Lebell

So I'm planning for a TOTAL SHTF (Shit Hit The Fan) situation and I want advice on how to deal with the inevitable Zombie attack.

Don't tell me flame throwers or tanks, I can't afford/get those things!

And there could be A LOT of Zombies!

What should I stock up on/buy??

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!

william_wallace

Lighter fluid and parafin wax (candles will do). They make a quick and dirty napalm. Also, a good sized chainsaw would help.

__________________
I'm the Ninja Storm Trooper Division Commander in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does. Join the Revolution!

“If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college...”
- some woman that Lewis Black heard in IHOP

World's King

Canned food, water, and plenty of good Asian porn.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

rockogre

A 12 gauge pump shotgun and lots of double ought buckshot. Carry all the shells you can. Unless you blow them to bits the fuckers just keep on coming.

I keep two sawed off semi-auto 12 gauges for just such occasions. I modified the bananna clips to hold 20 shots each. If both are fully loaded they will at least give you enough breathing space to chug a beer and reload for the next wave.

If you load every other shot with a slug you can just pop their head off each time a slug comes up. It's fun to keep up with the head count.

I also leave lots of pieces of duct tape laying around in the yard, sticky side up. It really messes with them when they get it stuck on their feet.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

redravin40

Three shotguns, a loader and a thousand boxes of double aught buckshot.
Have the loader stand behind you and reload as you empty each gun.
A couple hundred of gasoline might come in handy too.
You can use it to make molitov cocktails, a fiery moat, or a very large bomb.

Bob Biter

Don't forget to pack a sturdy, sharp machete (or better yet, a katana) for extra-close combat. This little number is very handy when you run out of ammo or are otherwise being overwhelmed. Always aim for the neck.

Also, make sure to wear steel-toed boots. You never know when one of those animated fuckers is gonna try and chew your leg off. Give him a good kick in the noggin' to show him/her who's the boss. Tony Danza? I don't think so.

Never use fire against a zombie. If you do, you just added another lethal weapon to its arsenal: fiery bear hug. That can't be good.

Finally, get yourself a good garden sprayer. Then, slaughter a large animal and store its blood. Fill the sprayer's tank with the stuff and spray any large, oncoming group of zombies. This will confuse the fuck out of them and they'll just start eating each other for a bit. All you have to do then is pick'em off from a safe distance with your recently acquired bolt-action sniper's rifle. Again, head shots are key.

Hail to the king, baby.

__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

SpoilSport

Best weapons/ammo against Zombies.....

Realistically, and personally, I find that guns, unless it is something of a nature that can completely obliterate the head area an exercise in futility. One must destroy the brain and/or sever the spinal cord to be rid of these loathesome pests. All too often this requires riddling their rotting flesh with multiple projectiles until one has inflicted enough damage to meet the above requirements to retire a zombie.

A Defensive Compound is imperative. Personally I would find a way to take over (and command) a small building within an enclosure - surrounded by chain link if possible - and reinforce the perimeter. Once the free world goes to shit and these slobbering bastards are on the loose, picking up supplies will be ...well, maybe not easy, but easy enough to loot from your local hardware stores and what have you. I would add concertina wire. Both sides. Maximum security prison style. I would procure a backhoe and dig a moat, five feet wide, eight feet deep with sharpened stakes at the bottom so those little fuckers aren't getting out easily once they'r edown there. I would supply my compound with a generator, at least three work trucks (to haul supplies) and have gasoline, dry goods and water on hand, and plenty of it. I would build a high watch point if there wasn't one already and arm myself with a high powered sniper rifle to pick the wandering idiots off from a distance. A generator and clean water supply is paramount as zombies have a tendency to take out power lines inadvertently and should one or more of them fall into the water supply and contamitate it, you'll be happy you have your evian/deer park/polar/store brand water instead of throwing down zombie juice. I would also stock up on medical supplies, everything from bandages and antibiotic ointment to medical instruments forceps and the like (to remove foreign objects *cough bullets-from-other-looters cough*), medical books (Merck's, Gray's, PDR) and plenty of drugs (NON recreational - don't risk chemical mind vacations and let your guard down).

Fire is good. Wether or not you want to clear out the Korpse Kabobs™ with flames, chainsaws, or hefty bags is your choice. But you don't want these things to accumulate like some sort of giant air DErefshener, yaknowwhatImean? So keep plenty of fire making utensils, devices, whatever on hand. Anything along the lines of projectile/incindiary devices are good. If you can't get 'em, learn how to make 'em. Grenades Gooooooood. Take along books. Plenty of books and things to keep yourself occupied. World's King was gracious enough to suggest Asain Porn, although I am not a fan myself.

Try to think of it as a really long camping trip. Or like building a fort when you were a kid. Only when your friend raided your fort they didn't rend you limb from limb and eat you.

If I seem a little obsessed; yes, I wholeheartedly embrace that. I have been worrying incessantly about the impending doom of all things zombie since about age four. I go to sleep at night pondering which pieces of furniture would be pushed up against the windows to bar entry. I... ...I have spent far too much time on this.

p.s. oh yeah, and everything Ogre and Bob Biter said.

fhqwhgads

Ahh...the donkey punch.

Here's my idea...just get some large speakers. When the zombies start to attack, play some Michael Jackson. When they all gather into a formation and start dancing, run up and kick them in the balls.

A good kick to the groin will drop anything, living or dead.

ratbastid

I'm not speaking from personal experience here, but pretty much all the zombie literature (<a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0083907">eg</a>) seems to prefer a shotgun and a chainsaw.

Spungfoo

Learn the dark necromantic arts so when you encounter them you can control them with a gesture or your voice. Or, learn some arts of a holy cleric so you can get some practice in turning them.

Lebell

Good advice everyone.

I'm thinking of buying a compound in the mountains where there is less population density. I'm now recruiting core members for my future survival group. PM me if interested.

Only prepared individuals need apply.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!

qpid

Hey just join my army (its in my sig) as head of zombie control and we'l make sure those zombies stay away

__________________
My army will take over the world join us or be destroyed. I am the Emperor Supreme
Join the Revolution!

Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one

liquid_dreams

all you need to do is have a 9 and live next to a wal mart or something where it has lots of guns/ammo and when they attack hold them off with your 9 and then steal all the guns and stuff you need saves money you know

WildZero

The important thing is not the gun, but your aim. Remember, you have to shoot them in the head. If you blow their legs off, they just drag themselves toward you and try to nibble on your ankles.

Also, one bite and your done for...so aim true and don't be a showoff.

Shopping List:

9mm pistol w/ extra capacity magazine, Ingram Mac-10 Submachine Gun, M-16 set to fire three round bursts, sharp pointy stick.

Most important: Extra clips and ammunition for all. End up with an empty gun and you're stuck munching on your friends for all eternity.

__________________
My other sig says something clever.

wakelagger

I would probably go for brute force, rip apart weaponry. I'd hate to think I downed a zoombino with a 9mm hollow point, only to turn my back and have the zombie have its own person second coming.
I would use a shotgun most like armed with a buckshot, slug and illegal flechette rounds. Sure the flechettes might be illegal now, but if you're hardcore into fighting the undead, you would've been stockpiling them long before they became illegal. The buckshot whould have widespread stopping power, the slugs would have massive small contact area damage, and the flechettes would just tear through anything they hit.
At my side, I would have the 9mm, modified to fire automatic, glock. And as final short range, I would have a Desert Eagle .50 AE.
For long distances, I would by toting the .50 Barrett model M82A1. This rifle would keep the devil himself from knocking on your door. The round would go through one zombie and plunk itself into the next.
Also, I'd leave a couple of M4A1's laying around, with incendiary ammunition if possible for the mid range combat.

You should be ready...

For the First Wave at Least.

phoenix1002

Hmm... when it comes to undead, I'm definitely all about the shotguns. Which type is a matter of personal preference, but generally the faster you can fire and reload, the better.

I'll have to go with wakelagger's suggestion for the desert eagle, too-that size munition has great stopping power, and blows nice-sized chunks out of zombies.

Also good is some sort of chopping weapon, since when they close distance, a gun can be rather unwieldly. Slashing swords of any type are good, as are machetes. Chainsaws and axes are also good, but with chainsaws you need to worry about gas and jamming the blade, and axes don't have much of a cutting surface.

Fire is key. Molotov coctails, signal flares, anything that you can burn things with will work well. Just make sure the bastards are thoroughly crispy, because if they aren't completely done, they occasionally will get up for more.

