Sex Problems Resulting from it Not Fitting. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Anonymous Member · 12-28-2010, 08:03 PM

Yes, this does seem like a bit of a stupid and embarrassing situation, but I figured it might be best to run it past the professionals of TFP for commentary and suggestions for the next course of action.

I've been dating my girlfriend for a few years now, she was a virgin when we started dating. After waiting way too long, she finally gained interested in going all the way... but it wouldn't fit. The pace has been pretty slow on working on it as she's extremely embarrassed... however I feel that not fixing the problem will ultimately be a huge negative factor in the relationship. Our sex live is dwindling downward, we are both bored or oral. In addition to her initial lack of interest, the fact of it not working has been making it extremely hard and rarer to make opportunities to try it again.

She's clamping down rather tight down there.. We've pushed and pushed, it's like trying to push my penis into a cinderblock, minus the rough stoney surface. During the last year, we've tried to work up from smaller items, including fingers and even a vibrator. The fact that those go in do demonstrate that there is indeed an opening there... I've stumbled upon articles of ladies who have had similar issues and have always had uncomfortable sex for years... do vagina's really stretch out and get accustomed to penises easily or are they more fixed?

We've googled the issue... I really don't know what to say from there.. there really isn't any clear answer. I've read of one issue where girls have overly contracted muscles down there that prevent them from doing it... I've survived middle school sex ed and stumbled upon Internet pictures that I shouldn't have seen, so I do know that yes that thing should be able to stretch to way huge sizes... this is just getting stupid

She expressed that she will schedule an appointment with a health clinic to get her vagina looked at, however I do feel that a bit more might be needed such as a sexual therapist or gyno more experienced in the matter... She's been drawing out that idea way to long so it would likely take a few months before anything even begins to materialize.

Right now I'm frustrated... she wants to move the relationship forward and has been hinting to wanting a ring for a while but I'm reluctant as this is a much bigger issue for me than it is for her... If we can't get this issue to work, marital issues down the road ain't going to be much easier to work out and I really would enjoy using my penis again this century.

What do you guys think possible issues with this could be? Should we stop trying until we see someone or should we just try and try again or will this even ever work? I hope I wrote enough, I'll add more as I can and will answer any questions and respond to everything :-)

- TFP member of over 5 Years with ample posts and blue balls

snowy · 12-28-2010, 08:32 PM

I'm not a doctor (obviously) but it sounds like it could be vaginismus.

You really need to get her to a doctor to rule anything out. Even a GP will do, really--it's best to start there and the GP can point you in the right direction, if need be.

amonkie · 12-28-2010, 08:32 PM

couple things.

The vagina was not made for things to be forced like a cinderblock.

What are you doing in terms of foreplay? Are you using lube? Foreplay is not just 10 minutes of heavy kissing and petting, it is getting both of you aroused so that her body is helping you. Girls getting wet isn't just a "omg that is so cool" thing, it is the body's natural lubricant that helps make penetration easier.

There have been days where putting in a tampon felt like there was barely going to be enough room, and then other days where I've had sex and obviously a penis is significantly larger than a tampon and it fit with no problem. The difference between the 2 scenarios is that the natural lubricant and body response made things vastly easier.

I really can't offer any further advice or questions until we know about this, since it is a pretty big part of successful sex and I did not see it mentioned at all in your post.

Anonymous Member · 12-28-2010, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy

I'm not a doctor (obviously) but it sounds like it could be vaginismus.

You really need to get her to a doctor to rule anything out. Even a GP will do, really--it's best to start there and the GP can point you in the right direction, if need be.

I've read about that a couple of times but couldn't for the life of me find that term again tonight. thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by amonkie

couple things.

The vagina was not made for things to be forced like a cinderblock.

What are you doing in terms of foreplay? Are you using lube? Foreplay is not just 10 minutes of heavy kissing and petting, it is getting both of you aroused so that her body is helping you. Girls getting wet isn't just a "omg that is so cool" thing, it is the body's natural lubricant that helps make penetration easier.

There have been days where putting in a tampon felt like there was barely going to be enough room, and then other days where I've had sex and obviously a penis is significantly larger than a tampon and it fit with no problem. The difference between the 2 scenarios is that the natural lubricant and body response made things vastly easier.

