Ethnic jokes as Auburn jokes - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

warrrreagl · 09-15-2003, 11:39 AM

As an alumnus of Auburn University, I'd like to offer my alma mater as the Ethnic Joke Purification Center. Let me explain. No, there's not enough time. Let me sum up.

I promise that if you take any ethnic joke and re-tell it as an Auburn joke, it will make perfect sense, and might even be funnier. And it's always fun to try and figure out what the original ethnic joke might have been.

Here goes:

Three guys are condemned to death by guillotine; a Texas fan, a Penn State fan, and an Auburn fan. As they are led to the gallows, the executioner explains that each one of them may make one final statement before being beheaded.

The Texas fan stands up and yells, "Hook 'em, Horns!" However, when the blade falls, it miraculously stops only 6 inches from his neck, and he is spared.

Next, the Penn State fan stands up and yells, "We are Penn State!" However, once again the blade miraculously stops only 6 inches from his neck, and he is spared, too.

When the Auburn man steps up, the executioner asks him if he has anything to say. The Auburn man says, "Yeah, you've got a bad knot in that chain up there."

CSflim · 09-15-2003, 01:08 PM

Journeyman · 09-15-2003, 01:54 PM

A Penn state dropout, a Texas dropout, and an Auburn dropout are all stationed together in WW2 (got drafted because they dropped out), and were out on a mission when an entire platoon of Nazi's spotted them, so they ran. A lot. They ran through a wide open field of tall wheat, hiding themselves from the bullets as best as they can, when they run into a barn. In the barn are three sacks, and they each jump into one.

The Nazi's get there and decide to check out the barn before looking for them elsewhere, when they spot the sacks. Nazi commander points to the sack with the Texas dropout and orders a grunt to poke at it, and when he does the Texas dropout goes "BARK BARK!" And the Nazi commander says, "Ahhh, das is dog."

Points to the sack with the Penn dropout, grunt pokes it and the Penn dropout goes "Meow! Meow!" Nazi commander says, "Ahhh, das is cat."

Points to the sack with the Auburn drop out. The grunt pokes it and the Auburn dropout goes "POTATOES! POTATOES!"

Speed_Gibson · 09-15-2003, 04:34 PM

that first joke is hilarious, and that slightly rephrased blond joke is decent (at least mildly amusing) as well.

scansinboy · 09-16-2003, 11:26 PM

Ok I'll try it, I don't think this will work though.

What do you call an Auburn Alumnus hanging in a barn?

Antique Farm Equipment.

Nope. Didn't work.

bravo49 · 09-17-2003, 12:51 AM

Quite funny

CSflim · 09-18-2003, 12:57 PM

Ok, I'll give it a go, with one of the most racist jokes I know:

A Texas fan, a Penn State fan, and an Auburn fan all jump off a building. They are speeding towards the ground. Who wins?
Society!

CSflim · 09-20-2003, 12:41 PM

Q. How do you stop an Auburn fan running around screaming with half a head missing?
A. Stop laughing and reload!

Happyland · 09-20-2003, 01:48 PM

that antique farm equipment joke is baaaad. Funny, but bad.

Root_Beer_Man · 09-20-2003, 08:30 PM

What do you throw a drowning Auburn?

An anchor

What do you throw a drowning Auburn?

His family

CSflim · 09-21-2003, 09:24 AM

How do you stop an Auburn from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

How do you stop an Auburn ,running round in circles?
Nail his other foot to the ground.

Four Fingers · 09-21-2003, 09:51 AM

It doesn't always work:

What's one Auburn in the sea? pollution.
What's one million Auburns in the sea? solution.

Replace Auburn with the original ethnic group, and it become hilarious.

Journeyman · 09-21-2003, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Speed_Gibson
that first joke is hilarious, and that slightly rephrased blond joke is decent (at least mildly amusing) as well.

(I can only assume you mean mine) Actually it's an English/Scottish/Irish joke.

POTATOES! POTATOES!

CSflim · 09-21-2003, 11:03 AM

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was a Texas fan, and his father was an Auburn fan. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?"
"What does it really matter? You'll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him.
So Johnny's father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?"
"What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you're more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?" asks his dad.
"Well, it's like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don't know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till its dark
and steel the fucking thing!"

debaser · 09-21-2003, 09:40 PM

Q: Whats the difference between an Auburn fan and a bucket of shit?

