Mantus

Masturbation is a complicated issue and one that is very rarely discussed in detail. So I would care to break the ice and attempt to really explore the concept. I decided to split this into a two part series. Part one will explore the mishaps and concerns about masturbation while part two will explore the benefits of the act.

Masturbation is generally good for you. Yet from my experience there are also allot of pitfalls involved. I think the greatest mistake any one could make is to take masturbation for a trivial act. The way you masturbate can drastically change your sex life and the way you think about yourself and your partner. So I figure it would be constructive to analyze our personal playtime experiences and give advice on what to avoid and what to do better.

So share your experiences, things you learned, things to read, things to avoid or just random musings on the negative aspect of the self-pleasing act. If there is one thing I have learned over time is that every one has very different sex lives. Instinct, physicality, habit, thought and spirituality all have strong impacts on a person’s sexual behavior. All I hope to achieve by posting my own perspective of masturbation and having other people post theirs is to encourage people to really explore their sexuality and hopefully find their own answers. I’ll begin,

From my own experience these are some of the problems I have encountered.

- It can become a habit. This is rather problematic in my view because I believe that sexuality deserves thought and attention. Sometimes I find myself jerking off not because I am horny, but simply because it is that time of the evening. In the past I had trouble going to sleep if I didn’t do it before hand.

- When it becomes a habit you start thinking about it less and simply acting on instinct. It’s: load porn – whack off – clean up – and you are doing something else 10 seconds later. There is no contemplation of the act and it becomes almost asexual.

- One of the worst side effects of the experience mentioned is a massive diminishing in the quality of orgasm. It came to a point where I would no longer climax after relieving myself simply because I was so used to whacking off just to cum rather then to enjoy myself. Yes guys, we are able to have spectacular orgasms.

- Another poor side effect is the dreaded loss of lust after ejaculation when you are with a partner. This obviously happens because your body and mind are used to moving on to other things quickly.

- Yet another side effect that comes with a developed habit of masturbation is the urge for instant sexual satisfaction. When you are around a girl and you get turned on your body habitually expects gratification. When this doesn’t happen you suffer the usual side effects of breaking a habit such as agitation and depression. This is often very distressful for girlfriends.

- Masturbation sections often begin with a naughty thought. An interesting side effect of this is the urge to play with yourself after having sex. When you finally get home and think back on the wonderful evening you had you suddenly feeling like jacking it despite the fact that you are totally spent in that department.

- It has become almost impossible for me to climax from receiving oral sex. Despite the fact that I enjoy it in every way it just never does it for me. Though hand jobs get me off a little too fast. I suppose this is because my body is too used to receiving “rough” stimulation.


The cure. The problems mentioned above can be fix. The first thing to realize that your personal sexual life is very closely tied to the sexual life you have with your partners. I began by giving allot of thought to my idea of sexuality and relationships. I realized that I greatly veered away from my standards and my convictions. I started paying attention to my thought process. I was absolutely shocked at my ability to have a hand down my pants while reading about politics! Obviously my instincts had me by the balls.

I faced my demons with porn. I still look at it. But now I don’t just glance at it. I actually look at the girl, look at her eyes, her skin and her shape with my minds eye. I find beauty in those women now where I used to see only my lust. I no longer masturbate to porn.

I learned to enjoy my arousal rather then look at it as an annoyance. I do my best not always respond with physical stimulus but rather entertain myself with further sexy thoughts.

I just started this a month ago. Making up my own rules as I go along. I can’t expect to set myself right in a month after many years of disregard to my sexuality. I am already feeling better about myself thought, more my own man.

I will add more as I find time to write.

Cheers.


Your turn people,

hy_

very well written, had a great read. thanks!

DelayedReaction

I don't seem to be doing very well in the relationship department, and I tend to use that as an excuse to masturbate often. For me it's become less of a pleasurable experience and more of a habit, which is definitely on the wrong side of how things should be. Right now I'm in college as an engineering major, so masturbation isn't really unexpected.

The problem as I see it is that I think my body is becoming TOO used to the feeling, and that's not good. I love making my partner (rare though they are) feel very good, but when reciprocation comes around I am typically frustrated. I think a lot of it is a result of inexperience and uncertainty with my partner, but it may also be because my body is conditioned.

Your post has made me think a lot about what I'm doing to myself and my body. Maybe it's time to adjust things a bit.

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If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.

SecretMethod70

Interesting post, with some good points. One thing I'd like to point out:

This is a biological response. Men are biologically designed in such a way that post-ejaculation they become more tired and disinterested. Women, however, become more engaged. Hence the stereotype of women wanting to talk after sex and men wanting to go to sleep. Men are biologically interested in planting seed, women are biologically interested in securing a supportive father.

Maybe THAT'S why I can't keep my hands off my girlfriend!!!

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Le temps détruit tout

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mrbigdog

liie the rest sad good read you really put some things to think about in it when i was doing it alot the only problem i had with it was it made me think less of my wife it was like i could get off better with a porno then i could with her but as soon as i slow down it really help out alot

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ibis

You know, I've never thought of that. Good point.

After reading your post I've got to thinking... I cannot come during sex with a condom on. I bet the reason this is is because, like you said, I'm used to the rough stimulation.

Interesting.

Thank you for sharing.

Hrothgar

Not entirely true. The mind could be willing but sometimes the body is not able.
After orgasm and ejaculation, most males are unable to have another orgasm for a period of time. This refractory period depends on age (younger men can need only minutes to fully recover and older men may need an hour or more) and differs widely between men.

