jerseyboy

Alright from my posts in the past you probably know I was obsessed with my best friend. Well luckily I am starting to get over her, and have had my eye on another girl. Unfortunately because I've been pining over the other girl for 3 years I dont have much experience with the ladies. Anyways here is my story:

So there is this girl in 2 of my classes who I have though it is really cute, although I really could never work up the courage to talk to her. Midway through the semester we would say hello to each other in passing outside of class, but that was the extent of our interaction. However last week there was a concert on campus, and both of us being on the concert board we working late to break down the stage. I took this opportunity to chat with her a little, but 2-3 other guys were also talking to her and she just seemed to be lapping up the attention so I really couldnt tell if she was interested in any of them, as she was kinda flirty with everyone.

Later in the week after class I was planning on talking to her, but I lost her in the rush leaving the classroom, so off I went to do errands. Luckily on one of my tasks I ran into her and we were both walking in the same direction so we walked together. The conversation was pleasant and light. Basically we just talked about where we were from, and I imparted some elderly advice upon her (she is a soph I am a senior and we have the same major). Unfortunately at the end of the conversation I was so pumped at having gotten some alone chit chat with her that I didnt even think of asking for her # or if she was seeing anyone.

So now of course I regret not doing this but I really want to find out if she is seeing anyone. Ideally I'd get some alone time with her like last friday, but that was just a stroke of luck. On a more realistic level I'd get 30 seconds with her. So should I just walk up and ask if she is seeing anyone, or is there a more smooth way of doing this. I have no problem talking to her, but when it comes to something like this I get really shy. Plus one of the other guys who I think is interested in her is in our class too, and she knows him a lot better than she knows me.

Alright this is getting kinda long, and not really going anywhere, so just give me any advice you can on how to not mess this up.

ubertuber

Jerseyboy -

Try this. Next time you see her alone, say "I had a really good time talking to you last week. I was hoping you'd like to go out sometime. I was thinking we should get dinner/have coffee/take a walk sometime soon." This will should give her the picture pretty quickly. If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you. I don't think you have much to lose. Just give it a shot. You won't waste half as much time. If she isn't interested in you, no skin off your back. She doesn't even know you yet. All you want to do is hang out with her (alone, of course). Not such a big deal.

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Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

thebiz

In my experience, the best way is just to beat it out of her.

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Thebiz. Hes so hot right now. Thebiz.

wilbjammin

Invite her over for dinner.

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Innominate.

Bloodslick

Ask her out. Go as far as she'll let you. I had a friend like this in high school that, upon reflection, I know I could've slept with. It might not have been an eternal love, but it would've been fun. Her relationship status should have no bearing on whether or not you end up in bed.

analog

I hate to sound obvious, but just be direct. So, I was wondering, do you have a boyfriend? Most girls are impressed by a guy who handles himself well under pressure. It shows character and strength. Good luck.

rufgti

Variation of uber's response:

In a light-hearted tone: "Hey...just wanted to say that I enjoyed our chat last week--so much so, that when we parted ways, I forgot to ask you whether you wanted to have coffee/dinner/etc sometime?"

Leave it at that and wait for an answer. Remember, always ask open ended questions so that you get an explanation instead of a Yes or No answer....hehe. Good luck.

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Sometimes, you gotta say no to a stripper....

rainheart

Ok to say the least this post is going to sound ... deviant ... from the other sort of responses so far.

First off don't focus on one girl all the time- remember 'getting girls 101' one-itis, this will happen right here and I can see it.

You are as far as I know by your post attracted to this girl because she is cute and are in the process of setting yourself up to like her for who she is regardless of who she really is. (Trust me you can meet a girl that isn't your type but is a nice person, and she is smoking hot, and you decide afterall she would be a great person to have a relationship with and decide to go for it.)

Those other guys chatting her up are probably busy chatting up other cute girls at other times in a bid to get some. Get what? Relationship, sex, social status, whatever.

Furthermore when you don't obsess about one girl you will naturally keep your cool because hey, if you fuck up, whatever! There's another 5 more to pick from... and hundreds of millions more you haven't met.

Next, don't present this girl with a situation where you are letting her know she is the commodity and you are in the market. In other words, don't present her with a situation that explicity tells her that you are interested in her. First off you have to think quite a bit about that- what is she going to think? Likely she will realize you don't know her for that long and as so many other guys have been, you are interested in her for her looks. Also you are telling her that she has something you want, and she is going to take advantage of that somehow. You need to engineer the situations so that she is the one that takes an interest in you (sending mixed signals might help with this).

