Liv

I recently took on a lover who enjoys playing the role of a sub. He has had to somewhat coax me a bit as this dominating role is a new one for me. So far, it is ots of anal play, used a dildo on him, and we are buying a strap on next week.

Any one else here care to share things they really enjoy doing or receiving in this type of role playing? I am just looking for new things to do or say, etc etc. to keep this alive.

Willravel

You should take time to really get a hold on what your totally selfish wants are sexually. If he's really into being the sub, a lot of the fun is in the authenticity of the situation. Make him do things you really want, and don't be afraid to get serious about it.

Liv

oops...attention mod/admin. I accidently reported the above post. Sorry

Xerxys

Get in the role. You need to be really controplling and decisive.

You cannot, er.. WILL NOT say: "umm"/"er.."/"ahh". You must be decisive. At all times. He can't ask for it. You are the boss and that's that. He does what you tell him to do simply so that you don't have to. No negotiations about that. No leeways. You don't provide a reason for what you want to do or be done. Your word is enough.

The game ends when you say it ends. You cannot be satisfied with his service at any time (or at the very least show him satisfaction). The world revolves around you and he is there because of YOU!!

Liv

I am so glad you two have spoken up. I want him to spend a lot of time pleasuring me orally the next time we meet and that will be one of my demands.

Plan9

Xerxys... are we seeing a dangerous new PG13 side of you?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Hyacinthe

Keep in mind that as a submissive myself I find Domme tendencies very hard to understand but the best thing for a sub when being dominated is knowing that you have pleased your Dom/ Domme - so get him to do whatever would please you.

Try something as simple as next time you're having a bath or shower ask him to come and bathe you or when you're having your next private meal together insist on feeding him - ofcourse that only works if he's a lifestyle sub not merely a bedroom one. If he's only submissive in the bedroom then your tactic sounds like the perfect one - then you could expand onto chastity belts or cock cages and the like. If he has masochistic tendencies you could try some lower powered electrical devices or low temperature candles.

There are also a heap of useful sites on the internet.

I would advise staying away from anything that claims to have personal ads and to be very very careful when they offer chat rooms. Very often in my experience there are alot of want to be Doms there - in other words people who claim to be dominant but don't accept all the obligations that come with it. Here are a few useful websites.


Adult Resources for BDSM & D/s Erotic Relationships

A submissives journey ~ The Dom's Lounge

Both of those have some great info - there are a heap of other sites out there but I've got to admit that any of them that start to refer to subs as bitches or the like and I tend to automatically close them - just cause I'm a sub doesn't mean I don't have my pride and there are very few people out there that get to refer to me in that fashion.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Zeraph

How would you recommend then for us interested in it to find others if not through chat rooms and the like? Any particular site you recommend for meeting people in the lifestyle?

curiousbear

Being totally helpless and passive and being used sexually by a very loved one is a fantasy of mine.

Liv

Thanks so much for all your info. We met again today and had an intensely good time. We had purchased a strap on with an enormous black dildo, which ended up being too big for him to take and he apologized profusely, over and over, which really turned me on. I really like this role

Hyacinthe

Zeraph The reason I say to stay away from those sites is because alot of the people there actually aren't into the lifestyle they just go on there and treat anyone that identifies themself as being submissive like crud. Agnos only knows why but I forget how many random "so slut / bitch/ slave tell me how you would please me" etc etc messages I got. I'm sorry just because I am submissive does not give people the right to talk to me that way especially when I have stated that I am in a relationship, that's not only an insult to me but to my Dom / partner. As far as I am concerned Doms and Dommes worthy of the name do not behave that way.

What I would advise is to try to find some local groups, your local sex store should know about them or alot of them do have online message board type things. Those are fine and if you see any mention of munches of the like you've probably found a relatively good group. Those are the people that tend to take the submission / Domination lifestyle more seriously but are open minded enough to know that not everyone will.

Without a specific area to work with then I can't really recommend groups but I live the perhaps the prudiest city in Australia and I can think of 5 places here I would advise people to go and a few more 'corporations' that cater towards people with those tendencies. unfortunately you usually need to know someone before you'll be allowed entry - usually to keep the posers away.

If you do decide to meet someone from online then be smart about it - crowded place ( I used to meet with them at a mall coffee shop) during the day. Try to make sure they leave first so you don't have to worry about them following you to your car (That was a hard lesson to learn) and state from the outset that you don't intend to go grab a hotel room or something straight away.

Talk to the other person abut what they expect from the relationship - if like me you're a sub you do have to be careful about this. You have to be able to trust the other person to respect your limits and know enough about the equipment they are using and how much damage it will really do. Last thing you want is for them to synch a strap wrong and dislocate your shoulder or jaw, and that's at the best at worst it could be an improperly arranged love swing and you could suffocate ( yes that has happened - obviously not to me though). You can't afford any of that online bending of the truth that so often happens on chat rooms when it could effect your physical, mental and emotional safety permanently.

If you just want online fun then chat rooms are great but if you want a serious relationship they tend to be a waste of time atleast in my experience and those of every one I know in RL who has tried that route. That's why I advise people to not bother.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

World's King

Beat him over the head with a dildo.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Halanna

I know some male subs enjoy orgasm denial. You could try that.

If this is new to you, having a "safe word" is important. Traffic light colors work well.

From Wiki:
Green, yellow and red

Some partners have different gradations of safeword — such as green to mean "OK" or even "harder" or "more," yellow to mean "slow down" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and red to mean "let's stop the scene".

ItWasMe

And like a good Dom, you used it on YOURSELF first, right? So that you knew exactly what the item/act was capable of doing and the amount of potential pain/damage that item was capable of causing? And then I'm sure you sat down with him beforehand, fully clothed, and asked him what level of pain he wants, if any, or if he is still experimenting to figure that out. Has he talked to you about things that are off limits? Do you know whether or not he likes to be called names/degraded? If he is an experienced Sub, and had to coax you into this, he probably should have brought much of this into conversation. Everyone needs a safe word that is absolutely heeded with no retrobution, but since you are new to this Halanna's green/yellow/red light suggestion might be a good idea. Until you learn how to read him. From what I understand, part of a Dom's job is paying constant attention to what you are doing to another person both physically and emotionally.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Halanna

Hi ItWasMe! I liked your response, it was right on with the part about the Dom knowing/having knowledge of the toys or anything they want to introduce to play.

I quoted this specific part though, because I wanted to make it clearer. In a true Dom/sub relationship, there really never is a time that a safe word should not or can not be part of the scene.

Only responsible Dom's, who's primary responsibility is taking proper care of the sub (who places 100% of their trust in the Dom), will always, always, always make sure there is a safe word in place.

As a Dom, you can't "read" your sub. Part of the relationship is testing limits, testing hard boundries, etc. Even after a long term relationship, no sub should ever submit to a Dom without a safe word. I just can't say that enough. You can't "read" your sub. Never, ever should you engage in play without a safe word.

Safe word.

Safe word.

Safe word.

Define it, agree on it, and when you hear it you STOP every action. It's over.

If you are not using a safe word, then you are not in a true Dom/sub relationship.

cadre

This is very true. I wish everyone would be more careful about who they meet online, especially with dom/sub relationships because they can get out of control pretty easily.

+1

As for the OP: remember that in this type of a relationship, you are in charge so do what you want. He is there to please you. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open but beyond that, just have fun. Don't be afraid to punish him if he deserves it!

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

markd4life

As a sub myself, I like the game. I like to be teased endlessly, and then denied, rejected, left to want her even more.