Although the compound idea is a good one, I prefer hit and run tactics. Any compound, no matter how good the defenses, can be overrun, its really just a matter of time. My suggestion is this. Get together a band of freedom fighters, and set up hidden bases to operate from. Mountains and dense woods are good for this purpose, especially if they are near small towns. Also, stash supplies in hidden caches around your designated combat area. Send out patrols, and use guerilla tactics to take out the zombie bastards. The small towns can be looted later, since the zombies will have no interest in the supplies. Use the supplies in the caches to continue the fight, but never lead the zombies to the secret base of operations. If it is hidden well enough, they won't find it (they tend to be pretty stupid). Using these tactics, you can continue the fight for a long time. If you set up a weaponsmithing workshop in the hidden base, even better. Just reuse the shells, filling them with whatever you have available to you. Its been proven in history that these tactics can allow a weaker, poorly supplied force to defeat a larger better equipped army, so it should work against the zombies.

__________________
I'd rather be climbing...

I approach college much like a recovering alcoholic--one day at a time...

scandelous

watch maguyver, hell show you how to make a flam throwe with an old bike, some paint and boogers... it's soo powerful... takes out any zombies that might be steppin up in your piece

__________________
so... this is my post... yeah

MSD

A pump-shotgun with a good capacity is a must. Instead of regular shells, take some, pry them open (point away from face, hands, and groin) and dump the contents. leave a bit of powder, then pour in some napalm (anyone who's seen "Fight Club" can make it, I won't post a recipe for legal reasons. All three ways he says in the book work.) seal those suckers back up, wipe with a clean, dry cloth, and you have dragonsbreath ammo. you fire, you get a good 15-25 feet of flame coming out of the barrel. After 4 or 5 shots, give the barel 15 seconds to cool. You can pass the shotgun to another person to reload, while you take the second one that he's loaded and use that. Just to give him some fun, switch jobs after a few volleys and give him a shot.

There's also a wonderful invention called a Dial-a-star. It's basically a flare-gun revolver with 7 shots. You know how much those zombie bastards love fire, let them have it. Wear heavy gloves for that one.

BubblegumTeflon

Another lawn-gardening tool that can come in very handy: Lawn-mower. If anyone's seen Dead Alive then they can agree with me on the effectiveness of this tool. Strap it to your chest and go!

crazycousinjim

Lay chain link on the ground and when the undead bastards come, plug that boy into a high amp circuit. For extra meassure. Soak the ground with some flammable substance. When the first wave is done light up the second. This should protect you from any undead army.

SpoilSport

a couple of these can't hurt, as well. Plus it's guaranteed! (for what good that's going to do)

SaltPork

chain-saw...big ass chainsaw.

__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.

brandon11983

amputate an arm, surgically graft a modified chainsaw to it, get an old car, turn that into a "Deathcoaster," and carry a large boomstick.

__________________
Well behaved women rarely make history.

w3r7y

steal homestar's credit card number, he's pretty stupid. Strong Bad did it once before and got a lot of shit, like robots and space ships. He has an INSANE credit limit.

__________________
"oderint dum metuant"
-Caligura
You say Tomato, I say Fuck you.

Mad_Gecko

For Zombies there is a flesh eating disease, (forget the name but its nasty) that will disolve the flesh off the bones.

Once they are bones all you need is a BIG woofer to reduce them to shards using sound.

Hell if you can't beat 'em join 'em

__________________
[color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass

"If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers."
Confucious

mastboy3

yeah, u people are scaring me, zombies dont exist right?

__________________
Ignorance Is Bliss

WhoaitsZ

hmm. are they just awakening and coming for you or is a necromancer calling them? if the necromancer is at work, it will not matter if you hit their brain or not.

blades. machette, swords, axes

shotguns, .50s, aresol cans and fire. also build a few swinging spikes for when too many get close.

try to put up pictures of boobies for distraction, too.......

Johnny Rotten

Lawnmower.

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0103873

__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

Binder

if you've got enough time you should consider a deep moat complete with alligators, its well known that zombies sink, and alligators will eat anything.

also consider stocking up on acid (not the drug). if you can jury rig some sort of pressurized spray delivery system, the acid will turn them into puddles.

GuttersnipeXL

Your gonna need a large hole, and an even larger meatball my friend.

__________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

KillerYoda

Just put a chainsaw on your hand and load up your "boomstick."