Plus masturbation is great for your physical well being. My urologist recommended it to keep my prostate in tip top shape.

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The fortunes of war favored Hrothgar.

Mantus

I realize that I have made a mistake in my original post and made myself sound like I actually know what’s good for other people. Obviously every one is unique when it comes to sexuality. So I have added a bit of a “disclaimer” to the third paragraph.

SecretMethod70 and Hrothgar,

Absolutely true. I realize that there is a natural physical response involved when it comes to the lost of erection and lust after orgasm. Yet in the past I used to be able to keep my erection for a limited amount of time after ejaculating. More so I used to have no trouble staying active and regaining my refection a five minutes later. Over the years this stopped. I know that the reason this was happening to me was because of all the things I have mentioned above. There was hardly any emotional base to my sexual act and it was driven mainly by habit. Now I am almost back to my formal glory

wilbjammin

I generally agree with Mantus.

I think he's started to get at a larger issue that I perceive which is that masturbation can become a self-negating abstraction exercise.

The proliferation of porn allows us to turn off our minds, and particularly our emotions and let this abstract, self-distancing experience become habit. I have looked at porn, and occassionally I will at porn again to see what I'm missing. The problem with porn isn't that it is people having sex, there is inherently no problem with this. The problem is that they're putting on a show for a consumer. When I sit and watch pornography, I see people having sex for superficial reasons and it really creates a disconnect emotionally. Instead of it inspiring feelings of love or anything mildly spiritual, it becomes about power. This becomes even more pronounced in porn with many men having there way with a woman or with several women serving a man. The negative language towards women really kills it all for me, the second I heard that "yeah, fuck me, bitch" and things like that I just turn it off. I want to feel like I'm asserting life with my sexuality, not male-dominance and objectification. What am I if I objectify myself?

How can sex have meaning if we habituate ourselves to self-objectification?

I've noticed that this is also turns sex into a performance. Instead of it being about being with someone you love, we don't seem to care about that anymore or even realize our obsession with it. We worry about how large our penis is, breast size, how hard you came (did you cum?), etc. This information isn't as important to the relationship as it is for satisfying personal ego. Look at how many people are bent out of shape about not being able to please their partner, or how much they brag about being amazing lovers. If sex is really viewed as an experience to be shared with someone that you care about, and you don't worry about how you're performing but you do pay attention and work with the person you're will, then it will be good. We end up worrying way too much, and it is because of our views about masturbation, watching porn, and the pervasive attitude and linguistic norms regarding sex in our society.

By approaching masturbation as something other than a performance, but as a way to really delve into the feelings you have within you and using masturbation as a way of expressing this - then you will be able to approach sex with this same kind of attitude. This is somewhat analogous to de-programing, but really it just amounts to being aware and allowing sex to be more than merely physical.

I could probably say more, but I won't. I have a feeling I'll have to do some clarifying after I post this, and I'll focus on that first.

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fearwall

When you put that much thought into masterbation, it's probably a sign you are doing far too much of it.

If you have to stop and think "am I doing something too often", then you most likey are.

MSD

It helps to cut it down to once or twice a week. It feels better, and you don't get as desensetized (that means your penis needs a break.) If you slow down and don't grab it like you'd grab a rope tied to a helicopter that's flying you over an active volcano, it also contributes to the sensetivity.

Then again, I'm not having any sex that will be diminished by whacking off, and I don't have anyone from who I would want instant satisfaction.

Polyphobic

No matter what, I only get it once a week. My wife's sex drive is diminished by drugs she is taking for her bi polar problem. Even normally (once a day) I need to masturbate. I'm a 3 times a day guy and she's a once a day lady. However, I can see how it would cause issues in certain people. Thank goodness it doesn't with me.

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<--The great infidel-->

Kurant

I do it because I love to nut, no other reason

My wife knows it, she accepts it, and were both 3 times a day kind of people. She does it too, and it's perfectly fine with me.

todd

Glad I (subconciously) cut back on the wacking lately.

dancergirl

Wow I wish my guy would read this. I dont think that he thinks of it as a problem, but all of those thoughts have gone through my mind before, and we have been together for a long time so I wouldnt want anything to get screwed up because of it. The porn subject has already taken its toll on our relationship in the past. I just wish I could be inside his mind for one day to figure out what the hell he is thinking and if there is anything to worry about. Thanks for the info.

prefect

Agreed, 100%. My gf and I will watch porn, but I've taken a sabbatical (sp?). I realised that I was becoming less sensitive, and it was being more of a tool than something I enjoyed. Like I would use it to releive stress, or when I "wasnt getting any", or just when I had a hardon or found some good porn.
Masturbating every once in a while is healthy, as it sustains your levels of DHP. DHP keeps your body in tune sexually as well as physically. Too much of it, however, and your hair can fall out. You can get too much of it by having a horrible diet (key example: my gf had french fries from mcdonalds like every other day)
But doctors recommend a healthy amount of masturbation being no more than three times a week. My recommendation, under my own experiences, is if your partner is putting out, then save it, you will be happier in the end.

ManWithAPlan

you're telling me.... sometimes i've started when i wasn't even fully awake yet.... (no joke)

that's my fear too. Also, i don't really use lube so i guess the skin on the tip of my penis has hardened a bit from friction, making it less sensitive.

The thing about porn is, atleast with me, it's like drugs.. you keep getting harder and harder because it gets boring.


but women do say they wish men would last longer in bed..

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