foe241

I know this isnt a big problem, but it kind of bothers me. My girl would rather have sex than have to give me a blowjob. She absolutely hates it. She said an old boyfriend always wanted her to do it and she never wanted to. And she would always gag to the point of where she couldnt go on. The sex is great, but I want her to return the favor when I go down on her. Any ideas on what I should say to her?

Kadath

Unfortunately, the more you press her about it, the worse the situation will become. The thing to do is not to pressure her about it at all and just let her come to it on her own terms. You can live without blowjobs. Plus, it's a real jerk who insists on sexual activities that are unpleasant to his partner.

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angela146

Create a secure space for her. It sounds like it was a power thing in her previous relationship. Give her a way of making it an expression of power for *her*.

Example: let her tie you down and give you one the way *she* wants to do it.

cheerios

foe: take it slow. ask once, and if she says no, wait a GOOD LONG TIME before asking again. you don't wanna pressure her, and believe me, asking every 15 minutes won't get you anything. she's obviously got some issues with blowjobs, so even more patience is required. maybe have her suck it a bit, with you holding still so she's in control, and then switch to regular sex to finish off, so she can get used to the feeling w/o chocking. tell her you're enjoying it, THANK her. express your appreciation that she is willing ot push her borders for you. no "more" ony "thank you for what you are willing to give" is a good way to make her comfortable. With me, so long as i'm comfortable, i'll start testing my own boundaries, and moving out through them. hopefully she can/will do the same.

wiseguy1100

go REAL slow and be very patient. My wife hates to give blowjobs, and still cannot do it very long. But she started with just light kissing, etc.

What I found very effective was to compliment her every time she did attempt it. This gave her more confidence as time went on.

GoldenOuroboros

I think it's all laid out for you up there mate.. especially that tied down bit.. My fiancee never liked to give blow jobs... She didn't like the taste.. Found an answer chocolate sauce... hehe.. next time I'm down she's tying me up, blind folding me.. and whipping out the chocolate sauce.. well that's what I've been told

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absorbentishe

Tell her it's either anal or oral! That should straighten her out. Just kidding, communication is the key, just remember to be open, and not be demanding or issue altimatums(SP?). She will hopefully understand if you just spell it out, nicely.

soxsfans

When we first got together, my GF (wife now) was uncomfortable give BJ's. Just took it very slow, since I was in love her pleasure was more important to me than my own. Now she can't go more than 2 days with wrapping her lips around it!

Begora21

that'd be fine for me ... I very rarely can cum from a b/j ... is this not normal? A couple guy friends have said the same thing, but the last girl to give me one seemed a little weird about it. It's not like a stamina thing, b/c I'll admit it, I'm not a Sting-esque hours of sex guy at all....

billybob

Hmmm well its something a girl has to get used to.

dimbulb

Same here. It feels really good though, but its hard coming with a BJ. hmmmm.....

angela146

It's normal for a lot of men. My husband doesn't usually come from a BJ alone, and it's not just my lack of talent. I've seen him get good head from other women and not come either.

For him, that has to be something special about it (something going on in his mind) to make him come from it.

Example: two women (a friend and I) teaming up on him will usually do it. Five strokes from each of us alternating and each using our own technique... *that* will do it.

analog

Angela, you're great- if that didn't do it, i'd be checking his pulse.

But really, I had this EXACT same problem with my ex-girlfriend, except mine was raped- not penetrated, but FORCED to give blowjob to the point of gagging and throwing up, etc. Go as slow as you can. Ask once, then SAY it's ok if she doesn't want to, then let it go for a while- at least a week or two. Time, my friend, time. After some time, she realized it was something that gave me great pleasure (once or twice a week), and did it because of that reason, and then she started to LOVE to do it after having done it enough, and did it all the time. By the time we broke up, I could walk in the front door returning from work and have my pants pulled down in the doorway by surprise.

Or, she might never get over it. It's partly how you handle it, and partly her own mind. Are you man enough to deal with whatever you're dealt? I hope you are.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

constant

Stop giving her oral sex in protest. I'm serious, even though this goes against what everyone else said.

It isn't fair and you shouldn't have to live with it, but you will, because we are men and we need sex. Oh well. Just tell her you don't feel it is fair.

