Deltona Couple

We are curious about something. For those of you not worried about letting it be known; How many singles, or couples, are either previously, currently, or are interested in the 'swinging' lifestyle? And for those that are or are not into that kind of thing, what are your thoughts? We were just curious....

Willravel

My wife and I have talked about it, but we're both too jelous to really try.

Gonth

Same as willravel. I've looked into it, but after really thinking about it I realized I'm way too jealous to deal with it.

I just know I'd freak out.

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thespian86

A party that just took place at my house spawned ah... two drunken almosts. First was a drunk anal experienced. Ash let me play with her bum and then tried anal sex; too much pain... move onto something else. She begins talking about a threesome with one of our very good looking female friends.

The thought was intriguing. I'd be totally fine with her being with another woman, but a man would be a no. I know that is probably ignorant and perhaps homophobic in some over analyzed way. But She has a problem with me being with another woman.

I guess willravel and I are the same.

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zipper

Been very happily married for almost 14 years...did the swinging thing for about 7 yrs. We haven't been w/anyone for well over a year now....lots of things to consider. PM me if you have specific questions.

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Ustwo

Click on the video, its quite amusing and while much of it is tounge in cheek its pretty well dead on. Its even more funny if you are a swinger.

http://www.lifestylelounge.com/

TFP has a number of swingers but your questions are not really specific enough for anything beyond general answers. I'd recomend www.theswingersboard.com for more general information.

One quick side note. If you are not in a very strong and mature relationship I wouldn't touch swinging, its going to be a disaster.

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Deltona Couple

I guess my statement was very general, and left much to interpretation. I guess it looked like I was asking for advice, but that wasn't the case. We have been in the lifestyle for most of our relationship, and I have been involved with it most of my life. I had no specific questions, I was just curious in general as far as the members of the board. Jealousy is a big factor in people choosing to engage in this, or remain in this lifestyle. Our advice that we give to anyone curious about it, is that if jealousy is a factor at all, don't even try it. You MUST be able to separate lovemaking with your spouse, and having SEX with someone else. If you can't do that, then it is a sure failure. I have seen it personally with new couples. For you, Punkmusicfan, the best advice I can give you is talk about it with your wife when you are both SOBER...lol. and see if she is still interested. If yes, them set up the ground rules first, and ALWAYS have safe sex with others....And as far as anal, best advice there? go S....L....O...W....SLOW, and use LOTS of lubrication. My wife loves anal, but we have to do things that way, otherwise it WILL hurt.

MageB420666

My girlfriend and I have recently started to enter more of a swinging type lifestyle. We don't have an open relationship, but we've had a threesome and are seriously considering doing it again. First time was with a guy. Next time it should be with a girl, but we're still working on setting that one up.

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james t kirk

Good luck.

Guys for a 3some are a dime a dozen.

Most women are too hung up.

Gilda

My wife and I are exclusive. We've discussed the possibility, but decided that it probably would be a poor choice for us. For us, sex is an expression of our emotional and spiritual commitment to each other, an expression of our love. To be swingers would require being able to separate the sex act from the emotional component that it holds for us, and we may not be able to do that; more importantly, we don't want to do that.

Gilda

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Deltona Couple

ActuallJames, there is an abundance of single women out there looking for couples to party with. We have never in the past had a hard time finding them.

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raeanna74

Dei37 and I have been active in the swinging lifestyle for about 4 years now. We've enjoyed it a lot. Had a few bumps at the start but ironed things out and manage to make it work very well for us. We've made a lot of good friends on the way that seem to stick around even when sex isn't in the picture. Swinging has taught us a lot about our own bodies and about our marriage and sex between each other. We were each other's firsts and we've learned so many new tricks and fun things to do in bed that even if we stopped swinging we'd still benefit from what we've seen and learned.

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CaliLivChick

My bf and I have talked about a three-some with another woman for years, but he says I'm too picky about the woman, so I need to pick her and ask her. I'm a little shy (okay, a lot shy) about doing that, especially because my experience with people in Florida is different from my experience with people in California. We haven't really discussed swinging in the full sense of the word, but me and another woman while he and the other woman's man watched would work for him. =)

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dd3953

i don't see too much wrong with "swinging." i mean, if you & your partner are okay with it, then go ahead. i think it would be fun, & it should would stop your sex life from becoming "boring". but you would have to be able to do two things: first, complete honesty. as funny as that may sound, you & your partner should know who is sleeping with you ((& all parties should be doing it together??)) the second: can you make sex & love separate? some see the two as the same thing, like you can't have one without the other, & if you think like that it can ((& will?)) lead to problems.

but hey, it's your thing, do what you want to do

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rmarshall

I noticed that alot of my posts to the TFP show up on Google.

