abaya

Alright, I attempted a search for this and got nuthin'. Feel free to direct me otherwise if you see fit...

So, with all this talk in the Ladies' Lounge about women discussing sex, a question came to mind. I'd like to know at least how often the average TFP woman orgasms during sex, compared to her partner. Of course, this is not to say that orgasm is the only way to enjoy sex... but still, just a rough idea would be interesting.

To clarify, I am asking about vaginal/anal/oral sex here, not about masturbation.

As a corollary, I'd like to encourage people to not just respond to the poll, but also to post here and state whether their current ratio of orgasms is satisfying to them.

So, in addition to the poll:
* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?
* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?
* If not, what have you done/are you doing to remedy that problem?

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Seaver

I'm a man, I orgasm the majority of times. Sometimes, though, I just dont have it in me.

My GF has an enormous sex drive, and after about 4-5 times in one day... I just don't have anything left. She sees that she can get me hard and she believes I'm ready to go, so I often have sex with her on the 5-6th time... but there's just no way I'd end up cumming. She mistook this at first being that I wasn't as sexually attractive to her as she thought... but she now understands that while the male labido is high... it's not endless.

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Ample

Im a man and I orgasm most of the time, bout 90%.
With the "pool girl" it only happen once that I didn't orgasm, since we started our summer fling. Pretty sure that was because I was way to drunk at the time.

Its important to me, but more important to my partner, I don't want them to feel that there is something wrong with them cause I didnt cum. On a few occations I wasnt able to orgasm cause they were to damn wet, and it felt like I was hitting nothing at all.
It would be great to orgasm everytime, but my deal is like what Seaver said, back in my younger day I could go like a rabbit all day long, but I have my limits now after a few times.
Since I know that I cant do it many times, I try to at least know that my partner has came. You know the whole quality or quanity thing

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abaya

Well, plenty of people responding to the poll so far, but not many posters. I just realized that I haven't answered my own questions, which is not cool. So here goes:

Orgasms are not THE most important thing for my satisfaction with sex, but they are still quite important. I cum less than half of the time that I have sex, mostly because it takes so long to cum from oral (and I am not very good at cumming from vaginal/anal alone). I love cumming, but I resent the fact that it takes so long for me to get there. It's hard for me to even get wet most of the time, so getting to the point of orgasm just takes too much time, I guess.

I am most satisfied when I feel I have been made love to, though I relish the occasional quickie fuck, too. I love seeing my partner satisfied, though if he doesn't cum at the end, it's not a big deal either. Lately, though, I've felt more and more horny even after having sex, and I want to have an orgasm, too... so I reach for the vibe. I just wish my body could pop one off within minutes... but it seems unable to do so, and I don't know how to change that.

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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MexicanOnABike

it's extremely rare that i don't. so i voted: all the time.

* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?
it's not the end of the world. i just feel satisfied if i can. it's like finishing your meal at a restaurant. if you can only have apetisers, you will still feel hungry.

* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?
yes completely.

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ngdawg

Jeez...two women so far is it?
I love orgasms, but sometimes they're work and I'd rather get to the nitty-gritty.
Orgasms are the icing and I can do that part myself

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

abaya

Nice, ng. I agree... they really do take so much work, and often I just want to get to the hard-core. But I wish it were easier!

And YES, where the heck are all the women... sheesh. This just goes to prove the point in LL, that a lot of women don't want to talk about sex!!

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Daniel_

Guy/Mostly

Wife/Many, but less often.

She seems to like it though, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

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Supple Cow

I voted that I orgasm most of the time because I wanted to be truthful about it, but my overall satisfaction level is as if I orgasmed every time. So the answer to the question "Am I satisfied with my current percentage of orgasms in my relationship?" is "Very much so!"

I do find that when the percentage is lower than about 75%, I become very frustrated and it starts to feel to me like I never orgasm, even though I still do sometimes. I guess it's just more like an on-off switch for me: over a given period of time I'm either satisfied or I'm not. It can be unfair to my partner, though, so I try to communicate it as best I can when that is happening.

As far as the importance of orgasms, I'll say first that they are very important to me (the short answer). The long answer is that my pleasure is very rich as a spectrum and deciding what is an orgasm is a matter of drawing a pretty arbitrary line in the sand. I tend to classify them as big vs. little, clitoral vs. g-spot (vs. hollistic), and relieving vs. rejuvenating. Sometimes orgasms make me tired. Sometimes they give me energy and make me need more of them. Sometimes I've had so much sustained pleasure that I never have a peak of any kind but am completely satisfied and ready to stop. I generally don't become dissatisfied with sex as long as one of those things is happening, if not more.

