Plan9

Well, between doing exercises in my apartment alone and listening to lots of punk music... I just realized that I had sex once in the last year.

Once. Year. Processing... processing. DING.

Wait, isn't that a huge chasm of time? A year? That's a long time. Whoa.

What the hell is wrong with me? How did an entire year of my life go by? And why the hell haven't been socializing and doing the in-and-out? I mean... I really like me some hot-hot Tab A -> Slot B action. I could go for some.

Hrrm... I just finished my 3+1 years of service with the Yoo-Ess Ahh-me, NCO, two tours overseas... came home to a messy divorce... and now it's been a year and I had something that could barely be considered sex once.

The act or the score... whatever... the lack of it doesn't bother me, but I feel like I'm burning grains of sand in the hourglass of life.

I could benefit from the oxytocin and all those other "love chemicals"...

Is it unhealthy for me to go this long without the whole meat-on-meat coupling action?

I feel fine; I'm in great shape physically, but I can't help thinking that this isn't natural and probably isn't good for my "soul" or whatever.

Any ideas?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Johnny Rotten

Could be the after-effects of your divorce, on a sort of subconscious level -- a temporary aversion to relationships. I had an ugly breakup with a long-time GF in college, and it took me quite a while to wend my way back to the dating world.

My advice is to not rush into something because you think you should. But don't let yourself or your mind linger on the past, either. That just makes it more difficult to get back into things. Push yourself a little bit and let your instincts take you from there.

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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

Push-Pull

I agree with Johnny. Set some loose "goals" and move forward as you can without pushing it too hard.

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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Supple Cow

Try some WD-40?

Well it seems like you were just doing what felt natural and now you have the natural feeling that you'd like to get laid. Nothing's wrong with you there!

I've been reading a lot about the USMC (I hope to be joining the ranks eventually) and a lot of the books mention that Marines are discouraged from marriage until sometime after their first tour, or even later if possible. There are so many rough times and changes that you hardly come out the same person I guess. Whatever the immediate reason for the divorce, you are the new person that you are.

I don't really know why I brought that up except that I just read about it. My point is that we all move along at our own pace and you just have to do what feels right to you. The fact that you're paying attention to how much action you've gotten in the last year is probably a good indicator that your mental state is swinging back to the 'on the market' mentality. I'm sure you'll know when and who to poke when that lady comes and the time is right. Until then, just enjoy life! Nobody's shooting at you anymore.

pig

interesting phraseology supple, interesting indeed.

i think a lot of people tend to go through cycles with their sexual activity...so, nothing to really worry about. maybe the sex you didn't have saved you from getting the herp or from having a kid out of wedlock. don't worry about the hypotheticals, but if you're feeling like it time to lay down a good rodgering, then maybe it is. best of luck.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Plan9

Oh, but I don't know if I'm E-Harmony material! OH, THE HORROR!

(cries into palms)

Yeah, anyways... I'll stick to Nintendo ROMs, my motorcycle, and karate / kickboxing for now.

I'm a little cautious around women... not like Henry Rollins bad, but a little nervous. I think they're all a little batshit inside... the percentage varies.

It doesn't help the last "date" I went on was with a lesbian woman. God, I felt like a total clown after that. She was hot and not into my gender. Oh, well.

Sometimes... when I'm alone at night... I wish they were still shooting at me.

I miss my brothers.

Sultana

Then just to be safe, start batting for the other team.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Supple Cow

E-Harmony, you say?





You know, to be honest, it sounds like there are a lot of things you are adjusting to right now, not just the whole how-do-I-get-laid thing. First off, this is a good place to get distracted, interact with civilians and start to feel normal about not getting shot at again, so good work coming to TFP.

Second, everybody is a little batshit to somebody else. Some people are a little more special and have more people in the world who consider them to be crazy, but it's more about sharing values and, secondarily, matters of taste.

Third, you can rest assured that there are women out there who enjoy Nintendo, motorcycles and kicking ass. I promise. A good thing to focus on is being in places where you can do these things socially... that's how you meet people with similar interests.

longbough

Don't worry - you'll remember where everything goes and your body will remember what to do.

Hey, after a lot of short-term go-nowhere relationships I decided to remain celibate until I found someone who was more of a psychological and emotional match for me ... I ended up with two years of celibacy before I met her - but it was worth the wait.

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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi

Im_not_bitter

Yup, living life does not mean getting sex...does it? omg am I missing out big time? OH NO!

OH welps lets go bungee jumping.

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Just because it's called common sense, doesn't mean it's a common trait

Plan9

I'd love to try bungee jumping. The "bounce" would be a real shocker.

My last few dozen experiences with heights consisted of myself, 100+ pounds on my shoulders, and the door of a plane at 1000 feet in the middle of the night.

I think dating is safer. Yeah, it'll be worth the wait... but I loathe waiting.

MrFriendly

Ah, a year ain't that bad man........

Try six

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You are not a slave

kramus

Quoted for truth.
I separated after a long period of marriage (24 years) and had no desire, interest, urge for the sweeter forms of contact. Lived in my parents attic and regrouped financially and mentally. After a year or so I started to feel ready, and did the online dating thing. Met an uber-frau in another city who I would never have had a chance to hook up with in the pre-internet world. Couldn't be happier about life right now. I mention this so that you know there are positive online hookup stories. You could be quite surprised at what good may come of it, if you allow yourself to accept online dating as something more than a knock or a black mark in your personal book of life. Actually, there are more and more people hooking up that way, especially folks who have a professional life and want to try something other than the school/bar/personal interest club methods for meeting sympatico mates. I am blue collar in my work history, and my lady is very much the educated professional - we would only have interacted through such an agency as an online site.
You are beginning to stir to life. No pressure, no worries. Eventually you will have some lady all over your well-maintained self and you both will be very happy. The time you are spending right now in your inner landscape adjustment will be deemed very worthwhile.

