CityOfAngels

I am 21 years old. Before I started sleeping with the woman I am currently sleeping with, I went a year without sex. I have always been a great performer in bed, and have had no problems with keeping myself aroused. I can recall only two times before recently when I had a problem; 1) When I was woke up at 4:00 AM and was too tired to even stay awake, much less be aroused and ready for sex, and 2) When I slept with a woman other than the one I was in love with at the time, I was still aroused and erect, but not 'as' erect as I usually am. Both situations occurred years ago.

I started sleeping with a woman a few weekends ago. The first time, I was erect, but to our dismay, I couldn't keep it up. I was embarassed as all hell then, as I was fully awake and wanted to have sex. I was able to satisfy her without it, but it still bothered me. We were outside and it was freezing, and it was the first time it ever happened to me, so I attributed it to the cold.

The second time I slept with her, it was great. I stayed erect the whole time, and we both had a blast. Tonight comes along, and it happens again. I was erect when we started with the kissing and foreplay, but I couldn't keep it up when it came time to penetrate her. Having to deal with this embarassment a second time left me in a sort of shock. I'm 21 years old; why would this be happening to me?

In the first circumstance, I was under the influence of alcohol and green stuff. The second time it happened, I was only under the influence of green stuff; no alcohol. But my successful night with her also involved both substances. Neither of us were fully drunk; we only had a beer or two, but we were definitely under the influence. I can only wonder what other variables I am dealing with here. Maybe my undiagnosed depression could be a part of it?

So I'm posting here to ask: Is it wise for me to seek council from a doctor? Or is it too soon to really worry about it? I really fear having the same thing happen again, but we are attracted to each other and I really want her to have a good time with me. How normal is this to happen to someone? I am not completely impotent; this only happened two times, both times I was erect at a certain point, and I am also able to masturbate when I feel the need to do so. I don't know what my problem is.

This is embarassing even bringing it up, but this isn't something I want to wait on. I want to nip this in the bud if at all possible.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

Nisses

Performance anxiety really is a self-fulfilling prophecy (I should know, had the same thing happen at the very beginning of my relationship). When the nerves get settled, it should no longer be a problem.

Also, try and go at it without green stuff. Might help ya to get a non-under-the-influence take on it too. (Tho 2-3 drinks *maximum* do tend to help your drive a bit. Definitly not more.)

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

ktspktsp

Yup.

Other than that, the penis is a human organ, so it doesn't always work 'perfectly', for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing wrong with that.

maleficent

Your problem is that you are thinking too much about it... Don't worry about it (though go to a doctor if it will put your mind at ease, erectile dysfunction is not a problem for you...) Going soft happens occassionally... and most women will tell you it's not that big a deal...

Take a deep breath and relax...

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Lady Sage

As you get older you'll discover that some nights you just cant orgasm either. This is not anything to be ashamed of, it just happens from time to time. Ms. Mal is right, its no big deal as long as you know how to satisfy her in other ways. Nisses made a very valid point as well, try it without the green stuff. Best of luck.

Spaz007

Mental is where it's at. The girl I'm with now is the greatest woman I have met in my life. Because I like her so much I get caught up on my thoughts, and at times can't muster it up She tells me it's ok and when it goes it goes and she loves it. Eventually your nerves well settle and the trust with her will bond. Remember it's been a year, you may feel like you have to make up for lost time or that you still got it. That thought mixed with doubt can really be a turn off for you even though you are in the mood. I feel you man I am still going through it with my girl, but I find that when she is really hot from all the forplay and my mind is only into her, my little buddy is ready to go. Just took time for me to clear my head.

pan6467

I have to agree with my better half here. There are nights when I can pump and pump for an hour and I won't orgasm. She eventually gets over the thrill and it starts hurting her so I stop.

Not enough can be said for foreplay..... a good finger massage in the right spot on the lady, a nice bit of oral action and let her cum first, then do your thing. If you go soft or can't orgasm, it's ok, she had hers and IMHO pleasing the other partner is far more satisfying to me.

There will be nights when she may not want to, and I do and she can't orgasm and I pop fast. But we both enjoyed it and she gave me the oppurtunity to.

True love making is sharing, caring and pleasing..... making your partner feel that he/she is the most important person in your life. When you do that..... you realize that SEX is just an act, but love making is far better, more rewarding and builds your confidence in ways just the act never can.

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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

CityOfAngels

Well in actuality, I haven't orgasmed with her yet. I've always been one to take forever in bed for some reason. Also, condoms make a huge difference. I really don't enjoy them at all, but ya gotta use 'em y'know. With my ex, we used to go at it without a condom and those were the most enjoyable sexual experiences I've ever had. But we were together and monogamous (until she cheated on me ). This new girl is actually in an open relationship with someone else, and we're just having fun together. I HAVE to wear a hat.

And yes, there is a big difference between "sex" and "making love." I experienced that myself years ago, and the same thing now with this new woman. I'm not in love with her, so I focus more on the fact that I'm getting some and how it's my duty as her bed partner to satisfy her. With my ex, everything just happened naturally. We loved sex so much, that back in high school when we started, we kept count. In three months we decided to stop counting at 100. We were together for over a year, and saw each other for 7 months after we broke up. Imagine how many times that was.

So y'all think it's performance anxiety? I might as well read up on it so I can understand it as much as possible. I was also thinking maybe if I start getting more exercise, I might see some changes in my libido. Being busy all the time often leaves me deciding whether I want to spend my only free time resting, being social, or playing basketball. Sun's out today; I might hit up the beach and do just that.

Thank you all for your supporting and kind words. Knowing that it's a common occurrence really changes my overall perspective on the situation. I still don't want it ever to happen again, though. So time for me to go read up on it! See ya!

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

Rodney

Sex is about having fun with one another, playing with one another, not being graded on whether you reach a certain goal or not. No wonder you're having trouble keeping it up; you're too worried about doing it right to enjoy it.

The missing ingredient is real affection. You and your ex were really close, and you were hard as a rock every time. As you say, everything happened naturally.

You want to perform well everytime, go to bed with women you care about and who cares about you. Because you know on those times that something goes "wrong --- " it won't matter a bit.

Some men can perform with any woman, known or unknown. You're not one of them. And in a way, you're lucky.

Mupwah

Unless you are taking a prescription medication which can cause this( Seratonin reuptake inhibitors such as lexapro and wellbutrin, xanax-alazapram cause this) it is the alcohol and or marijanna. They are depressants. Everyone has different reactions to depressants. Sexual disfuncution is a common side affect.

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"Scuse me while I whip this out"

CityOfAngels

Thing is I don't go into the experience worried. When I say I "focus" on pleasuring my partner, I mean just that. I don't ask myself, "Am I doing it right?" 'cause I know that I'm doing it right. I definitely think it's performance anxiety, but it's not because I'm constantly worried or anything; which is why the whole thing was such a surprise for me.

It doesn't matter anymore anyways. She was over last night and pretty much wasn't havin' it. My fear came true: The last time really was the last time. But that's life; I'm not really trippin' on that. Just a bit embarassing is all.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.