viveleroi0

Ill keep this short... but I gotta rant!


My wife is in month 6 of pregnancy... because of a complication she has not been able to work for months now... and the doctor said she cannot have sex for more than seven weeks more.

Ths sucky thing is she hates the fact of me whacking off... she always thinks I am either watching porn (which she says is like cheating), or thinking of another woman. I tried to have her "pose" for me while I did the deed, but she says NO because that means "only one of us would be satisfied."

Obviously I cannot convince her to give my a BJ (though she rarely even wanted to that anyway) because of the same above reason.


Everything else in our life is wonderful... but AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I found myself wahcking off secretly now with my secret stash of computer pr0n.... I hate it!

__________________
"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

sixate

Thanks for more reasons to add to my list as to why I'll never get married.

I feel for ya, dude. I know too many guys that are in almost the exact situation. There's nothing I can say that'll help you out. Your wife certainly needs to trust you a little more and lighten up a bit. I couldn't imagine being married and having to jerk in secrecy.

anti fishstick

i think it's completely silly and irrational for women to think that way about porn or masturbation. it's a natural thing and lets face it, all guys do it :P girls should learn how to deal with that or get over their own issues with sex. lakdjfsa.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

viveleroi0

ya!

__________________
"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

JStrider

ok she cant have sex... can she recieve oral?... you do her... she does you... that could work...

but a lot of women over react about porn and masterbating... i remember the one time i got caught by my mom with a porno... she went on this rant about how its demeaning and women are forced to do it and blah blah blah... i dunno...

ya just gotta talk to her about it... ask her if she would rather have to wash sheets more often... cuz if ya dont youll have wet dreams... i dunno... but not allowing you to masterbate is just not cool....

__________________
-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

angela146

For the next three months, she's going to need the ability to not be rational.

Quote:

it's a natural thing and lets face it, all guys do it :P girls should learn how to deal with that or get over their own issues with sex. lakdjfsa.

Now, this, I agree with. In her non-pregnant state, not allowing you to masturbate or watch port is a major relationship problem.

I'm just suggesting that now is not the right time to try to get her to be reasonable. If you can live with it for another 5 months (including the first two months of post-partum) you should be able to get past this. Also, remember that once the baby arrives, things will be different anyway.

Be glad that you *can* have children.

Harshaw

Ok, I hope this isn't thread jacking, but I need to rant and I didn't want to make another rant thread.

In the past week and a half I have gone from doing almost everything with my girlfriend to hardly seeing her. She has postponed, or canceled all pending plans. When I try to ask her what is wrong, she claims nothing. When I point out that she has been brushing me off she yells at me for pulling this "you never spend time with me crap". When I become withdrawn because she comes over for a little bit and then leaves before we do anything she tells me I should talk to her instead of sulking over stuff. Can't complain, can't talk to her about it, can't even sulk. Is she trying to get me to break up with her? That about the only thing I can think of anymore. A small part of my brain even wants to go through with it. The only problem is convincing the rest of my brain to go along (I have loved her since I met her).
I just want things to go back to the way they were, or if not that I want her to tell me what is wrong so I can work on it.



edit: thanks, had to rant. Still not sure why I got into this dating crap

__________________
This too shall pass.

Johnny Rotten

viveleroi0, sounds like her refusal to let you use porn is more about her having a sexual hangup. Just an educated guess. The other stuff just sounds generally selfish. When you offer to masturbate for someone, I imagine their reaction usually wouldn't be one of jealousy. I think she needs to be more flexible. And there's other things you can do besides penetration.

__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

Devilinmypants

yeah i agree, its more about relationship than the sex

giblfiz

Wow, thats just fucked up. I don't know what complication could keep you from going down on her but if you can't and she's hell bent on this mutual satisfaction thing then its time to cut the crap and have yourself a little fight. (argument)
It boils down to the fact that whacking it isn't cheating, and if she really has a problem with it she will get involved. I mean its not like a hand job is a lot of effort that requires compensation, and thats pretty much the baseline minimum of what you need. Perhaps you could offer to cook a nice dinner for her in return, or give a back-rub or something.

