soma

Ok, so I'm up early as ever doing something I haven't done in several months

1. Wake up at 4 am after dreaming about my ex (she was looking good as ever)
2. Feel an intense urge to jack off to pictures of her
3. Dig around online to find pictures of her to jack off to
4. Rub one out

I know, pretty creepy... She dumped me several years ago, and things have improved since then (in terms of my obsession with her), but it still lingers. She was and still is by far the most sexually attractive girl I've ever dated, and I think that's what's keeping my obsession going.

I try to discipline myself not to think of her, but I always come back eventually like a raging addict. Whenever I do what I described in the above steps, my heart is racing and I'm almost shaking with excitement. Afterward, I feel satisfied, but very dirty and alone.



As you can see in the chart above, I'm doing a lot better than before, but I've sort of leveled out for the past year or so. Is it going to go down any more or am I going to be stuck here for the rest of my life?

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Having Girl Problems?

Hektore

Have you been with anyone else since then? Might help you move on, just make sure you're honest with the new girl about your hangup with the ex.

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

Shauk

You're not the only one who's done something like this, just the only one who'd admit it. j/k ;p

eh, after she drops off as a severe interest, she's pud fodder just like every other attractive woman on the fringe of your internets.

It's just as likely she's pounded herself with her favorite finger in your name after the breakup when she was angry at whoever her last boytoy was. Our mind seeks familiarity sometimes I guess.

I mean, you'll always remember that one time she did something special and dressed up like princess leia and handled you solo.

not that I have any experience with that particular enactment.

Plan9

...

Do you feel dirty or just guilty? I think the two feelings are different.

...

Admission is the first step on the road to recovery, Most Excellent Graphic Boy.

...

And for starters: Try less dope and more sex with other women.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Bill O'Rights

I think that you already have your answer. You say that she dumped you several years ago. It’s time to put down the x-box, lay off of the weed and move on with your life. You are allowing her to maintain control over your life. There is an old adage that there is a lid for every pot. Go find yours, because she obviously wasn’t “the one”. Look, we all think back (and sometimes jerk) to our ex’s, from time to time. But it’s not healthy to obsess over them. What’s done is done and what’s past is past. You can’t change that, but you can direct the present and control the future.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Baraka_Guru

I think the answer is simple; its action plan will be the challenge.

As Bill O'Rights has already said, you're distracting yourself and you know it. You're coaxing yourself into inaction. You were dumped, and your coping strategy has involved escapist/distracting activities such as video games and drugs. And when the pixels dim and the smoke clears, you wonder why you still find yourself jerking off to her picture?

Do something.

Start by selling your Xbox and switching to green tea.

Whine about that if you want, but you reap what you sow. No one's going to hand you the life you want.

Your princess is in another castle, and you're never going to find it the way you're going about it now. It could be many leagues away. Get moving.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

levite

The real question is, can you be happy now?

If you are dating or in a relationship, and you feel happy, and like you are enjoying connecting with your new gf/s, and, in short, that your obsession with your ex is confined solely to your dick, then I think you're OK.

Look, I have some exes and a couple of almost-was's that I still sometimes j/o thinking about. But I love my wife, and I am happy, and I wouldn't want to leave her for anyone. I just sometimes like fantasizing about fucking someone else. There's nothing wrong with that.

But if your obsession is serious-- if your fantasies are not just leverage to raise the drawbridge, as it were-- but your heart is involved, and you miss your ex, and you want to get back with her...then you're in trouble. If this is the case, you have got to shake this chick like a bad flu bug. You gotta cut back on the videogames and weed-- advice I rarely give-- and you gotta do some physical activity to help burn her out of your system. And you have got to get laid. Hook up, find a fuck buddy, make a FWB, start dating, whatever you gotta do. But you gotta give your dick something to wash the taste of your ex off.

Lusty feelings are OK. Yearny, pitiful feelings, not so much. You can do this.

