msh58

stillwater

screen opens in my mind
it's andrea
eyes are closed
by candlelight
she's meditating
i don't know how to
but i'd like to

her eyes open and look at me
close again
screen closes
her head moves into mine
to show me

this is meditating?
my thoughts are gone
just calmness
better than anything

heaven would be feeling like this by a serene lake

stillwater

can i get up and do things while feeling like this?
thoughts are returning
trying to stop them
i'm losing
want the calmness to last
its crumbling
fear

and then they move in again
of course

msh58

a bit of a wild one

wild spark in your eyes
i got curious what it meant
just had to know

it means

why talk
when you can yell
why hand over
when you can throw

you're a bit of a wild one

you went out for a six pack
brought back the beer truck
people jumping off the top of it
are those fireworks?

you're a bit of a wild one

woke up to screeching
looked out the window
lawn littered with stolen cars
you're on top of one
crowing away

you're a bit of a wild one

time has come
for fight or flight
i know what i'm made of
i gotta get out of here

searching through the closet
running shoes are gone
should have known already
you've got them on

msh58

one more sundown

its really very simple
we give you breathers occasionally
everyone needs to breathe
and you live longer this way

hope you enjoyed your latest one
felt the brightness of life
what it could possibly be
and all that other feel good shit

the weapons are ours
and we add new ones
whenever we see fit
and as you figure it out

but this is not something
in which you can win
we are you

so back to the senseless flogging
the true meaning of your life

take a last look
at that sun going down

and we will begin again

msh58

when downhill is good

another morning
another battle with time
another loss?
still have time to make it to work

answering machine goes on
someones talking to it
my phone ringers off
permanently
everyone talks to my machine

i'm in the other room
getting ready to leave
but curious
who or what
wanted to call me?

hit play
children yelping
in the background
excited
full of life
can remember when
life excited me that way
my sisters voice comes on
it snowed in pennsylvania

i gave them sleds for christmas
but had to do it
at thanksgiving

my nephew and neice
they found a hill
this morning
found other neighbors
and brought them along too
one and three year olds
can do that
get anyone to go along

their neighbors are from the south
first time seeing snow
and down the hill they went
adults and children

all morning long

one after another
karooming
throught the white stuff
and the trek
back to the top
to do it again

having fun
with one of lifes
greatest thrills

glad i listened this morning
the hills i've been on
and the people
i was with
have all come back

and gave me life too this morning
left me feeling like a kid again

amonkie

Msh58 - a wide variety that you've posted here I especially like the line
" running shoes are gone
should have known already
you've got them on"

so much within those words that showed very clearly for me


Welcome to Tilted Lit!

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

msh58

thanks amonkie, i'll post them when i can. look forward to reading other peoples, enjoy that even more, most of mine i write to get it out of my head.

msh58

oscar night

just me and my flask
swig
looking out over hollywood
swig
waiting for the limo

what the hell were they thinking when they nominated me. swig

best original screenplay for a comedy, the movie snuck in there somehow, slow year for comedies i guess. Remembering all the reviews, most of them were bad, but i think fair. Even the guy from denver that was making the sign of the cross and praying for deliverance while watching it. I mean i can see someone having that kind of reaction to my movie. swig.

Its the library scene though that they're saying is where i lost my real chance at an oscar. I disagree, i think the entire movie is a losing cause but i guess i went a little overboard with one scene. Librarians with mounted machine guns gunning down a busload of retards coming into the library as a couple of other characters were calmly discussing the merits of matisse. I'm not sure why i included that scene either, even beavis and butthead never sunk that low. somehow seemed funny at the time. swig.

Or any of the scenes, the whole movie doesn't make any sense, killed the hero in the first ten minutes and then just let the other characters run amok. swig. But people just kept buying tickets to it, liked the out of controlness of the whole mess i guess. i don't know. swig.

small independant film companies never have a chance at these award things anyway. swig. Remember selling the idea to the ceo and him just looking skyward and just saying "my lord, is this all we have this year". He'll be in the limo too, probably as ripped and confused as i am. How a film with no merit or value to society could make it this far and drag us along with it. swig.

what if i sit next to angelina jolie? swig. What if she has a flask too? swig.

never even bothered to write an award speech. I mean what if this actually won, what does it say about this country? swig.

maybe by including that library scene i saved america. Yeah that feels better.

i deserve a medal instead. here comes the limo.

msh58

eternal optimist

well, i did everything wrong
and i'm in the hole again
pretty deep one it looks like
good day for climbing

oops too late
here comes the dirt
they're burying me in

not to worry
i've got my magic shovel
lightweight and with a glow so i can see
i'll be out of here in no time
dirts flying
i'm really going to work on this hole
sun will be shining in my face soon

hmmm somethings wrong
should have been out by now
must be digging in the wrong direction
got me a deeper hole

not a problem
the world is still round
australia must be here someplace

msh58

moondance

no one saw me today
but you

rest looked through me
i've been fading away

gave me meds
took them
back to my room
turn the light off

moonlight through the iron bars
beautiful the night sky

you've left and gone home
not sure where
you've never said
i'm just a patient to you i think

you're my wife though
when i told you that
you didn't get mad
closest i've come to having one

moonlight shining on the opposite wall
smoke tendrils come from where it lands
grey and silver
slowly dancing back to their source

vision blurs
why?
tears

i've been here forever
already forgotten

close the eyes
drift away
back to my source

msh58

thought adulthood
is something that happens
to everyone
midway through life
and it hasn't shown up yet
for me

does everyone really grow up
or do some not
even while wanting to
but maybe not able to
not capable of it