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Gilda

Grace and I, when not doing a D/s scene, will generally switch off being giver and reciever a little over half of the time, with me being the reciever perhaps 3/4 of those sessions, and in those instances, I tend to end up with ten to twelve orgasms for the session, unless we're trying to set up a sustained orgasm, in which case the idea is to limit the preliminary little ones while building to the big one. Lest anyone think I'm being unfair to my wife here, I have to insist, as much as I'm capable, on taking care of her or else she'd be happy to be the pitcher for every session. For Grace, most of the pleasure involved in sex comes vicariously through giving it to me.

It's somewhat less, more like one to three when we're doing mutual stimulation. Grace knows me well enough now that she can, and has induced orgasm from what appears to be non-sexual touching and tone of voice when the mood is right.

I don't have to have one myself when I'm taking care of her, but we usually do a little mutual stimulation even when it's one taking care of the other, so one is pretty common.

* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?

This is probably going to sound a little strange, given the emphasis that I seem to put on it above, but I can enjoy a lovemaking session without an orgasm. It's as much about the closeness, the intimacy as it is about the O.

* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?

Absolutely.

* If not, what have you done/are you doing to remedy that problem?

At the beginning of my relationship with Grace, I couldn't. I had a block that told me that orgasming was a bad thing, and felt ashamed every time I had one, and it took quite a bit of work to get past that to where it actually felt good. So now, not, but in the past, yeah, and I worked with Grace until I felt comfortable with myself and my body, masturbated to train my body how to orgasm, talked to my therapist about the psychological block that was inhibiting me, and worked on how to get at the different kinds of orgasms more deliberately.

It all sounds rather mechanical, I know, and to a degree it is. Grace says she's learned to play my body like a piano, which makes for a nice metaphor--you have to know the mechanics to be able to do it well, but that doesn't mean there isn't art and passion going into it at the same time. And even now, we're still getting better at it.

Gilda

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abaya

Nice metaphor. And hey, who could complain about orgasms being mechanical? If mine were more like clockwork, I'd be overjoyed! It would be so much easier that way.

P.S. Thanks, ladies (and gents) for posting!

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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Sugar&Spice

I'm a woman and I voted "I orgasm every time I have sex." I think I've not had one maybe 4 times when I've had sex. So many of my friends have a really hard time achieving an orgasm. I feel lucky to be able to put in as little effort as I do to have one. And I'm sure my boyfriend appreciates how easy it is to get me there.

* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?
-They are important to me, but I wouldn't be upset if occassionally I didn't have an orgasm. I like to please the guy too. So, if he is able to cum and I'm not, I still get satisfaction out of it and it still feels pretty good.
* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?
-Absolutely!! Since I have at least one big one every single time, I can't complain.

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cookmo

So I think I skewed your poll a bit. I put that I always orgasm, then realised you were referring to vaginal orgasms.

I have never had a vaginal orgasm, always clitoral. In short, I masturbate myself while being fucked.

SAM821

Lately, I am able to substain myself from cumming the second time I make love, it happens about once every ten times that I just can't do it. (perhaps I just get too tired and dont have enough energy for cum) So anyway I voted most of the time.

thespian86

I am Male and I voted that I do most of the time because I simply can't come sometimes.

How important is it? Perhaps it's my lack of life experience but for the purposes of having "sex" and not making it about us (which occationally it isn't) I'd say pretty im-fucking-portant. Otherwise, when we are making love, and simply holding each other while I'm inside her, etc. not important at all. Just nice not to be lonely; to have her to hold.

Am I happy about the percentage? Yes, I suppose so. We are both pretty new to a serious sexual relationship so we are building as we go. I'd say yes I am. I know she is. Her drive is the sexual equivalant to the movie speed; she can't cum under three times in the span of the day or she is likely to explode (excuse me, but it's not a bus i want to get off of).

If not, how would I remedy it? I suppose the fact that I'm clinically depressed and on anti-depressents for said illness doesn't help but switching to a more sexually friendly pill would always help my libiedo. Otherwise Ash is more then anything I could ever want.

Hope that helps . And Gilda, I had the same problem with my first sexual partner, where I felt uncomfortable about myself to the point where i felt uncomfortable seeing her nude. It took a long time for me to warm up to her sexually, and more importantly myself.