Just know where you're at.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Shauk

You guys are horrible at advice, if everyone listened to you, nobody would play video games.

"sell your xbox"

MADNESS.


my advice? buy a ps3 if you sell your xbox, lol.

Plan9

If you ditch the creepy keepsakes and run off memory, maybe you'll feel less guilty.

It's perfectly natural to get all Divinyl'd thinking about a former lover, hoss.

I do it all the time. Some of them had tricks that you can't find just anywhere.

...

And you could always whack it to someone else's exgirlfriend if that helps. New and different, no?

In the words of PFC Z, "Hahah, look! Is website where men post naked picture of women they can't stand."

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Thrombatic Pyle

A couple of months after my ex and I split and I moved out I encountered a woman on Match.com, after a few weeks of emails, back and forth pictures and hours of phone conversations, she flew here to see me and spend the weekend and within minutes of entering my apartment she pulled my pants down around my ankles, playfully pushed me into my easy chair and blew me, as we agreed upon over the phone prior to meeting, I had a two week load waiting for her and my orgasm was so intense that she choked on it. Couple of hours later she got buttfucked. That was just the beginning, I exorcised a lot of demons that weekend. After what I went through I deserved it. You have to do this sir, otherwise you'll never let her go....

LordEden

I end up masturbating to memory more than fantasy. I need a personal connection to the fantasy than a picture/movie of someone I've never met. Ex/GF/Hot Chick in my social group, I need know the person in some way. Well, except for Alyson Hannigan. It's not a big deal.

It's ok to remember, it's bad to dwell. Wacking off to her will lead down the path to "Sitting in a dark room in an old sweather crying in the corner". Bad.

I agree with BG, your princess is in another castle, go find her. Once you start getting laid again, less nighttime rage-a-thons. Go get your dick wet.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Amaras

I`ve been with a few women since the EX I obsess over, I still have strong
sexual urges about her. I suppose some lady is going to have to supplant her
in my dirty little mind.
Smoke less (not none) herb.
Get out of the house.
Here endeth the sermon.

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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

genuinegirly

Ok, I can understand why you'd feel alone. But why do you feel dirty? Shouldn't it be fun? Am I the only one here who sees nothing morally wrong with getting off on memories? Someone you've been with, who was wonderful and different, but for whatever reason you weren't truly compatable and you ended up breaking up. Now you've moved on to other things in life and you wouldn't want to be with them anyway, but at least you can hold onto the fantasy. In fact, it may be an even more effective fantasy than others would provide simply because of its impossible nature.

Then again, maybe this range of emotions comes about only after you've moved on. There is an aspect of letting go that you seem to be missing somehow.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Plan9

GenuineGirly,

I concur. It's only a problem if it prevents him from getting it on with another girl in the future. If he's single and wants to wallow in his excessive cuffage, that's his bag.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

CinnamonGirl

Ever heard the phrase, "the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else"? Not saying you should go out and fuck the first random girl you come across, but after a few years, it's definitely time to move on.

As many other people have pointed out, thinking about an ex isn't abnormal, or dirty, or wrong. Everyone does it at some point, and that's cool. But, like levite said--

I'm not even about to get on your case for weed and video games, but find some other stuff to do, too. Social stuff. Hang out with your friends, meet some new girls. Have fun... she'll start to fade, little by little.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Plan9

Online dating sites are a great way to meet new people. Minimum effort, maximum return.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Idyllic

Next time you rub the rooster to your ex-G YOU WILL see your mothers face.....................

Next time you rub the rooster to your ex-G YOU WILL see your mothers face.....................

Next time you rub the rooster to your ex-G YOU WILL see your mothers face.....................

Next time you rub the rooster to your ex-G YOU WILL see your mothers face.....................

Your Mothers Face

Your Mothers Face

YOUR MOTHERS FACE, EX-Gs FACE, MOTHERS FACE, EX-Gs FACE

Hope this helps..........