Anyway, don't skulk around and do things in secret, though it may seem like a it creates a lot of ugliness to declare defiance of someone, everyone ends up happier in the end. Tell her that your going to be jerking off one way or another, and if she wants to be involved she is more than welcome.

as a life rule never be ashamed of anything you do. If you find something your ashamed of either stop doing it or rearrange your morality so that it's *really* something you are ok with. deep down.

she's the one being unreasonable not you.

Oh and harshaw, that is threadjacking, but its only a minor crime in this jurisdiction. (the word sounds just a little too much like carjacking) Anyway, your at a stage where you are probably being dumped, but she doesn't know it yet. My advice is that the next time she calls you to cancel you say something along the lines of "I can't believe how rude you are being to me, this is completely unacceptable" and then hang up. she will call you back (if she doesn't you have already been dumped for a long time. When she calls back be angry, but not sullen. Don't attack her, but make it clear that this shit has got to go and if it doesn't your going to dump her. One of two things will happen, either she will start spending time with you again (temporarily, this is not a cure, just a quick half assed fix, and sort of a test) or she will drop you like a bad habit. If she dumps you (or blows you off which at this point fully amounts to dumping you, but is very unlikely) Then she was gone already and its just that neither of you knew it. The situation your in now happened to me once, and I wish I had known what I'm telling you now back then.

anyway, best of luck to both of ya.

__________________
Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the old ones with your bare hands
-A Shoggoth on the Roof

anti fishstick

ha! cognitive dissonance.. people do this all the time. with everything.

and angela has a point.. keep in mind yr wife is going thru a pregnancy and tough emotional stages where she needs leeway to not be rational..


and harshaw.. yeah sounds like this could lead into a breakup very soon. :T this is kind of what happened in my last relationship. when one party withdraws, something definately is up that may or may not be salvagable. since she's not being very responsive to your attempts at talking, it doesn't look like it'll pick up.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

jbrooks544

I think this is completely selfish of her. I don't think that I could have possibly married someone that is such a prude (that is the nicest way I could think of saying it). Guys are complete horndogs. If you aren't then there is something wrong with you. Men have urges and need to release daily or nearly so and this is extremely common and it is unreasonable for her to place these restrictions on you. I would tell her all of this. Ask her if she would rather you wacked off to porn or had an affair? I think guys who have affairs could use some better porn instead.

I wack off to porn every day. When I sex my wife I don't think of anyone else, I keep my eyes open and am into her. I think it is sad when people presume that they have the right to control every aspect of other people. The only thing more sad than that is you putting up with it. Be a man and wack with pride.

bender

Ahhh, love...ain't it grand.

skysooner

It sounds to me like there is something more going on. It could be hormones for sure. It could also be her need for your attention more. Pregnancy does not make a woman feel attractive. She might be feeling very unattractive to you and is feeling threatened by you watching presumably better looking women via porn (or fantasizing about them). She might even be feeling guilty about not being able to have sex, and this is her reaction to it. It doesn't make it right, but people are strange in the way they react sometimes. This is a very difficult stage, and it is hard to get through. Even if you tell her you think she looks great, she is not necessarily going to believe it, because she looks at herself in the mirror and sees someone carrying a basketball on their stomach (i.e. much heavier than she normally is). It just takes patience and quite a bit of talking to get her to naturally believe it and expect to have to repeat it frequently. Basically I'm saying, work on her emotional need to feel attractive to you and the other thing should work itself out.