I really can't offer any further advice or questions until we know about this, since it is a pretty big part of successful sex and I did not see it mentioned at all in your post.

We've tried at numerous stages of arousal for her including extremely close to orgasm as well as post-orgasm. She doesn't have an issue with natural lubrication and we've tried bucket loads of KY

Plan9 · 12-28-2010, 09:42 PM

No ring until you get the ding-ding. Gotta test drive her, ya know?

KirStang · 12-28-2010, 09:54 PM

Huh. Whenever I could not fit in the past, lube always fixed the problem. Wish I could be of more help.

Plan9 · 12-28-2010, 10:33 PM

Snowy seems to have dropped the most logical answer.

No, really, she's probably just nervous. Had a girlfriend like that once. There was NO way you were getting a swizzle stick in there, forget a raging Plan2andaHalfer. It was the funniest thing. She asked me to go downtown and investigate and it literally looked like her reproductive pocket was puckered like a bank vault. While hitting up a GP doctor is a gimme for most medical situations mentioned on TFP, I'd recommend a little more in-bed therapy as well: just focus on parts of her anatomy other than that, chew on her neck a little, keep her busy with pillow talk and slide-right-inOHYEAH. After the initial problem, it was smooth sailing after that. So smooth, in fact, that we achieved an orgasm record that hasn't been bested since.

Make sure your partner does some research on vaginismus, bro.

66mustang · 12-29-2010, 05:09 AM

No matter how large you are, it should fit with enuff 4play and lube. Have you seen the size of the buns that come out of that oven. Seriously, there are a number of conditions that may be the cause of her envelope being so tightly sealed, so she should visit her twat doc for their opinion. Thats what they're for. Good luck!

The_Jazz · 12-29-2010, 05:35 AM

Mr OP: there are jackholes who aren't bothering to read what you've written abound in this thread just like there is some good advice. Take that as fair warning.

I've been in your position. First and foremost, there's no point in marrying this girl if sex is out of the question. If you're both willing but unable, what's it going to be like in 5 years? 10? 20?

If she doesn't "open up" after orgasm, then that tells me that there's a medical issue. And that's where I have some experience. Back in my dating days, I had a girlfriend who was medically unable to have sex. It's rare, but it's possible. We tried for months and ended up as frustrated as you. It wasn't a simple question of nerves or unwillingness. It's been 15 years+, but I think that the doctor told her to try masturbating with an object by herself fairly regularly. However, in the end, she ended up with a surgical fix. We did end up having sex, but it was never very comfortable for either of us. Honestly, we ended up experimenting with anal and had much better results there.

And 66mustang, how about not answering the question in the most offensive way possible? Have a least a little pride in your posts.

Plan9 · 12-29-2010, 06:01 AM

I'm a full time jackhole and I'm offended by your comments. Reading a post and providing useful commentary is an art, not a science.

Don't make me start naming names.

Anonymous Member · 12-29-2010, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

No ring until you get the ding-ding. Gotta test drive her, ya know?

I'll agree all the way.... kicking myself for even have to think about such a thing. I really want to post an ultimatum of this to her but applying to much pressure wouldn't exactly be smart. however it might get to that point if this doesn't get fixed...

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

Mr OP: there are jackholes who aren't bothering to read what you've written abound in this thread just like there is some good advice. Take that as fair warning.

I've been in your position. First and foremost, there's no point in marrying this girl if sex is out of the question. If you're both willing but unable, what's it going to be like in 5 years? 10? 20?

If she doesn't "open up" after orgasm, then that tells me that there's a medical issue. And that's where I have some experience. Back in my dating days, I had a girlfriend who was medically unable to have sex. It's rare, but it's possible. We tried for months and ended up as frustrated as you. It wasn't a simple question of nerves or unwillingness. It's been 15 years+, but I think that the doctor told her to try masturbating with an object by herself fairly regularly. However, in the end, she ended up with a surgical fix. We did end up having sex, but it was never very comfortable for either of us. Honestly, we ended up experimenting with anal and had much better results there.

