Mr_Dude

Hi everyone.

I feel rather embarrased to say this, but what the hell, i need some serious advice.

ok.. im 22.. and was a virgin up till about 3 nights ago.
Sure ive had girlfriends and stuff, just that they never put out, and I never got beyond getting my fingers wet or a hand job.

Needless to say, the right hand was my best friend in these times of severe drought. When im doing that i have absolutely no problems with orgasms/ejac, and could easily finish up within a minute, and usually find it hard to last more than 5 mins.

Now I've got a great hot looking gf and weve had sex a couple of times so far.. the first night lasting about 1.5 hours with her orgasming 7 times, and me not even once. Last night same thing, but only about 30 mins (this time with no condom, thought it might make me more sensitive) and we stopped cos she had an early start for work.

I dont know what the hells going wrong, shes damn sexy, i was worried that i wouldnt last more than 5 minutes the first time (quite the opposite in fact)... and the second time i was trying to blow and nothing. I got close the second time doing from behind at a faster pace and longer duration, but had to stop cos her newly pierced clit ring was hurting

I dont really mind if i dont orgasm, I find it nice to know that im pleasuring her great... but at the end both times shes sayed how shes sorry and stuff, and ive reassured her LOTS that its definitely not her, shes lovely i dont know why im not blowin straight away... and i think shes accepted that... but still..

Also just a note that both times its been pretty late at night and ive been real tired lately, can that affect things.

Soooo, has too much masturbation desensitised me to normal sex? Am I too used to a tighter, faster thing wrapped around my pole?
Has anyone ever had a similar problem, or got some advice?
(I was going to ask her for a BJ towards the end, i think that may do the job, but chickened out)

I need help badly!!

Averett

First things first. USE A CONDOM!!!!

Okay, I guess thats all I really have to say. I'm not a guy so I can't really comment too much.


But use a damn condom!

You'll be fine.. this is a new thing for you so you've gotta get used to it. Get out of your head and just enjoy it.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

insidious_machinae

This message has been deleted.

ratbastid

Yep. You're trying too hard. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

skysooner

This is very common actually. When you are tired, drunk, depressed, etc., it is pretty normal to find your mind wandering or have an inability to focus. Then you try and focus, and that completely ruins your ability to truly enjoy the moment. This can also be exacerbated by having masturbated recently. Your body can only do so much, and generally you have to recharge.

This actually happened to me a few days ago. My wife and I tried 3 different times. She got a couple of orgasms, but I was unable to get off. I had only had 4 hours sleep for 3 nights running and was just exhausted. While I had fun, I was just unable to get to the point where I could orgasm. A good night's rest later, I was back to being able to orgasm even though my wife was giving me hell for even wanting to try it (since she was afraid it was a failure of hers).

juanvaldes

Also hold off on jerking it in the mean time. You know *exactly* how to get yourself off so you can , but your gf does not know how and your dick/mind is not used to using a pussy (instead of hand) to get off so it's going "WTF?".

Just relax and enjoy. It'll happen.

Prince

You've only just started having sex. Your mind's probably too much on your technique. Just keep at it...it'll work itself out, I promise.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

Kadath

I don't suppose you're taking any sort of anti-depressant medication? That can have a negative effect on your orgasmability.

__________________
it's quiet in here

Mr_Dude

thanks guys and gals, i suppose i'll just have to give it another crack some time during the day rather than stupid hours of the night/early morning and try not to think about it too much.

And Kadath, no im not on any medication.

wilbjammin

Sex is a feeling thing. Intellectualize it too much while its happening, and you won't only have trouble having an orgasm, you won't enjoy it nearly as much. Try to live in the moment as much as possible.

__________________
Innominate.

Arsenic7

I had a similar situation. One thing to watch out for though...whenever you do relax and finally are able to get into it don't expect the same longevity you have now. I remember I had to relearn it.

But anyway....if your still masturbating I know that cutting down on that can help some too.

__________________
This is no sig.

ftoledo

Maybe you need to think about a guy. Just kidding.

Dude, you must have rubbed one off too many cause the nerve ending on the shaft of your penis must be worn off. You're GF must have one, excuse me for saying this, large vagina. The prob is that you aren't getting the same tight grip as your hand.

I bet if you try anal with her, you'll come fast.

My two cents. Now i go back to whack off. :-)

grouchie

nah dood, i'm a wack off master, and chicks still hit the spot.

I went through the same thing that you did when i first started though. First couple of times i didn't do anything, and I chalk it up to what others have said... just trying too hard.
gotta relax and not worry about it and things iwll come nautural, pardon the pun

Mupwah

do you take lexapro. If you do go to the doctor and change.

__________________
"Scuse me while I whip this out"

Nancy

my boyfriend can't come if the weather's extremely hot or if he has to go have a piss... sure it's not one if these things that's bothering you as well?

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

tisonlyi

chill zion.

I, myself, was a late starter and it took me over a week to splash seed.

It'll happen, chief - just may take a little time...

__________________
"I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

RenaissanceII

qne question: were you drunk or high when the encounters took place? While a buzz tends to intensify feelings and sensations, it also intensifies anxiety about the 'first time'.

