..

he was helping me get with her from the beginning, but now that he knows the ball is in her court, and he seems to making it his job to get with her... and its bothering me.

yakimushi

Plenty of fish in the sea. This one sounds like too much trouble.

Untitled

I love slang. This is the best sentence I have ever read

And on topic: if she IS sleeping with him, and still telling you she wants to get to know you better before dating.... then mayhaps this is not the type of girl you really want to be with?

theburner

Dude.. I don't care if this bird looks like Jordan.. Run like your ball hairs are on fire.

Quick Recap:
1) You like her, and have made your intentions known.
2) She says "I like you, but want to get to know you better"
3) She is sleeping with some other dude.

Unless one of your fantasies is to be degraded and treated like crap, I don't see this as benefitting you in any way.

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Take Off Eh!

Locs

If he is sleeping in her bed literally, than they might just be buds. IF you mean is hitting it...then you are shit outta luck.

The thing to remember is...its HER choice, not yours. Dont act like you are in Jr high telling your buddy "I saw that girl first". "Calling It" only worked in Elementry School.

jenjen

I hate to say this, but sometimes if a "nice" guy who I'm not really into in the boyfriend-kinda way wants to date and I feel too bad to just give him a total no, I'll say something like "how about lets be friends first...". That looks like what she's doing...if I were you I'd look elsewhere for a girl. Who knows? Maybe if you go out with another girl and she doesn't see you as being available for her choosing, she may come chasing after you instead.

combatmedicjen

Translation: "I don't want to date you but I feel bad telling you that."

Trust me, I've used the "I don't want to date you yet; I want to be friends first" line on several guys I'd never actually date to keep from hurting their feelings. It sounds a lot nicer than, "No, I don't like you like that at all. I could never date you, but I still want to be friends."

Since she's not your girlfriend, she has a right to "get with" anyone she wants, and you have no right telling this guy to bugger off. What they do is between them. I'd move on. Find someone who reciprocates your feelings

cmc

Ah ... how easy the world could be - would be if we spoke the simple truth directly to each other.

As in, 'Hey I hear you're interested in me. I am appreciate you telling me that. Perhaps you think you've even got romantic / partnership feelings toward me. If so, again, I feel flattered. Is that what you're telling me ?'

< You answer, either YES or NO. As in NO, I just like you as a friend. Or YES, I really want to put this relationship into high gear>

The other person then says, 'now that you feel I understand you, I want you to understand me. I don't have those feeling with/ and or toward you. Period. Therefore, 'WE' can't be having a REAL romantic relationship because we both don't have romantic/partner feelings for each other. ( Finish with) I want to be platonic friends with you, but that's all. Please let me know if you are interested in being platonic friends, if you will. BINGO - 'know the truth and THAT truth will set you free' !

< No ambiguity, no dished feelings for finding out later the other person didn't trust enough to be simple, directly and personally honest with you.>

Just clarity, honesty, and peace of mind. FYI - that is how I handle it, and yes, I've been on the receiving end of such a conversation too. It hurt for about 10 mins. Not 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months or 10 years or worse.

AND - each time I've said or heard those words, I felt a divine reassurance that my day would come, and that I would be REWARDED for being direct, gentle and honest. Sign me, been there, done that, have too many T-shirts. Good luck !

Slims

she isn't your girl. You have no right to tell him to fuck off, but you can distance yourself from him.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

JustDisGuy

I echo the sentiments of all who told you to leave her alone and look elsewhere.

No offense, but if you have friends 'helping you get' girls or take that 'let's just be friends' shit and keep coming around, whether you are or not you appear to the woman involved to be a huge pussy and they won't ever want to date you. You'll generate an 'eeewwwww' response instead.

As a side benefit (perhaps) if you appear disinterested, you may even pique her interest. Good luck with that.

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"Act as if the future of the universe depends on what you do, while laughing at yourself for thinking that your actions make any difference."

guthmund

You could continue to be her "friend," shower her with attention, hope she notices you're the "nice" one and watch your shithead neighbor bang away on her while she consistantly denies you.

Or....

You could tell them both to piss off and jerk one in your room.

I'd choose the latter. Where it's going is inevitable. The second one is less aggravating; plus, it's good for your prostate. So, there you go

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mandal

you really need to be clearer on your situation. At this point you're most likely going to be getting random advice that probably has nothing to do with your situation. Clarify if you want real advice.

gentlesoul43

I think you mean that he likes to hop on her bed and make-pretend to be hanging out there like its their favourite hangout place. Some assholes are like that, and technically, since they aren't shagging the girl, they think its ok and their conscience is clear. And deep inside, its an ego booster for them, cause they're further in the game than you are. And its as if the girl is a willing party cause they havent even professed to like the girl.

Its sad for me to say that in my teens, I have had lots of friends who are like such assholes. Don't give them the satisfaction of telling them to fuck off. Thats going to make him feel even bigger cause it means his meaningless actions have an effect on you.

IMO, just cause she wants to be friends doesn't mean you don't have a chance. Since you've already told her you like her.. why not continue the pursuit until you get a definite yes or no? I prefer to crash and burn knowing that I've done all I can, than to walk away pretending to be clutching some bits of dignity.

A good friend once gave me a good piece of advice.. "when you play football, do you play to win... or do you play to not lose?"

Ian G.

Yup. Continue to hang out with her, but date other girls. She may get jealous and pursue you. By then, you might even be tired of her and liking the other girls better. So it's a win-win situation for you.

And it's her business who's in her bed, not yours.

coash

Don't got AFC, NEXT her