And 66mustang, how about not answering the question in the most offensive way possible? Have a least a little pride in your posts.

I'm dreading the idea of medical treatment being required. She currently doesn't have insurance and this diagnosis could easily give her the ammo to force me into another year of no vaginal intercourse. What was the surgical fix? What all did they do to her...? and mmm.... anal, not a bad idea...

I take all comments positively. no worries there

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Snowy seems to have dropped the most logical answer.

No, really, she's probably just nervous. Had a girlfriend like that once. There was NO way you were getting a swizzle stick in there, forget a raging Plan2andaHalfer. It was the funniest thing. She asked me to go downtown and investigate and it literally looked like her reproductive pocket was puckered like a bank vault. While hitting up a GP doctor is a gimme for most medical situations mentioned on TFP, I'd recommend a little more in-bed therapy as well: just focus on parts of her anatomy other than that, chew on her neck a little, keep her busy with pillow talk and slide-right-inOHYEAH. After the initial problem, it was smooth sailing after that. So smooth, in fact, that we achieved an orgasm record that hasn't been bested since.

Make sure your partner does some research on vaginismus, bro.

I'll be sending that link over again soon for sure.. I've investigated her reproductive pocket quite a few times... it definitively feels like the muscles that are tight in the front... it kinda feels like sticking your fingers into a hole in the wall... tight opening.. wiiiiiiiiide open beyond the wall. the tightness goes for like the first half inch i think? so that would make it the muscles over something like an overly strong hymn...

bangs head on wall... bangs head on wall... bangs head on wall...

AquaFox · 12-29-2010, 06:33 PM

Would Kegel exercises help with this problem at all?

wifelover · 12-30-2010, 11:39 AM

Hey,
My wife and I are in very similar situation. Although we have 3 kids, after the first one, my wife started having pain with sex. However, it got better after like 9 months. Than with our second kid, she once again had pain during sex. This time we did not have penatrative sex for almost 2 years. After that, once again she was fine and we got our third kid. Now once again same thing. Doctor checked and could not find anything wrong with her physically. However, she is extremely tight and her vagina tightens up unvoluntariy. Doctor said it's Vaginimus. There is a very good website : vaginismus.com. They have a very good self therapy kit which is extremely successful. Please read material on that website and encourge her to read as well. Order the kit and you would not be disaappointed. Unfortunately, several doctors just tell women to just use more lube, foreplay, relax, or drink some wine. As a result, women suffer for years. If you read some of the stories of the women on that site, you will see that women have been suffering for over 10 years. They finally discovered the site and got over vaginimus through patience and self therapy(involves, kegal, vaginal dialators, some introspective look into past).

Good luck to you both

Strange Famous · 12-30-2010, 12:38 PM

I think it is probably more pyschological than physical - but I wouldnt claim to be an expert on female health issues.

One thing I would say, from my own limited experience of life, is that one of the biggest problems in relationships and one of the biggest reasons that relationships break down, is one partner having a significantly higher sex drive than the other

Without knowing your backgrounds and personalitys and so on, this is the impression that your post gives. It might seem unhelpful, but my view is that a relationship built on these foundations will probably fail. Both sides might think that they can make compromises to the other... but in reality it isnt so easy to do that over a lifetime. If you fundamentally are a lot more into sex than she is... you might get on great, you might be best friends, but I think it will be almost impossible to be together long term. And it isnt so likely either of you can change your fundamental sex drives, And either you will become frustrated, or she will become resentful.

Im sorry if that seems negative.

I also dont mean this in a sexist sense. There are almost as many cases where the woman has a higher sex drive than the man

MSD · 12-30-2010, 04:35 PM

That's all good advice, but it's not just sex drive, they tried and it didn't work.

If everything but your penis goes in OK and you waited years, it sounds like she was raised in a sex-negative environment and it's manifesting in a physical way because she wants to have sex but "knows" that she shouldn't. Let me guess, super religious family?

Lendari · 01-09-2011, 06:31 PM

Quote:

everything but your penis goes in OK

Yeah... sounds like she doesn't want it in there? Might be time to ask her what's up.

xenonman · 01-10-2011, 04:42 PM

try the "back door"!

