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Originally Posted by Crompsin
We would have also accepted: Like a rapist.
Ugh.
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Yeaaah, I think the initial verbal "no shit, this is it" communication is huge. And then maintaining that communication throughout the relationship is equally huge. Sex isn't just sex despite what everybody likes to believe about their special psychic link with their current partner. Sex is totally a scary-reliable thermometer for relationship problems. When the sex stops or changes... something is up. In order to know if it has stopped or changed in a manner that indicates a problem... you have to actually go beyond cupping a tit and patting her ass while she's doing the dishes, still worrying about her mother with cancer.
I learned this lesson in a previous relationship and it helped me figure out some of the reasons why the relationships before that went all Hindenburg.
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Despite how equal we all wanna be... women aren't like men.
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I think you complicate things way too much. You seem to see romantic relationships as a big clouded mystery that can only be traversed by deliberate micromanagement of every step. I feel your pain and I think I know (from your writings here) where it's coming from. But I'm afraid you're going to overdo it with the 'but, she's a woman' stuff. You're too hard on yourself, you're too hard on your partners. You need to soften up a little - maybe take a pottery class or something. 
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce
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