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Let me tell you, speaking from experience. I'm sure this isn't a popular notion, but dysfunctional/damaged people tend to scatter their debris for the rest of their lives. You can see signs like an unusally messy living space, compulsive habits, aversion to physical contact, random phone calls, scars from self-inflicted wounds, and other things. The point is, the average Joe won't be able to "help them get better." People can't be dealt with like a house that needs a new coat of paint or a landscaping makeover. Because the roots of the problems are inside the walls of these houses, underneath the basement, and deep in the attic where you cannot get to them and where that person just might want them to stay--out of sight, glossed over, and desperately ignored.
Second point. Dysfunctional people tend to be drawn to each other. I make no judgements about whatever problems you may or may not have. But if you do still feel this draw to her, is may be because of that common filter through which you see the world. Or you just didn't give the aftermath of the relationship with R enough time to marinate in the subconcious before moved on, and now those undealt-with thoughts and ideas are leaking out the back of your brain. If you do have this common filter, I recommend you face it and take ownership of it. This might be anything from meditating on what's made you who you are to a visit with a counselor--whatever you're comfortable with. Like I said, these problems may or may not exist. If they do, I recommend going to the furthest end of the spectrum of assistance.
Whatever the case, I get the sense that something about your relationship with R hasn't been internally addressed. I do NOT recommend contacting her, however. This is more like visiting a grave, not making a phone call. Until these ghosts are exorcised, your doubts and distractions of the past will probably continue.
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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine
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