|
(edit, man us zombies are slow)
whatever the hell he could get. In truth, zombie sex with skanky pros |
who partied with the milquetoast that they used to pick up; was the
(also a Zombie edit) |
best thing that could have happened to paddyjoe.
Now that pj was alive, |
he could again frolic naked through the meadows with his new zombie friends,
|
unhampered by self-consciousness that their zombie genitalia was engorged and flopping around
|
between their legs like a kite on a windy day in july.While
|
back at the village, a horde of angry towns people awaited the arrival
|
of the dominator 3000, the most efficient zombie killing machine ever devised. Paddyjoe.......
|
wanted to speak out against it's UN banned weapon status. However he thought
|
about pickles, and slipped into a mental state that could only be called
|
bumpy, green and tart. unable to chair a UN meeting in this state,
|
He drank a cup of fresh squeezed Zombie Jism and drifted off into
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the roilet to promptly barf."This stuff tastes like shit",he said to
|
the disembodied head floating in the bowl. "So?" the head replied, "purple monkeys
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have jism so tasty, it's been banned as an illicit drug." PaddyJoe flushed
|
bright white instead of red, 'cause he was dead, eh.
Since the head |
of the Sleeper Jammie Corp, Uncle Phil was undergoing toe-nail surgery, Conclamo was
|
mowing the lawn, whistling the theme from "Doctor Who" and trying to keep
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his balls from getting caught in the mower. His balls sag badly and
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are the colour of blue.Poor son of a bitch can't even keep
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the neighborhood vixen from showing up; interupting his chores "What do you want?"
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'I just want to kick your huge dangling nuts Conclamo' said the vixenwhore
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"Oh please, my balls are very swollen and blue; please don't do that."
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"But I must" said the vixenwhore, and did. Conclamo pissed on her shoes
|
and shit in her cereal, which she was conveinently eating at the time
|
while she ogled his swollen, pulsating member, that peeked out from the top
|
of his blackwatch tartan mini-skirt that he'd bought for $3.95 at
|
Quote:
the 7-11 down by the wharf. Conclamo thought it odd that he was |
the sexiest bitch ever to grace the cover of the john deer catalog
|
, considering he didn't remember having his photo taken atop a green combine whilst
|
several street toughs stripped it for parts to sell on the black market.
|
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Little Timmy, Jane, and Uncle Ahmet were about
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to pants vermin, and search his cavities for evidence of gear shift knobs
|
But a bolt of lightning bursts through the roof of the barn and
|
electrified little Timmy. Suddenly his hair grew into the perfect mullet. "You should
Quote:
|
take a picture of that and send it in to mullets.com said Jane
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"Sure thang," he said and took a picture right there holding Jane. The
http://www.hotmullets.com/skulletwithblowupdoll.jpg |
picture turned out great, even though Uncle Ahmet kept giggling as he took
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his penis into his hand and said "time for lunch" now hand me
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Your pretzle of doom. Unfortunately the pretzel was lodged snuggly in the doll's
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joy spot... "Oooooh", said Jane "You can fish it out yourself". Her inflatable
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ladia massaged his thick, throbbing penis as he slowly penetrated her from behind
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. He then bashed her in the head with a crowbar and jello shot
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from her worked-over ass. It had been there since the Reagan Administration, which
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suprisingly, the jello kept its shape of the Eiffel tower that it was
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(I am laughing to hard to reply right now.)
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formed into by a mold made of dried KY and a network of
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jelly beans,licorice and maybe even a little bit of paddyjoe's jism...Jane
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decided that PJ´s jism would taste great with some ketchup, hot sauce style,
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-So she pulled out a long dried crunchy strand from her rubbery anus,
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microwaved it on high for 3 1/2 minutes, then wove it around a juicy
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Racoon which was conveniantly angry and foaming from the mouth. She dipped that
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sumbitch into a pit of flesh-eating hamsters who were very loudly singing
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a song about anal leakage. Jesus appeared on the horizon, just then something
|
shot at Jesus from the grassy knoll-shaped opposite horizon, it was the
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four pidgeons that flew overhead.One had relieved himself high above the knoll...
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and struck the coward holding the gun. Bad puns are taking over the
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board of the nonsense, which happens to be where bundy and Bones drag
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their pet Queens around by the ears so that they would feel more
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manly. Seriously though, all bad puns aside, bundy has had a love affair
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with Cameron Diaz! Many years prior to that delicious summer fling, Phaetius had
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told bundy that cameron was at his place,just waiting to meet with
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Bundy's other kidnap victims: Matt Damon and the dwarf from Austin Powers. They
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tried to convert him over to the wonderful religion of mormonism, but bundy
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pulled out his bowel disruptor gun and blasted wildly at random people causing
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Diarrhea attacks. Shots were fired. People Screamed. Bundy grabbed Matt Damon and said,
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¨i´ve got a couple of grams of good Colombian, wanna come back to
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Jesus?". Matt shook his head sadly and replied, " My proctologist informed me that
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Jesus secretly gets off on reaching in your bum. What's Columbian anyways?" Alligators
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danced solemnly under the swingset, while children watched and pointed. Steve Irwin, out
|
cold from his battle with Lt. Worf, simmered over an open fire while
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the impressive alligators slowly danced and thrusted their genitals forward like strippers
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that bump and grind at the lonely losers who plunk down their hard-earned
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monkey bars in an effort to somehow please themselves thus rendering them unable
|
to wake up and smell the coffee. Since the alligators couldn't get energized.......
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someone would have to come to the rescue......flyman!!! He grabbed the pole
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a proceeded to swing around it and kick all the losers in the
|
teeth, knocking every single loser tooth out. Flyman then ordered three mysterious hookers
|
to help him land a job with their pimp. However, his ass wasn't
|
as firm and tight as it used to be, so he ended up
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thinking about becoming a pimp but was soon running out of pot which
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could only result in one action...... Road trip!!!!. So, flyman loaded up into..............
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Bone's giant mexican sombrero; which was 13 feet long and had lttle tassels
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in the shape of human hands with the middle finger extended. The brim
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was made of real corn chip, which helped their munchie cravings, which, during
|
the damn road block they came upon....helped to mask the smell of
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bones´ diarrhoea skid marks, which had slipped out somewhere between Tulsa and Seattle
|
in an un-related incident earlier that day. The EPA came, thinking an animal
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might be horny and needing a little EPA style foot (or hoof) massage.
|
They were wrong. No Massage was needed. They needed fresh air!. The Smell...........
|
of Gordons pig pen could be detected right through this stanky ass story
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which has somehow gotten off the subject of Gordon the Pig. The aliens
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were hungry and tied poor Gordon to a spit and put an apple
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into each eye socket to make Gordon appear more like themselves. Squeals of
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pain were heard from Gordon as he was roasted alive. The aliens oinked
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uproariously over Gordons' pleas to turn him and baste him with Jack Daniels
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and freshly fried grits. As he was slowly roasted over that open fire
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they popped the apples out and replaced them with steel-toed boots. The boots
|
were sentient beings themselves and previously objected to the killing of any animals.
|
So, the boots walked away with theme music from Nancy Sinatra wafting from
|
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