SwingGirl

Yes I am brand new here to TFP and yes I am going there. I have lurked around for a while and I know you all (male and female) have some great insight when it comes to these scenarios.

This is a biggie...a little background:
We have been happily married for over 15 years(got married very young). Just in the last 5 years our sexlife has exploded and we have been sharing fantasies with each other and in some cases living those out.

I cannot imagine ever wanting to see him with another woman so I find this desire of his hard to understand. He wants to watch another guy f@*$ me and preferably one who is packin heavy (you know what I mean) He says he wants to see me pleased in ways I maybe never have been.

SO please someone enlighten me...is this normal and should I be at all worried about what this says about his love for me???

Maybe it is a guy thing because I don't get it.

Wes Mantooth

Honestly I wouldn't be worried, it sounds like he just wants to try, or see something different. It doesn't sound like he wants to cheat on you, he isn't asking to bring another women into the bed for a three way or asking if he can be with another women so I wouldn't worry about how he feels about you, in fact it sounds like he wants to give you a good time...just in a different way. Perhaps this is some fantasy or fetish he's always had and now that the two of you are sharing your fantasies more openly he's suggesting something he's always wanted to try but was maybe to afraid to bring up.

I don't know, I've personally never had the desire to see a girlfriend with another guy but I have heard of this fantasy before and I wouldn't say its highly unusual, certainly not common per say but not in the realm of the extremely bizarre either.

Hope it turns out great no matter what you decide to do.

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im2smrt4u

FWIW, it can be quite an erotic thing, but it is very important to find someone that you both are comfortable with. Don't jump into the sack with someone just to fulfill a fantasy. It won't be nearly as enjoyable as if you find the right person. Also, I'd advise against considering friends for this as it will almost surely end badly.

I can say that it doesn't indicate anything about his love for you. Be glad you are open and honest with each other regarding your desires.

If this is something you want to do, go for it, have fun, and post about your experience!

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girldetective

You would not find me agreeable to this with my husband. He will never forget it, and neither will you.

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Halx

Your name is SwingGirl and you are unsure about having sex with another man?

Really, all you need to do to confirm that this is normal behavior is look on craigslist for all the people who are looking for stuff like this. Trust me, there is nothing abnormal about it.

Oh, for the record, I'm packin' heavy.

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SecretMethod70

I'm gonna guess your username has to do with dancing then?

This isn't that unusual and I don't think you should worry about what this says about your relationship. If anything, it says good things considering he trusts you enough to want you to experience other people.

That said, tread carefully. Communication at all times, with all people involved. Before you do anything, make sure all boundaries and scenarios are considered.

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Le temps détruit tout

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Wyodiver33

My ex-wife wanted to have a threesome with another woman. We talked about it for quite a while before doing it. She didn't want anything to do with another woman but wanted to watch me. She swore that it would not affect our marriage. Being a guy, and with her seeming so ok with it I finally said sure, let's do it. Well, to make a long story short, the night ended with her crying her eyes out, me wishing I could go back in time. Our marriage was never the same and we got a divorce about a year later.

I'm not saying that anything bad will happen to you if you go through with it. But be careful. There's an all-to-real chance that it won't be worth it.

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Willravel

Is this something you're interested in, SwingLady? Or is this something you're not interested in?

The_Jazz

Best post yet.

If you're not into it, then you're not into it. He shouldn't try to force it.

We know what he wants. The real question, though, is "what do YOU want?" If you want it, go for it. If you have reservations, talk about them. Figure out how everything will work.

Is his request "normal"? Sorry, dear, there's no such thing as normal, especially here. What does it say about his love for you? Really, nothing, at least as far as I'm concerned. This isn't about love; it's about sex. That said, the sex can break the love, so I'd talk to him about how far you're willing to go to fulfill his fantasy.

And don't believe what Halx says. He's sporting 9", maybe 10" tops.

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Idyllic

Don't forget the condoms, but be prepared for him to ask you to watch him have sex with some girl the next time, the swing goes both ways.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

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Martian

I'm sort of jumping on the bandwagon at this point, but the fact is that you're asking the wrong questions of the wrong people.

