asaris

So I've been in this relationship with a girl for a while, and I was thinking about talking to her about not using condoms (she's on birth control, and neither of us have any diseases). I wanted to see what the people here had to say about that -- good idea, bad idea, things I might want to keep in mind?

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"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Destrox

My gf and I have been having sex for the better part of a year now. We've been on BC the whole time, and using condoms.

Sure sex feels better w/out a condom, but to both of us its just not worth the risk at our current point in our lives.

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The_Jazz

Assuming you've been in this relationship long enough to see that there's a chance at this being long-term (or it is long term), and that you're both committed (not sleeping with someone else), I don't see a reason why you shouldn't leave the condom in the drawer.

I'd just ask the question to see what she thinks. If it's a problem for her, maybe we can address her actual concerns.

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abaya

Same boat as Destrox, here. Ktspktsp and I have been together for 3 years, married for 6 months, and are still using condoms with BC. We're 27 years old, prime childbearing age, but we don't want any yet. We just don't want ANY risk of having children "accidentally," and we're willing to do whatever it takes, except abstinence.

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surferlove007

James and I used condoms for the first month of our sex lives, then I got on the Nuvaring and we've been off the condoms for eight months now. No babies for us. Birth control is very effective if you use it properly, and yes accidents do happen but I'll vouch for the Nuvaring, as much as we do it if it was going to fail, then it would of happened by now.
Go ahead and ask her, if y'all are monogamous then I don't see why you wouldn't want to get off the condoms. As long as you're open with one another it should be fine.

Good luck

healer

mandy and I used to have to use condoms until she went onto Yasmine for medical reasons. Since then we've been going skin-to-skin without any problems. She takes it pretty regularly and we haven't had any scares.

So yeah, if all is well medically and you're confident with the BC you're using, go for it.

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cadre

Joe and I have only used condoms a handful of times and that was years ago. I've been on bc since way before I met him and I haven't had any scares while with him. We are at the point in our relationship where if we got pregnant it wouldn't be a huge problem but we do not want kids and so far we do not have any.

I do not see a problem with using only birth control as long as she's on something that works for her (ie if she is on the pill and can remember it). Oh yeah and no unfaithfulness, I cannot stress that because you will have no protection if something were to happen.

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asaris

Well, actually, she suggested it first (I thought I'd wait just a little bit longer, but had definitely been thinking about it). Thanks for the advice.

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"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

cadre

I think it will work. Birth control pills and such are very effective these days. I'd be more worried if you were just using condoms instead of just using bcps.

Just be aware that it's very hard to go back to using condoms after you haven't for some tme.

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ShaniFaye

Are you ready to accept the consequences should the time arrive where her BC didnt work? Are you prepared to be diligent about her taking it and going back to condoms when she is on any medication that affects her pills?

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calibrich

She is on birth control for a reason, so might as well make use of it, or just have her save 30 bucks a month and get off if your using condoms.

Destrox

Condoms are not 100%

30$ a month vs higher chances of a child.


Sorry but thinking like that just is not very responsible in my book.

BC is not for wild sensless sexual acts. Its for relationships where neither is ready for the chance to have a child, or able to take care of one as they should. (May it be mentally or financially or both.) Yet still be able to enjoy the full benefits of sex.

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tenchi069

My wife is on BC and we do not use condoms. Were both committed to each other and well aware of the consequences of BC failure. That being said, I make it a point to ask every night if she has taken her pill, in which 99.9% of the times I get either "yes" or "not for another x minutes", but there has been once or twice in our 4 years of being together where i've gotten the "no i haven't thanks for the reminder". That way even though only SHE is on the BC, we are BOTH taking responsibility.

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Destrox

We do the same, and also have the cell phone with a daily alarm on it.

Works great.

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ShaniFaye

Dave and I do the same, ordinarily I take mine when I brush my teeth in the morning, but there have been a couple of occasions where I woke up with 4 am "oh god if I dont brush my teeth now Im going to gag myself" and I didnt take it and would have completely forgotten if Dave hadnt asked me. Its a morning ritual along with our "off to work kiss"

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

waltert

I've heard lots of bad things about condoms, but have yet to experience any myself.

I've probably been though 250 or so condoms with my GF and have yet to experience a failure.

I think alot of the bad rep that condoms get is due to operator error.

Lady Sage

As long as you are willing to take care of any child that may be an oops.

I have a friend that got pregnant twice on the pill and once on the implant that was supposed to be good for 5 years.

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Seaver

Sex without a condom? Amazingly better.

HOWEVER, she MUST make sure she takes the pill daily. You must also remember for her, because she almost guaranteed never will, that using anti-biotics stop the effectiveness of the pill.

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analog

Not all, just some, and it depends on which birth control therapy you use (ring, pill, what kind of pill, etc). A good point, though, be sure to ask a pharmacist if anything you're prescribed will interact with the effectiveness of the birth control. They don't have volunteer that information, even if they HAVE that information.

And yeah, condom-free sex is where it's at- that's why relationships are so much better than hook-ups.

Daemon1313

As long as you're willing to accept the consequences, I would say go for it. It's waaayyyyy better without condoms for many reasons.

As far as the effectiveness of the pill goes, my wife and I only used the pill for 5 years with no problems. Got pregnant in less than two months after she went off them.

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Glory's Sun

heh. My wife was on Yasmine..

guess what..we have one on the way that wasn't planned.

doncalypso

Continue using condoms for 6 months and then get tested for all STDs. If the test come out negative after 6 months of safer sex (i.e. no unprotected oral sex or anal sex either) then you're safe to proceed without condoms. But make sure to use a diaphragm and spermicide as an additional contraceptive to back-up the birth control pill.

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Average_Joe

My first son was born while my wife (then girlfriend) was on the pill for 8 months. At first we used the condom with the pill, then we tried pulling out while on the pill with success, then we got even more confident and decided that just the pill was good enough. It worked for 6 months or so until....it didn't. Luckily, we were at a point in our lives where having an unplanned baby was feasible. If you're not at that point, then I strongly suggest playing at safe as possible.

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Toaster126

You people are not nearly as afraid of accidental babies as you should be...

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World's King

Condoms are for anal sex.

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blahblah454

World's King, I can always count on getting a truthful answer out of you, no beating around the bush with you!

abaya

Yes, I agree 100%. We used the condom with BC every time for 2.5 years, then after we got married, we have varied condoms with pulling out (still on BC... the NuvaRing). That's only because now that we are married and a bit older, we wouldn't feel like an accidental child would ruin our lives, but we still don't want to go to the risk of him ejaculating inside me. So we are taking slightly more risk now than we used to, but only because we are ready to handle the consequences better than we used to. We are not going to go whole-hog (no condoms, no pulling out) until we are darn close to deciding if we want to start trying to conceive.

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snowy

Agreed. We still use the pill and condoms together. The Pill is not perfect, and neither are condoms. Together, though, they are a more secure combination.

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JustJess

I must be the most unfertile woman on the planet, then.... we've been using just BC alone for years - ~10 years - with no issues. Now I have an IUD and still no issues. No real scares, nothing. And before that? Let's just say I'm lucky, or infertile. As long as you're in a stable, committed relationship, you've both been cleared of disease, and she is CONSISTENT IN HER USAGE OF BC (i.e. takes it at the same time every single day) then I don't really see a problem with BC/hormones only. But I am clearly alone here. Besides, it's true: better safe than sorry.

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abaya

Nope, just not as paranoid as some of us! We realize that with the NuvaRing especially, we are probably just fine (since it stays in the body for 3 weeks, no need to time the pill-taking every day)... but we're just plain paranoid. I've heard too many scary stories and am still freaked out at the idea of getting pregnant before we're at least a little more ready... and since I know that for me, I wouldn't be able to handle an abortion, then we have to be super careful.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Sultana

Nope, not alone--we had no problems whatsoever for the 13 years I was on BC.