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-Ever-

It's almost as if blowjobs were never created when it comes to my relationship with my girlfriend. I really could care less though because I figure that I'd rather just skip to sex. However I do miss the uncalled for BJ's like road head or when you least expect it. Other than that, I'd say we only get down when I initiate a 69 deal

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Jonsgirl

You know what, my husband and I have a similar problem. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE giving blowjobs. It's just that I enjoy sex more, and sometimes he's a one shot guy. So if I do give him a blowjob, I feel like that's it for awhile and it leaves me horny as hell for the next couple of days. So sometimes, I'm reluctant to give him one, then he will start to want one again, and I just hate to get into a cycle like that.
I do have to say that sometimes I exaggerate this situation in my head, but he's willing to except my weaknesses and pound my brains out for a good blowjob.

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angela146

Can he get it up a second time after doing you? In other words, you get yours first, you rest little while and so does he, *then* you go down on him.

BTW: he doesn't want any for a couple of days after a BJ? How old is he?

Jonsgirl

Eh, it does take a fair amount of time for him to recover. I can't honestly say how long, though. We haven't had sex twice in the same day for a long time.
It's nothing to do with his age, he's still young- 23. And I don't think it's that he really doesn't want any, it just never seems to happen and I don't know why.
There have been some..umm...complicating emotional factors in our life and I think that's played a role in this situation. And bleeds into other ares of our sex life, as well. I know that, for the most part, that's just going to take time to heal. (I just really hope it does.)
I'm more afraid of falling into a routine than I am anything else.

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soopadoopa

If this is the case, and these guys can come from sex, someone's DEFINITELY not doing something right. Please don't take offense.



JERK!!!!!! CUT him off and when he asks why, tell him.

angela146

Actually, you *do*. It's in your next sentence.

Quote:

There have been some..umm...complicating emotional factors in our life and I think that's played a role in this situation. And bleeds into other ares of our sex life, as well.

That's it right there. Sex is 90% emotional/intellectual. You can give the best physical stimulation in the world but if his emotional chemistry is out of whack, it just doesn't matter.

Quote:

I know that, for the most part, that's just going to take time to heal. (I just really hope it does.)

Don't just hope... Do something about it. Make it the top priority. Regardless of whether you are part of the emotional turmoil, do whatever it takes to make him feel better. That will probably take care of the sexual problems.

angela146

Oh, dear, no offense taken by any means. I'm just laughing my ass off at the notion that there might be something I'm not doing right...

You see, I *just* finished getting him off. I tried, as I have many times before, to get him there with my mouth. It didn't work, I had to switch to a hand job.

If you have any suggestions as to how to give a blow job that will make my husband come more often (from a blow job *alone*, handjob+blow job works just fine), I will *gladly* listen and try anything within reason.

If even one of your suggestons works, I will *gladly* write 10,000 words on *any* sexual fantasy you specify, (as long as TFP will let me post it) and I'll burn a candle in front of the altar of the patron saint of blowjobs.

I'm not joking. I'm very serious. I would *love* to be able to get my man off with a BJ and not have to always combine it with a hand job.

Before you start suggesting, however, you might want to read my journal and consider the following...

I've given my husband somewhere in the neighborhood of say, 500 blow jobs over the past ten years, and we've fucked *at least* 1,000 times. I've also given blow jobs to a few close friends over the years. Trust me, it is not for lack of experimentation, practice or research (I read everything about sex that I can get my hands on).

Setting my ego aside (which I will admit is not all that easy for me to do), some men, my hubby included, need the full physical contact that happens inside a vagina or hand or butt or whatever. Those orifaces are more like a "sleeve" than a mouth is.

When you have it in your mouth, unless he's really small (diameter), you can't "sleeve" it.

However, I have gotten two men off on the first try. They happened to like blow jobs... and they were seeing me naked for the first time too...

BTW: the "tea and ice cream" treatment usually works but that isn't practical for every day use.

soopadoopa

I knew there were advantages to being small.

No, really, I had already read most of your journals. I know the caliber of vixen I'm talking to. (See the comment I sent) Wish I could let you in on some specific tips, but my wife's the talent. When she does that, "OH DEAR GOD!" It's like taking the first moments of an orgasm and stretching them for however long.

Believe me, I'd love to see what you could do with some of my fantasies.

Have any other women been able to get your husband off?

angela146

Sorry if I seemed a little arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, condescending and dismissive (among other things). Your comment just *really* made me laugh. I had a giddy sense of wanting to roll up my sleeve and give you a piece of my mind (... of all the fucking nerve, telling *me* I don't know how to give a God damned *blow job* etc.)