__________________
"So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team."

reconmike

MK19 auto grenade launcher,maybe with some airburst rounds for long distance undead pulverizing, and for when they get close then you can have some flechette rounds for this 40mm beauty,....
thats right a 40 mm flechette round, oh the carnage.

__________________
Where is Darwin when ya need him?

Radio Monk33

I advise a flamethrower or a 50cal machine gun. Might need to mount it on a turret, but who cares.

__________________
"Punk rock had this cool, political personal message. It was a bit more cerebral than just stupid cock rock, you know"
-Kurt Cobain

Peetster

I assume you are on a low budget. Buy alot of iodine and ammonia. Mix it in ethyl alcohol, the purer the better. Try to keep grandma from drinking the shit, it's not good for her. Let the alcohol evaporate away, and you'll have some mighty fine impact grenades.

phoenix1002

I'm still all for the hit and run tactics... I'm guessing the war against the bastards won't end quickly. But I must say, I like reconmike's gun... a few of those m19s would definitely help .
Put em on the back of an offroad go-cart or ATV... that way you can blast em to hell, then make a hasty getaway back to your secret hidden bunker in the mountains.

__________________
I'd rather be climbing...

I approach college much like a recovering alcoholic--one day at a time...

chodarama

this works for me:
<img src="http://www.mossberg.com/pcatalog/images/0250665.gif">

#50665 590® 12 ga. Pump Action 9-shot capacity, parkerized finish, bead sight, 20" cylinder bore barrel with heat shield and Speed-Feed® stock

chodarama

oh, with the pistol grips and my "special" load. (that's 10 dimes surrounded by birdshot) it will put a hole the size of your fist through a refrigerator.

Bob Biter

I see that a lot of people recommend the use of fire in our battle for survival against the unrelenting zombie hordes.

As I have mentioned before, fire is NOT your friend. Sure, incendiary rounds might be great and all, but strapping on a flame thrower or tossing molotov cocktails is VERY ILL-ADVISED!

Zombies do not fear fire. They do not fear anything, as that part of their brain is long dead. Only the limbic region is even remotely active and concentrates mostly on keeping the body in motion to delay gangrene and rigor mortis. Setting a zombie on fire will not even slow it down and now you have a living fireball coming at you (or a group of fireballs, if you go crazy with the fuego).

However, for all you pyros out there who simply MUST use fire, please use it from a safe distance. Got some homemade napalm or TNT? That's great, pal, but only use that shit for traps and NOT weapons.

For those of you that want to hole up and stay put, fill a couple of those portable gas tanks with napalm, strap a thermite igniter underneath it and hang those babies at a 7-9-foot height in key entry areas. If you don't have thermite igniters, you can use nautical flares (which are more powerful than road flares) and tape them on the inside of your tanks. However, make sure that the flares are not submerged by gas. Obviously, you're gonna need some kind of remote detonator, or at least a pulley system, to set your thermite/flares off. Once it blows, any zombies located within 20 yards will take a nice hot shower that'll burn for a few hours.

Using this kind of incendiary defense only works in urban settings. If you want to make your stand in a wooded area, then NEVER USE ANY KIND OF INCENDIARY WEAPONS/TRAPS WHATSOEVER, or you'll end up nice and crispy like the stiffs out to get you. Can we say "forest fire"? Can we say "complete lack of firefighting services since they're all zombies by now anyway?" It's just common sense.

Also, I'm against the idea of holing up altogether. Gather a band of survivors, get a few winnebagos and keep moving. A sitting duck ALWAYS gets taken down sooner or later, so it's best to keep traveling. Supplies and gas can always be found on the way. While you're at it, strap a couple of those MK19's or .50 cal. machine guns on your vehicles (motorhome tops make great turrets), attach a few extra bumpers on all sides, and you'll make Mad Max shit himself. Now, all that's left to do is play "Let's Plow Into Mr. Zombie," "Strafe the Shambling Mob," and "5-Minute Supply Run."

Enjoy!

Oh, just a friendly warning to those who'd like to pay Mr. Lebell a visit in his fortified compound: his sig is the Addam's Family motto - "We Gladly Feast On Those Who Would Subdue Us." Nice try, zombie lord. And this thread isn't just a clever way to gauge our resources and tactics, right?


Eat me.

Heh.

__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

Captain Canada

Any fully automatic rifle that shoots 50 cal bullets.

Superted

are you not taking this a little too seriously?