12-28-2010, 08:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	Sex Problems Resulting from it Not Fitting. Yes, this does seem like a bit of a stupid and embarrassing situation, but I figured it might be best to run it past the professionals of TFP for commentary and suggestions for the next course of action. I've been dating my girlfriend for a few years now, she was a virgin when we started dating. After waiting way too long, she finally gained interested in going all the way... but it wouldn't fit. The pace has been pretty slow on working on it as she's extremely embarrassed... however I feel that not fixing the problem will ultimately be a huge negative factor in the relationship. Our sex live is dwindling downward, we are both bored or oral. In addition to her initial lack of interest, the fact of it not working has been making it extremely hard and rarer to make opportunities to try it again. She's clamping down rather tight down there.. We've pushed and pushed, it's like trying to push my penis into a cinderblock, minus the rough stoney surface. During the last year, we've tried to work up from smaller items, including fingers and even a vibrator. The fact that those go in do demonstrate that there is indeed an opening there... I've stumbled upon articles of ladies who have had similar issues and have always had uncomfortable sex for years... do vagina's really stretch out and get accustomed to penises easily or are they more fixed? We've googled the issue... I really don't know what to say from there.. there really isn't any clear answer. I've read of one issue where girls have overly contracted muscles down there that prevent them from doing it... I've survived middle school sex ed and stumbled upon Internet pictures that I shouldn't have seen, so I do know that yes that thing should be able to stretch to way huge sizes... this is just getting stupid She expressed that she will schedule an appointment with a health clinic to get her vagina looked at, however I do feel that a bit more might be needed such as a sexual therapist or gyno more experienced in the matter... She's been drawing out that idea way to long so it would likely take a few months before anything even begins to materialize. Right now I'm frustrated... she wants to move the relationship forward and has been hinting to wanting a ring for a while but I'm reluctant as this is a much bigger issue for me than it is for her... If we can't get this issue to work, marital issues down the road ain't going to be much easier to work out and I really would enjoy using my penis again this century. What do you guys think possible issues with this could be? Should we stop trying until we see someone or should we just try and try again or will this even ever work? I hope I wrote enough, I'll add more as I can and will answer any questions and respond to everything :-) - TFP member of over 5 Years with ample posts and blue balls

12-28-2010, 08:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I'm not a doctor (obviously) but it sounds like it could be vaginismus. You really need to get her to a doctor to rule anything out. Even a GP will do, really--it's best to start there and the GP can point you in the right direction, if need be. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

12-28-2010, 08:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	couple things. The vagina was not made for things to be forced like a cinderblock. What are you doing in terms of foreplay? Are you using lube? Foreplay is not just 10 minutes of heavy kissing and petting, it is getting both of you aroused so that her body is helping you. Girls getting wet isn't just a "omg that is so cool" thing, it is the body's natural lubricant that helps make penetration easier. There have been days where putting in a tampon felt like there was barely going to be enough room, and then other days where I've had sex and obviously a penis is significantly larger than a tampon and it fit with no problem. The difference between the 2 scenarios is that the natural lubricant and body response made things vastly easier. I really can't offer any further advice or questions until we know about this, since it is a pretty big part of successful sex and I did not see it mentioned at all in your post. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

12-28-2010, 09:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	No ring until you get the ding-ding. Gotta test drive her, ya know? __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

12-28-2010, 10:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Snowy seems to have dropped the most logical answer. No, really, she's probably just nervous. Had a girlfriend like that once. There was NO way you were getting a swizzle stick in there, forget a raging Plan2andaHalfer. It was the funniest thing. She asked me to go downtown and investigate and it literally looked like her reproductive pocket was puckered like a bank vault. While hitting up a GP doctor is a gimme for most medical situations mentioned on TFP, I'd recommend a little more in-bed therapy as well: just focus on parts of her anatomy other than that, chew on her neck a little, keep her busy with pillow talk and slide-right-inOHYEAH. After the initial problem, it was smooth sailing after that. So smooth, in fact, that we achieved an orgasm record that hasn't been bested since. Make sure your partner does some research on vaginismus, bro. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 12-28-2010 at 10:39 PM..