A: The bucket.

debaser · 09-21-2003, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CSflim
Ok, I'll give it a go, with one of the most racist jokes I know:

A Texas fan, a Penn State fan, and an Auburn fan all jump off a building. They are speeding towards the ground. Who wins?
Society!

Fucking classic! I have added this to my collection.

CSflim · 09-22-2003, 01:08 PM

What is a Auburn's favorite anti-perspirant?
Unemployment.

Why can Auburns fuck all night?
Because they don't have to get up the next morning and go to work!

What do you get when you cross an Auburn with a gorilla?
A dumber gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and an Auburn?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

What do you say to an Auburn in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

What did the Auburn kid get for Christmas?
My bike.

Why do Auburns smell?
So blind people can hate them to.

How do you stop an Auburn from going out?
Pour more petrol on.

scansinboy · 09-23-2003, 09:13 AM

How do you get an auburn alum out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

When does a College Graduate become an Auburn Alum?
As soon as he leaves the room.

(That last one took me a while to think of how to translate it into Auburn)

CSflim · 09-23-2003, 12:44 PM

What are the first five words an Auburn in a three piece tailored suit hears?
"Will the defendant please rise"

Why do decent Penn State Alums shop at Auburn yard sales?
To get all their stuff back, of course!

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Auburn in the road?
There's skid marks in front of the dog.

Why did so many Auburn soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the Auburns would jump up and start dancing.

There's an Auburn alum and Penn State alum in a car...who's driving?
The cop.

Sexodus · 09-23-2003, 01:40 PM

I have Auburn in my Family tree...

Look in my back yard!

pocon1 · 09-23-2003, 02:17 PM

You all are going to hell for making me laugh!
What do you get when you cross an Auburn fan with an Auburn Fan?
A guy who spray paints his name on chainlink fences.
Nope, it doesn't always work. Guess we need Puerto Ricans for something.

scansinboy · 09-23-2003, 08:25 PM

Why did the Auburn Alum wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy operation?

He decided that if he was gonna be impotant, he might as well look impotant.

tritium · 09-24-2003, 07:14 PM

Maybe just me or has this entire thread turned into thinnly-veiled racism?

CSflim · 09-25-2003, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tritium
Maybe just me or has this entire thread turned into thinnly-veiled racism?

just you.

and now, without further ado, onto some more thinly veiled racism:

Three men were in prison together,a Texas alum, a Penn State alum, and an Auburn alum. The texas alum said he was in for ten years for attempted rape, but thought himself lucky he hadn't actually done the rape or he would be in for twenty years.
The Penn State alum said he was in for fifteen years for attempted murder, but was lucky his victim had lived, or he would be doing life.
The Auburn alum then said he was in for twenty-five years for riding his bike without a light, but reckoned he was lucky it wasn't night time.

scansinboy · 09-25-2003, 09:34 PM

Three middle aged men, a Texas Alum and an two Auburn Alums were sitting on the beach one day discussing how they had come into early retirement.
The First Auburn Alum Told his story.
I had a very succesful consulting firm, when one day, it caught fire and burned to the ground. I could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire early.
The second Auburn Alum said "Wow. I had almost the same thing happen to me. I owned a factory, when one day, there was a big explosion which leveled the entire building. I too, could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire early."
Finally, the Texas Alum Spoke. "That is incredible. I also have a similar story. I had a restaurant, and was making money hand over fist. Well you remeber that big flood last year? Wiped out my restaurant as well as most of the neighborhood. I could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire, just like the two of you."
The two Auburn alums congratulated the Texan on how things had worked out for the best for him.
"But we have to know," said one of them.
"How do you start a flood?"

scansinboy · 09-25-2003, 09:38 PM

How do you starve an Auburn Alum?

Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Speed_Gibson · 09-25-2003, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tritium
Maybe just me or has this entire thread turned into thinnly-veiled racism?

no one is implying any ethnic groups here, any additions of that nature are in the mind of the viewer.

batm4n_23 · 09-27-2003, 06:22 AM

Those are really funny

Root_Beer_Man · 09-27-2003, 04:14 PM

What do you call an auburn to graduated from harvard?

an auburn!

