Valdearg

So my wife and I are into a number of different fetishes/sexual lifestyles, but my favorite, by far, is swinging.

There's just something really sexy about including others in our sexual lives. Aside from the obvious benefits, like getting to meet other sexually open couples and form new friendships and, of course, getting to fuck other people whom you normally wouldn't be able to fuck, there's an awesome Exhibitionism/Voyeurism aspect to Swinging that can't be ignored.

I absolutely LOVE to watch my wife play with others. It's such a turn on to watch her go down on another guy, watch another woman eat her out, or listen to her as she is being fucked by someone else. And she loves it when I watch, too. The same goes for when she's watching me. I love it when she encourages me to go harder or faster on another woman and I love it when we make eye contact while someone else is giving me oral. There's just something insanely sexy about all that.

Is anyone else into this kind of stuff, here? I'd love to get some other people's opinions! :P

Midnightskyline

I have to say this isn't my kind of thing at all, I couldn't handle the image of some other dude getting his way with my significant other.

On the other hand, each to their own. And I can see the appeal in the voyeurism aspect, just not with my girl lol.

I realise this is slightly off-topic, but just out of interest, how did you manage to decide with your wife that swinging was what you both wanted? How did you talk about that? Did you have to persuade her, or vice versa? Basically I'd just like to know how you/she approached such a sensitive topic without either of you thinking the other is crazy. (I say crazy, and i'm not being insensitive, but I guess I'm either too young, closed-minded or culturally ignorant to think that swinging is healthy for a long term relationship).

Maybe it's something i'll grow into? Do you honestly feel no jealousy/rage/protectional instinct when you see some other dude put his cock into your wife? Not being flippant, i'm just curious.

Valdearg

It takes a special mindset to do it. We've both known that we were sexually liberal from when we started dating. Getting into Swinging was kind of a gradual thing. At first, we just enjoyed taking pictures and showing off for people online, and when we started getting messages asking for threesomes/swapping, we kind of just laughed it off.

One day, when we were having sex, she asked me if I could use a toy on her while she sucked me. I asked if she liked the idea of being fucked while she sucked me, and she said she did. A while later, we were drinking with a few of her friends and they all had their shirts off. She started playing with one of her friends' tits, and jokingly asked if I could play, too. To my surprise, they both said yes. Next thing I know, we have our first threesome together. It was at that point that I suggested to her that, if she wanted, she could fuck our roommate (a guy), because I thought it would be hot. The rest was basically a progression from there.

We did, eventually, have a talk regarding it and set boundaries and basically said that if, at any time, either one of us felt uncomfortable, we'd both stop what we were doing. Respecting each others boundaries is really what it's all about.

As far as the mindset is concerned, I can understand why some people would get jealous, but I just don't feel it. Trust is a big factor in that. I know, in my heart, that we love each other and no matter who we play with or what we experience, she will always end up with me in the end. I trust her and she trusts me. We're both completely open and honest with each other regarding anything sexual, and we always check with the other person before making any decisions regarding any sexual encounters we might be having with someone else.

We've been together more than 4 years, have been married for 1.5 years, and have been swinging for almost 3 years, and I don't see swinging as a threat to our long term relationship as long as we remain honest and open with each other. If you lie, cheat, or do anything else to harm the trust your significant other has in you, you're in for a bumpy ride.

tl;dr: It was kind of a natural progression of things. Essentially, it was kind of felt out through half-joking comments and questions. "trial balloons", if you will. Above all, the most important thing to have when swinging is trust, and the most important rule to follow is to be completely honest with your significant other.

Edit: OH, almost forgot. The other rule that we personally follow is safe sex, always. If condoms aren't being used we won't play. The only exception to that is if the person we're playing with has been tested and is "monogamous" with us.

Mathilda

Thanks for sharing.
How do you keep oral sex safe?

Valdearg

We will sometimes use those Dental Dam things and flavored condoms. Though I will admit that our oral sexual behavior isn't as safe as our penetrative sexual behavior. Unprotected Oral sex isn't AS risky as unprotected penetrative sex, but it is still riskier than not having sex at all.

We do get tested regularly, though and the people we swing with are people we know and are friends with. We trust them as much as we trust each other. We haven't yet participated in "random" sex or sex with a complete stranger. If we do end up doing so, the oral sex would be protected.

Edit: Fixed a typo.

ASU2003

I wish there were more 'legal' voyeurism opportunities. Although it has to be real amateur couples, and I'm not sure what the setup would be.

Sheepy

hey Valdearg can i ask if you guys had kids or were thinking about it, would that effect your swinging?

Valdearg

We do not have kids right now, but plan to in the future. I don't think that they would have an effect on our swinging. Perhaps they would make it more difficult to find time to do it, since we'd need a babysitter or make other arrangements to make sure the kids are looked after while we're out. We don't really play with other couples more than once or twice a month as it is, so I doubt it would affect us too much.

Many swingers do have children of their own, however, and manage to continue swinging. One of the couples we used to swing had kids and would often find a babysitter for when we played.

Poetry

I've been swinging before... there's a number of opportunities/clubs for it around here. It was interesting, and I certainly enjoyed the exhibitionistic aspect of it. Vouyerism, on the other hand, doesn't really reach me anymore. The last time I got excited about watching someone else have sex was when the man was dressed as a wookie and about to have sex with two female stormtroopers. That was a great weekend.

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Valdearg

That sounds like a great weekend. Hahah. That would be an interesting sight, to say the least.

dlish

its an interesting lifestyle you lead Valdearg.

Going back to the kids and family thing, would you consider giving up this lifestyle for the sake of kids?

this type of lifestyle has obvious inherent risks involved. Would having kids make you reconsider this lifestyle for the sake of staying around to see your grandkids?