Is this a one time thing, or does he want to introduce a third party on a regular basis?
Does he expect that because you have sex with another man, he should get to have sex with another woman? You've already stated that you're not comfortable with that, so it needs to be clear that it's not an option.
And most importantly, is this something you want to do?

Sometimes fantasy is best left in the realm of fantasy. If you're opposed with this idea, doing it to make him happy is a bad decision. If that's the case, perhaps some roleplaying would be an alternative.

No prize for guessing who you should be asking these questions.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Baraka_Guru

This is a good point. SwingGirl, has he considered pretending he's the neighbour or something as a start?

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Psycho Dad

My wife and I have tried quite a few things sexually. Threesomes and such are things that we have discussed, but never agreed on and so it never happened. This just seems like a good time to be mindful of what the other person wants.

As far as it being normal... Your husband did not invent this fantasy on his own.

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WarMoney

Hubby here. She should have said "likes to watch" instead of "wants to watch". We have done this a couple of times now, but with couples. (hence the name). Now we are talking about just a guy. Trust me folks, she is the boss. Whatever she wants, or doesn't want, I comply. I'm not in it for the big payback i.e. fmf, I am just getting off on her getting off!

genuinegirly

It's great to have both husband and wife in this thread! What a fun discussion.

This is not an off-the-wall fetishy request. I'm not quite sure why it has thrown you so off-guard, considering that you're already comfortable with a swinging relationship. Is it the voyeuristic quality that is confusing?

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Willravel

True.dat. Some of the questions we've gotten here on TFP before make this look almost puritanical.

WarMoney

And THAT's why we love this board.

im2smrt4u

Sounds like the right mindset. What prompted the thought of a single guy rather than the couples?

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WarMoney

Not rather than, in addition to. Just like seeing her pleased.

Idyllic

Wow, SwingGirl if that WarMoney is the real thing like he says, don't let him get away. But following his led, You're the Boss. Wow, make sure it IS what YOU want. I don't know, I'd been so afraid of disappointing him, what a catch, and yet, I 'd be so afraid of him being disappointed in the end, as much as he says go girl, do you go? Big Question.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

SwingGirl

OK so I should have given a little more background info. This all began with both of us agreeing that it would be fun and exciting to have same room sex with another couple(s). We have done it a couple times and sometimes it has led to more (girl/girl and me messing around with the guy a little) which hubby and I loved every minute of.

That being said, my intention with this thread was to get some perspective on why or how it is appealing for my husband to see me have sex with another man when the thought of him with another woman makes me cringe. He and I talk about it all the time and are extremely open about all of our thoughts, feelings, desires. I just needed to get some revelation from other people but yet keep my anonymity since this isn't something that I could sit down with my mom or sibling about=]

im2smrt4u

I'd say it comes down to watching your partner be pleasured. Starkizzer (my fiance) being pleasured is quite a turn on for me. I love to see her in bliss, no matter if it is with me, alone, or with someone else.

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evilmatt

Maybe it was my non-traditional upbringing but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to marriage and monogamy. If you've already "done this a couple times" where it's involved you fooling around with another woman and another guy for a bit, well it can't seem -that- unusual that he gets off on seeing you with other people. Your mindset can't be too off base either seeing as you can look him in the eye and tell him you're upholding your wedding vows while having sex with someone else.

So I guess color me a bit confused that the thought of him being with another woman is OMG SO AGONIZING while the thought of yourself being with another person if perfectly fine. Dare I say that's being a bit hypocritical?

SecretMethod70

evilmatt: For a lot of people it's different when it's same-sex. Even more importantly, everyone is different. There's no real logic to these boundaries, they just are what they are.

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Idyllic

Yeah, as close as you two sound, I know I would be uncomfortable watching my husband have sex with another woman, and I have to say that I would be a little uncomfortable with the knowledge that he doesn't mind so much another man touching me, especially when he is around, kind of the whole protect me, how could you want anyone to touch me. I could see the whole if he really cherished me he wouldn't want another man to touch me thoughts happening, but then again, I can see how he could love you so much he wants to see you immensely pleasured, as you have said you two are adventurous, I'm sure you've gone the well developed dildo think, right. Wow, this is really an interesting discussion.

