ilovemybindings

I have been dating this incredible girl for 7 months now, and we've pretty much lived together since day one. I know this sounds a little strange, but you have to understand the connection and I had when we first met was immense. We lived in a small town where there isn't much to do, and both of us were a distance from friends. It caused problems, and we argued a lot. I've always been a guy of one night stands and treating women like shit, but with her she was my world. I loved her in a way I never thought I would allow myself to. But at the same time, I was constatnly afraid I was going to lose her, and it made me act as I would have in the past, ending the relationship, only with her I would realize the mistake I had made and we'd kiss and make up. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't all me... she has her problems too, and for some reason she loves to fight. And every two months or so, she gets it in her head that she doesn't want what we have and just instantly up and leaves me, no explanation. But she always comes back within the next few days. I love this girl so much, and I have worked on my fear of losing her and havent freaked out and ended the relationship in a long time, but she left me the other day. I am tryign to walk around with my head held high and not seem upset about it, but inside it's killing me. Not being able to kiss her, or sleep next to her, or brush her hair when she gets out of the shower hits me so hard, in a way I never thought it would. But at the same time, and I can't go talk to her about it, because she is so introverted and afraid to express her real feelings. So my questoin is, when she tries to come back to me again, what do I do? Is it worth the nights of getting screamed at for 2 hours over this stupid little shit, or am I hanging on to something that I should be letting go of. I know everyone says only I can answer this question, but I can't. I've never loved anyone before, and I don't know how relatonships are supposed to work. Is fighting this common... are breakups this common between two people. I'm so lost.

bscox00

Um, to put it succinctly, no. It is not worth this.

I am getting divorced because of this very situation - my wife loved to fight. She would scream, yell and throw things. I'd just sit there and take it all. Basically, this is emotional abuse, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.


Do you want to live every day of your life afraid of when she'll go off next? Do you want to hate going home? I began to hate the drive home from work.

At what price do you put happiness?

And here is a tip - after a while, there will be no make up. There will be no forgiving each other. She'll scream, and that'll be alright for her to do.


I know you love her. I love/loved my wife. I just couldn't take it any more. Time to move on.

MageB420666

I'll have to agree with bscox, you should definitly end that relationship permanently.

__________________
Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

bscox00

I'm not saying your emotions are wrong or that you shouldn't feel the way you do.

I think you're afraid you'll never get another woman. At least that is what I was afraid of.


However, no woman, no matter how good she COULD be to you is worth how she DOES treat you.

ShaniFaye

I've been with Dave for a year, we have never had one fight or argument, and I've only gotten my panties in a bunch with him twice...both for the same thing...he was out of town working on a job with a buddy that drinks WAY to much when they are on the road and he didnt call when he said he would (sounds silly I know) but he ALWAYS called when he said he would...anyway I got worried and the "mommy" in me came out and I gave him a good talking too.....I have never ever ever loved anyone the way I love him but I can tell you that if he treated me like your girl is treating you...he'd have been out the door real quick.

She is showing no respect for you or the relationship. Ask yourself if you deserve to be treated that way (I would think the answer would be no) and if you conclude that you dont...then you know what you need to do. You're not a emotional punching bag, dont let yourself be treated like one.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

bscox00

One of the first things I did after I finally split with my wife was to have the holes in my walls repaired. Trust me. Things can escalate.

Here is a question to ask yourself - if she starts out thinking this behaviour is acceptable, what is next?

BCD

Life is too short to deal with this drama. I have been married for more than seven years and have probably only argued with my wife three or four times. I attribute this to the fact that we are both mentally stable, have complimentary personalities, and respect each other. I do not understand why anyone would want to invest so much energy to fix a tumultuous relationship when they aren't married, don't have kids, have been dating a limited amount of time, and have been fighting consistently throughout that time (i.e., it wasn't one big fight over an isolated incident). There are too many other people out there to put up with this. I know you love her, but trust me: you will eventually find someone - small town or not - that will be much easier to love and be around. Sounds like you are trying to fit a round peg into a square whole with this one. Good luck.