oneofmanymen

Well having been in a situation kinda like this myself, I think the advice that she has the right to be unreasonable is true but not true to this case. The reason I say that is she apparently had this view before she was with child, and that is selfish. When my ex was pregnant, with our two kids and the third we lost, she was really into having sex when she wanted to get pregnant but that was about the only time in our whole marrage. Once she was pregnant I couldnt touch her. No sex for just about the rest of the nine month's for each child, and then the 2 months after that the doc tells you to wait. So out of the 8 years of being married to her that cut out two years of sex right there. I think when a woman cannot perform with her man, and doesnt want him to whack off on there own its a control thing. I if you look back on your sex life with her she sounds like she is controling things and was before she was pregnant. Making Love should be what two people decide is right for them, not what one dictates. I am just going on what you have typed from above. I would be curious to know if she likes you to perform orally on her. I can understand where there could be complications that would make it bad for her to orgasm at this point. But I am wondering since you said she doesnt like to give you a BJ, does she like to be orally pleased? I really hope that you both can get passed this I am not trying to make her out to be the bad person in this, but I do think it is something you have to look at from an overall standpoint not just that shes pregnant and has the right to be unreasonable. Yes you should also be happy that you are able to have children but thats hardly the point or topic here either. But things will get tougher in your sex life after she has the baby.....she will be tierd and now there will be someone you have to be careful not to let catch you, maybe not right away but soon enough. I think if this doesnt get resolved it could become a real problem. Because your sex life will be less of a feature in your marriage for the next couple years.

I hope I have helped you a bit and I wish you the best of luck..

oomm

__________________
Everything works if you let it....

wiseguy1100

viveleroi0, I definitely feel for you -and can relate as well. We have very similar wives (doesn't like to give BJ's, no porn, wacking off, etc). Mine is just over 2 months pregnant, and is going through a complete emotional rollercoaster now. So, ANY sexual activity is hard to even discuss.

Anyay, just try to be as patient as possible. I try to drop subtle hints during times when she is happy during the day, and have had some success with this tactic. Her semingly "selfish" reaction to just you getting pleasure is going to be tough to deal with - hopefully she will come around.

Good luck! (and wish me some too!!)

analog

regarding the "porn is cheating" nonsense- if this is her general opinion, and not just one she's cooked up during her pregnancy, then I feel bad for you getting with a selfish, closed-minded person, and i feel worse for your child, because with something like this over your heads, I hope you can stay together and raise the kid properly.

zizdog69

I know what you mean! I live with my GF and she also thinks that porn is cheating. I find that I have to wack in private.

Every once in a while, she will ask me about the porn on my computer as she uses it every once in a while. She says that she also watches it while I'm away at work.

I think I'm confused...

__________________
"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life." -Peter Gibbons, Office Space

fifthchild

Dude, I feel for you (as much as a newbie retard miscreant can) but my guess is -- I don't think anyone else suggested this -- is that it's because she, because of her 'complication', cannot have sex.

Stop me if i'm missing something here

People have little periods of immaturity all the time. This could be like that. I can't enjoy it so neither can you, she's saying... If you had a healthy thing going before, I imagine she's sad about it.

What can you do? I ain't the likeliest best advice giver on this.

It'll work ou the way it was meant to.

Thraeryn

Both giblfiz and fifthchild are wise. I've been thinking that a lot about giblfiz recently; what are you, dude, a psychologist?

There are times when doing something "in secret" isn't really secret, and the person who should be "monitoring" is just letting it slide because it's easier that way than having to deal with what's being done and confronting the person doing it. "I don't want to know about it, I don't want to hear about it, and I don't want you to think that I think it's all right . . . but I'm not going to stop you." Ever thought that you might already be in one of those situations? (I'm not saying that it's a good one to be in; I'm merely throwing it out as something that does happen.)

Harshaw, (Jubal?) you'll love other people. I was crushed when my first love left me, I've been remorseful when I've left others, and now I'm with the woman of my dreams. You've gotta keep walking down life's road before you can get to where you're supposed to be.

viveleroi0

FYI for everyone here... she does not like me giving her oral because quote "my mouth doesn't belong down there."

Porn is cheating to her... once she found out that I whacked off during her period to porn and we had a huge fight.

I lost.

Whacking off without porn is cheating because she thinks I am thinking about someone else.

She won't let me whack off to her because she cannot do anything aboutn her horniness... the complication of the pregnancy prevents her from doing anything active at all.

The thing is, everything else is wondeful and I wouldn't change her for anyone else, it's just this that SUCKS. Normally I'm fiune because we'd do it at least twice a week, though it was nothing unusual it was still good sex.

I am ranting because she is pregnant, added with a complication, which means we cannot have ANY sex until the baby arrives and she is healed.

