Cimarron29414

You test-drove the car for 3 years before you bought it. Now you are bitching because it doesn't have power windows. It never had power windows. Sit down, shut up, and enjoy the ride. From what I can tell, you have a great wife and should thank your lucky stars.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

little_tippler

I think at this point it's useless to reprimand you for getting married before solving the issue if it was that important. Does no good and only makes you feel bad. You know it was probably a bad idea. Now how to try and fix it, if it is even fixable?

There has been a lot of good advice in here so far. Talking is the main thing. Though, after a point, you can talk an issue to death. Action after talking is also important. If you have told her already this is a problem, and she knows it, and hasn't changed a thing in all that time...I think you will have a hard time getting anything to really change. You may even put it to her as a 'dealbreaker' and that may prompt her into last-minute-panic-let's-try-again mode....but I'm not sure about what that will really accomplish in terms of a permanent solution. If she really just doesn't like to give them...it may be that there will never be a way to keep you both happy. But, of course, it is worth trying to find a compromise if you love each other.

On a lighter note, I have a suggestion. On the off-chance that her problem with BJ's is not getting any satisfaction herself....have you guys tried all the great variations of 69? Win-win I think. Good luck

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Daniel_

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

curiousbear

Hi, firstly you are lucky that she comes during Intercourse.
Secondly, does she perform active sex like "Women on Top" etc? if NO then I think she is a passive person in sex.... So address it at that level
If YES, then it could be what ngdawg advised
And do you try dim or dark room sex? Strangely it may help - explore explore explore

PATIENCE

Miss Mollie

There's no way round it, you're going to have to have a serious chat about it. The good thing is that it's early days in your marriage, so anything you verbally tackle now should hopefully improve your relationship immeasurably and help to build a better marriage in the future.

I have a girl friend who will not give BJs and hates receiving, which to me is just crazy, but she doesn't like it, and that's that. Nothing can persuade her otherwise and it's not due to bad experiences in the past, it's just the way it is, nothing any guy could say or do would make her change her mind. If that's how your wife feels then you have to decide whether you can handle living like that - from personal experience I think that an imbalance in sexual desires can make it very difficult not to cheat. A healthy relationship means compromise, so if she is willing to give it a try, then you need to explore what will make you both happy, and take it from there.

It's difficult to initiate a conversation like this, but don't make accusations, try to understand her point of view and ask her if there is anything you can do to turn the situation around, and hopefully things will work out fine.

lulu_mq

BAHAHAHAHAHA! *Can't breath*

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What kind of bee's make milk?! ..............BOOBEES!!!

Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Toaster126

I read your post. If I misunderstood, I'd like to understand what you meant.

Are you not saying it's a sign of something bad (being out of sync) if two partners communicate their desires (sexually or not) here?

There does not need to be stress from communicating your desires to your partner nor asking them to help/perform/act them out. If she is repulsed from your honest communication of your desires, she certainly isn't being a loving, supportive partner.

You have stated he should stop communicating his desires with her and apologize, and I think that is the opposite of what he should do if he wants a loving, healthy, honest relationship.

Perhaps you inferred that I thought a partner should do whatever their partner wanted, and be okay with that? If that's the case, I do not think that communication of desires means one partner must somehow "lose" or back down. I do think people should keep open minds, try things before hating on them, and understand that it takes sticking your neck out there to communicate somethings, and that if you want your partner to keep communicating with you if there is a problem (instead of hiding it, being miserable and making you miserable, cheating on you, dumping you, etc), you have to keep the interaction positive.

If only one side is doing all the compromising, though, I think that says more about the relationship than a lack of hand jobs. :P

I don't think there is much misunderstanding here. I just disagree with you. I love discussing topics like this so I'd love to communicate with you more about it.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Lady Bear Cub

69 maybe?

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"I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it,
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"

james t kirk

Wow.

Too all the posters who are chiming in about "why did you get married then" - no shit, but it's to late for that, so don't bust his balls already.

My thoughts are that I totally sympathize with the OP. Blow jobs are a wonderful thing, a necessary thing, a required thing. It doesn't have to be every day, or even every other day, but once a week would not be too much to ask for.

I know myself when I've dated women who refuse to give one thing or another in bed - say a blow job to be consistent - well, I end up being FIXATED on getting a blow job. It's all I end up wanting - which only makes it worse because the more I want it, the less she wants to give it. You end up feeling like shit. (In my case I simply stop seeing a woman I'm sexually incompatible with - but that comes with age and experience. This dude is married.)

