diulasing123

It feels better to share it with someone....even if no one reads it....im still sharing it...atleast once over to myself .... i dont think love is a fortunate thing to experience at all....people all around me...... friends, family, relatives...whatever...they keep bragging about how their love at first sight, their marrage, their so called 'wonderful' phenomenon together as a couple...then they went about asking me....constantly asking how i was, and how my love life was turning out...truth is....my love life blows aunt sally, totally....... i came to realize that love, is like a contract, that both party must agree to....inorder to begin any type of start....both parties must feel the same about each other.....heres my story.....bare with me here....if anyones reading this....bare with me....it was 7th grade i remember...how clearly it was....it took place in the liberary....i was playing a game chess with my peer....and this girl walked by and started to talk to my fellow peer...she interrupted this game we were in, and then i was soon....annoyed...i even asked her to leave us alone to finish up this game we were in....at that time i was a big time geek....i loved chess....actaully i still do....where were we.....hm...okay...she sat down started to question me about my rudeness....then quickly asked where i was from...what kinda food i like eat....it was awkward....i never had a converstation like that with a girl....sure i talk girls, but that converstation was unique, and stood out from the rest...the liberary was closing up...we walked outside.....to the front entrance of the school...i told her i need to walk to the liberary....and she agreed to accompany me.....she questioned about my strange looking case, and asked if i played an instrument....indeed i did....i played the violin, i was the top10 in my school, the second violins.....then her mom arrived....she got in...closed the door, as the car departed....i saw her on the back window...staring at me...till the car disappeared from the street....it felt wierd...i remembered i bothered everyone of my friends, family, and teacher about this matter....yeah...i went to teachers and my parents, saying this strange girl is stalking me....*shrugs*...the next day, she asked me to the dance....the valintines dance......shocked...i was speechless, first i told her friend, that i just want to be her friend...and only friend, then i ran to catch her back and told her, yes indeed i want to go out with her.....i think at that point either i should of gotten to know her more....or i should just be her friend......anyway....the dance night.....i was nervious as hell...i mean i took 3 showers, that hour.....brushed my teeth atleast 6 times and when i got there, i asked her....if she'd like to dance with me, she said no, ran away....and when her friends draged her to me.....she threw herself to the gound....ouch....i just freaked..then i sat there on the ground and thought about what i did wrong......what was the perpose of this trip? why had i come here to sit on the hard stubborn floor and listen to music and watch people dance for 4 hours? it was already 9:30, i been waiting for ....close to about 3 hours...i went outside wanted to call my mom to pick me up...but the principle refused to let me out, i then moved my place to outside...to the benches.....all her friends gathered and stared at me from a distance...as if i was some monster.....atlast, i danced with her yes...but i was mad...i didnt look at her...i was confused....i danced with a few of her friends....she asked me if i liked her friend....i said yea...but then...at that moment...i was too sure...she confused me far too much...but i nodded anyway....after that dance, i never spoke to her talked to her, or even took at her anymore.....she was my class TA....at times i had to look at her....shes so different from the other girls.....it was then i would start avoiding her...till now...im going to college....and so is she.......we are both seniors...and i havent said anything in 6 years.....i feel confused...but i went up to her one of those days and tapped her on the shoulder...and said...hey whats up? do you remember me? then i think i told her i wanted to hang out with her, bt i didnt remember...i was nerious, my legs shivered.....i dont know what to do...shes gone now, to college, and the conflict in which i wanted to resolve, DID NOT.....so can i have some inputs here?

bermuDa

don't let something some stupid kid did in 7th grade haunt you like this. Obviously she got cold feet on the dance floor and responded like any immature kid would in an embarrassing situation: she froze up. She's probably still embarrassed about it, which is probably why she hasn't tried to talk to you since.

What exactly is it that you're feeling here? that you've missed out on love? or that you felt love but it wasn't reciprocal? Has this experience set the tone for your 'love-life' since? It seems that you've been pining over this for far too long, and it's been keeping you from going out and finding love (cause trust me, it'll be a loooong wait). Life is a series of trial and error; don't let one failure stop you from going out there and trying again.

I know what you're feeling, I've gone through similar rants before as well... but the success of your love life is more dependant on your own actions than anyone else's, and at least you can control your own actions.

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Fake Alias

I totally agree with Bermuda. I have blown many an oppertunity with a girl and it pisses me off, makes me sad that I know I could have been happy and found love. But you cant waste your life dweling on the past. Just get out, meet new people and have some fun. Lifes too short to waste worrying about a girl from 7th grade (no offence). But I do know how you feel man, sometimes it hurts..

My advise would be to talk to some new girls in college.. Im sure you will find someone right for you.

