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Q: Stop me if you think this is crazy, but do you think I could steal that T-bone steak from that pit bull?
A: That's because you weren't doing it fast enough. |
Q: I was drinking all night long, but never got drunk.
A: I know! That's what I said. |
Did you really say I could do it without a condom?
A: With milk |
What's the best way to rinse after swallowing.
A: Split em. |
Q: Wow. What are the parents going to do about their conjoined twins?
A: I've been there several times. |
Q: Doesn't Aretha Franklin's Vagina seem a bit scary to you?
A: I didn't have a healthy breakfast this morning |
Q: Why do you look so rough this morning?
A: I didn't know what time it started. |
Q: When did your naughty parts begin to drip ??
A: But I don't wanna. |
Q: Why don't your thru out the door of MegaDodo Publications instead of the window? (Hitchhiker Guide reference)
A: Because vibrators won't do yardwork. |
Q. Why did you buy a lawnmower?
A. Yes she is!! And you can't stop her!! |
Q. Is JadziaDax showing her tits again?
A. A can opener and a can of tuna. |
Q: When you looked in there, what did you find?
A: When I was 15 I did but not since. |
Q: Do you have crazy goat sex? :)
A. Don't put it there! |
Q: Where should I stick my wang, in your butt?
A: No, but my dog likes it. |
Q: Do you like it when people scratch you behind the ears?
A: It worked the last time I tried it. |
Q: Does masterbating with a zip-lock bag and mineral oil feel good?
A: The other white meat |
Q: What's that coming out of your pants?!
A: Beef. It's what's for dinner. |
Q. Why is my mother gnawing on your Penis?
A. It's just a jump to the left |
Q; What did the fat no-necked inspector say while standing on his desk?
A: Because I said so, that's why. |
Q: Why are you forcing us to watch "Driving Miss Daisy" for the 34th time in a row?
A: It means the police are on their way. |
Q: What does it mean when the hookers and pimps run out of the crackhouse?
A: Click-Click |
Q: What's the worst sound you want to hear when you pull
your weapon on a bad guy. A: You ain't old enough to ask. |
Q:what is this little buzzing thing that always beats up my GI Joe action figure.?
A:just because it's stuck in my zipper okay!. |
What happens everytime she gives me a blowjob (hair gets caught while unzipping)
The Wall Street Journal |
Q: Dammit! We're out of toilet paper again. Do you have anything I can wipe my ass with?
A: You end up with a very nasty scrape. That's what. |
Q: When you jump from one roof to another and ALMOST make it,
what happens to your shins? A: I was waiting for the light to change, and fell asleep. |
Q: Why were you late for your wedding?
A: She always says that when it's between here legs... |
Q: Why did Elizabeth say "Has anyone scene the royal scepter lately?"
A: A gherkin, a jerkin, two frogs, and a quart of motor oil. |
Q:how much for the doritos?
A:you're not supposed to put peanut butter there. |
Q: Why does my Armpit feel so mushy?
A: I think it's because she's from Russia |
Q. Why is your girlfriend eating live shark?
A.Maybe in a bit, Right now im Tying it up! |
Q: Can the Gimp come out and play?
A: only on Thursdays, and even then; 15 minutes max. |
Q: What day do you peel your scabs off and how long before you decide to never do it again?
A: I took the elevator. |
Q: Alright, where's that elevator? C'mon, fess up, who took it?
A: 3, 1 to do the work and 2 to stare stupidly! |
Q: how many whores did you hire last night?
A: william shatner and patrick stewart, naked and entangled within satin sheets |
What was is the final scene in Star Trek X?
Long, tall Sally went down in the alley. |
How did your date with whats-her-name go?
No, I said "potted" plants! |
So where do you want us to put the 500 pot plants you ordered?
A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. |
Okay, so how to I cook this mess again?
Two score and many moons ago. |
When was the last time you showered?
Red, Green and Blue. |
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