BigBen

Well, you think you are funny?

You get forwarded a hundred funny e-mails a day from friends, and you know the punch-line before you have finished reading the first line?

Is every joke the same?


Well, dear TFP'er, welcome to THE GREATEST THREAD IN THE WHOLE WORLD, EVER. No, I am not exaggerating. You have been searching the internet for some time, looking for that exotic piece of hot man-love. Instead, you have found yourself here, and I congradulate you.

Here are the rules:

Feel free to post the start of a joke, one-liner, Q&A, the Blond/Brunette/Redhead type of thing. Make it so that the framework is something people can work off of and be creative with.

--What do you get when you cross a bandsaw and a blueberry pancake?

Um, I have no idea how to make this funny. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

--A man walks into a doctor's office, and he looks terrible. He is moments away from death. The nurse looks at him and says "How long have you been feeling sick?" And the man says :

See? You can work off of that. You can make fun of the nurse, the doctor or the man. You can make fun of doctor's offices, the medical system in general, or a thousand other things.

So, without further delay:

Answer: a machine that tastes great with maple syrup. Booooo

The Man says : for about 45 years.
The Nurse says: What took you so long to come to the doctor?
The Man says : When my HMO said "Co-pay", I thought they said "Go-away."

Oh, god. Those were terrible. My point is this: You can think of a funny situation, and see what your fellow posters can come up with; You can take a funny setup from someone else and knock it out of the ballpark!

And just to make you feel better, as in the examples above, it is the effort that counts here. No flaming someone's un-funny answer. If you have time to complain, then MAKE A BETTER ANSWER, YOU BIG POOPY DIAPER!


Starting things off...

What did the guy with no arms and no legs say when he finished climbing Mount Everest?

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and the Pope are sitting around playing poker. George Bush boasts about being from Texas and they are playing Texas Hold-em. Saddam Hussein boasts that he is the chip leader, and therefore the best strategist at the table. The Pope says:

A guy walks into a bar with 6 kids, 9 years old and under. The bartender says "You can't bring them in here!" The oldest kid says:

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

ngdawg

1) I'd have been here sooner if someone had lent me a hand.


I'll have to get back to the second two....what made me giggle would make others throw rotten fruit.



A blonde speeding down the freeway hears a police siren, followed by a loud 'PULLOVER'. Stopping her car, she rolls down her window and says to the approaching officer:

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

vanblah

The answer to all three of them could easily be: "Thank God for Viagra!" In a creepy kind of way.

Zodijackyl

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and the Pope are sitting around playing poker. George Bush boasts about being from Texas and they are playing Texas Hold-em. Saddam Hussein boasts that he is the chip leader, and therefore the best strategist at the table. The Pope says, "That's nice, you guys ever read The Da Vinci Code?"

Gatorade Frost

Awesome.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

Willravel

This is extremly difficult. I don't even think my answers are funny.
Weee!!! *as he slides down*
Dealer, at my regular table up stairs, we get 3 cards delt to us.

kylej

this is confusing..

TwoToTango

No, it's a cardigan!

BigBen

THAT IS AWESOME!!!!

Fantastic.

This is what I was looking for when I started the thread.

A guy is walking down a beach, he kicks a lamp and out pops the ol' Genie.

The Genie looks at him and says "Boy, you look kind of depressed. What is wrong?"
The guy answers "Well, I got fired today for having sex with my secretary, who was also my boss' daughter. When my wife found out, she left me, and said she was going to take me to the cleaners. I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I find out I have cancer and only 6 months to live..."
So the genie says:


A man and woman are happily married for 50 years. On their anniversary, the wife says "What do you want for your anniversary?"
The husband says "Well, I read about all of this strange sex the young kids are having these days. I was wondering if you wanted to try some of that stuff out..."
And the wife says :






The Genie says : Well, fuck it. I am going for a beer.





And the Wife says: Sweetheart, after 50 years of marriage, all sex with you is strange...

__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.