I wonder, WarMoney do you feel as though you completely pleasure your wife or do you wonder if she could be more pleasured by a larger mem. or something like that??? just asking

conundrum at its best, great communication though, neat couple.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

Baraka_Guru

I remember reading about this awhile back. (Yes, this is my life: reading and not experiencing.)

Apparently the cuckolding fantasy/fetish is such that the husband is sexually invigorated by it because of an innate reaction to sexual competition. He actually produces more sperm even.

Do you think this is what this is about WarMoney? I find it hard to believe it's just a generic "hey, anything that pleases her...." especially considering that it doesn't seem to be something on her list of things that turn her crank.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

WarMoney

I don't think it is the cuckhold thing. From what I understand, in that scenerio the husband is ridiculed and left with clean up duty. I on the other hand (no pun intended) am able to participate.

Idyllic,
I know that I please her. I just like to see her pleased above and beyond what I can give her!

SecretMethod70

I think this is just a sexual form of compersion, really.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Martian

For emphasis:

Sex is never zero sum. Or at least it shouldn't be. It's all about the individual boundaries, and how the two (or more) people can interact and have a mutually satisfying relationship within those boundaries.

Looked at another way: if your girlfriend/wife is begging you to tie her up and you consider trying it, does that mean she should get to tie you up too? What about spanking then? What about anal penetration?

WarMoney being comfortable and even encouraging SwingGirl to have sex with another man does not in any way mean that SwingGirl has to or should be comfortable with WarMoney having sex with another woman. It's up to her to decide whether or not that's outside her comfort zone, and there's nothing wrong with her deciding either way.

Back on topic:

If what you're looking for is for someone to tell you that this is normal SwingGirl, you've got a thread full of people telling you that. This is perfectly normal and if you're both comfortable with it then you should do it. There's nothing wrong with you or him or your relationship together for wanting this.

All you have to decide now is whether or not you do want this.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Baraka_Guru

I think that sexual compersion is a form of cuckoldry. There are various themes to it, but cuckoldry generally refers to a man and his adulterous wife, whether or not he knows about it. Cuckoldry as fetish implies that he derives pleasure form it. He can be right there in the room, and he can even be participating somewhat, but it generally is the same situation: his wife is having extramarital sex with a man.

In this case with the thread here, I generally found it interesting that he seems really into it, but she's indifferent and even confused about it as a source of pleasure for him.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

SecretMethod70

I dunno, I understand cuckoldry to include an aspect of humiliation for the husband, whether direct or indirect. It doesn't sound to me like that's why WarMoney likes this idea.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Idyllic

compersion, new word, love new words, cool.

WarMoney, Your a pretty amazing dude, I think maybe, that if it were me, and I had this great guy who was so seemingly compassionate, and so giving, and so many of those rare things that we women want in a man, and think never exists, I'd be terrified of you potentially changing your mind mid camp, or not getting out of it what you expected or I don't know, I would greatly be afraid of your lose, lose of anything from you, in anyway.

I think your reassurance could be as positive as you could possibly give me and it may just make me love you more and not want to take that risk. Just a thought.

Maybe why your lady enjoys her time with the other wife more than the husband is because it is a feeling of pleasing you by your watching and pleasing herself which may be elevated merely because it pleasures you to watch her, but there is definitely less risk for her to have feeling like she may be hurting you, as most men don't seem to look at girl girl relationship as that threatening. As a woman the possibility of hurting my husband in anyway frightens me, especially his manliness. Not saying that is your case, but that is how we women are typically taught to think.

How about another woman with a strap on, you know we woman really do know what other woman like, to most degree, maybe even a little dominatrix, if your lady approved obviously. I know the whole restraint thing can be very tantalizing, and if done right extraordinarily pleasurable, maybe even add a little sensory deprivation. Still though she feels less threatened by a woman, it would seem.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

Baraka_Guru

I think that is a more traditional view. With sexual liberation, or whatever you want to call it, many fetishes have been more accepted and openly practiced. I can see how a man would get off on this. I can only imagine that sexual competition is hardwired in us. If you can override the jealousy factor, I can see how that could be hawt.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

SecretMethod70

Hmm, I didn't mean anything negative by what I said. Lots of people get off on being humiliated. Nothing wrong with that. Just saying, I'm not sure it's accurate to call it cuckolding without the humiliation. At least, that's what I've always associated with the term, no judgment intended. Basically, it seems to be a matter of semantics, depending on how broadly we wish to apply the term. Beyond that, I think we're both saying the same thing

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

evilmatt

I agree with you in principle, but in reality there's a big difference between two married folks doing things to one another and an outsider coming in and doing something to one of them. If the two married folks involved don't see any difference there, well bully for them I suppose but my own opinion, which is the only frame of reference I can speak from, says that sex is between two folks with some form of emotional attachment, doubly true if they're married.

When you bring someone into the bedroom you immediately remove that emotional attachment from sex. It become just sex. It cheapens it, turns it into just physical thrusting and that's just not something I'd want to see it turned into for myself or my wife.

Like I said, just my opinion.

Cernunnos

During a former relationship, I would masturbate to thoughts of my girlfriend obtaining pleasure from another woman, and quite regularly, other guys. She was submissive and wished to please me above all else, so the idea of her becoming aroused to the point that she would seek her own pleasure first and foremost, without consideration for anything but sexual desire, was an immense turn-on.

A few fantasies:

-Her becoming hot and bothered with a co-worker and fooling around on the nearest desk, coming home with soaked panties and allowing me to go down on her
-Deciding to wear a skimpy skirt to the bar and having some stud nail her in the backseat of his car, possibly venturing back to his pad for a raunchy gang bang
-Using a webcam with a friend while drinking a bit too much wine, finding her furiously masturbating and flirting away, thighs spread wide in her chair as I peek into the room

I can confirm that jealousy is a competing emotion when considering these fantasies as actual possibilities, and that always prevented me from genuinely proposing what your husband has, which is offering your body to another man. With my girlfriend, she would often tease me about her naughty activities, how she hadn't been able to resist someone, or that she was horny enough to consider a fling. We both knew it was just playful banter, but the fantasizing was incredibly enjoyable.

You should be proud of your husband for mustering enough courage to openly admit his fantasies, but I urge you to discuss it with him and discover if any jealousy lingers in his mind, regardless of how fucking hot he considers your arse raised sky high with a thick cock balls deep inside of you.

ratbastid

Not even a little. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy. Cuckoldry (in the consensual context we're talking about here) is the fetishization of jealousy. Entirely different things.

Just out of curiosity: everyone on this thread who has actually experienced compersion, please raise your hand? (*hand raised*)

(BTW, "compersion" is a slightly outdated term, at least in the poly circles I travel in. The preferred term nowadays is "frubble". I know, silly word, but it's cuter and less clinical-sounding, which makes for happier poly-hippies.)

WarMoney

When we are with other people it is just fucking. Sport fuck as we say. When we are together it is totally different. Very loving, sexual intimacy.

thermight

I think that seeing your lover getting off can be very pleasing. It could be with fingers up to another dude. I am WAY to jealous for another man to be a reality. I like the fact I am the only guy my wife has been with.
However, lately I have been entertaining the fantasy of watching her ride a nice big dildo. It is kind of my version of this fantasy. Just no jealousy danger from a hunk of plastic. But, if she is not that into it, then the whole hotness factor is not there. That is part of the whole process. Your SO really needs to be getting off on it to make it exciting to the watcher as well.

Baraka_Guru

I don't see jealousy as a prerequisite for cuckoldry. That's a traditional (even Medieval) view. People might make up new words like frubble or whatever, but often what happens is older words take on new and more encompassing meanings. I view cuckoldry, generally, as the situation of a man and his wife's extramarital sex. Period.

I can't see a simpler way of labelling the OP as anything but a cuckoldry fetish. He wants his wife to have sex with another man. Yes, he's involved, but what he's getting off on is the idea of his wife having sex with a man that isn't him, the husband: so, cuckoldry. Try not to view this word in the traditional, Biblical, or Medieval sense. I'm using it as it means today in its multifaceted, overarching, and rather generic meaning. Make up another word if you want, but it will mean essentially the same thing. You might want to call more specific activities by another name, but that's what words are for. Fellatio, for example, isn't just oral sex. It's a specific kind.

Maybe the whole problem here is that I'm more familiar with archaic words and shifts in meaning over time than the average person. Maybe cuckoldry is too archaic for contemporary sensitivities. What other single word do we have for such a situation?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot