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Grace and I, when not doing a D/s scene, will generally switch off being giver and reciever a little over half of the time, with me being the reciever perhaps 3/4 of those sessions, and in those instances, I tend to end up with ten to twelve orgasms for the session, unless we're trying to set up a sustained orgasm, in which case the idea is to limit the preliminary little ones while building to the big one. Lest anyone think I'm being unfair to my wife here, I have to insist, as much as I'm capable, on taking care of her or else she'd be happy to be the pitcher for every session. For Grace, most of the pleasure involved in sex comes vicariously through giving it to me.
It's somewhat less, more like one to three when we're doing mutual stimulation. Grace knows me well enough now that she can, and has induced orgasm from what appears to be non-sexual touching and tone of voice when the mood is right.
I don't have to have one myself when I'm taking care of her, but we usually do a little mutual stimulation even when it's one taking care of the other, so one is pretty common.
* How important are orgasms to your satisfaction with sex?
This is probably going to sound a little strange, given the emphasis that I seem to put on it above, but I can enjoy a lovemaking session without an orgasm. It's as much about the closeness, the intimacy as it is about the O.
* Are you happy with the percentage of orgasms going on in your relationship?
Absolutely.
* If not, what have you done/are you doing to remedy that problem?
At the beginning of my relationship with Grace, I couldn't. I had a block that told me that orgasming was a bad thing, and felt ashamed every time I had one, and it took quite a bit of work to get past that to where it actually felt good. So now, not, but in the past, yeah, and I worked with Grace until I felt comfortable with myself and my body, masturbated to train my body how to orgasm, talked to my therapist about the psychological block that was inhibiting me, and worked on how to get at the different kinds of orgasms more deliberately.
It all sounds rather mechanical, I know, and to a degree it is. Grace says she's learned to play my body like a piano, which makes for a nice metaphor--you have to know the mechanics to be able to do it well, but that doesn't mean there isn't art and passion going into it at the same time. And even now, we're still getting better at it.
Gilda
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