Noob · 09-27-2003, 06:44 PM

whats the difference between a pizza and an auburn?

a pizza can feed a family four

whats the difference between a pizza and an auburn?

a pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven

09-15-2003, 11:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	Ethnic jokes as Auburn jokes As an alumnus of Auburn University, I'd like to offer my alma mater as the Ethnic Joke Purification Center. Let me explain. No, there's not enough time. Let me sum up. I promise that if you take any ethnic joke and re-tell it as an Auburn joke, it will make perfect sense, and might even be funnier. And it's always fun to try and figure out what the original ethnic joke might have been. Here goes: Three guys are condemned to death by guillotine; a Texas fan, a Penn State fan, and an Auburn fan. As they are led to the gallows, the executioner explains that each one of them may make one final statement before being beheaded. The Texas fan stands up and yells, "Hook 'em, Horns!" However, when the blade falls, it miraculously stops only 6 inches from his neck, and he is spared. Next, the Penn State fan stands up and yells, "We are Penn State!" However, once again the blade miraculously stops only 6 inches from his neck, and he is spared, too. When the Auburn man steps up, the executioner asks him if he has anything to say. The Auburn man says, "Yeah, you've got a bad knot in that chain up there." __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed.

09-15-2003, 01:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	huh? __________________

09-15-2003, 04:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
Speed_Gibson Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Location: right here of course	that first joke is hilarious, and that slightly rephrased blond joke is decent (at least mildly amusing) as well. __________________ Started talking to yourself I see. Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation. Black Adder

09-16-2003, 11:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
scansinboy Insane Location: Milwaukee	Ok I'll try it, I don't think this will work though. What do you call an Auburn Alumnus hanging in a barn? Antique Farm Equipment. Nope. Didn't work. __________________ Don't blame me... I voted for Kodos!

09-18-2003, 12:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	Ok, I'll give it a go, with one of the most racist jokes I know: A Texas fan, a Penn State fan, and an Auburn fan all jump off a building. They are speeding towards the ground. Who wins? Society! __________________

09-15-2003, 01:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Journeyman Like John Goodman, but not. Location: SFBA, California	A Penn state dropout, a Texas dropout, and an Auburn dropout are all stationed together in WW2 (got drafted because they dropped out), and were out on a mission when an entire platoon of Nazi's spotted them, so they ran. A lot. They ran through a wide open field of tall wheat, hiding themselves from the bullets as best as they can, when they run into a barn. In the barn are three sacks, and they each jump into one. The Nazi's get there and decide to check out the barn before looking for them elsewhere, when they spot the sacks. Nazi commander points to the sack with the Texas dropout and orders a grunt to poke at it, and when he does the Texas dropout goes "BARK BARK!" And the Nazi commander says, "Ahhh, das is dog." Points to the sack with the Penn dropout, grunt pokes it and the Penn dropout goes "Meow! Meow!" Nazi commander says, "Ahhh, das is cat." Points to the sack with the Auburn drop out. The grunt pokes it and the Auburn dropout goes "POTATOES! POTATOES!"

09-17-2003, 12:51 AM	#6 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	Quite funny

09-20-2003, 12:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	Q. How do you stop an Auburn fan running around screaming with half a head missing? A. Stop laughing and reload! __________________

09-20-2003, 01:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
Happyland Insane Location: where happiness lives	that antique farm equipment joke is baaaad. Funny, but bad. __________________ someone else here must like Walton & Johnson too

09-20-2003, 08:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
Root_Beer_Man Crazy	What do you throw a drowning Auburn? An anchor What do you throw a drowning Auburn? His family __________________ >3 Cheers for boobies!!<

09-21-2003, 09:24 AM	#11 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	How do you stop an Auburn from drowning? Take your foot off his head. How do you stop an Auburn ,running round in circles? Nail his other foot to the ground. __________________

09-21-2003, 09:51 AM	#12 (permalink)
Four Fingers Crazy	It doesn't always work: What's one Auburn in the sea? pollution. What's one million Auburns in the sea? solution. Replace Auburn with the original ethnic group, and it become hilarious. __________________ "Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

09-21-2003, 11:03 AM	#14 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was a Texas fan, and his father was an Auburn fan. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?" "What does it really matter? You'll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny's father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you're more a Texas fan or more an Auburn fan?" asks his dad. "Well, it's like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don't know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till its dark and steel the fucking thing!" __________________

09-21-2003, 09:40 PM	#15 (permalink)
debaser Sir, I have a plan... Location: 38S NC20943324	Q: Whats the difference between an Auburn fan and a bucket of shit? A: The bucket. __________________ Fortunato became immured to the sound of the trowel after a while.