Now to the problem at hand.

I don't know how old the OP is. That can be an issue. If she's young - say late teens, early 20's she could grow out of it and become a good cock sucker - though to be brutally honest - I doubt it.

If she's 30 or older - forget it. Her sexuality is set in stone. She's simply not into sucking cock (for whatever reason - and really who cares what the reasons are - she doesn't like it and will never like it) or cock in general. She's never going to change.

So if she's younger, you might have a shot at remolding her, but if she's over 30 then she'll never change and you either accept that you will never get your cock sucked and you live with it or you get the hell out of the marriage. (Sorry, it's true. It's the brutal truth. People are like elastic bands - they stretch (change a bit) but ultimately, they go back to their original shape. (You could always go to see prostitutes discreetly to get your cock sucked. The result would be that your wife would be relieved not to have to do it and you would not be frustrated.)

The fact that she will neither suck cock, nor give hand jobs leads me to believe that she finds the male organ unappealing, revolting even. I mean Christ, a hand job is about as inoquous as it gets already. High School even. She'll take it vaginally because that's how nature works. I'm amazed she even orgasms to tell you the truth (maybe she's faking that even - it would not surprise me).

raging moderate

to throw my hat in the ring here...

i actually have been in a similar situation. I have this to say about it. If you've told her before, and she's not a complete moron, odds are she already knows that you want it/need it/love it. So, as genuinegirly more or less said, or else as I'm saying, you may be better off not asking her anymore. I actually went this route - stop asking all the time, apologize, say it's inappropriate to ask all the time, but you know that it is one of my favorite things ever so now and forever, konw that i am 100% interested in it. something along those lines. She thought it was very touching and loving and communicative and everything. and I started getting them more regularly. Everybody wins

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These are the good old days...



formerly Murp0434

Daniel_

I once had a wife who did various things when we were dating, including many sexual ones, which she stopped doing once we were living together.

Over the years we argued about many things, but we mostly argued about sex.

I wanted to do the things that she had claimed she loved, she wanted to do nothing at all.

She said that the pressure of my asking made her insecure and that I should not expect her to be interested in sex just because I was horny.

I wanted her to be happy, so I stopped asking.

Based on her claims, no longer asking should have relaxed her and caused us to have more of it.

What actually happened was she argued with me about why I no longer found her attractive and no longer wanted sex.

The fact is that the only person with a hope of knowing what's happening in your woman's head is your woman, and there's a fair chance she's lying to herself too, so even that option may not exist.

Tell her you love her to suck you off, tell her you're not going to ask her or force her, show her through your actions that it's something you can be trusted not to make her feel bad about.

She won't give you a blow job, but at least you'll not make her insecure.

As Rat said above, bedroom problems are never about bedroom issues.

Make her feel safe and loved, and she may tell you (in words or in deeds) that she can do what you crave, but if she can't you have to either love her and get over it, or leave her and get it elsewhere - what you should never do is get it elsewhere without either leaving her first or getting her permission. Only a poor excuse for a human being cheats on someone.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

hawker rider

I hate to say it, but if she's not into it already..she's not going to be into it down the road either.

You can have this issue get out of hand, or appreciate what you DO get and enjoy it for as long as you're getting it

LoganSnake

Any updates?

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Anonymous Member

I did get a HJ about 2 weeks ago. Then a partial BJ the other night. We were both pretty drunk and after about 5 minutes I just pulled her up to have sex instead because I knew there was no way I was cumming from a BJ that drunk.

I guess I will just have to not get hung up on the BJ/HJ thing anymore because it really isn't import in the grand scheme of things. She has told me repeatedly that when I'm horny to just fuck her, can't complain with that.

raging moderate

sounds about right

__________________

These are the good old days...



formerly Murp0434

Manic_Skafe

You're right that it really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things but other than matters of life and death, what really is? Relationships are about much more than the bare neccesities and if you two can't properly compromise over blowjobs the how do you think you'll fare over issues more serious? Perhaps I've missed it but has she offered you more of an explanation than the fact that she doesn't like it because she gets nothing out of it?

That's bullshit.

...

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

vicdaman

that's right. if she has a negative look on it like that, "i get nothing out of it." then there is probably no way to change her now. i mean when i go down on my girl i'm getting the feeling that she's enjoying it and happy. that's how your wife should feel.