Who cares if she has a boyfriend? Not you. You're not that interested in her, she's supposed to be interested in you.

If she replies "I have a boyfriend" you tell her "That's nice, but I don't really want him to come along if that's what you're suggesting- I just wanted to chat with you over some food, I thought you might be up for it." because you NEVER KNOW if she's just bullshitting you. And if she does say she has a boyfriend as events unfold and you find out that she lied- then you know she is into playing these games.

If she really does have a boyfriend...? Well, it's up to you if you want to steal her away, I personally wouldn't. (Plenty more stable fish in the sea) Good luck!

Edit: To answer the question to your thread title, try this--

If you get time to chat with her just laugh at something that you're thinking about, enticing her to ask "what's so funny?" or something like that, and then you explain to her how your ex girlfriend's been contacting you recently to go out and do things with even though she knows you're busy. You then continue to remark that the relationship you had was going fine but she had to move away due to unforseen circumstances and that you enjoyed it for what it was, but it's over now. Now you've brought up the subject of relationships and can somewhat safely ask her if she has a boyfriend- e.g. "How about you? Do you have a boyfriend? Have you experienced something like that before?"

You can change how to present everything including the story and the line you say which asks her if she has a boyfriend, but generally you entice her to get you to describe something that brings up the subject of relationships and lets you safely ask her if she has a boyfriend without it seeming like you are interested.

jerseyboy

Thanks for all the advice, it is quite diverse and interesting. When I wrote this thread I had advice like rainheart's in mind. Not because I'm interested in playing games with this girl, but because it allows me to get information without really "showing my cards". I think I'll just try to talk to her about her weekend and use that as a segue into seeing if she is doing anything else this weekend. I sort have a little bit of time pressure as the semester is quickly ending, and I am not sure if I am gonna see her as often next semester.

On a side note, when I said the girl was cute, that meant more than just looks. To me cute is more than just looks, it involves personality. The girl isnt the hottest girl I've seen, but she has a silly sense of humour, and doesnt take things too too seriously which really attracts me to her. Plus the sound of her giggling really gets me going.

ratbastid

I'll never understand why we men are SO afraid to "show our cards". All this game-playing just makes me sick.

Do you like her? Would you like to ask her out? Are you interested in a relationship with her? Would you survive if that relationship was only on the level of friendship?

If so, here's what you do. Go up to her and say, "Listen, I really enjoyed talking to you and I'd like to get to know you better. Are you seeing anybody right now? Because I'd love to take you for a cup of coffee sometime." Put all those damn cards on the TABLE. NOTHING is as attractive as honesty.

This is a man who's been in an amazing, intimate, passionate relationship for 13 years speaking. However, if she's just an object of lust and you're only interested in what's in her pants, then take rainheart's advice.

Stare At The Sun

Personally, the next time you see her, chat it up for a bit, find out if she has AIM, icq, etc...

I know its cheesy, but a lot of times its really easy to talk to a person on there, and whatnot. But, you should go for it man, whatcha got to loose?

jerseyboy

I'm not interested in playing games with this girl, but I dont want to lay all my cards out on the table and get hurt. If there were a way to find out if she had a bf or was interested in me without me having to take a huge risk that would be awesome. I am not stupid and I realize that that is impossible but still it would be nice. Oh well, I will see her tomorrow in class so lets hope that goes well.

hobo

The advice they are giving here seems to all be good. So good infact that I am taking mental notes.

OFKU0

Tell her she looks great. Tell her she smells great. Tell her how excited you are to see her. If you don't believe wholeheartedly in any of this, don't waste her time or yours.

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Jaseca

Just go for it. Ask if she wants to do something, if she says she has a boyfriend reply something along the lines of just doing something as friends.

Elitegibson

What are you worried about? You already don't have any relationship with her other than saying "hi" in the hallway. So, are you afraid that next time you pass in the hallway, it'll be really awkward to say "hi". BS. It's not like you've been her close friend for years and don't want to risk losing that by trying to take it to the next level. That is something worth protecting, or at least worring about. If you ask her out and she says "no", then no loss. And you won't be agonizing about it anymore.