09-22-2003, 01:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	What is a Auburn's favorite anti-perspirant? Unemployment. Why can Auburns fuck all night? Because they don't have to get up the next morning and go to work! What do you get when you cross an Auburn with a gorilla? A dumber gorilla. What is the difference between Batman and an Auburn? Batman can go out at night without Robin. What do you say to an Auburn in uniform? "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke." What did the Auburn kid get for Christmas? My bike. Why do Auburns smell? So blind people can hate them to. How do you stop an Auburn from going out? Pour more petrol on. __________________

09-27-2003, 06:22 AM	#28 (permalink)
batm4n_23 Addict	Those are really funny

09-23-2003, 09:13 AM	#18 (permalink)
scansinboy Insane Location: Milwaukee	How do you get an auburn alum out of a tree? Cut the rope. When does a College Graduate become an Auburn Alum? As soon as he leaves the room. (That last one took me a while to think of how to translate it into Auburn) __________________ Don't blame me... I voted for Kodos!

09-23-2003, 12:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	What are the first five words an Auburn in a three piece tailored suit hears? "Will the defendant please rise" Why do decent Penn State Alums shop at Auburn yard sales? To get all their stuff back, of course! What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Auburn in the road? There's skid marks in front of the dog. Why did so many Auburn soldiers get killed in Vietnam? Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the Auburns would jump up and start dancing. There's an Auburn alum and Penn State alum in a car...who's driving? The cop. __________________

09-23-2003, 01:40 PM	#20 (permalink)
Sexodus Banned Location: The Canyons - Boarding	I have Auburn in my Family tree... Look in my back yard!

09-23-2003, 02:17 PM	#21 (permalink)
pocon1 Banned	You all are going to hell for making me laugh! What do you get when you cross an Auburn fan with an Auburn Fan? A guy who spray paints his name on chainlink fences. Nope, it doesn't always work. Guess we need Puerto Ricans for something.

09-23-2003, 08:25 PM	#22 (permalink)
scansinboy Insane Location: Milwaukee	Why did the Auburn Alum wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy operation? He decided that if he was gonna be impotant, he might as well look impotant. __________________ Don't blame me... I voted for Kodos!

09-24-2003, 07:14 PM	#23 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	Maybe just me or has this entire thread turned into thinnly-veiled racism? __________________ Blah.

09-25-2003, 09:34 PM	#25 (permalink)
scansinboy Insane Location: Milwaukee	Three middle aged men, a Texas Alum and an two Auburn Alums were sitting on the beach one day discussing how they had come into early retirement. The First Auburn Alum Told his story. I had a very succesful consulting firm, when one day, it caught fire and burned to the ground. I could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire early. The second Auburn Alum said "Wow. I had almost the same thing happen to me. I owned a factory, when one day, there was a big explosion which leveled the entire building. I too, could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire early." Finally, the Texas Alum Spoke. "That is incredible. I also have a similar story. I had a restaurant, and was making money hand over fist. Well you remeber that big flood last year? Wiped out my restaurant as well as most of the neighborhood. I could have rebuilt, but I decided to take the insurance money and retire, just like the two of you." The two Auburn alums congratulated the Texan on how things had worked out for the best for him. "But we have to know," said one of them. "How do you start a flood?" __________________ Don't blame me... I voted for Kodos! Last edited by scansinboy; 09-25-2003 at 09:36 PM..

09-25-2003, 09:38 PM	#26 (permalink)
scansinboy Insane Location: Milwaukee	How do you starve an Auburn Alum? Hide his welfare check under his work boots. __________________ Don't blame me... I voted for Kodos!

09-27-2003, 04:14 PM	#29 (permalink)
Root_Beer_Man Crazy	What do you call an auburn to graduated from harvard? an auburn! __________________ >3 Cheers for boobies!!<

09-27-2003, 06:44 PM	#30 (permalink)
Noob Upright	whats the difference between a pizza and an auburn? a pizza can feed a family four whats the difference between a pizza and an auburn? a pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven