cadre

I figured this would be a good place to discuss my experience this weekend.

So while I was picking up a few things from a local porn store this weekend I found a flyer for a fetish party. I know this group has a lot of events and I always wanted to see what the deal was so my husband and I decided to check it out.

I was correct in my assumption that it had a lot of overlap with the local rave crowd. It was an interesting party and there a few cool things going on but over all I did not enjoy it. The people were mostly "posers" and for the most part they were not friendly. They had a few vendors but only two were useful products. I'm not surprised that it sucked for lack of a better word but I thought there would at least be a few people who are for real. Although I was very much amused by the people. Oh how little they know about fetishes or lifestyles.

One day I'll have to find the real parties but we've been moving so often I haven't gotten the chance yet.

Have any of you heard of parties like this or maybe been to one? Any stories?

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Zeraph

You're in AZ? Are you kidding? We have several events like a dozen times a year.

Look up TNG (the next generation) AZ if you're under 39. There's also arizona power exchange. I think there's one more but I'm forgetting it atm. And then there's Fetlife for online social networking.

Plan9

Okay, I'll bite.

Define posers.

Was it like a Middle School dance or what?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Zeraph

I'm guessing some fetish wear, dancing, but little to no nudity or play time. Basically imagine a bunch of goths dancing. But I'm just guessing.

cadre

It was like Halloween but more sex oriented. Guys walking around hold two girls as if they were all lovers, collars that were never used for the intended purpose etc. Of course there were some genuine people there but I really just felt like everyone was pretending to be something they knew nothing about.

And yes they were mostly young people.

And Zeraph, yeah I'm in Flagstaff at the moment. I haven't been in one city for more than a few months lately but I'll look up those groups. Thanks. Ever been to a horn and halos party?

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Lindy

So they were poser poseurs, so to speak?

Lindy

cadre

Pretty close but no real nudity. Something about liquor laws

Oh and there was some spanking play but that was it.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Plan9

Sounds really clique-y.

I mean, if you're playing the "You're not doing it right!" game as far as what other people (posers) want to do with their sexuality in public (not to mention whatever laws apply), what does that make you? I figure as long as everybody was having an awkward good time, it would be okay. Anything more "evolved" would require a more private setting, no? Granted, I know nothing about fetishes and couldn't care less about today's version of deviant sex. What kind of environment are you looking for? I'm sure swingers clubs would be a better choice for straight fuckity-fuck action of whatever flavor.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Starkizzer

Isn't the point of these parties/get togethers/meets/munches/etc that they help the younger inexperienced crowd learn what it is to be in the "lifestyle"? Maybe they don't know they look like posers, maybe they are just getting started in it and don't know any better.

I've heard that many parties are supposed to be welcoming for all and clothing is optional as is play. From what I have read it is hard to find a real group that actually is serious about things.

That all being said, who is to judge what some one else's take on a fetish is?

__________________
Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

Zeraph

No, first time hearing about them. Sounds fun though. I'm really good at playing the devil. I've got a silver tongue and the devils luck. (I'm assuming that's what you mean by horns, and halos dressing up as angels). Mhmmm I'd love to see some angel blood and corrupt me some. Last time I got around a dozen souls signed over to me.

---------- Post added at 10:43 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:42 PM ----------

Not really, or its just as cliquey as say baseball. If you show up with a softball at baseball try outs, you're probably not going to have a good time.

Plan9

Baseball has clearly defined rules that anybody can Google.

Do fetishes have the same? Can I get a manual on BDSM?

No, I'd imagine it varies greatly from individual to individual.

...

Again, I wonder what Cadre expected from the party.

...

I'm only being a half an asshole in this thread because I'd be one of the "posers." Let's say my girlfriend and I show up just to see what is going on, meet some new people and enjoy the provocative environment that others that aren't "posers" are pushing. If I show up in a Kool-Aid "Oh yeaaah!" t-shirt and she's wearing a corset, does that mean we're not welcome? I hope not. I would expect a lot more from a crowd that has "no limits."

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Zeraph

Actually yes, it basically does have a manual. Go to fetlife and look up the fetishes. They have thousands.

