hrandani

Hey if some girl isn't down for getting freaky when I'm feeling her what's the point of dating her in the first place? Seriously, this isn't rocket science. If a girl I'm in a long term relationship with was actually offended that I was making moves on her - whoah. What?

Haven't you ever heard that most of communication is nonverbal?

Relationships are about give and take, this is one of the take moments for dudes. This is one of the huge disconnects between the genders for a lot of people, not all, and I'm just sayin' that I'm firmly on the side that says yes, sex is an entitlement (excluding the obvious footnotes).

Besides , they love it. And if they don't it's generally time to move on.
He asked for a guy's perspective anyway.

And btw for the original post, when you said you are used to things coming to you - life don't work like that. You gotta hustle and take the licks when it blows up in your face. It's clear you're not getting enough sex so you gotta change your shit up son. Find out what turns her on, if she wants to go do some latin dancing, go do that and then try the titty grab (tm) once you get home. If every tubby puerto rican in the world can salsa, by god so can you. If gael garcia bernal makes her wet, pop that bitch in the dvd player and go to work between her thighs.

thesaurosie

Hugging, gentle touching, kissing, making out, more deliberate touching, stroking, petting, stimulating, "Do you want to..?"

thirdsun

Don't ask. Just proceed confidently.

Plan9

We would have also accepted: Like a rapist.

Ugh.

...

Yeaaah, I think the initial verbal "no shit, this is it" communication is huge. And then maintaining that communication throughout the relationship is equally huge. Sex isn't just sex despite what everybody likes to believe about their special psychic link with their current partner. Sex is totally a scary-reliable thermometer for relationship problems. When the sex stops or changes... something is up. In order to know if it has stopped or changed in a manner that indicates a problem... you have to actually go beyond cupping a tit and patting her ass while she's doing the dishes, still worrying about her mother with cancer.

I learned this lesson in a previous relationship and it helped me figure out some of the reasons why the relationships before that went all Hindenburg.

...

Despite how equal we all wanna be... women aren't like men.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mixedmedia

I think you complicate things way too much. You seem to see romantic relationships as a big clouded mystery that can only be traversed by deliberate micromanagement of every step. I feel your pain and I think I know (from your writings here) where it's coming from. But I'm afraid you're going to overdo it with the 'but, she's a woman' stuff. You're too hard on yourself, you're too hard on your partners. You need to soften up a little - maybe take a pottery class or something.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Plan9

But I saw Ghost. The guy died. Granted, it's a great flick to watch when you wanna get laid. Totally plays into the Girls Have Feelings thing.

Ya feel my pain? That's cool. Yeah, I've made my emo history pretty clear in my endless rants here at TFP. Turns out infidelity and angst are probably universal problems for all relationship'd humans. It's the communication style and wants/needs part that varies. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Wait, wait, wait... how would I overdo it with a "she's a woman" stuff? And why are you, of all people, suggesting this? See, I tried to do the whole egalitarian creature thing in my last relationship and that failed like the Joe Theisman's femur. Oh, snappitydoodle. No flowers, no love notes... and I was the lanky cracker equivalent of a Mystikal song. I might be a little too on the extremes here, but I've already done the tough guy bit and the nice guy bit.

RE: OP: Survey says... it's a mystery! Sex is easy to initiate when you're doing it with a new stranger and often becomes a weaponized chess piece later down the line. Maybe it's simple anthropology... maybe it's an indicator of how relationships aren't supposed to last beyond a few months.

Are you suggesting we drop the Worried Nice Guy act and resume surprise anal during the midst of routine Wednesday missionary?

Men everywhere would be ecstatic to hear that news.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mixedmedia

This is a worried nice guy act? brother, please.

I'm doing homework right now and don't have time to respond in full, but basically everything you wrote up there is a perfect illustration of what you are doing wrong. The relationships themselves sound like some kind of hobby for you. Like learning to do the Foxtrot.

Try not doing a bit. Don't bother with starting a relationship unless the woman is the right fit - not saying don't date or hang out with women - but don't start compromising yourself to make it fit. It's the road to disaster. You need to find someone who accepts you the way you are....i know that phrase is trite, but it's right.

And why 'me of all people?' That's another thing - stop investing so heavily in stereotypes. Just because I identify sexually as a submissive, doesn't mean that every display of dominance turns me on. It's a subtle thing...one that needs a match that understands that.

blah, blah, blah...gotta go

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Plan9

Wow, I'm so not even going to touch that steaming pile of One Side'd.

/threadjack

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

mixedmedia

well then fine, you just keep on doing what you're doing. it's so obviously working out for you.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

canuckguy

WELL....for me....

I like to do a combination of things to tell her I want to have sex. Like people of mentioned before, I like to caress her from behind, or ask her what she is wearing under her clothes. Sometimes I come straight out and ask for a little something something and try some moves to see if she is up for it.

I don't expect sex every time but that won't stop me from trying, rarely get a no so I must be doing something right. I say she starts our romps 45% of the time so no complaints!

It helps do the little stuff. like today for instants I played hooky from work, but instead of going on a 5 hour bike ride I did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned both bathrooms, prepped dinner and some minor yard work. and i made the bed. i will be getting some tonight, oh yes.....

Shaindra

Some women...some of the time.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."