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Q. Dude you're going to hell. Why in the world did you steal 30 bag lunches?
A. Sorry sir, this party is strictly for invited members only. |
Q: Hey, I'm uh... with the... DJ? Band? I know the owner.
A: No, but i'll be damned if it don't squeek from time to time. |
Q: Why did you let that go in the meeting?
A: First and third. |
Q: Which suspect in the lineup stole your Preperation H creme?
A: She does that like you wouldn't believe. |
Q: Does your maid lick the stains off the sheets?
A. Not unless you spread them really well. |
Q: Can I ever look like Goatse?
A: That's what I'm doing here! |
Q:is that what you're doin',jerkin' it to the titty board?
A:go ahead,look right at it,it's safe. |
Q: Is it safe to open goatse.jpg?
A: Because the cream feels really good. |
Q: You have a bleeding wound, why are you using Neosporin?
A: I was running full speed. |
Q: Hey, Nose, why did you drown all those children?
A: Oooohh! Because it burns and itches! |
q: why do you need my preparation h?
a: a kickass stereo |
Q: WHAT was stolen out of your car?
A: No problem! I do that every morning..... |
Q: Is there no one who can solve world hunger, create world peace, and fight off the alien invasion?
A: Because I found his lack of faith...disturbing. |
Q. So tell me again, why did you decide to put your brother up for sale on Ebay?
A. Because she caught me sleeping with our donkey again. |
Q: Why'd yer wife bitch-slap you so many times?
A: Somewhere between the Bermuda triangle and the Equator. |
Q : Where did all those ships disapear?
A: A piece of salmon |
Q. Now class, for our next question: Who can tell me what World War 5 was fought over?
A. It was that ill tempered goose from down the street! |
Q: Who was talking about Afliac Insurance?
A: I get amazing pleasure from it. |
Q: Why didn't you feed the walrus yesterday?
A: My god, it's huge. |
Q: Now do you see why I didn't feed it?
A: Ask your mother. |
Q. Does sex feel like apple pie?
A. Dammit, boy! How many times have I told you?!?! |
Burn then Pilliage or Pilliage then Burn?
Fourteen inches limp. |
Q: How low did you do the the limbo, and what was your secret?
A: I guess I just stopped at the right time. |
Q: So why didn't she get pregnant if you didn't use a condom?
A: No, it's 12:03. |
Q:so you masterbate at midnite on fridays?
A:yeah...this long weekend. |
Q: Have you ever seen your grandparents making whoopi?
A: That is not what she said. |
Q: So, I hear your girlfriend told you about that horrible STD she has, eh?
A: That's the way it's meant to be |
Q: How the hell is KISS still touring?
A: You can take a hourse to water but you can't make him drink |
Q. Right, so after dinner we go back to my place. After a bit I pulled it out and she just sat there frozen...what gives?
A. I'm sorry sir, I cannot help your right now, this is the non emergency line. Please hang up and dial 9-1-1 |
Q: I've superglued my balls to my leg. Can you send the paramedics over?
A: We will cross that bridge when we come to it. |
Q: So, exactly how are we going to travel around the world in a car?
A: No, it's over there! |
Q:I've misplaced my cadaver, would you mind pointing it out to me?
A: I always do, it is just a habit I can't shake. |
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Q. And why do you have your finger up your butt again?
A. She had it coming! |
Q: Why did you kick Joan Rivers in the face?
A: He's an ugly fucking kid. |
Q. Yea this has been a pretty good college reunion. Oh I heard you had a child a few years back. How's that going?
A. Sorry, I wish I could go but you know how I get at those things. |
Q: So, I guess your fiance will be expecting you at your wedding any time now?
A: I did that once, and they stayed that way. |
Q: Doing any more puppetry of the penis tricks?
A: Fuck you, dude. That's not cool. |
Dont touch my ass! (not really a question but it fits:D)
Why the hell would i do that?! |
Q:Why don't you study hard, stay sober, be self sufficient and independent and strive to the best of your abilities?
A: It is just easier this way. |
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