I just keep waiting on it
hoping it will show up
as years roll by

looking at others
thinking someday
i'll be like that
an adult
that others look up to
and have answers
most of the time
some kind of maturity

or is it
just the same kids
that knew
way back when
and just got older
and wiser

or did they?
was it all there to begin with for them
and life just brought it out

might just be on the slow train
that will one day
arrive
where i ought to be

pan6467

Very excellent material MSH.... glad you are sharing it with us. I love creative minded people. Makes my insanity start to seem normal when I converse with others who can think and create and see what I can.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

HedwigStrange

I liked Oscar Night and Eternal Optimist. They were clever and amusing in a lovely cynical way. I also liked A Bit of a Wild One, but it went on a bit too long and became predictable, unlike the poem's subject. Perhaps you could take out this stanza:
"woke up to screeching
looked out the window
lawn littered with stolen cars
you're on top of one
crowing away"

The other poems, however, didn't really draw me in. The first few lines of the other poems held little to make me want to keep reading, so that might be worked on.
I do like your general style of writing; it's calm and questioning and peaceful. Good job.

msh58

thanks pan6467 and hedwigstrange, i don't write very often been awhile since i've been here. wrote a new one today though.

msh58

given up
laying in bed
didn't pay bills
didn't pay rent
didn't call work
just laying here
waiting to get kicked out
of my apartment
so i can lay on the grass
and wait
for natures elements
to do me in

sound of the horses hooves
in the distance
coming closer
very quickly
and through the wall
they ride
and surround my bed
in a semi circle

spirit riders
from the lands
of the abyss
temperature drops 30 degrees
in my room immediately

i thought the abyss
was a mental state
of torture
spirits would drop me in
as i froze from the inside out
shaking and shivering
and they would have a good laugh
not much different than
picking wings off of flies
for the fun of it

but these riders
are real
i would warm up eventually
as i got out
but these guys never left the abyss
simply froze completely
forever
vapor trails rising from their armor
as it would from dry ice

worried they are going to take me back there
to become one of them
a frozen spirit
can feel my fear
haven't felt anything in a long time
realize i want to live
and at that moment

they ride off

msh58

thought of you today
way you looked at me at that party
that i was being considered seriously
didn't realize it then
it isn't something that happened a lot
and you were the last one to do it

wish i could've been different then
but i was the same for years
still am today in a lot of ways
but changing recently

glad to hear you married
and a have a family
career
you we're ready then
and i'm still not

just treaded water
waiting to drown
without swimming anywhere
or knowing where to go

eight years ago
was it?
a long time

i still have a long way to go

but i wish i could've been different then

msh58

have been eating in that parking lot for years
its in a strip mall
go to burger king
cheeseburger large fry
and park in front of the grocery store
save on my food budget that way
when i finally walk into the store

old man always parked at the very end of the parking lot
sitting in his chair
thick glasses on
watching the sky

has a radio playing next to him
those slow blues songs
the ones that just roll along
and eventually get there
"blues before sunrise" by john lee hooker
"goin back home" by lightning hopkins
many others i don't recognize

had seen him there for years
and finally drove over
and parked next to him
took my chair out of the trunk
and sat next to him
his eyes never left the sky

went through all the pleasantries
the weather and all that
and asked if he came here every day
he told me his story

had an agreement with his wife
whoever died first
would try to send a sign in the sky
between 12 and 1 on a particular day
that they had made it to heaven

strip mall has a large parking lot
biggest section of sky in the town
so he'd show up at 11:30
watch the sky and listen to tunes
and leave at 1:30
just to make sure
he hadn't missed anything

couldn't help but notice the thick glasses

said goodbye and walked toward the store
some employees out there on break
came up to me to see what the old guy was all about
they'd never talked to him either
told them everything

i still sit with him on mondays
my shopping day
has a lot of company now every day
employees of the stores in that area
all sit out there with him on lunch
chatting it up
some people slow dancing to the music

but everyone with one eye on the sky

msh58

lights blue
through the blinds
morning is coming

wish i was ready for it
wish it was a new beginning
where everything falls into place
finally

but it came here
too early
for that

if it was better
what color would it be
would it be different
would i feel different
to know
i finally made it

nothing changed
coming through the darkness
of the night
this way

so covered in blue light
and wishing
this was the day
it finally fell into place

instead left with
what i dreamed i could be
but am not

so i taste the morning
and realize
it's the one
i was
meant
to
have

msh58

thirty thousand dollars
its a secure feeling
when living pretty frugal
can last a long time

walked into the hospital
with that

didn't use all of it
maybe a third
with insurance
that time

it lost its meaning though to me
when it didn't prevent this
didn't cure this
and at times
not sure
that i am
alive
although have a pulse when i check

getting through each day kind of took over
using any means necessary
spending what was needed
to get to tomorrow
in good shape
if possible
with no security whatsoever
for the future
when the future
appears
to be
this

at times hoping
it will end prematurely
not at my own hand
have proven
i suck at suicide

was given a cigar today
manager had a baby boy
something to smile about
but couldn't fully
too mentally gone
for that to happen
although probably shaped my mouth
into something that would pass for one
fake it till you make it
but six years later
making it hasn't happened
and probably won't

all the things bought
times when the money rolled in
challenges overcame
does it feel pointless to you too
not even a story worth telling
though tell it anyway
due to lack of a better one

stuff valued
beliefs that seemed important
even beliefs that were questioned
when trying to prove that you could think
did anything come along worth keeping

or not

msh58

newest photos right off the satellite
mass graves
genocide
that i helped cause
sent the guys their weapons
and they used them well
and often
great great pictures for the scrapbook
as i carry the torch now
for those in the lengthy history
of humans
that promote death

kept these scrapbooks ever since i was younger
way before i was in power
the resulting deaths
from these other people achieving power
captured in photos
for all to see
and i kept all of them
waiting for my chance
to join them

i know the people i descended from
weren't my real family
i'm just one in a line of many from history
that may be creative sometimes in giving reasons for it
but always looking for blood.

what i am for
might be different
than what i said i was for
getting here to the senate
i really don't remember my platform
the debates
or whatever
i said the right things
as all of the people that came before me
did also

pro abortion
pro death penalty
pro war
pro alcoholism
pro drug addiction
pro genocide
pro concentration camps
pro torture
pro religious war
pro terrorism
pro murder
pro natural disaster
pro fear
pro any disease

and of course at all times
i'm promoting all of these
to the full capacity
my office will allow

pictures i've gotten lately
from the satellites have been fantastic.
the old trick of sending arms
to the most blood thirsty in foreign countries
who yet are not capable enough to endanger me
is a beautiful, beautiful thing
just a fine start
to a great future of this

great pictures
great pictures
all of them
can't help but kiss each one of them
as i view them

i just couldn't be happier tonight
to join this elite group
that held up the peace sign
then dug graves
and filled them

msh58

patient: i want to be a fat loud person. pig faced brute of a human being

therapist: i see....goals are very important, can give so much direction to life

patient: when they finally cremate me at the end of life i want to make the biggest grease fire history has ever seen. i'd mainline cheeseburgers directly to my heart but i don't know how, can you help me?

therapist: (bends forward and takes patients hands) i've seen so many people do what seemed impossible and it always starts with will, which you have, i think together we can do it.

patient: thank you

therapist: how are you working on this goal?

patient: I sit on the couch and eat all day

therapist: getting any exercise?

patient: i walk to the fridge

therapist: that concerns me, that you are getting too much exercise. Is it possible to move the fridge next to the couch?

patient: i'll do that when i get home! thank you!

therapist: sure its what i'm here for. Any other goals you have?

patient: its something i've seen other people do, i don't know

therapist: go on...

patient: i've seen people that could just drone on talking, who could make listeners eyes glaze over and sometimes even go cross eyed. i even saw one woman who just prattled on so completely senselessly while oblivious to the suffering of her listener that the guy killed himself to escape her. She never even noticed, even when they took the body away. i want to be like her.

therapist: its a common skill, although it will take work to achieve that level of greatness that you mentioned, i believe its something we can work towards.

patient: thank you for everything

therapist: i'll see you next week and we can begin on these goals

big hug.

msh58

been a long time
since we've been together
even while living
in this same house

really seemed to drift apart
this year

cell phones and phones
all day
and even the nights at home
spent talking to people
i don't care about
trying to plan this
trying to make this
or the other thing work
at work
two people at home
phone on their ear
and no time for each other

Its the first summer
we didn't sit out back
and see the sunset each night
listen to the neighbors fight
on each side of our house
i really missed that

can remember our first year in this house
sitting out back
as the neighbors were having a particularly
high volume night
and we just got laughing
and placed bets on which one of them
would have a coronary or stroke
first
i'm not sure but i think i'm leading you
two hospitalizations to one

just grateful
each day i didn't come home
to something like that
just endlessly brawling
our way through life

i don't think i could've lasted a day with that
always been a relief to come home
and having you
keep coming home also

but i miss you
and hope
today
is as special
as i'm hoping
it will be

i love you.

msh58

they always said i needed thicker skin
i can't disagree but

it seems an assumption
that its something
a person can grow
whenever they want

like a guy punching a tree
hoping for scar tissue
something to be worked on

although never have seen
someone that wasn't born with it
suddenly have it

in absence
of that
what to do?

flow through method is all i've found
verbally attacked
let the words flow through you
in through the front
and right out the back
being careful
not to grasp on to
the words
or the emotions
aimed at oneself

still sucks
when they surprise me though
person not expecting it from

then it hurts
like the rest would
if i let it