Hope this helps

diulasing123

thank you for replying...i feel instanly better already knowing someone actually cares....i dont want drama much like most the girls out there...my friends just keep nodding....yeah yeah i know how you feel....do they really? I met 'lauren' since 7th grade, the second day after the dance, its all silence between me and her.......we are both in college now...shes gone to UC DAVIS and me DVC and transfer to CAL (hopefully)..i wonder whatever happened to that lil shy girl i met in the liberary....whgat 6 years ago?...something very unusual was when i met her.....she dressed kinda like a dorkfest.....in which appealed to me.....the second i met her before the dance and all that stuff, we talked alot, like almost as frequent.....but...her dressing habbits of a 'good girl' gone bad...she started to wear skaters 'baggy' pants, shirts, getting all wierd...not that i mind, but the change was mighty dramatical and rapid....very scary, but i did try to talk to her, she just keeps on pushing me back....like this once? i figured after the dance she was MAD at me for SOMETHING i did WRONG....so i went up to her and said ur mom is here....i been sitting there for an hour, i known for for about 4 weeks, and i been watching her, waviing at her good bye when we both were happy together....but.....she replied to me instead...'what are you stalking me?' then her friend of course said she was mean....and i explained that i watched her all these times, of course i recongize her car.....why would i stalk her.....crazy...it was then i went home and cried about it.....the first time i said the work 'fuck'.....indeed....shes the first girl i cried for.....3 times....the pleasure of looking at her...but when i do see her, i shiver, and legs have no strength to bare on....i feel cold.....but shes so unique, and beautiful....and yes i been on dates.....and its not as the same feeling as i was with lauren a couple years ago....its so free and fun....there is no pressure wahtever, i can make fun of all the girls and not feel bad.....i dont know...they are like just sorta fling....i took them seriously but they meant nothing....so i stoped dating....and yes ur also right FAKE ALIAS, there are bunch more girls in college....i guess thats it.....that is it.....i read so many number of books i cant even begin to dream of reading these 'sissy' books....i read many many books reguarding love, relationship, marrage....holy shit, my mom called me a sissy....and my friends just crackled when they saw me order, read, my collection of these books......well i do feel better afterwards.....it just helps forget things...after a while they all come back.....waste of time....recently there has some really wierd stuff going on......i will tell you more about it tomorow, right nopw slep, thanks for listening...looking forward for some advice...thanks

Sleepyjack

ok i do agree with the other posters, but heres my little take on it.
i think its unfortunate that you may feel that love is an unfortuante experience. Its like life itself. In that, the lows of anything are there to justify or give the true meaning to when we experience the highs in anything. The best things in life come through ourselves overcoming some kind of hardship or low.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger"

I also believe in that its "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". You should think about that, do you think it'd been better if you'd never meet her or talk to her. Given you seem to still be reflecting on it now, it seems that it did touch you in some special way, hopefully for the better.

Also try to think about the good memories you had with her, other than anything negative. Because you can't spend your time redigesting past regrets, cause you can't change anything in the past.

good luck with your future endeavours

diulasing123

okay get ready for the BIG WIERD PART i told you about....sleepy jack i dont know if youre still listening....but here it goes....i had once totally forgotten about her....i didnt even care for her....i dont see her anymore...once a while, no biggie, i avoided her, and if i did see her, shes invisible....but lately some mystery person messeged me and started to QUESTION my love life, i of course tells everyone everything...that might have been a mistake....i figued its a stranger, i dont know her, she doesnt know me, so i guess she could be on another part of the world....so i told her everything about me and that girl.....yeah....then i messeged her best friend...which is also one of my best buddies...told me it was her...the devil herself....i couldnt believe it...then it MESSED UP MY WHOLE LIFE, i cant study and i can read, with out pausing to think about her, its crazy, i went out with other girls, dont work....drives me nutz, why cant she just leave me alone....why now, why messege me and ruin my life just now and not like 3 years or 2 years ago....why NOW......omg....pethetic....im sorry guys, but thanks for listening thats right now the end of it......my thanks

justadude

diulasing123,

kinda know what you're going through, i'm totally hung up on my ex right now too and i'm not dealing with it well at all...i know where you're comin from, just hang on for the ride, cause it's a shitty one!

MrFlux

*offtopic*
my......god......you.....use.....a......lot

Your posts would be a LOT easier to read if you bothered using formatting. And stop putting ..... where a single period would be fine
*/offtopic*

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flux (n.)
Medicine. The discharge of large quantities of fluid material from the body, especially the discharge of watery feces from the intestines.

juanvaldes

two keys to the right of your right pinky is the return key. use it.

macmanmike6100

wow, sounds like this (no offense) small incident hurt you pretty deeply. My best advice is to really just forget about it, other than acknowledging it as a learning experience...learning that some women suck.

Honestly, don't let this bother you at all. Don't continue to tell yourself that this is something "unresolved". It is resolved: the girl didn't work out, she was weird, and you both parted ways.

Don't think of her as "that unique girl"...I can assure you, she is not. It might feel weird to totally destroy a fantasy that you sound like you lived with (this "amazing, special, strange girl") but do it, and start meeting other people.

I think that it was really cool that she actually started talking to you in the first place. She had initiative, and you sound like you liked it.

Do the same, then, and go to a coffeehouse, library, someplace that you like to be and talk with some women. Meet people, and don't worry about this little thing that happened way back when.

About her getting in touch with you, yes that's very weird. I think that you should seriously just let it go. Don't reciprocate friendship...she'll get the point. You need to get her out of her head because the mere thought of her is debilitating for you. You can't eat or sleep? That's not good for you, so like I said, ditch her. Don't try to reconnect whatsoever. And start on a fresh path.

Good luck, and keep us all posted.

nulltype

I will have to second MrFlux and juanvaldes, I think more people would read your post if it was easier to read.

Stiltzkin

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