Do posts from Tilted Sexuality get indexed by Google too?

It's something to consider when posting answers to questions like this.

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Skorkles

My wife and I have done it a few times. A couple of 3 somes with girls, and a couple of parties.
Honestly, we really enjoyed it, but then kids came along and we dropped out of it. Given the opprotunity, I know my wife would jump at some 3 way action with another girl.
We didnt have any jelousy issues. I actually thought it was hot watching another guy fuck her and she felt the same about me.

MSD

Yes, all non-full-members' sections are indexed by Google.

rmarshall

Oops! Didn't mean to kill the thread!

Sorry.

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Deltona Couple

You didn't kill it...it has merely gone to sleep.

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doncalypso

Swinging is definitely not for me... Couldn't do it... wouldn't do it... and if I were married and my wife wanted to try another partner that would be the end of our marriage.

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Deltona Couple

Can't get any more direct than that!...lol

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Fallon

My wife(damn that's hard to get used too, we just got married on the 19th) and I have both felt that other partners would be good. Right now though, we both limit it to female partners because that excites her more then the thought of another guy, though we both have toyed with the thought of her doing it with another guy.

Cervantes

Not really for me, the whole jealousy thing would be a big issue. As I see it I can't separate sex from love. It's like ice and cream, apart is nothing special and booring, together they make your whole world rock.

Anyway, the swinging lifestyle is not for me.

On a side note: Annoying that swingers call it The Lifestyle just as BDsM and D/s people call what they are doing The Lifestyle, could get confusing.

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Deltona Couple

I can always understand the jealousy thing, not everyone can feel comfortable in this lifestyle. I hope that in your analogy of "ice and cream" is simply from YOUR viewpoint. Because I know an extremely large number of people who can enjoy "making love" to their partner, and having "sex" with someone else, without it being "nothing special and boring."


On the side note:

Just curious, if you aren't into that kind of thing, then why do you say that it is "annoying" about what it is called? Orriginally it was called "the swinging lifestyle" and was shortened many years ago to simply "The Lifestyle"

Sorry if this comes off as inflamatory, that is not my intention. It just seems that your comment is condesending on those that enjoy it.

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Sweetpea

To each their own.

Tried the poly lifestyle briefly, but discovered I can't seperate emotion from sex very well, thus the end of giving it a try and recommitting back to my marriage.

If you are capable of seperating sex from emotion... then more power to you. Keep in mind to communicate a lot and be open and have ground rules *before* ending any sexual situation.

good luck

sweetpea

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ratbastid

Wow... Hon, there's a lot in that sentence that is coming from a muddled understanding of polyamory.

This is a threadjack, but here goes anyway:

Polyamory is distinct from swinging in that it explicitly isn't about separating sex and love. That distinction is what makes poly distasteful to swingers and swinging distasteful to polys.

Also, there's no need to "recommit" to one particular relationship inside a poly context. If your relationships are actually polyamorous, you're fully committed to all of them. Creating another relationship with another person doesn't detract from your committment to the first person. I can see that a halfway-swinging relationship that you're treating as polyamorous could cause you some trouble, though.

Now, polyamory--much like swinging!--is absolutely not for everyone. I'm not telling you to go back and try again. I applaud you for even exploring it, because that's more than most people do. Most people have thoughts about it, and then tell themselves that they can't.

Sweetpea

Thanks RB

yeah, I know.

I thought about when i was at work that i should have taken the time to explain myself better and make the distinction and better explained how that impacted my own situation. I rushed to post and hence, my post came out hazy and short... thanks for clearing it up

What i meant to say is that with both poly and swinging there is a mangement of emotions that needs to happen, but on varying levels and something that I did not prove to be good at. hence why i said "recommit" since i'm no longer persuing poly or swinging and went back to plain ole mono. relationship, which seems to work much better for my personality

thanks,

sweets

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ratbastid

I gotcha. No question about that--my ability to manage myself and my reactions to life is vastly improved since we went poly. Jealousy isn't something you deal with once and then it's a done deal. It's something you continually build your muscle at dealing with.

lurkette

A-fucking-men. To all of that.

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ShaniFaye

as someone that lives the bdsm "lifestyle"...we "play" with carefully chosen people seriously interested in training for our "lifestyle" (Im really not sure what else we are supposed to call the way we live....but I've never confused the swingers with the s/m'rs lol), we used to be open with vanilla's but have decided thats not what we want anymore.