__________________
"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

Rowan

Question for ya, does she consider going down and porn dirty? When you said your wife thinks your mouth doesn't belong down there is there a "this is dirty or bad" issue?
What about mutual masturbation? Your fingers on her, hers on you, or just the two of you in the same bed enjoying each others company while enjoying oneself.

Hope that might help, good luck, hang in there.

motdakasha

She won't even 69? I'd say that both people get something out of that position... If she doesn't think your mouth belongs there, you always have your hands.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

Averett

Sounds like you two should see a counslor.

Personally, I think she is being very unreasonable. I feel badly for you

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

JBX

Wack in her presence...w/o porn. Oops already covered that. Umm, I got nothing.

__________________
"Youth and Strength is no match for Age and Treachery"

skysooner

Yes, the lack of sex combined with her issues with sex (which presumbably she got from her mom) means you are going to have some lack-of-intimacy problems. I suggest having a very frank discussion about it now or counseling is also a good suggestion.

meff

If she wants to be pleasured that she has to want you to do something for her, why can't you play with her nipples and clit or eat her out?

As far as the jacking off, why don't you do it in front of her or while she is masturbating? C'mon, I know lots of guys here think pregnant chicks are hot

__________________
Toy-like people make me boy-like.

sigma1042

you guys are missing this, she can't do anything, i imagine that any vaginal stim may result in contractions that won't be good

anyways she's being very selfish in not letting you pleasure yourself in any manner just because she can't

in her condition she's not rational, so just accept it for the next couple months, instead of making her upset about not being able to do it, at least talk it up until she can do something
just keep complimenting her at every chance

whack your bag quietly in the shower, ignore the porno, to hold you over

without knowing she gets pissed because she can't touch herself, i would've told you to feel her up a little in bed while she sleeps and start stroking it then, if she wakes up you can easily say you were thinking about how beautiful she looks sleeping or something to that effect and you couldn't help thinking about her, and you love her, you're proud of her, how great the sex was when you guys conceived and keep talking like that until you spill it, then go empty your shorts

she might get pissed but its maybe worth a shot

bonbonbox

I got nothing. No help at all. I'm an advocate of single life for just such reasons. Good luck buddy. You have my sympathy.

viveleroi0

As an update for all...

I still do it. Now in month 7.

The complication is the amniotic sac is leaking. She is bed-ridden and any serious movement (i.e. thrusting) can deteriorate the situation.

Nothing can be allowed to penetrate without sterlization, because the tear in the sac allows the possibility of infection...

The leaking sac (and other pregnancy discharge) makes eating out or even clit-stimulation a disgusting thing.

She doesn't like oral sex anyway because she thinks it's gross.

I've had about 5 blowjobs (she only wants to go for max of 30 seconds) in three years. Granted thats better than none.

She doesn't enjoy her nipples being kissed/sucked on/played with... especially now.

All I can is kiss her neck/chest/breats.

At least I get breast kisses.

I still whack off in private to porn stored in hidden files. If I go longer than several days without doing the deed,
I get frustrated, irritable, annoyed, and annoying.

I have to do it, hell I enjoy it.

But I miss being able to wallow in it.

I used to sit there and watch a good length of porn before even beginning. Then I'd begin slowly, speed up, and finally (a WHILE later) climax.

Now, it's rush job. The necessity of having to do it comes without the luxury of doing it. I have to whack of as quickly as I can.

Granted, I am fulfilled and feel relaxed and so forth, but the quality of it sucks.

Oh well, three months till he's born, and two months after that.


tick, tock

__________________
"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

wraithhibn

Good luck man, we are rooting for you!

__________________
If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

motdakasha

Just make sure she doesn't end up with a daddy stitch.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

viveleroi0

huh?

__________________
"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

motdakasha

Some evil, evil doctors came up with the daddy stitch. The idea behind it is to stitch up the skin near the perineum tighter than it was before, "for the daddy." The thing is, it's a nightmare for the woman. There have been cases of women who were sewn up so tight that they can't even fit more than one finger in there. If you try to fit more in there than is comfortable, you can rip her skin which is extremely painful. Also, it's a myth that it makes them feel tighter and younger. The inside, the vagina, remains the same and that's the part you feel the most.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)