Both giblfiz and fifthchild are wise. I've been thinking that a lot about giblfiz recently; what are you, dude, a psychologist?
There are times when doing something "in secret" isn't really secret, and the person who should be "monitoring" is just letting it slide because it's easier that way than having to deal with what's being done and confronting the person doing it. "I don't want to know about it, I don't want to hear about it, and I don't want you to think that
I think it's all right . . . but I'm not going to stop you." Ever thought that you might already be in one of those situations? (I'm not saying that it's a good one to be in; I'm merely throwing it out as something that does happen.)
Harshaw, (Jubal?) you'll love other people. I was crushed when my first love left me, I've been remorseful when I've left others, and now I'm with the woman of my dreams. You've gotta keep walking down life's road before you can get to where you're supposed to be.