12-28-2010, 09:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
KirStang Future Bureaucrat	Huh. Whenever I could not fit in the past, lube always fixed the problem. Wish I could be of more help.

12-29-2010, 05:09 AM	#8 (permalink)
66mustang Upright	No matter how large you are, it should fit with enuff 4play and lube. Have you seen the size of the buns that come out of that oven. Seriously, there are a number of conditions that may be the cause of her envelope being so tightly sealed, so she should visit her twat doc for their opinion. Thats what they're for. Good luck!

12-29-2010, 05:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Mr OP: there are jackholes who aren't bothering to read what you've written abound in this thread just like there is some good advice. Take that as fair warning. I've been in your position. First and foremost, there's no point in marrying this girl if sex is out of the question. If you're both willing but unable, what's it going to be like in 5 years? 10? 20? If she doesn't "open up" after orgasm, then that tells me that there's a medical issue. And that's where I have some experience. Back in my dating days, I had a girlfriend who was medically unable to have sex. It's rare, but it's possible. We tried for months and ended up as frustrated as you. It wasn't a simple question of nerves or unwillingness. It's been 15 years+, but I think that the doctor told her to try masturbating with an object by herself fairly regularly. However, in the end, she ended up with a surgical fix. We did end up having sex, but it was never very comfortable for either of us. Honestly, we ended up experimenting with anal and had much better results there. And 66mustang, how about not answering the question in the most offensive way possible? Have a least a little pride in your posts. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

12-29-2010, 06:01 AM	#10 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I'm a full time jackhole and I'm offended by your comments. Reading a post and providing useful commentary is an art, not a science. Don't make me start naming names. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

12-29-2010, 06:33 PM	#12 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	Would Kegel exercises help with this problem at all? __________________ ...AquaFox...

12-30-2010, 11:39 AM	#13 (permalink)
wifelover Upright	Vaginismus-I am in a similar situation Hey, My wife and I are in very similar situation. Although we have 3 kids, after the first one, my wife started having pain with sex. However, it got better after like 9 months. Than with our second kid, she once again had pain during sex. This time we did not have penatrative sex for almost 2 years. After that, once again she was fine and we got our third kid. Now once again same thing. Doctor checked and could not find anything wrong with her physically. However, she is extremely tight and her vagina tightens up unvoluntariy. Doctor said it's Vaginimus. There is a very good website : vaginismus.com. They have a very good self therapy kit which is extremely successful. Please read material on that website and encourge her to read as well. Order the kit and you would not be disaappointed. Unfortunately, several doctors just tell women to just use more lube, foreplay, relax, or drink some wine. As a result, women suffer for years. If you read some of the stories of the women on that site, you will see that women have been suffering for over 10 years. They finally discovered the site and got over vaginimus through patience and self therapy(involves, kegal, vaginal dialators, some introspective look into past). Good luck to you both

12-30-2010, 12:38 PM	#14 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I think it is probably more pyschological than physical - but I wouldnt claim to be an expert on female health issues. One thing I would say, from my own limited experience of life, is that one of the biggest problems in relationships and one of the biggest reasons that relationships break down, is one partner having a significantly higher sex drive than the other Without knowing your backgrounds and personalitys and so on, this is the impression that your post gives. It might seem unhelpful, but my view is that a relationship built on these foundations will probably fail. Both sides might think that they can make compromises to the other... but in reality it isnt so easy to do that over a lifetime. If you fundamentally are a lot more into sex than she is... you might get on great, you might be best friends, but I think it will be almost impossible to be together long term. And it isnt so likely either of you can change your fundamental sex drives, And either you will become frustrated, or she will become resentful. Im sorry if that seems negative. I also dont mean this in a sexist sense. There are almost as many cases where the woman has a higher sex drive than the man __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

12-30-2010, 04:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	That's all good advice, but it's not just sex drive, they tried and it didn't work. If everything but your penis goes in OK and you waited years, it sounds like she was raised in a sex-negative environment and it's manifesting in a physical way because she wants to have sex but "knows" that she shouldn't. Let me guess, super religious family?

01-10-2011, 04:42 PM	#17 (permalink)
xenonman Upright	try the "back door"!