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Valdearg

The inherent risk isn't that much greater than any other lifestyle or hobby that people choose, as long as the right precautions are taken.

Asking that question is similar to asking a hobbyist pilot if he'd stop flying because he's putting himself at a higher risk of death or injury. He understands the risks and takes the necessary precautions to minimize that risk, so there's no reason to stop doing what he enjoys.

So, I guess, to answer your question, I wouldn't. At least, not due to the "risk" factor alone. If my wife and I ever get to the point where we feel it's time to stop, we'll probably discuss it and decide then.

james t kirk

I've been to a few Swinger's clubs in Toronto with my Girlfriend (M4, Wicked, Xclub - they all have their own pluses and minuses)

Club M4 - Toronto's Hottest Swingers Club

The X Club: Toronto Swinger Club, Adult Lifestyle Club, Nightclub, Bar and Lounge.

www.wickedclub.com


I think we tried swinging about 2 years ago or so. I quite like like it I must admit.

The pluses:

1. It removes or drastically removes the concept of "cheating" from a relationship. Like it or not, more people cheat than don't in a so called "normal relationship". Swinging means you get to fuck other people and get it out of your system without having to slither around with with hiders.

2. Sexually - it's quite thrilling. I've had some of my most memorable sexual occasions with swinging - perhaps the most memorable was a private room with about 4 couples going at it at the same time.

3. It allows you to be more honest with your signficant other about your sexual fantasies. We both get turned on talking about our experiences and have maintained a very remarkable sex life with each other.

4. If you are a couple - it is something you do as a couple. Some clubs allow single guys on specific nights, but your odds as a single guy are slim (but not 0).

Draw backs

1. Can be addictive. I'd like to go every 2'nd or 3'rd week. My GF likes to make it more of a "special thing" so it's maybe every 2 or 3 months. Can sometimes be a source of friction between us where I want to go and she doesn't. Or, she says she will, then changes her mind for one reason or another.

2. "Taking one for the team". It is hard to find a couple where we both "hit the jack pot" For example, there is this one couple where I LOVE fucking the woman. She's totally sexual and we hit it off. My GF however - well, the male part of the other couple is hung like a gerbil and usually limp - though he's orally quite skilled apparently. So, my GF ends up taking one for the team. Ditto this other couple we met - my GF loves fucking him, but I just go through the motions with her.





One couple we met summed it up quite perfectly......"If you are in a solid relationship and you are both into it, then swinging will make your relationship better than ever. But if you are in a weak relationship, it (swinging) will blow it (your relationship) apart".

Very true.

There are rules to swinging believe it or not. The number one rule is you don't swing without your significant other. The number 2 rule is that you have to respect the other couple's right to say no thanks.

I don't want to make it the focus of my life, but damn, it's thrilling. Sometimes we go to the sex club and hook up with another couple, or couples. Sometimes, we just have sex with each other and wander around the backroom and take in the sexual charge in the room.

chinese crested

My sister, apparently, was into such practices. The two nice bedrooms, mummy and new daddys bedroom and the guest room were on the first floor, the children were kept in the attic. It wasnt just swinging that was going on, and the children were open to too much of an education (nicest way of putting it). I know mummy often had a white tash (coke), that they saw her chasing step dad/dad across the landing whilst wearing a dildo. Seems the air of nothing being taboo didnt do them a lot of favours. My niece tried to get her bro aged about ten to put his willy in their half sister aged about four. Go on put in in and bounce up and down. Granny came in one day and put on the little mermaid - but it was close up footage of mommys vag. Although I am sure, op, that your tastes are with adults, would you worry about children being overexposed? Come on - we all knew where our mums and dads hid our xmas pressies. Children are inquisative.
PS - They are nothing to do with me, I am the black sheep of the family. Thats what they always said. Of course, the black sheep is the smarter sheep who escapes the slaughterers knife. They are too dumb to know this.

Valdearg

@James T. Kirk: You pretty much summed it up, and I feel pretty much the same way. Both the pros and cons hit the nail on the head. Luckily, my wife and I are pretty cool when it comes to how often we do it. Where we live, there aren't any Swingers clubs (that we know of), so any extramarital fun is usually planned weeks in advance. This pretty much means that we don't get to do it any more than once a month, and we're both pretty cool with that.

@chinese crested: What you described is not the result for every family where the parents are Swingers. In fact, your description is certainly an aberration from the norm. If things aren't handled responsibly with regards to children, there's certainly a risk of them learning or doing something like you described, but that's pretty much the story with ANYTHING regarding children.

When we do have kids, we will never swing with them at home, and we certainly won't be exposing our kids to anything sexual. If, for some reason, they do get accidentally exposed to our lifestyle or anything else sexual, we'd be sure to take a responsible approach to teaching our kids and explaining to them what they just saw at a level appropriate to their age. My wife follows several sexual therapists very closely (the study of sex and sexual behavior is a topic that she is academically interested in), and she already has several plans laid out with regards to how we will raise our children and how to handle educating them about sexuality in a way that is responsible and teaches responsible behavior, but also won't screw them up the way society does now, with it's view of sex.

Society's view being: "Sex is bad! No sex until marriage! Pleasure is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The past generation or two of raising kids on that particular message is responsible for the sharp rise in Teen Pregnancy and STD's, as well as many of the sexual disfunctions that people suffer from nowadays. But that's a topic for a different day.

im2smrt4u

Having been there, I agree that it is pretty awesome, though not the safest lifestyle. Also, I absolutely do NOT support the concept of taking one for the team.

Be open and honest with your partner and it can be lots of fun!

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