Q: How do you get a stamp to stick to an envelope?


A: Because I said so.

Q: Why is the sky blue?

A: Green, yellow, a duck, and cottage cheese

Q. What color is your car? And what's gonna be at the orgy at Bones' house?

A. Splick.

Q. Can you spell that again?


A. Not guilty.

Q:What did OJ plead!?



A:I jumped into my ceiling fan.

Q: What the hell happened to your hair?

A: He said it wouldn't hurt.

Q: Why in the world would you agree to do that?

A: It sounded like fun.

Q: If the word was "bun", what would you say it sounded like?

A: Tomatoes, but never, ever again.

Q: What did you grow in your garden this year?

A: The produce section at SuperTarget.

Q: Where did you find your girlfriend?

A: One behind me, one in front of me, and two just waiting around...

Q: what is a circle jerk?


A: alaman left with your partner...

Q: Knock knock (who's there?) Alaman (Alaman who?)...

A: Three times clockwise, but only twice anti-clockwise.

Q: What kind of spin-cycle happens to a watch if it's in the dryer?


A: You're getting way too personal, but you can stay a little longer.

Q: I'd love to stay and... check out your underwear drawer. May I?

A: Well it contains potatoes of course, beef slices, chocolate, sardines, watermelon and cucumbers, all mixed together.

Q: Name a well-balanced meal you can make in a blender.

A: The air-speed velocity of a fully-laden swallow.

Q: What kind of speed would you say that your ejaculate typically has?

A: Not really, but I wouldn't go in there for a few minutes...

Q: Do you think they're all right?

A: It combusts spontaneously.

Q: Why won't you go down on me?

A: It's a little chilly, my lips are practically blue!

(Understanding fails me again)

Q: Where did you get that weird lipstick?

A: I need to go out and get some fresh air.

Q: Where are you going?

A: Off to see the wizard!

Q: What's with all the skipping and singing?

A: My shoes don't fit right.

Q: Why are you in my stilettos?

A: Short.

Q: The basis of profit is shipping ______.

A: Satisfying your customers.

Q: As a stripper, you make your living by almost, but not quite, ________________.

A: Removing your clothing.

Q: What's the most efficient way to get naked?

A: Not putting them on in the first place.

Q: I'm having trouble getting those boxes down, you know, the ones I put up on that high cupboard. Any suggestions?

A: Stilletos might help.

Q: If you're wanting to make your ass look better ______

A: City-planning failed.

Q: San Francisco - is there any explanation for it?

A: Doughnuts with jam in them. Yummy!

Q: How can we make these more fattening?

A: LARD!

Q: The Los Angeles Rimming Department - sounds familiar... I'm sure there's an acronym to go with it somewhere.

A: Tofu balls.

Q: What is the most challenging geometric shape you can make out of bean-curd?

A: The last line of "The Australian Philosopher's Song", by Monty Python.

Q: From where do you obtain your principles of life?

A: An unflushed toilet bowl.

Q: Where would the Tidy-Bowl man feel most uncomfortable?

A: In the belly of the beast.

The detective asked the Q: So Mr Jonah, where were you at the time?

A: In my bedroom, reading "The Little Prince".

Q: What have you done with my son? Where is he?

A: Indiana.

Q: My son is where again?

A:Christmas Tree

Q: Name the silliest marriage of belief-systems you can.

A: The David of Sioux Falls.

Q: Hold on a minute... I thought you mean David as in the sculpture. Which David did you mean?

A: David Hasselhoff, who else?!

Q: Name a god unto himself.

A: allah ahkbar

Q: What is Admiral Ackbar's wife's name

A: two unpeeled oranges on tinfoil