Everyone I've met from the lifestyle has been nice and welcoming. But there's pricks everywhere.

For instance Plan9 (you should like this one) there is a fetish for military interrogation.

Starkizzer

There are no clear and set rules for fetishes. There are basic understandings and guidelines, but I would say plan is right in that everyone has their own definition of what is involved in a fetish.

I love collars, I love to wear one and have it tight around my neck. Does this mean I am collared? No, I most certainly am not. Does this mean I shouldn't be allowed to wear one if I so choose, for fear that I will be called a poser... I don't think it should.

And like you said, there are thousands of fetishes on fetlife. People are making up new ones everyday. There are "mainstream" (so to say) ones that are listed in the "List of Fetishes" but if you do a quick search for something like gir, you will find a few groups and fetishes for liking gir.

Fetish parties are very much like the fetishes themselves, open for interpretation and should be allowed to be enjoyed by all in their own way. Also, like fetishes, you can determine if you want to try a party/group again after going or you can choose to find a new venue.

__________________
Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

Zeraph

I generally agree in spirit. But how are you not collared if you're wearing a collar? Unless you meant to say a gorget.

Starkizzer

When I say I am not collared I mean I am not owned, I am not a slave, I am not a submissive who has accepted a collar from her master/dom. I wear a collar for fun, I did not agree to anything when I received it. Hubby and I bought it together. It was not meant as a symbol of anything.

Goreans are not the only ones who "collar." With Goreans, women are not viewed the same as men, if you are a woman in the Gorean community and a slave (kajira) that can be and is most often entirely different from being some dom's/domme's slave in other aspects of BDSM. They are a whole 'nother level of fetish that is even on the outer reaches for those in the BDSM lifestyle.

__________________
Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

Plan9

Don't be an asshole.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Zeraph

Heh, didn't mean to, sorry. Just thought it applied was all. Thought it was kind of a funny fetish. Just because I'm into the lifestyle doesn't mean I like half the fetishes out there.

---------- Post added at 12:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:19 AM ----------

PS anyways, there are posers because there are a lot of resources out there and a lot of people willing to teach the basics. BDSM is starting to become a fad among the younger kids these days but they probably don't even know what it stands for.

There are especially a TON of posers that are older men that think they're doms just because they want a lot of blow jobs.

Regardless that some things may be open to some interpretation, there are many things that are definitely defined clearly. Like I'm a Dom. I like to control. I'm also a sadist. I like to inflict pain on others. There are no other ways to interpret those words.

Starkizzer- that's a gorget not a collar.

cadre

Some of you are getting offended over my wording and I, kind of, apologize. Maybe poser wasn't the correct word to use. I stand by my observation that a lot of the people at this event were not true fetishists. I have no problem with people trying new things and I understand that each person interprets these events differently. My dislike for this crowd came from the fact that many of them were unfriendly, if not rude. I got the sense that these people talked a big game but really had very little experience (which is fine, but at least have the balls to admit that you are inexperienced).

Now of course there were a few cool people there and a few cool things to see.

My point is/was that this was more of a fad type of thing than a true bdsm event. That's great for those people that are looking for that but I personally am not.

Zeraph, Horns and Halos is the group that puts on these events. They have a Fetish Ball and a Fetish Prom every year.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Starkizzer

hehe Cadre, I took no offense to your post what so ever. Sorry, if it seemed I did.

I do not go to the parties because I have heard people are rude and look down on others. Not cool and not something I want to be around. Sorry, your experience sucked as much as I have heard others say.

Zeraph: huh? Just because I like to wear a collar does not mean I am "collared." I think I'm missing what you are getting at. I know Goreans are different and so is their lifestyle. I am not a gorget, and I am not collared (two different things). I am not sure where the confusion is coming from, but I was trying to explain how I wearing a collar does not make one collared. You asked if I meant gorget, I didn't.

__________________
Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

cadre

No worries. I don't know what I was expecting to find that night. I suppose I figured it would be more of the seasoned rave crowd (which I don't mind because they are always friendly).

There is a difference between wearing a collar and being collared. And in the setting of this party there is a difference between saying that you're collared and actually being collared.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.