I was where you were. In a small handful of previous encounters,
i could not come. each attempt that failed only magnified the problem.

one night, a young lady told me she wanted to have sex w/ me, and led me to her bedroom. (Note: this was the first, and up to this point, the only time that a girl has told me that she wanted to have sex w/ me, I'm hoping that someone will tell me those magic words again)
After a little oral on both our parts, and the requisite condom
she climbed on top, felt a little uncomfortable for me (would love to try the cowgirl again at some point), switched to
missionary, all thru this my mind is racing saying things like " i can't believe that this girl i wanted to have sex with, wanted to have sex w/ me, that i'm actually having sex w/ her", and those 'failed' previous attempts started to fark w/ my mind, and sure enough i went semi-flacid, enough that the condom fell off.

We stopped, searched for a few minutes, she finally said, "fark it, go natural" so back in i went (missionary) with my semi-flacid cock bareback,
regained hardness, started paying attention to the sensations of my member going in and out against those 'sugar walls', we flipped and did some 'doggy style' for a couple of minutes, then a minute or two of some titty fuck, then back to missionary, and i (and my unit) could actually feel that 'velvet grip' of her vaginal walls with each i/o thrust (one of the best sensations on earth imho), was gaining confidence w/ each thrust, enough that i decided to get "playful", pulling almost all the way out, then back in full. About two minutes into this 'play' she decided that was enough of that and locked her legs around my ass, then it really got serious/intense, to the point
when i was verbalising "oh my god, OH MY GOD I CAN DO THIS", focusing on the sweet friction and a couple of minutes later saying "OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA CUM!!!" She unhooked her legs from around my ass and I pulled out, spewing my come on her belly.

So, my friend there is hope for you, hell, theres hope for me too
Be grateful that she want's to be there w/ you

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin


I Wish You Well.

Strange Famous

The only advice I would give has already been said, but just relax, enjoy it, and dont worry so much about the way it's supposed to be.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

31Friction

get some lube, it will help on both sides.

take a deep breathe, and RELAAAAAAAX

__________________
"Saints need sinners."
Alan Watts

Poyzun_Ivy

If it becomes a chronic problem, they sell stuff for chicks that can't orgasm during sex (I'm waiting for mine to arrive in the mail anyday now... ) I'm sure it would work on a guy too, applied right... but I'd be careful about it.

-+ Ivy +-

__________________
She's pretty as a daisy
But look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin

Mr_Dude

Ok, well she came over again tonight. (and to answer yoiur questions, no i dont take any medication/drugs at all) Mind you tonight me and her finished off a bottle of white wine at a resturant..

Anyway, things got heated again tonight and ended up in the bedroom once again. 3rd time....
Well, started off fine. only takes a bit of foreplay for me to get aroused, or a bit of nipple sucking..etc
well i was at it, going fine, but once again she definitely gets more pleasure out of it than me. I guess im just so used to whacking off that her pussy just doesnt cut it
Anyway after like 15 mins of her on top - with her cuming once - im still not anywhere near cuming myself. shes saying to relax and think about how im sliding up and down inside of her..erc.
She stopped for like 10 secs, and starts to position herself for doggy position.. and in the mean time it starts getting semi limp ffs then she tried to get it up again and the damn thing wouldnt budge. what the fark
anyway, we stop, cuddle..etc and were talking about what the hells happening. i once again tell her its not her, i've had jack shit experience, and im always worrying about whether im doing fine..etc to which she assures me im doing ok.
then she asks if theres anything i havent tried before.. to which i reply a 69.. why not.
so anyway we try that, and i must admit probably due to her motions and stuff i almost got semi close to orgasm.. but by that time she was rather tired so she stopped.
by this point im damn frustrated, pissed off,, and she can tell.
it doesnt really bother me in a way, but whats bothering me is that its bothering her - if that makes any sense!
anyway, we stop again.. talk..etc.. and then i thought fuk it this aint working, i'll just go down on her cos i havent done that to her alone yet. so i get into that, which i have done before and she loved it.

so im definitely getting her off, she bloody loves it.
its just that its not hitting the right spot with me like her.
im starting to lose hope. as much as i try to relax, and forget about it, im thinking about stuff like 'shit its been an hour and still nothing'
shes been reassuring, she said that we'll take it slower, more practice...etc but still.. ya know.. its a huge dent to my ego.
Not to mention my room smells like sex... with me having the worlds biggest case of blue balls know to man kind! its hurting to sit down now.. hehe.. but i know i must not relieve the pressure manually.. all in good time...hopefully!

i dunno what to do!!

Strange Famous

just think sexy thoughts, not anxiety thoughts

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

thedrake

It was hard for me at first but it gets much easier, use a condom!!

Mr_Dude

Well people, tonight we tried it again, and BINGO

You dont know how excited we were tonight, totally spun me out... and I think I permanently stained the the cement in our back yard... but I dont care! Coooooool.

Thanks for all the advice it really helped me through it all big time, and made me feel like i wasnt just a freak.

I think why tonight was different mainly, was just because she laid back and let me control everything. I needed a bit more pace i think at the end to get me over the edge.

Cheers guys and gals.

PS. I dont think i'll be spankin the monkey for quite some time now, its evil, evil i tell ya!!!

RenaissanceII

Mr Dude wrote
I'm so happy for you, and your girl too

but i would'nt write off cranking one off every now and again,
who's to say that she would'nt enjoy watching you masturbate

or you watching her jill off

or you helping her, or she helping you?

ask her she might

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin


I Wish You Well.

skysooner

Good for you. That helps me to. When I'm having trouble orgasming, I just take control of the situation totally, and I can usually get off pretty quickly. It is to the point now that when I enter, I can almost instantaneously tell whether that position or that particular time is going to work for me or not. Usually what fixes it if I am not ready is a bit more foreplay.