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doncalypso

Mentally gifted people of TFP:

Even if a woman uses the birth control pill consistantly (i.e. every day at the exact same time of day or night) there is still a 2% chance that she may get pregnant because individual women's biochemistry differ---and we're talking about under the absolute best conditions here.

Now let's not forget that there are many factors that can affect the effectiveness of the birth control pill (or any other type of hormonal contraceptive) on women including drug interaction with other medication, or even conditions where the immune system is weakened and throws the endocrine system out of whack.

Oh... and let's not forget that in some women the continued use of hormonal birth control can have powerful (and sometimes permanent) long-term effects ranging from loss of libido, weight gain that's impossible to undo, stroke, etc.

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cadre

If she's taking the pill anyways I don't think them switching to just condoms is gonna make a difference there. Other than that, you do have a point.

Oh yeah and I'm with JustJess, I haven't had any problems in the years I've used only the pill.

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fightnight

I was with my ex for 5 years and for 2 of them in the middle we didn't use anything but birth control pill, with no issues. When she went on a new medication for her narcolepsy, it was one that interacts with her birth control, so we had to start using condoms again... but for the 2 or 3 years that we only used BC no issues. It's really a question only you can answer about how you feel about the risks. An additional factor that would weigh into that would be your stance on abortion - and how liberal with it's use you're willing to be. At the end of the day you have to live with whatever consequences come of it (babies, abortions, diseases, etc.)

tenniels

If you're comfortable, go for it. If it were me in the situation, I would go without the condoms at that point. There's nothing like the feel of a guy finishing inside you (as long as you're doing your best to manage the possible risks, ie birth control). When I've been in relationships and we've decided to go without condoms and just rely on birthcontrol, I've never had any scares with pregnancy. I think if you're disease free, go for it!

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Martian

I'm not here to scare you, or to tell you what to do. Just remember two things:

1. Communication is key. This isn't something you should be discussing with us. Talk to her, see what she thinks, and make a mutual decision on what's best for you as a couple.

2. Casual sex is a misnomer; sex has very large potential consequences and even the most careful couple in the world can get hit with bad luck. I'm not advocating abstinence by any means, and when I was in a committed long-term relationship we went condom-free. We did it with the full knowledge that should we end up with a kid we'd be able to handle it. It wouldnt've been the best timing and certain aspects of our lives would've had to change, but we could've definitely dealt with it. That's the sort of thinking that needs to go into this; expect the worst and hope for the best.

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shesus

I'm one of the irresponsible people I suppose. I can count the number of times a condom has be used in my sex life on one hand. But then again, I was on bc and I was never sleeping around. My partner count is very low and I made sure that I was able to take care of a child if it happened.

I was on the pill for about 10 years. I was horrible at remembering and sometimes would take 3 at a time because I had forgotten to take it for 2 days. As I said, not the most responsible. But I didn't freak about stuff like that easily like some people. I know some who set their phone alarm to remind them. I think that's a bit much, but to each their own. I never got pregnant. I think sometimes people freak out over this for no reason.

It's up to you, but if either of you are going to freak every month because she may be a day late...I'd suggest condoms. That stress is unhealthy and why live scared like that?

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Acetylene

My sister happened when my mother was using both condoms and the sponge. *I* happened when using both condoms and a cervical cap. My mother is apparently extremely fertile.

I didn't take any chances and stayed a virgin until I was old enough to deal with the consequences. I'm married now and normally we only use the pill, but we use condoms and/or spermicide whenever there is a problem. Right now we are using condoms because I had to take an antibiotic last month that may have interfered with the BC pills. A little while ago we used condoms for a while because I'd forgotten to take a pill. No sense taking any chances.

There was a period of time in which I was not married and yet only using BC pills for birth control. In retrospect, I wish I had also been using spermicide or condoms as a backup method. I have had no accidents, but I want to keep it that way.

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