Now that I think about it, if you had already read my journals when you made that comment... You weren't toying with me were you? Trying to get a rise out of me? If you were, you did a *good* job! Bravo!

Anyway, if your wife has anything to share, I'll give you credit for it...

Plan9Senior

I simply wont date a girl that doesn't give head. I would expect any woman to feel the same if the situation was reversed.

Gelfling

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by analog [/i[B]

[But really, I had this EXACT same problem with my ex-girlfriend, except mine was raped- not penetrated, but FORCED to give blowjob to the point of gagging and throwing up, etc.]


I don't see how someone can be FORCED to give a blowjob unless she had a gun to her head, I mean its going in her mouth which contains her TEETH, all you have to do is bite down and that would have been the end of that.

clockworkgreen

My finance is the same way. I don't think I've had one in over 3+ months. That's not to say we haven't had sex and I haven't gone down on her, it just seems the reciprocation isn't even a thought in her mind. I don't really want to bring it up, cause she'll take it the wrong way...I guess I'm just gonna have to live with it.

angela146

Gun to the head, knife to the throat, hand on the throat ready to choke... There are lots of ways to intimidate.

Then there's the old standby: "Tell you what, little lady, we won't call your parents if you give us some of what he was getting..."

toasty

I dunno.. Maybe it's just me but I really prefer sex over a BJ any day. Maybe all the women I've been with just give lousy head, maybe not.. but I find it much more rewarding to be able to converse with the person I'm having sex with instead of hearing muffled slurps

Buzz

I don't know. I sort of go with the moment. Didn't know there was a right or wrong way.. If she don't like giving head then your all done... Maybe.... but let her make her own mind up. Wine about it an't going to make it happen just piss you both off.. Then no sex =(

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zizdog69

<b>Kadath</b>, I know what you mean about about forcing things. Sometimes, my girlfriend gets on me about the lack of sex in our lives and always tries to entice me into doing things. It only makes it worse IMO.

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motdakasha

1) Try not to let it bother you.
2) Realize that it's most likely her past that affects her present (i.e. not your fault).
3) Try to persuade her you've earned a bj by giving her more head. Or try persuading her to try 69 with her on top. She'll have more control over you and you can pleasure her while she does it.
4) Let her know that there are techniques and positions that reduce the chances of gagging or choking.
5) Give her complete control so she can build up enough trust to give you a bj. Don't thrust. Don't push her head down. Like angela suggested, maybe retraints will help.

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siryn

Hmmmmmm, how to say...don't be a dick, man. For one thing, giving a guy blow isn't usally pleasurable, in the least. That's a pretty obvious explanation for her prefering sex. A lot of chics really hate it. Its can be really uncomfortable, taste bad, and feel degrading. Her example about the old boyfriend is exactly the same as my self. Maybe I refer to my first relationship too much in my posts, but they are a good reference of crappy relationships and bad sex and the damage it causes.
I too had an old boyfriend who always wanted me to do it, and during the attempt, would tell me what a bad job I was doing, and as it was my first time, I was traumatized. It got to the point that a dick anywhere near my mouth and any reference to such an act would make me feel self conscious and disgusted. Only years later was a different boyfriend able to repair the damage. Tho now I love it, enjoy it, and have no problems with performing, and no gag reflex. In conclusion, don't pressure her to do something she doesn't want to do AT ALL. Some girls never like it and refuse to perform at all, forever. I know several, and they make up for it with good sex. If you have such a problem with her not returning, then don't go down on her. Or just live with it.

jbrooks544

perform oral on her till she begs for mercy every day. Then sneak into doing it with you on bottom of a 69. She should end up blowing you out of thanks. Maybe she had bad experience. Maybe she needs you to show her how to do it with a banana. All she needs to put in her mouth is your head and her hand/fingers can grab the base firmly in time with strokes. done. If she doesn't relent then make sure you don't marry her because you will be miserable and seek hookers, etc. and become obsessed by it. Not me personally, but I have seen it...

sigma1042

i didn't get oral until i had already had sex with my gf a couple times, i wasn't really into then anyways, i couldn't finish with it
but now i can, maybe i've been looking at too much damn porn

but now i want it more but she gives it less

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Ovenall

Well, the way I see it:

Please learn how to enjoy a BJ. If you're that uptight, try to learn how to relax first. Take a deep