Spidey

Now i am currently in a spot of bother and i hope a female member of the community can help me here.

Would you flirt with a very close friend, even though you know the other person you are flirting with has feelings for them.

And would you play footcy with them?

I'm currently in this situation and its really starting to affect the way i work. I see her 3 times a week and we've been friends for a while now. I've been very good too her (your typical nice guy) and she also knows that i have feelings for her. I've told her about this ages ago so its no secret. But anyways we would sit in the lecture theatre and her feet would come towards mine and she'd starts rubbing her feet up and down and her toes be constantly pressing up and down on mine.

Now being it this position i'm not complaining (for now) but what makes it even more complex is the fact she had broken up with her boyfriend and in the process of seeing another. So do girls do this as a thanking thing? or as some sort of i want you to stick around just incase things fall through with the new guy.

Cause quite honestly its driving me nuts. Everytime i try to get over my feelings this happens. And i have talked to her about it but she continues to do it.

Can someone enlighten me to whats going on, cause i'm really stumped. (kinda hard asking for advice seeing as i'm generally the one giving it hehe)

Thanks

Averett

I've never done that. I'm not affectionate unless I'm interested in the person.

You need to lay it down to her. "Listen, you're making me uncomfortable. You know I have feelings for you, and if you're just toying with me I don't appreciate it."

Something like that....

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

curious george

Sorry, I'm not a chick, (but people used to think I was gay), my 2c:

She may be a nice girl, but I don't think she sees you as any kind of future 'boyfriend appeal'.
Maybe as some kind of big brother/friend type thing, but no more. If she does, it sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too.

Keep it as friends, but unrequited love is the worst kind of mind****, keep-you-miserable-and-forever-hanging-on kind of love.
Been there, done that. We are still friends, but really just friends. I'm not still ga-ga over her.

I have assumed that in all of this that you want something more from her than just friends and you are single? Ya?

You've got to get over her. Sooner the better.
She will not change her mind for you in the long term, and you; like I did, are putting yourself through something she has no idea about.
Its wasted on her. Move on. Find someone else. It will be a hard gut-wrenching thing to do, but it's the only way.

Sorry to a pessimist, and yup, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.
Best of luck. It took me about 3 years........

On a brighter note, you at Victoria? Nice place down there in Windytown.

So sorry if I have spoken out of turn or invitation, but I just had to.

ally

Hi i am a chick and I understand where you are coming from.
I have had a best guy freind for my entire life. HE was the nicest sweetest guy I have ever met in my life.
Unfortunatly I found myself doing the same thing. I was dumped by a guy I had been dating for a while, and kinda feeling left out.
It was kinda like having a fallback guy, if no one else did, he would always care for me in some sense.
Of course when another guy came along that I liked, I dated him instead.
My best freind, who had been my best freind since I was four years old, ended up dating my best girlfreind. Which was great, I couldn't mess him up anymore.
We went through this several times, but its a horrible thing to do to each other. If shes still checking out other guys and you don't just want a one night stand then quit now, becuase thats all it will ever be to her, even though she might think otherwise sometimes.

We are all engaged to other people right now so it worked out for us, but it does put a horrible strain on your freindship.

Spidey

Thanks for that.

Its like going down the same road again. Just needed someone to clear the mist.

And Yes i am at Victoria
Its not really windy these days, apart from yesterday where i couldn't even walk forward heh

sexymama

I guess I am a little different here -- I say ask her. Rather than saying you are uncomfortable, put it in positive terms. Maybe something like: "I've noticed you've been touching me more lately and I must admit, I really like it. I'm just wondering, is it okay if I make a move on you now, or is the touching simply in friendship?"

Don't decide for her -- she may really want you. If she says it is in friendship and you aren't comfortable with it, ask her to stop. If she says she is interested in pursuing something, ask her out. Then stay away from sex for a loooonnnnggg while, to make sure there are really mutual feelings and that you aren't just the fall back guy. GOOD LUCK!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

wraith41

Meh, personally, I think you have a snowball's chance in hell. Shes doing it to keep you around.

:::OshnSoul:::

be patient. be a good friend. be there for her. respect her.
that's what my Moon did.

Spidey

sexymama i've actually bought this up before and everytime this happens she'll stop for a couple days and then starts the games again.

This past week its got even more different. her feet just goes nuts now like lifting my feet up while both her feet sandwiches mine. And its kinda weird cause now this other girl who i know sits on my left is starting to do the same thing. I mean for most guys having two girls playing with your feet is exciting but i'm finding it very hard to comprehend this.

OshnSoul i'll be a friend to her no matter what, shes had a pretty sad teen life in terms of friendship. So i intend to be there regardless. But this is just making life very difficult. I suppose i think very differently to girls, i'd perfer there to be a striaght answer to what i should be either a friend or more and i can concentrate on being that. But i suppose for girls its leaving the doors open for anything.

Meh, this is driving me nuts.

Anyways a follow up question.
In the minds of females is there a case of "Mr Right" and "Mr Right Now" that goes through your head? what i mean by it is that if you know a guy is perfect but you aren't at the age to commit to anything would you keep them around and be with someone else?

Redgirl

That's a good question, Spidey. I haven't ever known anyone who has done that. I suppose maybe subconsciously women do it, but usually once they think they've found the guy for them they don't let him get away!

IF she was doing this subconsciously, keeping you around like this, then if you were to appear serious about another woman then that should make her see that it's now or never with you. Have you ever been with anyone seriously since she's been playing this game with you? I know it sounds immature, but so is what she's doing. Maybe you should act interested in someone else, completely don't respond to your friend at all, and see what she does?

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

mojodragon

I'm not a girl either, but I have to post. I went through a very similar situation back in high school. There was this girl that I was good friends with, and I used to help her through her problems with her boyfriend. They would constantly break up, and she'd come crying to me for support, or just to lash out. It was madly annoying, because I started having feelings for her. Every time they'd break up, I'd try to wait a while, to make sure I wasn't going to be rebound. By the time I got my nerve up enough to ask her out, she was dating him again. Finally, after about a year and a half of this, I asked her out. I was the typical nice guy, but I took it to a fault. Believe it or not, but I dated her for 6 months before we had our first kiss. What ever happened to this girl that kept stringing me on? Well, we celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary next month.