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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

Daniel_

Kramus said most of what I wanted to say, so here's my two pennyworth. Short version.

Long marriage (17 years including dating).

Sudden split (she cheated)

Brief Flings (mindless sex)

Met special woman (online through message boards)

Married special woman.

Am happy.

Hope you get what you want.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Im_not_bitter

eh, what I'm scare of most if I survive is that I will shit myself. It happens.
In the middle of the night?! 1000 feet?!

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Just because it's called common sense, doesn't mean it's a common trait

tenniels

I haven't gotten laid in just over a year now. That is when I broke things off with my boyfriend. When I was younger (not that I'm old at 24, but you know) I would've likely gone out and gotten laid (one night stand) or called one of my friends with benefits. But, I've found this too be too easy a way out, one night stands are too easy to come by. Also, sometimes it would make me feel shit. I decided to just wait it out until I found someone that I was at least interested in getting to know more, not just fuck for a night and never speak again. It's been hard at times, but thank God I know how to please myself!! I do however have one of my "friends" that I will probably "see" when he gets back from working away, but we've already been together and know each other well, so I wouldn't consider it a one night stand. I don't know what I'm getting at here really, other than to tell you that I understand what you're going through and that it's not the end of the world. I mean, if you actually started getting "rust on your man junk", THAT would be something to worry about Hehe. Take care man.

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Plan9

Yeah, but you're a girl. Everybody likes girls. This is a scientific fact.

Friends "with benefits" revolve around the woman. They have the receptacle.

(holds up dot matrix printouts for everybody to see) SEE?! LOOK!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Painted

If you're just jonesing for sex, hire a hooker. You could make a trip out of it; drive to Vegas, hire some chick to follow you around for a night (or two), bang the fuck out of her, play some poker then go back home and relax.

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I came across a nice rack at the department store

Martian

At first I thought this thread might've been about being a natural redhead.

So, as has been said. You cannot die from sex starvation and sex for the sake of sex... well, I guess if that's your thing then go for it, but me I didn't really think much of it. I mean, if it's just the physical release you want use your right hand. I give myself better orgasms than any girl ever has anyway.

If it makes you feel any better, I've gotten laid twice in the last year. Once was with a hot bisexual chick, so that might count for more somehow, but two all the same. And she really was batshit crazy.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

THGL

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" Yeah, well, except for the burning case of the clap you could get!

Don't pay for it, bro. Hit a few bars and try to score some strange. Not only will you get that release you're looking for, but you might also help boost your self image a little, i.e. "i'm attractive and can get women." Then you can do the "dating scene" with a little more confidence.

Good Luck!

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"The truth is merely an excuse for lack of imagination." - Garak

Pogue Mahone

I'm halfway there!

But that's for another thread.

__________________
I still wave at the dots on the shore
And I still beat my head against the door
I still rage and wage my little war
I'm a shade and easy to ignore

fightnight

LOL! I thought it was going to be some kind of STD thread. Don't have much else to add, i'm in a drought too - just trying to stay positive that the right thing will come around eventually. Hang in there man.

Kristina07

After a long relationship ended I went a year and a few months with out sex. Then one day I suddenly realized wow, its been that long. And for me it was the same thoughts - is this good for me? So went out and made a point to meet some new guys, found one "good enough" to have sex with and did. It was nice to get the release again. Sex does make you feel better - for me at least. I never was a fan of casual sex until I tried it. For me, yea sex is better when there is feelings and a connection involved but actualy sex can be mind blowing with someone who is just there for sex as well. Now I have a sex buddy. He has become somewhat of a decent friend also, but knowing I have that release waiting whenever is great. Seeing him (meaning doing amazing things to each other and having loud, breath taking sex) relieves a lot of stress and makes things seem a lil better in the day-to-day. Also finding someone who it seems to be great with everytime is a major plus. So. my vote is to get out there and get you some! Don't pay for it though....there is too much booty you can get for free - you just gotta look! Happy hunting

MrFriendly

The casual sex thing is not a bad idea, to be sure.

However, some people, like me, can't distinguish feelings from sex. I'd love to be able to, but I can't. So rather than put myself through anything that's just going to make life more complicated, I just hold out for people I actually give a crap about.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't feel like I was missing out sometimes. But I've made my choice I guess.

I can relate to the OP in one regard though, time just fucking flies past. And sometimes you sit back and take it in and ask the question "Jesus, has really been that long!?".

I guess one of the things in life is be who you want to, do what you want to, and try not to fuck around too much about it.

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You are not a slave

Plan9

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Kristina07

Yeah, that was me too - or I thought. Then after it was so long - the next guy I was with I had feelings for but we weren't dating - then from there I started to "learn" I guess, how to appreciate sex for sex. Just the feeling of sex and the goodness that comes from it.

Not that I am saying you should feel that way - but you may suprise yourself if you ever do end up in those situations..I did.

Anyway - MyFriendly - I just read your blog about your 6 year thing and if you should tell the chick or not..I say tell her - why not? If it is someone you care about - she will understand and prolly be glad she is someone you feel is worth diving back into the sexual world with, after all these years! have fun!

Ourcrazymodern?

Don't you love yourself?

Stroke it.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT