taboo

has anyone ever had an affair with someone who was married?

your thoughts

Lead543

I've never had an affair with a married man, or a taken man. Mind you I'm 18, so I guess I'm a little young for that. I'd never do it, I've seen too many families destroyed by infedelity. Period.

sexymama

Never on purpose or with the knowledge that he was married. I respect other woman too much to do that to one.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

maleficent

My answer is the same as sexymama's -- with one small change.. I respect myself too much to do that.

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hunnychile

I wanted to SO bad....but he was married and so was I...but, nothing happened. It was a perfectly safe opportunity too! It would have been so incredible, because we were high school sweethearts (and I know that I do still love him) and we had been apart for a very long time. We saw eachother at our high school reunion. I know, so cliche! But, I was so damn willing & hot for him...except he wanted to honor his vows with his wife. I was hurt beyond belief and yet, I admire his strength. Now I just don't even know what to feel about the entire situation. I never felt the same for any other man. Perhaps it was never meant to be. But I still dream of him all the time. The "One that Got Away." I wish someone could tell me how to forget the past.

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taboo

how about a relationship with a man twice your age?

Lead543

Okay that's just creepy. 20 and 40, 30 and 60? The younger you are the more noticeable an age difference is. Usually with a huge age difference, the younger one is looking for a "parent" and the other is looking for a "child". From what I've learned, relationships are about equality. I don't think it's healthy at all.

taboo

well i think it depends at what maturity level both people are

i'm not talking about 30-60--that's 30 years differencee

like 20-35 type thing

ngdawg

18/36 but he looked 10 years younger...as much a dickhead as he was gorgeous tho.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Sage

alright. can anyone say "mid-life crisis?"

Don't do anything stupid. Having a relationship with a man who is married is stupid. Why? Because even if it's fun at the time, IT'S STILL A BAD IDEA TO GO FUCKING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN!!! I mean, ok, so perhaps she's not a psycho, and perhaps she never finds out about it, but what if she does? What if she's some total pent-up psychotic bitch and comes after you when the divorce is final? Are there kids in this situation? Would you be willing for him to leave his wife, be with you, and you accept all the baggage that comes along with it?

How would you feel if your dad was boning a woman half his age behind your mother's back? Or if your best friend was boning your boyfriend behind your back? Karma can, and will, come back to kick you in the ass on this one, I promise.

How do you know he'd be only having sex with you? If he's having one affair he can be having more than one. Are you his first affair? Does he have some disease?

If he's 35 and you're 20 it just sounds like he wants a trophy and some re-affirmation of his manhood. Respect yourself enough not to stoop so low that you resort to dating married men.

ps- I have been "the other woman" in a very small, very accidental scandal that involved frenching an engaged man for about two minutes. She went psycho on him, he went psycho on me, ended rather badly. DON'T DO IT!!!

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maleficent

Hey taboo, just a little bit of advice since you are new here... You posted a question asking some person information, then volunteered none of your own... It's generally good form to answer your own questions

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anti fishstick

agreed with sexymama and mal. I could never do that to someone. I don't even feel right to have an affair or try to "steal" someone elses boyfriend.

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cellophanedeity

I don't think I'd want to have a relationship with a married man. I have too much respect for women (including myself) to do something like that...

but as for the "man twice your age" thing, I don't know how old my lit prof this year was, but if he weren't married, I would so have him!

StormBerlin

Actually, technically I am having an affair with a married man. He's separated, but still legally married. I don't feel badly about it, and I also don't think I'm disrespecting anyone by doing it. He and I have been friends for almost two years. I met him when I was with my ex, and he was with her (before they got married). In January, I left my ex and he left her. Now she is about to move across the state. Anyway, even when he was happy with her and I was happy with my SO, I never really considered her a friend. She was always "so and so's wife". I tried to get close to her, but she would always feel threatned by me and make comments about it, and it really bugged me. So yeah, I don't feel like I'm disrespecting anyone.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

Sweetpea

hmmmmmmmm, my thoughts.

It's your life, do whatever you want.

But.

make sure that no one gets hurt . . . if you can't guarantee that then don't do it.

Stormberlin . . . you're right, doesn't count if he's seperated, that's just a paper that needs to be signed, so they aren't together . . . i don't consider that having an affair in my book either.

Sweetpea

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Sweetpea

taboo . . . we're here to help you, advise you, throw our two cents in . . . but we're going to need more info. to best do that Please do share, no one will judge you here . . .

Sweetpea

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"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

Gilda

Yes, I've had affairs with married men. It's something I'm ashamed of, as with many other things I did with that part of my life.

There was a time in my past when I was so desperate for love, affection, or anything resembling that, that I would let men use me for sex, even if they were married. Hell, their being married made it better, eaisier in a way, because it mean that they were "safe". This was all part of a pattern of unhealthy thought and behavior I engaged in for a long time.

I don't know enough about you or your situation to offer advice, but I do know that it never worked out for me. You may need to ask yourself, are you attracted to him because he's unavailable? This is a very common reason why women get involved with married men.

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StormBerlin

If you don't mind Gilda, could you explain more about women being attracted to married men because they are unavailable? Do you think it's a fear of commitment thing?

