thank you for replying...i feel instanly better already knowing someone actually cares....i dont want drama much like most the girls out there...my friends just keep nodding....yeah yeah i know how you feel....do they really? I met 'lauren' since 7th grade, the second day after the dance, its all silence between me and her.......we are both in college now...shes gone to UC DAVIS and me DVC and transfer to CAL (hopefully)..i wonder whatever happened to that lil shy girl i met in the liberary....whgat 6 years ago?...something very unusual was when i met her.....she dressed kinda like a dorkfest.....in which appealed to me.....the second i met her before the dance and all that stuff, we talked alot, like almost as frequent.....but...her dressing habbits of a 'good girl' gone bad...she started to wear skaters 'baggy' pants, shirts, getting all wierd...not that i mind, but the change was mighty dramatical and rapid....very scary, but i did try to talk to her, she just keeps on pushing me back....like this once? i figured after the dance she was MAD at me for SOMETHING i did WRONG....so i went up to her and said ur mom is here....i been sitting there for an hour, i known for for about 4 weeks, and i been watching her, waviing at her good bye when we both were happy together....but.....she replied to me instead...'what are you stalking me?' then her friend of course said she was mean....and i explained that i watched her all these times, of course i recongize her car.....why would i stalk her.....crazy...it was then i went home and cried about it.....the first time i said the work 'fuck'.....indeed....shes the first girl i cried for.....3 times....the pleasure of looking at her...but when i do see her, i shiver, and legs have no strength to bare on....i feel cold.....but shes so unique, and beautiful....and yes i been on dates.....and its not as the same feeling as i was with lauren a couple years ago....its so free and fun....there is no pressure wahtever, i can make fun of all the girls and not feel bad.....i dont know...they are like just sorta fling....i took them seriously but they meant nothing....so i stoped dating....and yes ur also right FAKE ALIAS, there are bunch more girls in college....i guess thats it.....that is it.....i read so many number of books i cant even begin to dream of reading these 'sissy' books....i read many many books reguarding love, relationship, marrage....holy shit, my mom called me a sissy....and my friends just crackled when they saw me order, read, my collection of these books......well i do feel better afterwards.....it just helps forget things...after a while they all come back.....waste of time....recently there has some really wierd stuff going on......i will tell you more about it tomorow, right nopw slep, thanks for listening...looking forward for some advice...thanks