YaWhateva

I would say before you let it go, have a huge talk with her and see what the fuck is up, if you are that crazy about her. If not let her go.

__________________
“If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again.” - Bill O'Reilly

"This is my United States of Whateva!"

chickentribs

I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I, like bscox, just left a long term relationship (7 yrs). There may still be a little bitterness involved in our answers to you about not letting yourself fall into a bad situation. Personally, I looked in the mirror one day and realized I had made so many compromises to try to keep someone with a volatile personality happy - that I had lost most of the things that make me so damn cool!

Go find someone who makes your life a little bit better - not a lot harder.

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

Redgirl

Now you say yourself you've never been in a real relationship before, bindings? Well this may be the kind you are attracted to. I've known people who thrive on drama and if they find someone who doesn't create it they get bored and move on. So I will say generally speaking most people don't have relationships like this, however there are those out there that will continually repeat the cycle because they like it. They will tell you they don't like it, and bitch and moan about the drama in their lives, but in actuality they crave it.

So you really need to ask yourself to what kind of women are you generally attracted? If they're normally the drama queens, and you have fallen hard for this particular drama queen, then I would say it's worth it for you to just stay on with this one. But if you don't usually go for this kind of girl then maybe you need to take a breather from her and see what else is out there.

__________________
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

ilovemybindings

You are all right, and I want to thank you for helping me out. I did sit down and have a talk with her about this, and lo and behold she tweaked out again, to the point that the neighbors called the cops. That was it for me. We're seperated for good now, and I will not go back. I must say its so nice to go home after being out late.. or just go home in general, and not stress about getting my head taken off about some stupid little thing. I don't walk on egg-shells anymore, and it has made me so much more relaxed. It does get to me sometimes, being alone in the bed that we used to sleep in together, but I know that there are "more fish in the sea". My friend asked me whether or not it was her that I missed, or the cuddling and kissing that I missed, and I honestly think that I miss the attention, not her. She made my life so stressful, and now that I realize that its not something I should have to put up with, I will move on. I just hope that we can stay friends. Thanks again guys... I think its great that I can come here and get a totally un-biased opinion on the subject.

hossified

why would you want to stay friends with someone who treated you like shit?? Congrats on breaking up etc....and your paragraph there was very self esteem boosting...and powerful, until your i hope we can be friends comment. Screw that dude...the chick is psycho....and I'll bet you in 3 or 4 months she'll be calling you up to say she is sorry and misses you and will change. Be strong and stay out of that rut dude.....

SilverScooter

(man, i've been looking for somewhere to make my first post all morning!)
here's the deal, and i'd like to think i know something about these long, smooshy relationships, because that's all i've had. first, let's talk about my experiences for a quick second. i met a girl in my freshman year of high school (i know, i know; but don't peg my situation as puppy love just yet) and she moved away at the end of the year, we decided to stay together and were happily (or so i thought) intact until the beginning of junior year. then she pulled something on me where she just went off on little shit that was building up and, more or less, dumped me for the first guy that payed attention to her in the new town she moved to. currently, i'm dating a girl and have been for the past 7 or so months (coincidence?) and having known her and having been friends with her for a hell of a lot longer than the first girl, it's incredible. i'm doing the ldr thing (i'll save that can of worms for another post) and we're both extremely happy.

ok, bottom line (provided you guys are still there). girls think a lot more than they talk, which is sometimes hard to believe. but they have qualms about the relationship and their future with you, any further commitment plans, etc. and you need to unearth those things before they all come out at once. with girl number 1, i thought i loved her, and told her ad nauseum; eventually i just figured out that she wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while when she exploded on me. girl 2, on the other hand, tells me what scares her and what worries her and it makes us a lot closer to have that outlet to each other.

my suggestion, don't allow yourself to put up with more than you're willing to deal with. you can fall in love again (and if what you have now isn't love, you won't figure it out until you actually do) and you can keep on keeping on. between girlfriends i had a year of self-searching to do, i didn't think i'd feel that way again, but lo and behold: life goes on. if think you still have something, talk to her, get her to tell you what scares her and goddamnit, make it better.

the best of luck to you.