Jealousy is not one of our problems.....never has been, we are both very capable of seperating sex and *love*

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Cervantes

Yes the Ice and Cream analogy is totally my own opinion and is only stated to illustrate my unwillingness to separate sex from love. Nothing else (don't think I wrote anything that would imply otherwise).

Not condeceding, just that it's annoying that it's the same name. I'm into D/s myself and it could be a bit confusing that I could be taken for a BDsM'er or Swinger if I refer to myself as a Lifestyler to somone not in the circle of friends who knows what I'm into. Just a little peeve, nothing at all serious.

Another sidenote: if things I write seem inflamatory please assume good intent, I have a language barrier to break when I post in these forums.

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ShaniFaye

I didnt know you were into D/s too!!!

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Ustwo

..

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Cervantes

It's rather fresh, only a bit more than a year now. But it has been one of the most interesting and fun years in my life.

Ick.. now that statement is opening up a can of hellfire. *grins* love it.

Anyway, monogamy's natural or unnatural state is still highly debated, no serious conclusion has ever been reached and probarbly never will be reached since there are too many conflicting ideas that get's in the way of any supposed facts about it.

But this is a discussion for another thread that most likely will get closed because it causes a storm..

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
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Sage

The idea of being poligamous intrigues me, although I would never want to put anyone else on the same level of love and specialness that I reserve for my husband. I would not want to simply "swing" either, because for me to feel comfortable sleeping with someone else I would have to have a connection with them. Ideally, it would be nice to have sex with other people and have my husband involved, but he is still uncomfortable to some degree with the idea of me having sex with other men. This doesn't really make total sense to me, as I am comfortable with him having sex with other women, but I respect his attitude.

We both are very excited about the possibility of expanding our sexual horizons in the future. While we're not actively looking for more partners, the possibility is still there and if the oppurtunity ever arose we would do it.

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Ustwo

I'm not sure why it would be a storm on TFP since we are a collection of freaks of some degree or another

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

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Cervantes

Oh now that is a good book, have it myself.
And yes I am a student of biology with evolution in normal and micro and molecular scale. (Molecular biology to be more specific)

I can see were you are comming from, and there is a ton of other things, among them in the mating patterns of humans etc that suggests opportunistic "monogamy". Something in the lines that men are opportunistic in their relationships therby giving a genetical reason for cheating etc.

I can deeply recomend that book, a very good read. After you read it I would love to discuss it further. though someplace else..

/End threadjacking
Sorry.

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

Ustwo

I used to think that as well but based on the number of children being raised who are not geneticly their 'fathers' child, I think society underestimates female non-monogomy. We expect our fathers to be randy, but not our mothers

Though you are correct in perhaps this subject would best be discussed elsewhere.

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Deltona Couple

Sounds like I have found an interesting book to read. I appreciate everyone openess and opinions here. Personally we are very comfortable in our relationship, and have always been open in our discussions. Tho I disagree with some of the comments made, I love hearing other peoples opinions, for it gives me insight into better improving our lives. Personally I feel that age is never much of a factor. I base this on the fact that I AM in this lifestyle, and the number of couples that I meet along the way. I have seen an average of all ages involved, with equal amouts of sucess and failure. Heck, I know of one couple back in Texas where the wife openly agreed for her husband to swing, but not her. They were VERY much in love, because I knew them personally, but she just was not mentally or physically interested in sex, and he still had a strong sex drive. They loved each other, and she said she loved him too much to ask him to not have sex at all (Personally I think that is one of the most sincerest givings of love I have ever seen). It's hard to explain in a short post all the details, but just suffice to say that I still have talked to them even after moving here, and they have been doing this for over 15 years now. So I say yippie to them!

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opus123

My wife and I have been poly for over 10 years now and she has gone to swing clubs before with her boyfriends. She likes the pool and hot tubs and ambiance. Luckily we have one of the worlds best clubs nearby us. Anyway, she only goes once a year and for women, it is a great experience since the numbers are slightly kept up for women so that they don't get overwhelmed by too many men in the room.

I know poly people who act like swingers and generally are more into sex on the weekend. I know swingers who live with their extra partners and that seems more poly, but really I don't mind what labels use. I personally choose poly because I live less hidden most everywhere and I like to really bond long term with my partners and lovers. Swing clubs are kind pricey for men, but can be worthwhile once you make a few friends. Swing clubs should offer a tour before you join them. That seems only fair. Also they should have a good website that has a calendar of events. (That is what my wife says.)

But with poly, swing, or baseball leagues... the rules should be written down on what is ok and not ok. *smile*

Jonathan

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