Now, Go Fuck Someone who doesn't remind you of your mother! (or don't and soon you will be living with her, your mom that is, x-box and all)

Cold...... Yes! Productive, hope so?

---------- Post added at 09:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:05 AM ----------

Let me poke this a little more, not trying to fuck with you here, no reason to feel dirty about the ex thing. However, it apparently bothers you so lets move forward and onward, associate her with the past, like the musical notes that drift away from C and H as they dance into the future, man enjoy her melody and her humming tune, when you stop feeling bad you start feeling good and move on.

Let Go and Enjoy the rub, who cares who is to in your mind, when it feels good don't ruin it with guilt, guilt is payment for injuring others, you have injured no-one.

If you are feeling guilty and dirty (feeling dirty can be sexy) it seems to me you are ready to move on, do so, or the only person you are hurting is yourself, maybe that's the guilt, self injury in denying/denouncing your own pleasure and moving away from the pain of the X. Misery can become institutional, check out before it becomes to familiar, that means now.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

Bill O'Rights

Fuck, I wish I hadn't read that.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Plan9

...you whack it to Soma's ex, too?

...

Yeah, no... that brainwashing bit was a little scary.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Thrombatic Pyle

Argh

Plan9

Well, stop jerking off to your ex with that hook, Bluebeard.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Xerxys

To accompany the brainwashing ... today morning on G105 they said something about a cattle prod.If you want to quit anything, get a cattle prod. If you need to smoke, go ahead and smoke, but you will zapped later in the soft spot between your lips and nose. If you curse a lot, go ahead and curse, but you get to be zapped by the cattle prod. They guarantee 8 times before you stop doing what you are doing to get zapped!

/Derail.

gentlesoul43

does everyone here have that 1 ex that never leaves the memory for a good j/o? or is it common to have several instead?

maybe this question belong to a new thread?

macmanmike6100

whenever you think of her, try to remember vividly something awful she did to you or an awful experience she had with you.

distance allows us to idealize, especially when it's an ex. you want to feel like she was great but there must be some reason why you two didn't work out. focusing on that will train your brain to associate the bad truth with her beautiful body.

remember, all that glitters is not gold!

and no worries man, we all go through it...breakups are rough on almost everyone's psyche.

Wes Mantooth

Naw its not creepy, gal dang if I had a dollar for every time I jerked off to a lurid picture of an ex I could retire and buy a small country

Lets face it, if you dated somebody you found incredibly attractive chances are your head is filled with all sorts of sexual images probably to sleazy for Larry Flint to publish...and quite frankly after all the hell some of my exes put me through they at least owe me a the occasional jack off to a mental image or picture. C'mon now. Kidding, no really...

Personally I really wouldn't let it bother you but if it does I'd recommend getting back on the horse and meeting somebody new to take her place, but honestly even then you might still think about her. Maybe find some REALLY good porn? I know that sounds tongue in check but hey if its good enough you'll keep going back to it and stop thinking about your ex so often. Or if you find yourself thinking about her and those feelings pop up dig it out and focus on it, at least when your done you'll look up and realize it wasn't her you've been rubbing one out too.

I don't know I hope it works out for you but honestly I'd just say kick back and enjoy yourself, your not hurting anyone and it really isn't that abnormal. Why not just try to have fun with it and let it be what it is until she fades from memory?

Best of luck

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Reno

I feel your pain, I too feel guilty when I masturbate to your ex's memories!!

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Some lessons are painful to learn, but they are all worth learning!

raging moderate

i often times jerk off to memories of multiple exes at once....what's the point of having sex (or any experience for that matter) if you can't relive it later in your mind?(/hand)

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These are the good old days...



formerly Murp0434

Bear Cub

I really don't see what the big deal is. I used to jerk off to images (mental and literal) of my exes all the time. Just because they're a bunch of greedy cunts doesn't mean they weren't hot.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.