Amano

problem solved. removing personal info.

fallenangel

(i can't believe i made it through readin that entire thing) but i know what it's like having problems getting over someone and would be glad to offer my two cents.

first of all, regardless of how badly anyone thinks of themselves, they always deserve to have someone who loves them. Don't doubt that about yourself EVER. As far as R, don't view her moving on with another successful boyfriend as something to be jealous about, it just wasn't right for the two of you. Do what you can to be close to her and remain friends or at least a part of each other's lives.

Keep in mind, that you need to date a few of the wrong women in order to truly appreciate the right one. Mourn whatever lost relationship you may have had with her, and devote your attention to your newest girl K. She deserves the best from you. Don't hold back on loving her because of someone else. Love isn't something that can be rationed, there is always more, i promise.

Hope this helps *shrug*...

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

llama8

I could offer advice but I'm not Mr Success here so probably best I don't.
I will however, say that I was once told "You never truly get over a 'first' love, you just learn to live with it"

Ustwo

Harsh words for you from someone that has been there. Get over it.

R left you, she liked the other guy more, and she wanted to let you down easy. You lost your virginity to her and that messes with your head more then anything trust me I know on that one.

Add to this the guilt over her being sick and you have yourself a wonderful emotional cocktail.

Remember she DUMPED you because she wanted to. She had a choice and you were the loser. Its over and its up to your emotional side to figure that one out.

Listening to violent music helped me when this happened to me, specificly Ministry.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

MSD

Sounds like you feel guilty about almost completely gettin gover the loss of R when she told you that you were the first person who she was in a relationship with that didn't turn out to be dysfunctional. Besides that, the nostalgia that you feel when you think about the first girl you had sex with clouds your judgement. You have to get over it and move on, and suppress that little voice in your head that wants you to think that it could still work out when she comes back, if she just breaks up with her new guy and falls back in love with you.

This isn't one of those chick flicks that she dragged you to see, it isn't going to happen, you just need to move on and stay with the person you're with now. You're happy, don't risk the happiness because of a miniscule chance that you might be happier. Even if it happens, you won't be happier.

Johnny Rotten

Let me tell you, speaking from experience. I'm sure this isn't a popular notion, but dysfunctional/damaged people tend to scatter their debris for the rest of their lives. You can see signs like an unusally messy living space, compulsive habits, aversion to physical contact, random phone calls, scars from self-inflicted wounds, and other things. The point is, the average Joe won't be able to "help them get better." People can't be dealt with like a house that needs a new coat of paint or a landscaping makeover. Because the roots of the problems are inside the walls of these houses, underneath the basement, and deep in the attic where you cannot get to them and where that person just might want them to stay--out of sight, glossed over, and desperately ignored.

Second point. Dysfunctional people tend to be drawn to each other. I make no judgements about whatever problems you may or may not have. But if you do still feel this draw to her, is may be because of that common filter through which you see the world. Or you just didn't give the aftermath of the relationship with R enough time to marinate in the subconcious before moved on, and now those undealt-with thoughts and ideas are leaking out the back of your brain. If you do have this common filter, I recommend you face it and take ownership of it. This might be anything from meditating on what's made you who you are to a visit with a counselor--whatever you're comfortable with. Like I said, these problems may or may not exist. If they do, I recommend going to the furthest end of the spectrum of assistance.

Whatever the case, I get the sense that something about your relationship with R hasn't been internally addressed. I do NOT recommend contacting her, however. This is more like visiting a grave, not making a phone call. Until these ghosts are exorcised, your doubts and distractions of the past will probably continue.

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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

Kryptik

I agree with a lot of what has been said so far. Try to look at this situation as objectively as possible.

Because of the strong milestones in the relationship (loss of virginity, first non dysfunctional guy for her) the attachments run deeper then a normal relationship and objectivity is tough. This will make it tougher to let it go, but you should by all means, let it go. She gave you a pretty clear indication of her feelings. She was in the situation where she thought she had a limited amount of time to live and enjoy her time. Given this, she chose to break up with you for a chance to be with someone else. To me, this is a pretty clear indication of her feelings and where she stands on the idea of a relationship with you. I'm not trying to be cruel; I'm just telling you how I read the situation.

That being said, it sound like you have a wonderful new lady, who in your words is even better then the last one. It's time to let go of the past and live in the present.

Amano

Thanks for all your input. I think a lot of things were things I sorta realized, but just needed a push to really believe it.

Also, when I first wrote the entry, I never really thought the whole loss of virginity could have such a huge influence. In fact, it was an afterthought when I added that piece of information. But now that you guys mention it, I think it probably *has* affected me much more than I realized, on a more subconscious level.

Thanks again