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-Erik

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

skysooner

Just ask her out. Even if she has a boyfriend, they may be on the outs, and she might never mention him. It can't hurt to try.

jerseyboy

So today in our first class, "the girl" was sitting with one of the other guys she was flirting with at the concert last week. That sorta disconcerted me a little bit. However after class she stayed to ask the prof a question while the rest of the class left. I left but another one of my friends couldnt make lunch with me so I returned the to class and found her there and asked if she was doing anything for lunch. We only had 20 minutes before the start of our next class so she wasnt gonna eat anything, so we just walked to the next class. We got there about 15 minutes early, and she suggested we go get smoothies from a campus cafe. We did that and ended up being late to class, which for once in my life i didnt care about, and we sat together.

Overall it was pretty nice, it gave us lots of time to chit chat and get to know each other slightly. I didnt have the balls to ask her out but I will see her again at a meeting tonight, and if I dont do it again, maybe after class on thursday.

Bloodslick

If she agrees to go out with you, go all out on her.

Elitegibson

So, the Hand of Fate gave you another alone chance with the girl and you still didn't ask her out? Read Lesson 2 of getting girls 101 and look for the term wussy.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=31052

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-Erik

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

rainheart

you know what, just out of curiosity if you don't want to bother and do all this engineering your approaches shit, go ahead and bluntly ask her out like other people have told you to.

and of course let me know how it goes.

sailor

Yeah, that situation was *perfect* to ask her out. Good lord man, just go for it.

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

jvwgtr

Why not go for the safe, yet direct approach:

"Is your boyfriend taking you out someplace nice this weekend?"

Based on her response, you should know her status, and you can gracefully respond with something cool and detatched like, "That's good...I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, blah, blah"

OR

She indicates she's single, and you now have your perfect opportunity to offer to take her out.

jw_toyboy

If I were you I would just ask if shes busy over the next day or two. You can be sure she will have a free hour or so... then just come out and ask "Thats good how about we go and grab a (insert coffee/go for a walk/ exchange body fluids etc.) ?" She may ask (though probably wont) something to the effect of "Is this a date?" Say "I don't know, maybe it is maybe it isn't - you'll have to come along and find out!"

Or if you cant muster the courage to try that one ask for her number in or after a class, if she questions you about it just say some crap like 'just in case I need to call you about some of the concert stuff'. Then try the similar routine over the phone a couple of days later. Perhaps open with something like "Hey (insert cute chicks name), I'm bored out of my mind and I'm taking you prisoner... were going to get some coffee!"

Dont worry about the prospect that she may have a boyfriend, if she says she does say something witty along the lines of "Oh ok, is there some kind of waiting list I can sign up to so if things should go sour with current partner I may be considered as an alternative?" That has actually worked for me once, I kid not. Two weeks after I told the girl she broke up and she called me and asked if I was still interested in filling the 'now vacant position'.

Smoey

Hey Kid, you let one slip out of your hands, don't let this shit happen again, remeber the semester is ending and time is not on your side.

I recently just got out of relationship(Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't), and love asking women if they are single and want to mingle, the way I do it, I throw them a businees card with my number on it, tell them that I think they are an incredible person and would love to take them out to diner, completely leave it up to them. That way there you don't apply any pressure on them. Leave the ball in their court. If she calls, then its on, if she doesn't call go find another.

OFKU0

No no no no no. Never ever ask or suggest anything about a boyfriend or any guy in general. This shows total lack of confidence and will turn her off like a light switch.

She will say if she has a boyfriend if she does have one or if she isn't interested in the person asking.

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

monkeysugar

I totally agree. AIM, icq, etc are great for getting to know someone better, when you don't see them often, etc. If you are a relatively shy person like myself, it can provide a lot of "safe" opportunities to talk. When you talk in person, you'll actually have stuff to talk about. Personally I'd go for it. If you're confident enough, just ask her straight out if she has a boyfriend or not. Be it looking for a friendship or a relationship, here's an approach that has worked pretty well for me: through talking to her, you will find out things she is interested in. This is important, because if you are like me and are pursuing a possible relationship and not just a fun night of bumping uglies, you will need to show her that you are not just trying to get into her pants, but are in fact interested in her as a person.

If she mentions something that she likes, act on it. For example, my first date with my current girlfriend came along something like this. "I love Starbucks, but I haven't been in forever." Me: "What are you doing right now?" "Nothing" ME:"Would you like to go to Starbucks with me?" If nothing else, you're learning about what she is interested in, and made an effort to do something that she enjoys.

I suppose the best advice I can give you is not to think about it so much, if that is possible. Do what seems right, say what seems right, not what seems like the cool or right thing to say, and be yourself. And most importantly, have FUN!

I hope this was somewhat useful. I wish you the best of luck.