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Wow, thats just fucked up. I don't know what complication could keep you from going down on her but if you can't and she's hell bent on this mutual satisfaction thing then its time to cut the crap and have yourself a little fight. (argument)
It boils down to the fact that whacking it isn't cheating, and if she really has a problem with it she will get involved. I mean its not like a hand job is a lot of effort that requires compensation, and thats pretty much the baseline minimum of what you need. Perhaps you could offer to cook a nice dinner for her in return, or give a back-rub or something.
Anyway, don't skulk around and do things in secret, though it may seem like a it creates a lot of ugliness to declare defiance of someone, everyone ends up happier in the end. Tell her that your going to be jerking off one way or another, and if she wants to be involved she is more than welcome.
as a life rule never be ashamed of anything you do. If you find something your ashamed of either stop doing it or rearrange your morality so that it's *really* something you are ok with. deep down.
she's the one being unreasonable not you.
Oh and harshaw, that is threadjacking, but its only a minor crime in this jurisdiction. (the word sounds just a little too much like carjacking) Anyway, your at a stage where you are probably being dumped, but she doesn't know it yet. My advice is that the next time she calls you to cancel you say something along the lines of "I can't believe how rude you are being to me, this is completely unacceptable" and then hang up. she will call you back (if she doesn't you have already been dumped for a long time. When she calls back be angry, but not sullen. Don't attack her, but make it clear that this shit has got to go and if it doesn't your going to dump her. One of two things will happen, either she will start spending time with you again (temporarily, this is not a cure, just a quick half assed fix, and sort of a test) or she will drop you like a bad habit. If she dumps you (or blows you off which at this point fully amounts to dumping you, but is very unlikely) Then she was gone already and its just that neither of you knew it. The situation your in now happened to me once, and I wish I had known what I'm telling you now back then.
anyway, best of luck to both of ya.
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Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the old ones with your bare hands
-A Shoggoth on the Roof
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