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

taboo

all of these are hypothetical questions.

granted I Am very attracted to someone older, but that doesn;t mean I'm gonna go out and do something!!!! I'm curious to find out if anyone had similar thoughts or experiences

maleficent

Just ask yourself if you would want it done to you... then act accordingly. The karma fairy can be a real bitch when she wants to be...

When I was in my 20s, older men were definitely more appealing, they were just more mature than the usual frat boy types that I encountered, and had careers, not jobs, and didn't live with their parents or in a pigsty with 4 other frat boys.

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taboo

hehehe thats' funny

Gilda

Not fear of commitment so much as fear of rejection. If you know going into the relationship that your partner is unavailable, you can't get rejected, because the relationship was limited from the start. The inevitable breakup isn't a surprise, and doesn't hurt as much as it otherwise would if you went in hoping for something permanent.

I'm not saying that taboo is doing this, just that some women find themselves going after married men for this reason.

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

StormBerlin

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I should think hard about what I'm doing. The last thing I want is to get hurt.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

Gilda

Stormberlin: I wasn't talking about your situation or any one in particular. From the way you describe it, it sounds as if his marriage is over already, and if so, that puts him into the "available" column. Yes, you should be careful to make sure nobody gets hurt unnecessarily, but that's true of all relationships. Separated and headed for divorce isn't the same as married and unavailable.

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Ralli

I WILL JUDGE YOU

nar only joking.
I have been attracted to older married men, but have never really gone ahead with it. This was before i had a child and before i was virtually married. This was back in the day when i was single.................

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~RALLI~

taboo

how about this--what do you guys think..

is it better to regret something you did?
ORR to regret something you never did?

maleficent

Regret
n
1. A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone.
2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few questions for you before answering this question:
1. Does this older married man have a wife/family?
2. Is this older married man try to start something with you, or are you just trying to get with him?
3. Why are you interested in him? The challenge? The money? What's your reasoning?
4. How woudl you feel if/when it's done to you (Remember that bitchy Karma Fairy)

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Cartuni

When I was 21, I had an affair with my married boss (he pursued me). It never “felt” like he was married since I never met his wife or saw him with her, and he rarely talked about her. One day about two months into the affair, I went to work to find he had been in a motorcycle accident and was in the hospital. It was awful – I had no way to contact him; I couldn’t even show any reaction since the affair was a Big Secret . I finally took my brother with me to the hospital for a visit, and of course there was his wife & mother. It all went downhill after that – his mom heard him on the phone telling me he loved me…his wife found out WHO I WAS (she worked for the phone company), and then one day he shows up on my doorstep. He’d left his wife and expected to immediately move in with me. By this time the full effect of what I had done by dating a married man had hit me, and I wanted as far from all of them as possible. It was horrible & messy, but eventually he and his wife reconciled. I never dated a married man again, and if I had to choose over, I never would have gone out with him in the first place. It’s one of the very few regrets in my life.

little_tippler

Better to regret something you did. Depends on what though...Married men are no go territory...because I know how I'd feel if I were the cheated woman....plus if he's cheating on his wife, he can't be worth your time, the weasel!

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

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KinkyKiwi

hmmmm..its seems everyone has something to say except the person who created teh thread what ya don't wanna share?

and i've been tempted by older married men ..and they have been interested..but i've always passed it up and ended up with someone closer to my age and better

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superredhead

i couldnt ever cheat with a married man, or hell, cheat because i love my SO that much. but i did have a friend that cheated with a married man. it was more of a convenience thing for her since she didnt want a man who was always around. she also had an issue with rejection. she felt more in control of the situation because she could stop the relationship anytime she wanted and he really couldn't do anything about since he wouldn't want his wife to know. in the end she didnt really feel that great about herself and had to go to counseling for quite a long time.

bout the regret thing... probably regret something i did. at least i know the answer to my "what if".

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*yawn*

Manuel Hong

It's hard to know what Taboo is really feeling or experiencing since she's keeping the cards pretty close to the chest. I'm not sure why...we won't judge ya, honey.
Consider that when you sleep with someone, your lives often become entwined. If this someone is married, it can then become entwined in their spouses lives as well (and the children, and the friends, and the parents and on and on) Oy! The drama!
Fantasize, enjoy the idea in your head for a bit until the next tasty piece of (available!) ass comes around, then forget the whole thing. It may well blow the fuck up in your face and usually does.

VVV The sig. does NOT refer to someone else's husband!

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taboo

i'm backkk

he's just as interested in me as I am in him, if not more actually.

so what does that tell u

maleficent

Doesn't make it right...

How would you feel if it was done to you?

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pinkie

A few things:

That you have no respect for his wife, his marriage or yourself if you even consider it.

That you're attracted to unavailable men that can't meet your needs.

You have a low self-esteem.

sexymama

That he wants to fuck you -- but not that he loves you or wants a commitment from you or to you. If he wants a relationship with you, he'll end the one he is in currently first. If he says he will end it, don't believe him until the deed is done. If he'll cheat on her with you, he'll cheat on you with someone else.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

BlueBongo

Having witnessed this in my own family... it's just a bad situation full of lots of lies and pain for everyone involved. I think you should just find someone that isn't married and someone that isn't willing to cheat on their wife at every open opportunity.. because as mentioned above, if he is gonna do it to his wife.. I'm sure he'd do the same to you soon enough.

Just be careful.... I would just steer clear of that and find something else, though. If I were in your shoes.

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