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abaya

Nope, I pretty much refer to any kind of orgasm that's experienced with your partner... so, anything involving the couple having sex, making love, giving head, going down, doing the dirty, whatever you want to call it. If you are masturbating while being fucked, well hey... that's still sex, in my opinion (just did that with my man tonight, in fact ).

For the purposes of this poll, I am choosing to exclude total solo masturbation because... well, most of us can make ourselves come on demand, when we're alone and a good video is playing in front of us (or we have some nice toys). But adding another person into the picture makes things more complicated for having an orgasm... it takes two bodies and minds interacting.

And given the thread in Ladies Lounge about women (not) talking about sex, I wondered if women might benefit from talking about what their patterns are, what works for them and what doesn't, what makes them happy. And to hear about men's experiences, too.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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Sage

I orgasm very, very easily and my husband knows how to push all of my buttons just right! I have orgasms during penatrative sex about 99.9% of the time. Strangely enough, when I was younger I enjoyed oral and mutual masterbation much more than the actual sex, but now that I'm married I'd rather dispense with the formalities and get on with the good stuff!

Orgasms are great when they happen, but for me the sex is about all the other fun stuff, like getting sweaty and grunting and just fopping around with your partner and being young and silly. I'm quite happy with the level of orgasms in my house- I definitely want more of them!

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snowy

Like Sugar&Spice, I think I've maybe not orgasmed 3 times during sex. I orgasm very easily through vaginal sex--my g-spot is very sensitive. So yes, I am happy with the number of orgasms I have, and yes, they are important to my sexual satisfaction. The few times I haven't had one have been disappointing, to say the least.

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rmarshall

I'm like Seaver and Ample. Most of the time. The times I don't is because I've done it several times in a short period of time. My sweetie usually comes too. When we've done it three times or so, she has come several times more than me. I give her a break and don't force her when she's satisfied.

I am happy with this. There's always tonight, or tomorrow.

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Dane Bramage

Every time.

Pretty important. It's like going to the amusment park and not riding the roller coaster. you might as well stayed home

we (my fiance and I) have a good sex life, so other then trying to be creative there isn't much to work on. AFAIK she comes just about every time too. i think we do a good job taking care of each other.

the quality of the orgasm varies from encounter to encounter. there are many vairables... how tired we are, how much time we got, how long it has been since the last encounter, etc. i would say that in the last two years, i have only been disappointed two or three times, so i think we are doing very well.

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little_tippler

* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?

Though I rarely orgasm during sex with a partner, I'd have to say they are pretty important.

* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?

I'm not in one but when I was, definitely no

* If not, what have you done/are you doing to remedy that problem?

It's rather a complicated problem. I have tried several things, like extra lube, extra foreplay, even talking to my gyno about it and getting treatment from her, but nothing has worked so far. Now I am considering a sexologist, to talk I guess.

It really sucks because I love sex and can get myself off clitorally in about 5 mins if I want. But with a partner it's extra hard. I'm a pretty horny person but sex has become a bit of a chore sometimes because I know I'm not going to get what I want most of the time.

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We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
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To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

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gremlinx8

I'm a woman and I voted for every time. I'm not sure if I've had sex without orgasming, it's possible it happened and I forgot. I'd say that orgasms are important, but I also appreciate all the other aspects of sex.

Sweetpea

there was no option for Orgasming twice during sex. Which is my average. (we have sex about 5-6 days a week)

How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?

Very important. I enjoy the release and the feeling of sharing an orgasm with my husband. And since I used to have some issues reaching it, I find that I enjoy it doubly.

* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?

Yes very.

* If not, what have you done/are you doing to remedy that problem?

I had some issues reaching orgasm during sex for the first couple years because I never had learned to masturbate. In fact, at the age of 22, I had never reached orgasm more than once. (I started masturbating at this time, as my doctor explained it, I need to "teach my body to cum" and she was right, once i started, my ability to reach orgasm was every time)
Then, I was able to reach it with oral sex, but not during any other time. So I got a vibe, which is what we use during sex when he's not going down on me.
Now we use a small vibe during our sex positions that i use on my clit and i've found it to be quite fun and I find always brings me to at least two orgasms... sometimes three. If i want to go for a third, I'll just tell my husband to hold on a bit longer and then we always cum together and i really enjoy that. He has an amazing ability to hold back right until I've cum a second or third time and it always makes for a mindblowing experience cumming together.

good topic abaya

sweetpea

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