Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Masturbation part #1

wilbjammin · 07-21-2004, 08:39 PM

I generally agree with Mantus.

I think he's started to get at a larger issue that I perceive which is that masturbation can become a self-negating abstraction exercise.

The proliferation of porn allows us to turn off our minds, and particularly our emotions and let this abstract, self-distancing experience become habit. I have looked at porn, and occassionally I will at porn again to see what I'm missing. The problem with porn isn't that it is people having sex, there is inherently no problem with this. The problem is that they're putting on a show for a consumer. When I sit and watch pornography, I see people having sex for superficial reasons and it really creates a disconnect emotionally. Instead of it inspiring feelings of love or anything mildly spiritual, it becomes about power. This becomes even more pronounced in porn with many men having there way with a woman or with several women serving a man. The negative language towards women really kills it all for me, the second I heard that "yeah, fuck me, bitch" and things like that I just turn it off. I want to feel like I'm asserting life with my sexuality, not male-dominance and objectification. What am I if I objectify myself?

How can sex have meaning if we habituate ourselves to self-objectification?

I've noticed that this is also turns sex into a performance. Instead of it being about being with someone you love, we don't seem to care about that anymore or even realize our obsession with it. We worry about how large our penis is, breast size, how hard you came (did you cum?), etc. This information isn't as important to the relationship as it is for satisfying personal ego. Look at how many people are bent out of shape about not being able to please their partner, or how much they brag about being amazing lovers. If sex is really viewed as an experience to be shared with someone that you care about, and you don't worry about how you're performing but you do pay attention and work with the person you're will, then it will be good. We end up worrying way too much, and it is because of our views about masturbation, watching porn, and the pervasive attitude and linguistic norms regarding sex in our society.

By approaching masturbation as something other than a performance, but as a way to really delve into the feelings you have within you and using masturbation as a way of expressing this - then you will be able to approach sex with this same kind of attitude. This is somewhat analogous to de-programing, but really it just amounts to being aware and allowing sex to be more than merely physical.

I could probably say more, but I won't. I have a feeling I'll have to do some clarifying after I post this, and I'll focus on that first.

07-21-2004, 08:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	I generally agree with Mantus. I think he's started to get at a larger issue that I perceive which is that masturbation can become a self-negating abstraction exercise. The proliferation of porn allows us to turn off our minds, and particularly our emotions and let this abstract, self-distancing experience become habit. I have looked at porn, and occassionally I will at porn again to see what I'm missing. The problem with porn isn't that it is people having sex, there is inherently no problem with this. The problem is that they're putting on a show for a consumer. When I sit and watch pornography, I see people having sex for superficial reasons and it really creates a disconnect emotionally. Instead of it inspiring feelings of love or anything mildly spiritual, it becomes about power. This becomes even more pronounced in porn with many men having there way with a woman or with several women serving a man. The negative language towards women really kills it all for me, the second I heard that "yeah, fuck me, bitch" and things like that I just turn it off. I want to feel like I'm asserting life with my sexuality, not male-dominance and objectification. What am I if I objectify myself? How can sex have meaning if we habituate ourselves to self-objectification? I've noticed that this is also turns sex into a performance. Instead of it being about being with someone you love, we don't seem to care about that anymore or even realize our obsession with it. We worry about how large our penis is, breast size, how hard you came (did you cum?), etc. This information isn't as important to the relationship as it is for satisfying personal ego. Look at how many people are bent out of shape about not being able to please their partner, or how much they brag about being amazing lovers. If sex is really viewed as an experience to be shared with someone that you care about, and you don't worry about how you're performing but you do pay attention and work with the person you're will, then it will be good. We end up worrying way too much, and it is because of our views about masturbation, watching porn, and the pervasive attitude and linguistic norms regarding sex in our society. By approaching masturbation as something other than a performance, but as a way to really delve into the feelings you have within you and using masturbation as a way of expressing this - then you will be able to approach sex with this same kind of attitude. This is somewhat analogous to de-programing, but really it just amounts to being aware and allowing sex to be more than merely physical. I could probably say more, but I won't. I have a feeling I'll have to do some clarifying after I post this, and I'll focus on that first. __________________ Innominate.